Poll

FIRE'd friends: do you tell people about your FI freedom, or do you prefer to be "stealthy wealthy?"

Out of the FI Closet
19 (18.6%)
Stealthy Wealthy
71 (69.6%)
Other (please explain in comments)
12 (11.8%)

Total Members Voted: 102

Author Topic: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?  (Read 3542 times)

FIKristen

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Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« on: September 04, 2019, 05:33:56 PM »
FIRE'd friends: do you tell people about your FI freedom, or do you prefer to be "stealthy wealthy?"

Travis

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2019, 06:49:56 PM »
I don't talk money with my friends.  I barely talk about it with extended family.  The family knows I intend to retire in a few years.  They don't know exactly how.  My friends would never understand, and since I make as much as any two of them put together the conversation would get really awkward.

dodojojo

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2019, 06:59:03 PM »
My good friends know I live a modest lifestyle.  Really hard to hide since I've lived in the same really modest apartment for 13 years.  They've followed the traditional route of marriage, kids and nice houses in the 'burbs.  They are vaguely aware of my wish to retire earlier than the usual age.  They're not really interested in the details of MMM or FIRE.  One friend is likely what most average Americans categorize as rich but insists she will work forever and has no interest in retirement.

FIKristen

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2019, 07:04:50 PM »
Interesting!  5 for 5 stealthy so far. I'm in the stealth camp too, with most people, but was curious about other people's reasons. 

There are a couple people close to me I did tell a while back...but interestingly, they appear to have brushed it off as a joke and I haven't sought to correct them.  ;).

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2019, 07:52:46 PM »
Stealth here but a couple of people know

pdxvandal

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2019, 08:02:02 PM »
I'm the first vote for out of the closet, only because I've told a handful of people I'd like to quit the full-time corporate world in 2-3 years and try something else ... basically stop commuting to an office and sitting in a cubicle for 7-8 hours a day. Didn't go into too much detail outside of trying to save my ass off and invest. I feel like if I don't talk about it outwardly to some folks, it's not real. So it serves as somewhat of a motivator.

Anyway, I generally am more stealthy with others, but I'm also known as being frugal, so RE may not be a shocker to some.

Daisy

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2019, 08:46:25 PM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

Zikoris

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2019, 11:26:20 PM »
I'm not quite FIRE yet, but everyone I know knows it's been in the works for years. It's just too much trouble to hide it. My lifestyle is really weird by mainstream standards, which makes people ask questions, and I just can't be bothered to try to come up with some elaborate cover. And I do media pieces from time to time, which are always widely read/shared because again, my super weird lifestyle makes for highly entertaining journalism and I'm a big believer in doing FIRE outreach. The easiest thing for me is to just be super open and answer whatever people ask me. Anything else is just way too much work.

I find it pretty cool when people deduce it on their own though. So far nobody has ever outright guessed FIRE on their own, but a handful of people have figured out from my behaviour that I must have a decent amount of money (i.e. coworkers who see me walk to work and bring lunch every day, etc).

Honestly, if someone acted weird about it when they found out, fuck them, lol. I don't want that shit in my life.

Saskatchewstachian

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2019, 07:57:39 AM »
Both?

Well it's stealth wealth now as I don't think most people my age would understand. Many friends are talking about saving up money for this reno or that trip and typically it's in the range of 5k-20k that they're saving for. If they knew we saved 8k/month I think that would put a damper on the relationship.

I think like many people, when I first discovered MMM and FIRE I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone that I could about this wonderful new (to me) concept. I told a few friends but had reactions ranging from "what would you do all day" to "why would you hold stocks in retirement", etc. So apart from the first couple months after discovering it it's been stealth wealth since.

The one exception is my parents. My grandpa retired at 49 and I've said my goal is to beat that. This probably leads them to think 48 instead of my actual goal of ~39 though.

magnet18

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2019, 08:21:54 AM »
I don't bring it up, but I wouldn't avoid the conversation

At this point I'm nowhere close to FIRE (10% there), and haven't announced plans to retire (and won't for a long while) but I've had a few investing conversations, and a few people have been exposed to the fact that I'm pretty enthusiastic about maxing out tax-advantaged accounts and index investing

thesis

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2019, 08:27:55 AM »
I voted for out of the closet, but it REALLY depends on who your friends and family are.

