Author Topic: Spending while Sad  (Read 1084 times)

marshmallowaddict

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Spending while Sad
« on: December 13, 2018, 06:48:39 PM »
Hi Everyone -

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up about a month ago, and I'm having a hard time. Normally, I'm pretty good about being *very* intentional about how I spend my money (eg spend lots on clothes, but very little on lunches or coffees out) however now I am having a hard time staying focused. It isn't a large amount in the grand scheme of things (spending maybe $200 max a month on food bc I'm not motivated to cook at home, extra perfumes etc, make $125k a year + bonus ) but it does bother me and I was wondering how others have coped? I know that I am a bit depressed -- am talking to a counselor as well, and exercise 3-4 times per week.

Thanks!

shuffler

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Re: Spending while Sad
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2018, 07:25:37 PM »
Exercise / physical activity as a coping mechanism.

Tuskalusa

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Re: Spending while Sad
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2018, 07:47:29 PM »
Iím sorry for your loss of a relationship. Super hard, especially this time of year. Maybe cut yourself some slack, as long as youíre not breaking the bank. The beauty of having a stache is that you can afford to loosen the reigns during a challenging time.

Exercise is your friend. Iím working through some personal issues right now. Joining the local Y has been a big help. Sometimes itís nice to just have somewhere to go. :)

socaso

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Re: Spending while Sad
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2018, 11:45:22 AM »
Instead of spending the money on things, what if you make dates with friends, look around for events you'd like to attend, a class you might like to take? You might spend a bit buying tickets/drinks/class fees but the idea is get out of the house. Once you start focusing on something proactive you might feel better. If you think none of this is going to help then the best use of your money might be to see a therapist for a bit. You can approach therapy with a specific goal such as getting over a relationship.

Rosy

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Re: Spending while Sad
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2018, 08:37:25 AM »
Time is your friend - the pain will lessen over time. It is a natural thing to feel sadness over a break-up, why that would necessitate professional help is beyond me.
You are not broken, just hurt and now you have to find a way to go on without him. You will eventually, when your brain stops obsessing and when you finally stop wanting to cry whenever you see a couple walking down the street arm in arm ...

It is a little like a grieving process but you might hate yourself or hate him, depending on your mood and circumstances. Chin up - this too shall pass.
Learn from it, lick your wounds, it is an opportunity to grow and get to know yourself and your core values better.

You never know - he may have done you a huge favor even if you cannot see this right now because he made room for someone new, better and more suited for you:)
A bit of advice from a very opinionated old lady: don't close your heart for too long or you will one day look back with heavy regret for missed opportunities that came at a time when you were not willing to let them in.

It is amazing how the world keeps turning and the sun keeps shining, even when our world is all black, but maybe that is a good thing because eventually, we step back into the sunshine.
Sometimes we become too invested and project our own wants and desires upon a situation that only exists in our fantasy world, we refuse to accept or even see the reality of our relationships.

Sorry, if I stepped on your toes in any way I do not mean to be hurtful - break-ups are seldom easy unless it is the kind you begin feeling relief almost immediately, because you knew in your heart already, this was not the right path for you.

Anyway - to comment on your question about spending while sad. We all react differently, I either reacted with a celebration or deep devastation which meant I wanted no food or fun or anything - just wanted to wallow in my own misery.

I'd guess you are slightly unbalanced and still upset but that is a temporary thing. So be kind to yourself, you can use some kindness and you do deserve kindness right now. My only concern would be if your temporary increased spending turned into a solid shopping habit - say within the next six months.

You wouldn't be the first to make dumb decisions after a break-up - never our finest hour:)
For now, just cut yourself a bit of slack - next year this time - you may look back and shake your head:)
Good Luck - may he turn out to be the one who made room for the true love of your life!

soccerluvof4

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Re: Spending while Sad
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2018, 10:02:46 AM »
Iím sorry for your loss of a relationship. Super hard, especially this time of year. Maybe cut yourself some slack, as long as youíre not breaking the bank. The beauty of having a stache is that you can afford to loosen the reigns during a challenging time.

Exercise is your friend. Iím working through some personal issues right now. Joining the local Y has been a big help. Sometimes itís nice to just have somewhere to go. :)
Exercise / physical activity as a coping mechanism.




This hands down! Even long walks are good for clearing your head and I would also suggest journaling