Author Topic: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up  (Read 7671 times)

Kiwi Mustache

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Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« on: April 23, 2015, 04:54:42 PM »
My partner of six years and I split around 2 months ago.

Since then, I've kind of gone on a bit of a bender experiences wise. I've done a sky dive, I'm getting a tattoo, I'm doing a skiing lesson, I've signed up for night school classes, I've gone hiking and socialized more with old friends. I've signed up for a fishing/hunting trip, white water rafting and plan to travel via plane to visit friends.

Is this normal?

I feel like I've got so much freedom to do these things and need something exciting to do since I've been wanting to do these things for years, but my partner was always against doing them.

I realise this is costing me a bit of money to do these things, but they are bucket list items that I've wanted for years.

JLee

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2015, 04:57:18 PM »
Not sure if it's normal or not, but my first curiosity is are you doing it because they are things you were held back from doing for six years, or are you doing it because you want stuff to distract you from what happened?

Kiwi Mustache

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2015, 05:05:13 PM »
Not sure if it's normal or not, but my first curiosity is are you doing it because they are things you were held back from doing for six years, or are you doing it because you want stuff to distract you from what happened?

Held back from I'm fairly sure. The relationship ended on good terms so don't feel I need to distract myself.

caliq

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2015, 05:07:28 PM »
I did the same thing after breaking up with a long term live-in partner.  I think it's pretty normal, especially if you haven't been feeling fully satisfied in the relationship.  There's going to be a period of 'finding yourself' again as an individual, as cheesy as that sounds.  Just be careful that you don't find yourself a consumerist sucka ;)

JoJo

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2015, 05:10:20 PM »
Don't get the tattoo. 

OracleOfAtown

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2015, 05:15:48 PM »
JoJo nailed it

thedayisbrave

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2015, 06:47:28 PM »
It's definitely normal - I've experienced it as well.  When my last guy and I broke up, I went on about a 2-week hiatus where I let myself buy whatever the fuck I wanted.  I don't drink, don't buy clothes, etc. so I mostly just spent a lot of time reading and drinking mochas... not really that bad.  So yeah you're not the only one.  As long as it doesn't last indefinitely and you aren't digging yourself into deeper CC debt or something similar, sometimes you just need to cut yourself a break.  I consider it self-healing.

Mrkineticz

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2015, 08:16:54 PM »
Get a tattoo yhat has meaning.. don't put a "love is pain" or anything with emotiona attachment with your ex

Kiwi Mustache

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2015, 08:18:54 PM »
It's definitely normal - I've experienced it as well.  When my last guy and I broke up, I went on about a 2-week hiatus where I let myself buy whatever the fuck I wanted.  I don't drink, don't buy clothes, etc. so I mostly just spent a lot of time reading and drinking mochas... not really that bad.  So yeah you're not the only one.  As long as it doesn't last indefinitely and you aren't digging yourself into deeper CC debt or something similar, sometimes you just need to cut yourself a break.  I consider it self-healing.

I'm debt free and have 80k in cash. I'm not going to continue on like this forever, probably just for the next month and then I'll get back to saving and being frugal with the occasional splurge.

Feel like I've been wanting to do these things for the last 2-3 years and now the floodgate has opened to allow me to do these types of things without feeling bad about not involving anyone else in the decision.

Ricky

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2015, 08:26:08 PM »
Woah, just over a month ago you were making plans to get married and having kids. May we ask what happened? Sorry if too personal. [edit] - figured it out!

I think it's normal. If you've felt held back for a long time and not fulfilled then you're just catching up on things you wanted to do but never could find the right time for. Nothing to be ashamed of. You'll certainly even back out. Not to sound like a total stalker but by the sounds of it you have saved a ton of money in other areas, so yeah.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2015, 08:35:59 PM by Ricky »

Kiwi Mustache

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2015, 08:34:37 PM »
Get a tattoo yhat has meaning.. don't put a "love is pain" or anything with emotiona attachment with your ex

The tattoo that I was intending to get was a date (22.01.2008) which is when I was in a horrific car accident and was lucky to walk out of it alive.

