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Spending Extra Money

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EverythingisNew:
I became very frugal about 12 years ago when I found the FIRE movement. We saved a ton of money and now our life is good, but I can’t seem to loosen up and break that frugal behavior that got me here. At this point, not spending the extra money that we make doesn’t make any sense. We all die. For two years now I said that if we have extra at the end of the year after 401k, ira and HSA, we would spend it, but both years I just made up another reason to save it… a little extra to kid’s college or transferring to a brokerage that I promised I wouldn’t add to.  We are very frugal and we could use the money to live an easier life… get carry out, buy new sheets or towels, hire someone to cut our bushes once a year, buy furniture. I get anxiety when I buy something over $100, so I avoid it. I wish I could spend, but I don’t know how. Do you spend the extra?

A lot of people think this isn’t a problem. My mom says I should save because I can never have too much for retirement and the future. She didn’t save, so she tells me this. I can’t talk about this problem to most because they can’t relate.

I was reading this old book from the 1850’s and the family loses all their money. The girls can’t buy dresses and they have to drop out of school, but they keep the maid. It’s interesting what we think is honorable spending and what is wasteful. Today hiring people in your home seems extravagant, but retiring is frugal. The second is more expensive! I can’t buy a $5 Starbucks, but I put $50k in my daughter’s 529 college plan and I can guarantee she will buy Starbucks from the dorm with it! 🤣

I also realize that the investment industry makes money from telling you to save. They profit from the messaging. What is honorable spending? Sometimes I think I need to study old money, like why do they work when they have a trust fund? What’s the generational messages about money that they tell their kids? In the past paying a servant longterm and with your last penny was honorable, but today it’s DIY and seems extravagant to hire someone. Building a nice house with good architecture brightens the community for more years than your life vs a cheap boring house? Paying for art, music, theatre? Kids? Is being frugal your biggest criteria for spending or is their something else? Is the point always to save?

I have these old dishes from 1920’s that are beautiful! I often wonder if people had a better life in the past than today. Even though we have more money, we do things cheaper as a whole society. Architecture is cheaper. Food is cheaper. The biggest thing we buy vs the past are long retirements. How do you spend? What do you do with extra? What is your guide to spending? Do you think some forms of spending are better than being frugal? Do you know of any guides for spending that aren’t about retirement or debt?

AuspiciousEight:
Hmmm....

I used to have this problem. Honestly I still have some anxiety at times when we're spending what seems like tons of money on things.

What helped me was thinking of 4% of my investment portfolio as my 'budget'. Every now and then, whenever I feel like it really, I add up our expenses and see if we're over or under 4% of the investment portfolio. We've always been under so I just don't worry about it. This happens whenever I feel the urge to do this, which is usually every few months or so.

Outside of this and this forum, I simply never think about money. I have no idea what my credit card balance is right now. Everything is on auto pay. We don't track anything. We don't think much about what things cost at all.

We just live our lives as though money doesn't exist. Of course we think about our purchases and always try and get the best bang for our buck, but outside of this we just don't really think about money much at all.

It's like money doesn't exist.

Cannot Wait!:
I can relate. Being frugal is a habit which is hard to break. I retired 9 years ago and went about happily living my best life. then just over a year ago my dad decided to give me an early inheritance!  (He is alive and well!) What a conundrum- what was I going to do with this extra, extra $$$? I tried spending money but it wasn't enjoyable! I found I was being wasteful, lazy and not as healthy.  I'm happiest living a simple life; it's nice to know the extra $$$ is there though.
The point is not always to save; the point is to optimize your life.

charis:

--- Quote from: AuspiciousEight on January 15, 2025, 04:29:54 PM --- Every now and then, whenever I feel like it really, I add up our expenses and see if we're over or under 4% of the investment portfolio. We've always been under so I just don't worry about it. This happens whenever I feel the urge to do this, which is usually every few months or so.

Outside of this and this forum, I simply never think about money. I have no idea what my credit card balance is right now. Everything is on auto pay. We don't track anything. We don't think much about what things cost at all.

We just live our lives as though money doesn't exist. Of course we think about our purchases and always try and get the best bang for our buck, but outside of this we just don't really think about money much at all.

It's like money doesn't exist.

--- End quote ---

But you do track, every few months or so.  That's fine, but you actually think about money, it does exist for you and you track, just not on a daily basis, except for thinking about your purchases and getting a good value.  That's a super common mustachian habit.  Let's not kid ourselves, this is a good thing



EverythingisNew:
@AuspiciousEight We also have everything on autopilot. Husband still works and we max out 401K, IRAs for both, and a HSA. At the end of the year we have accumulated a lot of extra money in our checking account. Both years we said we were going to spend or give to our church everything over $15k to reset (no more squirreling away), but both years now I ended up transferring a lot of money to different accounts in January instead of spending. We also gave a chunk to the church. We live a good life, but we don’t use our money to make our life easier, to treat ourselves, or to solve problems. It’s like we don’t know how to spend other than our daily life. I get anxiety.

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