Some of my family are very pro-wealth and have been a huge encouragement to me on this journey. I think my parents would be, too, but when I reached the 20% savings rate, my mom started to think I was absolutely loaded, which may be true from a global perspective but would not be true from a US perspective. They made some big mistakes earlier in life, which is part of why money began to matter so much to me, but from the mainstream perspective they have otherwise been good with money, I just don't want them to feel bad or self-conscious for those mistakes, because they can't be changed now.

I have been vocal to friends on social media, but only for major milestones. At first some people spoke up to me, blah blah, how long's that going to take, it's not enough, blah blah. Some supporters, too. But as the milestones have increased, both sides have grown increasingly...quiet. Fascinating, really. But I reached a goal after which I once decided I would no longer share, because some friends will take this and try to copy it, others will continue to never believe it's possible, but I want to see lives transformed for the better, so I'm not afraid to be vocal, even if it only helps a few.

(Edit: I think it might be good to note I only speak out on facebook, and only have about 100 friends on there. I suspect if you are one of those people with 1000 friends, greater discretion may be advised :) )
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 08:30:30 AM by thesis »

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2019, 08:52:24 AM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I get that same question on travel, I am about to embark on a non-frugal trip so expect people to be like WTH.. Where are you traveling 'frugalish" for weeks at a time; just curious if you don't mind sharing. Of course everyone's version of frugal is different.

spartana

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2019, 09:42:58 AM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.
Yep this. I first quit my job to take a 2 year long sabbatical (at age 36), then at 38, even though FI, I went back to my old job for about 4 years and quit (at 42) and said I was taking a 5 year sabbatical - and just never went back to work again! Neither went over well with people so I lied when on my 2nd sabbatical and said I was still working but reduced my hours and could come and go as I wanted (had an field job so no office), do my reports from home, and that it involved some longer term travel occasionally.  It covered all the bases and people generally left me alone and didn't bug me about not working any more.

spartana

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2019, 09:49:34 AM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I get that same question on travel, I am about to embark on a non-frugal trip so expect people to be like WTH.. Where are you traveling 'frugalish" for weeks at a time; just curious if you don't mind sharing. Of course everyone's version of frugal is different.
Not @Daisy but my version of frugal travel is either long road trips of approx a month or 2 or 3 and either camping or renting a inexpensive furnished vacation rental monthly and slightly off season. I also have done the grungy backpacker hostel staying thing overseas for long stretches using public transit (or by bike or my feetsies) and minimal air travel.

DeniseNJ

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2019, 09:52:31 AM »
I tell everyone I meet that I'm reitring on Friday, August 4, 2028, in 9 years!  Granted that's not early as I'll be 57 at the time, but still. That includes my boss, collegues, and direct reports.  I encourage everyone to save and invest, to hold the stock, to max out everything, not to blow through your money, to ride a bike, etc.  Once I found MMM, I starting spreading the Good News everywhere.  I can't preach enough about Aldi too.  It's quite obnoxious.

But I can't help myself!  It's so amazing.  It's life changing.  I shared the GEICO discount and any other hacks I can find to anyone I meet.  I've gotten several people on the band wagon, or at least paying attention.  People are checking thier 401Ks and setting up Mint and looking for bargains to share.  It's awesome.

KathrinS

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #15 on: September 05, 2019, 03:13:21 PM »
I voted 'other' because it really depends. I have a few FI-inclined friends, so we talk about all those things. With my family and other friends, I sometimes mention parts of it, but I won't spend too much time talking about it. They know that I save a lot and have goals of semi-retirement. However, a lot of them take a more traditional approach to life, so it won't usually be the focus of our conversations.

At my workplaces, I don't mention anything. I'm a freelance instructor and have a lot of part-time or lower-earning coworkers, all older than me. Usually, money conversations are centred around who 'has just gone on holiday and needs to pick up some extra shifts to pay off credit cards'. I just keep out of it in those situations, as anything I would say might come off as obnoxious.

alewpanda

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2019, 03:54:50 PM »
I started a FI meet up with local FIRE enthusiasts, so I'm out in that way...

But with close friends and family that aren't already in the FIRE movement, its hit and miss.

Some of them have an inkling of portions of our plan, investment properties, etc.  Some don't.  Some I would not want to tell...simply because I think they would ask for cash and assume we are loaded and can/will pay for things for them.  The few that I absolutely would not want to tell (at least before we are forced to spill that we are retired), are a few specific family members. 


I'm slowly getting more open about the whole thing though.

Travis

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #17 on: September 05, 2019, 05:06:41 PM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I was thinking about this too when I wrote "the conversation would be awkward." That conversation will have to happen eventually. 

Kris

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #18 on: September 05, 2019, 05:48:03 PM »
Hm. I donít know how to vote, so I didnít. I mean, we just do our lives. But people know my DH retired in February. And they know I work from home as a romance novelist. And they know our mortgage is paid, and our cars are paid off. And that we take vacations. And that weíre happy. And that we live in a condo that seems like less of a house than people of ďour meansĒ typically live in. So I am guessing they can connect the dots.

FIRE 20/20

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2019, 06:11:41 PM »
I don't know how to vote either.  My family and people I interact with on a regular basis know, but I don't mention that I'm FIREd unless it makes sense in the context.  And I generally move on pretty quickly if it does come up.  It would be pretty hard to hide it from my local friends since I know so many either directly or indirectly from when I was working. 

Daisy

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #20 on: September 05, 2019, 08:18:30 PM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I get that same question on travel, I am about to embark on a non-frugal trip so expect people to be like WTH.. Where are you traveling 'frugalish" for weeks at a time; just curious if you don't mind sharing. Of course everyone's version of frugal is different.
Not @Daisy but my version of frugal travel is either long road trips of approx a month or 2 or 3 and either camping or renting a inexpensive furnished vacation rental monthly and slightly off season. I also have done the grungy backpacker hostel staying thing overseas for long stretches using public transit (or by bike or my feetsies) and minimal air travel.

I am pretty sure @spartana out-frugals me in the travel (and probably most everything else) department. You are right, frugal is relative.

Particularly, I traveled for 6 weeks (my longest! not at spartana standards YET) and everyone thought I spent a fortune. Not counting food, I probably spent about $3k. I travel hacked all 6 flights. Travel hacked a train ride from Seattle to Utah. Stayed at hostels at the parts I was alone. I camped at Moab. Stayed for free with a friend in Seattle.Splurged while with friends in Boston.

I had a friend say after I told her that "oh, I can't camp...I need a comfy bed". OOOK, that's good for you but I am telling you how I spent the amount that I did so don't call me "rich" and act as you can't do the same. (sorry for the rant)

I am quite sure spartana would take the same trip and spend far less than me.

I am also quite sure all of my other friends think I spent over $10k on the trip.

Gyosho

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2019, 09:06:30 AM »
I tell everyone who asks me what I do (for a job) that I am retired.

I am heavily into promoting retirement visibility.

Here4theGB

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2019, 10:23:05 AM »
We're not RE (yet), but we are FI.  I'd prefer stealth, but unfortunately that isn't the case for us.  My spouse is the one with the exceptionally large income and unfortunately at that level, compensation is public knowledge if someone cared to look it up.  I don't know if friends / family have and know the details, but if you know my spouse's position/title it doesn't take much to figure out that we're "rich" by just about anyone's standards. 

That said, we try to be as stealthy as possible.  We own a modest home, buy used vehicles and keep them 10 years, etc......which is what people close to us see.  What they don't see is where we splurge on ourselves.  We travel a lot, fly first class, stay in very nice places, etc...and that is stuff our friends/family doesn't see so that is nice.  We spend way more on food/bev than 2 people should, but again, usually only strangers witnessing this in restaurants. 

We will finally pull the work plug in a few years in our late 40's and I think it will become pretty obvious for just about anyone that knows us, so..........I'd prefer nobody knew, but that just isn't how it works in our little piece of the universe.

bbqbonelesswing

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2019, 10:40:50 AM »
I used to talk more about my money and goals before I had as much. Now that my stash has grown, and peers have fallen behind, I've switched gears a little. I've noticed that it can cause resentment or jealousy when speaking with some friends who are big spendy pants.

I'm open about my finances if someone asks, but I don't bring it up first. I like to teach so sometimes I can go off on a tangent about saving and investing, but I try to leave my personal numbers out of the conversation.

Tester

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2019, 02:38:54 PM »
I tried to give hints to people about some choices I made but it seems they brush it off.
That being said, I am not good at saving yet, I am spending waaaaayyyy too much, but I still got from 0 to 300k net worth in 5 years.
I would have loved to be at 500K, but I finally started really budgeting with my DW too, not just trying to give hints on "we are spending too much".

So, I am not FI by any means, but I think I kind of start having the FU money.
When I talk with people sometimes I mention why I bought used car, why I live closer to work and so on.
The why is not "because I don't want to work", it is "I did not want a new car because I did not want to get into debt for that", "I am living closer to work because I can have only one car/bike/bus to work"...
I also mention "I prefer to save the money for a new car to fund part of my children college/future".

It does not seem to change any behaviour, I see friends buying 50k cars because they are hybrids/they like them and so on...
My car was 9k, and I had to spend 4k more on various maintenance things (normal for me for a 150k miles 9 years old car).
The difference to a new car/newer car I try to stash in funds.

My biggest problem is that I started very late, at 37.
But I hope I will be able to teach my child to save from early....
I can't believe how easy it would have been now if I would have saved anything starting at 25 when I had my first job... THis is why I try to share information so hopefully people I know can start saving earlier.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2019, 02:57:58 PM by Tester »

Rdy2Fire

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2019, 03:44:46 PM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I get that same question on travel, I am about to embark on a non-frugal trip so expect people to be like WTH.. Where are you traveling 'frugalish" for weeks at a time; just curious if you don't mind sharing. Of course everyone's version of frugal is different.
Not @Daisy but my version of frugal travel is either long road trips of approx a month or 2 or 3 and either camping or renting a inexpensive furnished vacation rental monthly and slightly off season. I also have done the grungy backpacker hostel staying thing overseas for long stretches using public transit (or by bike or my feetsies) and minimal air travel.

I am pretty sure @spartana out-frugals me in the travel (and probably most everything else) department. You are right, frugal is relative.

Particularly, I traveled for 6 weeks (my longest! not at spartana standards YET) and everyone thought I spent a fortune. Not counting food, I probably spent about $3k. I travel hacked all 6 flights. Travel hacked a train ride from Seattle to Utah. Stayed at hostels at the parts I was alone. I camped at Moab. Stayed for free with a friend in Seattle.Splurged while with friends in Boston.

I had a friend say after I told her that "oh, I can't camp...I need a comfy bed". OOOK, that's good for you but I am telling you how I spent the amount that I did so don't call me "rich" and act as you can't do the same. (sorry for the rant)

I am quite sure spartana would take the same trip and spend far less than me.

I am also quite sure all of my other friends think I spent over $10k on the trip.

Nice!! When I was 25 I traveled for 3 months in Europe and spent about 6k not even staying in hostels. Currently planning to travel to some more expensive places for a few months so it will be interesting to see if I can get it done "cheap"

spartana

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2019, 10:41:54 PM »
It's hard to be stealth once you've FIREd. People wonder why you don't drag yourself out of bed early every morning.

Sometimes I talk of travel and I get the question "how do you have so much time to travel so much?". Mind you, it's frugalish type travel that others would not even consider doing, but since I am away for a few weeks at a time they think I am spending a fortune. Mostly the amount of time I travel is what usually piques people's interest as something is "not right" about my story.

While working, I was open about retiring early with close friends, but kept it stealth with most others.

I get that same question on travel, I am about to embark on a non-frugal trip so expect people to be like WTH.. Where are you traveling 'frugalish" for weeks at a time; just curious if you don't mind sharing. Of course everyone's version of frugal is different.
Not @Daisy but my version of frugal travel is either long road trips of approx a month or 2 or 3 and either camping or renting a inexpensive furnished vacation rental monthly and slightly off season. I also have done the grungy backpacker hostel staying thing overseas for long stretches using public transit (or by bike or my feetsies) and minimal air travel.

I am pretty sure @spartana out-frugals me in the travel (and probably most everything else) department. You are right, frugal is relative.

Particularly, I traveled for 6 weeks (my longest! not at spartana standards YET) and everyone thought I spent a fortune. Not counting food, I probably spent about $3k. I travel hacked all 6 flights. Travel hacked a train ride from Seattle to Utah. Stayed at hostels at the parts I was alone. I camped at Moab. Stayed for free with a friend in Seattle.Splurged while with friends in Boston.

I had a friend say after I told her that "oh, I can't camp...I need a comfy bed". OOOK, that's good for you but I am telling you how I spent the amount that I did so don't call me "rich" and act as you can't do the same. (sorry for the rant)

I am quite sure spartana would take the same trip and spend far less than me.

I am also quite sure all of my other friends think I spent over $10k on the trip.
Well that's pretty impressive @Daisy I don't think I could I could do your trip for less than you did unless I did it all as a road trip in my own vehicle (or bicycle ;-). and camped. Sleeping in a van or my BAT (big ass tent) is cheap and, for me, very comfy and even luxurious (glamping anyone?) and I prefer it over a motel or AirBNB - although I find it pretty cheap to rent a place on occasion for a month or so. So I can travel for a long time and it really only cost gas and camping fees. I bring my bike and ride it everywhere so that lowers prices too. 
« Last Edit: September 06, 2019, 10:48:09 PM by spartana »

mistymoney

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #27 on: September 07, 2019, 09:56:03 AM »
Interesting!  5 for 5 stealthy so far. I'm in the stealth camp too, with most people, but was curious about other people's reasons. 

