my STD was started 7 days from first being out of work, 60% of salary coverage, since I could no longer put money in Roth or 403B, 60% was fine. Got that for 6 months, but required monthly MD updates. LTD started, in theory, as soon as STD ended but it took a long time to get, an unbelievable amount of MD info, I got it without a lawyer and it paid back pay. It is 60% of my salary, as well. It is supposed to continue first until I get SSDI, then a supplemental to SSDI until I turn 65. However, lawyers have told me not to plan on the supplement to age 65, rarely paid out. When/if I get SSDI, I have to pay LTD back all that I get in the settlement. So basically, my LTD is a "loan" plus a supplement I get to keep. Does that make sense? LTD is covering me while I await SSDI, so when it is settled I have to give them back what they paid to cover me but get to keep the difference in what I received in LTD above the SSDI amount. If you happen to have a non-employer, private STD or LTD plan, you are golden. You can get both, your employer's and your own.
You probably do not need a lawyer for LTD and STD but my family lawyer, my 2 lawyer friends, 2 of my docs, and anyone I ran into who has SSDI or has been through it with a parent, the first thing out of their mouths is "get an SSDI lawyer". Mine has been wonderful and is saving me a lot of stress. Just something to think about, you can get a consult for free.
if your husband has a "skilled need", he can get VNA services. Skilled need is many things, post-surgery especially if he has an open wound, if he is significantly ill after chemo and requires a nurse to see him at least weekly, if he needs a venous access device flushed (like a port, or PICC line), some people get chemo through an IV device 24/7 at home, this is rarer than it used to be. Or if he needs PT/OT and cannot get out of the home to get it. He has to homebound except for MD appts. Needing an aide for a bath or such, is unfortunately, not a skilled need. Insurance companies are very strict about this benefit, the average patient gets approx 6 wks of service.
After you do the SSDI application (a lawyer helps with this, she had to totally re-do mine because I painted myself as better than I am, and I have cognitive issues so it was not organized well, she spent 3 1/2 hours interviewing me and doing the application. I cannot imagine what would've happened had I sent mine in), for me it was approx a month later, I got my letter of denial. I had to keep reminding myself that the the lawyer, my docs, plus I saw it with terminal patients- they turn almost everyone down. Then you deal with a real person in a hearing and that's often when those that need it, get approved. But remember, everything goes back to the day you applied. The sooner you do it, the more you will get in the initial settlement. My docs kept telling me to apply, i was sure they were wrong and I'd be better "in a month", so I waited 9 (!) months to apply. Do not make my mistakes! Lastly, should your DH pass, you will still get the settlement you would've received had he lived, including the monthly supplements for your children. And then regular SS for widows with children.
someone said something about talking to the kids. If they are toddlers, you have so much to consider with their developmental stage. I would talk to a professional before going much beyond, "Daddy doesn't feel well, he's resting." Toddlers do not understand that when an animal or a person dies that it is permanent. They often regress to a prior level of development when a parent is sick. You have enough going on, I wouldn't try to do this one by yourself. Talk to a professional to find out how best to phrase things, again, hospice bereavement counselors will help you with this for free and your DH does not have to be on the program. Not that older kids are easier, but at least they grasp the basic concepts.
American Cancer Society has many volunteers, for instance, rides to MD appts, call or look online, maybe they have something that could help. Certain medical equipment, insurance covers, if not the ACS may have a bead on resources. Churches often have donated equipment, food pantries sometimes have or know about a "community closet", you borrow what you need. If you need equipment that you cannot find used, scour eBay and Amazon. I need a tub transfer bench, retail $178, could not find one used or that I could borrow, found a new one for $40 plus $12 shipping on Ebay. Of course, it takes a fall every single shower before I will swallow my pride and buy the damn bench, lol. This may be too nitty gritty, I'm just throwing out things as I remember them, insurance will offer to cover a walker, something easily borrowed or bought used cheaply, but not tell you, if you accept it, they will not pay for a wheelchair down the line. Wheelchair is much more expensive, let insurance pay for that. When/if you get a wheelchair, consider if DH can propel himself in a traditional one, this is hard, if he will be pushed most of the time, request a transport chair. it is much lighter to get in and out of the car and fits through some doorways where a traditional one will not.
A book I highly recommend even though you are so busy, is Dr Ira Byock's the Four Things That Matter Most, it changed my life when I read it and countless families on hospice found it comforting and helpful. If your husband can still read, maybe have him try. Because the 4 things that matter most are not metastatic cancer in a young man, are not wrangling to get STD, LTD and SSDI, are not scouring research to "find the cure", the Four Things he talks about are pretty spot on.
you and your family have been on my mind, continued prayers sent