Whilst laying in the hospital bed with broken bones, alone, with no family or friends, on the news it was showing the funeral  of arguably New Zealand's most famous citizen ever; Sir Edmund Hillary (first person to climb Mt Everest and make it down alive). It sort of hit a point that prior to this car crash, I was living a life of staying up late, going out to night clubs, not doing well with my university studies and didn't have any financial, health, well-being or life goals or direction. This day sort of sparked in me that I was going to make the most of the rest of my life and apply myself to being a successful, healthy and happy person living the life I wanted to.

So you could argue that it has meaning. I probably think about that day once a month whenever I see the make and colour of the car I was driving when the accident happened. It is so vivid in my memory that it doesn't feel like 7 years ago that's for sure.

Whether I still feel this way when I'm 40 in 2029 I'm not sure.

I've thought about the tattoo for a while now.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2015, 08:38:42 PM by Kiwi Mustache »

Kiwi Mustache

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2015, 08:36:24 PM »
Woah, just over a month ago you were making plans to get married and having kids. May we ask what happened? Sorry if too personal.

I think it's normal. If you've felt held back for a long time and not fulfilled then you're just catching up on things you wanted to do but never could find the right time for. Nothing to be ashamed of. You'll certainly even back out. Not to sound like a total stalker but by the sounds of it you have saved a ton of money in other areas, so yeah.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/is-no-intimacy-in-a-relationship-a-deal-breaker/

Not too personal at all. This is what I wrote last month.

okits

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2015, 03:11:28 AM »
What you're going through is normal.  As long as you're not out of control, enjoy yourself.

Any partnership "changes" you (even if it's just that you devote time to your partner that was otherwise free for other things.) Leaving a partnership also changes you, so the "new you" often desires some new activities or experiences.

If you're willing to share, would love to see the tattoo design. Surviving a near-death experience is certainly worth remembering in a permanent way.

Moonwaves

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2015, 04:22:10 AM »
If you really feel like you might get out of control, you could always deal with that by putting a time and an amount limit on your post-break-up splurging. Otherwise, enjoy this time. And, yeah, don't forget that there are probably lots of things you can do that won't involve huge amounts of money.

Killerbrandt

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2015, 05:30:22 AM »
I was going to say NOOOOO! to the tattoo but then when you said what it was and explained it, I think you should!! I had a buddy that had a date of when he survived an IED in Iraq. A piece almost took off his arm, but luckily a few of the others that weren't hurt so bad continued the fight and pulled him out of the burning vehicle. So he now has a date pointing to a scare on his arm saying "In Memory" then put the date.

KMMK

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #15 on: April 24, 2015, 06:05:45 AM »
I've definitely been doing more interesting things but spending less money for the most part. We spent more money together - I felt that a lot of his choices resulted in me having to spend money, which is okay when you are otherwise happy with the relationship. But when I was emotionally out of it, the financial stuff really started to bother me. So one of the best parts of the separation was being able to be as frugal as I wanted again.
How did I reduce my grocery bill by 1/3 and my transportation bill by 2/3? By leaving my husband, sadly.

CheapskateWife

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #16 on: April 24, 2015, 07:36:15 AM »
When my ex-H and I broke up...I bought a ticket to Paris, went skiing, reconnected with family that had been alienated by exH, had an amazing time in Paris, adopted a dog, became a foster mom, finished my Master's Degree, , went on a cruise, etc.  It was awesome...and really didn't "set me back".  I was living, after not really living for so long.  It was absolutely necessary; and yes, I calmed back down and have settled into a much more reasonable adventure consumption level. 

The tattoo sounds lovely, now that you have explained that his has deep relevance to you.