There are a couple people close to me I did tell a while back...but interestingly, they appear to have brushed it off as a joke and I haven't sought to correct them.  ;).

That's hilarious!

mistymoney

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2019, 11:08:03 AM »
I voted stealth - although, I'm not even sure I'm part of the club :)

I have a little less than 700k in retirements these days (after a high of about 775), a pretty dismal savings rate currently and large student loan balances. I'm trying to pay off some consumer-type debt and reorganize my large debts by end of this year and get back on track 2020. But super grateful I was able to max retirement savings earlier in life and have this stach which will serve me well, even if I can't contribute too much more to it by the end.

But I'm not sure what people would say/think if they knew I had that money in retirement funds. I kind of think it would change things. some of that might be positive - like I'm doing better than it looks like I am :)  or that I'm more grounded/responsible/stable/secure than people had thought - but in some ways I think it would be more negative.

As others have mentioned, jealousy and other negative emotions can come into play. I think particularly with family situations like siblings expectations of paying others' way, or a different idea on equitable estate division from parents could occur.

With friends it can be worse. Even without sharing NW type info, some younger friends bemoan how easy it was for me to buy a house and that they'll never be able to because of all the disadvantages the millennial generation faces. And they say this while constantly spending thousands on clothes, renting slightly upscale apts in more expensive neighborhoods, international travel yearly, expensive/trendy exercise classes, and top shelf liquor.......

I used to be more open - when I had a lot less to be open about! - but I personally didn't have a lot of luck with 'enlightening' anyone. As a gross generalization, I'd sum it up as perceptions change to "lucky, had it easy" rather than "made choices, sacrificed some luxury and ease, made good investment decisions".

bognish

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #29 on: September 08, 2019, 12:05:34 AM »
Other. Surprisingly it doesn't come up that often. If it comes up I tell people I am a stay at home dad. Maybe 20% of the time the follow up is what my wife does. She is a stay at home mom. Only a handful of people have really tried to drill into how that works.

dragoncar

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #30 on: September 08, 2019, 12:52:19 AM »
Both?


Yeah I started out both - I'd be open with close friends/family and with acquaintances just say I work from home.  But then got the mustachian people problem that I couldn't remember who I had fibbed to.  So someone will be like "how's business" and it takes me a minute to remember that they think I work from home. 

I still don't think it's a great idea to give too much information to passers-by, but I've started shifting more towards "taking a few years off to stay home w/ my child" than "work from home."  The guy who asked me "how's business" I just mentioned that I wasn't really good at getting new business and I'm just letting things die down.

I guess I never really felt right telling the technical truth once an acquaintance starts getting closer and honestly wanting to know more about my life.  It's one thing to tell a guy on the street that you'll never see again that you work from home, but for someone who you might see regularly there's the risk that they genuinely want to know more about what "work" you actually do from home.  And at that point, you have to either dig yourself into an actual lie or come clean.  Perhaps an expert could keep up the "I'm not lying, just telling a misleading truth" charade, but that's exhausting and unnecessary.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2019, 12:54:34 AM by dragoncar »

Bloop Bloop

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #31 on: September 08, 2019, 04:31:35 AM »
I haven't told many people and I don't intend on telling many people till I'm actually retired. In my profession if lots of clients/colleagues knew I wasn't in it for the long haul that might dampen certain advancement opportunities that I want to pick up along the way.

Once I retire properly I won't hide it! And a few of my close friends know already.

mistymoney

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #32 on: September 08, 2019, 07:54:15 AM »
Both?


But then got the mustachian people problem that I couldn't remember who I had fibbed to. 

Wait - is that a thing? what is it?

spartana

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #33 on: September 08, 2019, 09:19:27 AM »
Both?


But then got the mustachian people problem that I couldn't remember who I had fibbed to. 

Wait - is that a thing? what is it?
It's a very very long thread in the General Discussion forum. It goes something like this:" My MPP is that FIRE has freed up some much time that I can now read all of the MPP thread and so don't have free time to do anything else."

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/mustachian-people-problems-(just-for-fun)/
« Last Edit: September 08, 2019, 09:21:38 AM by spartana »

Zamboni

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #34 on: September 08, 2019, 11:43:02 AM »
Other. Surprisingly it doesn't come up that often. If it comes up I tell people I am a stay at home dad. Maybe 20% of the time the follow up is what my wife does. She is a stay at home mom. Only a handful of people have really tried to drill into how that works.

Ha ha this is my favorite one on this list.

I'm as stealth wealth as I can manage. My 2003 beater certainly doesn't indicate to anyone on the road that I am wealthy. But then I do stuff like fly off to Europe or Australia with my kids, so people I know have a hard time believing I'm broke at that point. Things could definitely be more frugal here in the Zamboni house.

MonkeyJenga

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #35 on: September 08, 2019, 12:01:37 PM »
Blended. All of my family, my friends in my old city, and many of my old co-workers knew I was shooting for FIRE. Now I'm in a new city and usually tell people I'm taking time off. It's true. Most people don't pry into the financial side, the focus is more on what I did before/what I'll go back to next year.

I tell people who I'm closer to and those who are interested in the same goal.

BECABECA

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #36 on: September 08, 2019, 01:15:26 PM »
Iím retired so itís easy to be out. Even before though, Iíve always been very open to everyone about finances... not bragging about how much I earn or have saved, but if a friend, family, or coworker asked about something finance related I always saw it very helpful to know real numbers, so I was always open about giving them all the details. Knowing what salary friends made helped inform me when I was negotiating job offers and so it was a no brainer to provide my info back to other friends. Same with the specifics when setting up retirement contributions, buying and selling houses, managing rental properties, and investing in the stock market. And by not treating these topics as taboo it allowed me to benefit from two way flows of information before I stumbled upon MMM, at which time I was just a couple years away from FIRE without realizing it.

My ulterior motive is to help more of my family and friends retire early so I have more people to hang out with during business hours!

mspym

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #37 on: September 08, 2019, 02:27:38 PM »
I am pretty open to saying in 5 years time we are aiming to live in the mountains or go back to NZ and not work again. Because I am mid-40s this is not uncommon so it's not weird. It probably helps that costs here are insane and a sea change or tree change is how you can afford to buy a house.

I don't really share the mechanics other than with my family, who are all pretty frugal/trying to escape the rat race in one form or another.

use2betrix

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #38 on: September 08, 2019, 03:49:09 PM »
Once we really pull the plug I think itíll be hard to be too stealthy. We plan on a lot of extended travel and will likely live somewhere with no real work in my field (or much work in general). In 2017 we took about 8 months of sabbaticals traveling Asia, Baja, Canada, US, etc. One of those months traveling was actually my lowest spending months in the last 3-4 years.

A few months ago my wife and I were at my bosses house hanging out with him and his wife in their pool. We got to talking finances/savings at a very superficial level. Iím 31 and heís 40. He knows exactly what I make (he gave me a huge raise in January). He told me that, ďas long as Iím maxing out my retirement account Iím on a really good path.Ē In actuality, Iíll be saving about $150k this year off my single income and should hit $500k saved in the next few months.

Fomerly known as something

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #39 on: September 08, 2019, 03:50:56 PM »
Somewhere in between, for example co-workers know my pay (about we all do public position), they know I max out TSP, they know I take nice vacations, they don't know I have just as much invested outside of TSP as inside it.

Omy

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #40 on: September 08, 2019, 03:56:15 PM »
It's complicated. I'm "out" to some family and friends and "stealthy" with others. I'm open with just about anybody who asks and am happy to mentor those who are genuinely interested. I'm "stealthy" when I think the knowledge might result in resentment or abuse.


RetiredAt63

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Re: Stealth Wealth or Out of the FI Closet?
« Reply #41 on: September 08, 2019, 04:29:27 PM »
Both?

Well it's stealth wealth now as I don't think most people my age would understand. Many friends are talking about saving up money for this reno or that trip and typically it's in the range of 5k-20k that they're saving for. If they knew we saved 8k/month I think that would put a damper on the relationship.

I think like many people, when I first discovered MMM and FIRE I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone that I could about this wonderful new (to me) concept. I told a few friends but had reactions ranging from "what would you do all day" to "why would you hold stocks in retirement", etc. So apart from the first couple months after discovering it it's been stealth wealth since.

The one exception is my parents. My grandpa retired at 49 and I've said my goal is to beat that. This probably leads them to think 48 instead of my actual goal of ~39 though.

You are saving more in a year than I grossed (not net, gross) in my highest paying year.   Wow.