Congrats on your new found life!

lise

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2015, 07:41:06 AM »
Go for the tattoo - sounds so meaningful to you. 

stlbrah

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2015, 09:23:26 AM »
Sounds like it was spent on experiences and not material, so no problem there

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #19 on: April 24, 2015, 10:00:18 AM »
You're spending the money well. I'm sure we've all seen the studies about spending on material items vs spending on experiences. You're enriching and reclaiming your life. You're making yourself interesting which will attract more opportunities and higher quality mates for the future. I think it's perfectly normal, and as long as you don't cross the line to the "unbearable lightness of being" where you feel detached from the experiences, I don't think it's problematic.

Brian5000

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2015, 12:09:53 PM »
+1 to Bracken_Joy.
Most of your spending has been on personally-enriching activities so it will end up benefiting you. Just try to find frugal ways to accomplish what you want to do. (i.e. hiking relatively nearby as opposed to the other side of the planet.) I also did a lot of volunteering when I was single which I really enjoyed.

I can see the tattoo will have significance for you but will you really want to be constantly reminded of that and have to re-live it every time you tell people the story behind your tattoo?

Enjoy the freedom and keep trying new things.

PencilThinStash

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2015, 12:27:17 PM »
Get a tattoo yhat has meaning.. don't put a "love is pain" or anything with emotiona attachment with your ex

On the other hand, a "life is pain" tattoo would be more than appropriate if you're a Princess Bride fan.

Melody

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #22 on: April 27, 2015, 06:52:03 AM »
I think it's natural to throw yourself into something after a break up. Luckily for me, mine was a sport I had been involved with for a little while but never taken seriously. Within 12 weeks after the break up I was playing at a level that takes most people years to achieve... woops! Still it was a teenage dream to achieve it, so it's cool, but I am now having to decide if I want to keep going with it or not, as I am going to have to become serious about (i.e. travel significant distances) to keep progressing and have started throwing quite a lot of money at "boot camps" run by elite athletes.
I think bucket listing can be great, and energising as long as you are not ruining your financial position.

Gone Fishing

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #23 on: April 27, 2015, 08:57:21 AM »
I'm debt free and have 80k in cash. I'm not going to continue on like this forever, probably just for the next month and then I'll get back to saving and being frugal with the occasional splurge.

I would set a little firmer time than "probably next month". 

No matter how smoothly the breakup went, it is still a very emotional event and your response is certainly driven by that emotion as much as anything else.  You are self medicating to some degree.  The gravity of the break-up will probably hit home harder when your fun activites wind down. Be ready to return to normal life when it comes.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2015, 09:18:12 AM by So Close »

matchewed

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2015, 09:01:49 AM »
Yeah it's normal. Your life has been bounded or defined by your previous experiences. Now you're doing things to change that definition. It's cool as long as you don't go overboard. Also keep in mind even this can be done in a "Mustachian" way. You don't have to waste money in order to shakeup your life and experience new things. You can do these things with still keeping good spending habits and being efficient with your resources.

Zikoris

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #25 on: April 27, 2015, 09:15:53 AM »
Totally true for me also. I've found it passes fairly quickly. I would have a waiting period before getting a tattoo or doing anything life-altering though.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #26 on: April 28, 2015, 11:21:34 AM »
It sounds quite normal, but I'd set yourself a deadline to get back on the wagon - say two weeks time, or even a month. Anything up to that specific date is fair game, but after that you have to get back to normal, otherwise a slippery slope could ensue. But this gives you a decent amount of time feel free or whatever.

CowboyAndIndian

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Re: Spending Blowout after Relationship Break Up
« Reply #27 on: April 28, 2015, 11:59:38 AM »
... on the news it was showing the funeral  of arguably New Zealand's most famous citizen ever; Sir Edmund Hillary (first person to climb Mt Everest and make it down alive)....

Sorry, I have to correct this.

There were two people who climbed Everest first, Hillary and Tenzing.
Till the end, both have not said who summit'ed first.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming....