Fine line between happiness and unhealthy obsession

[kevj1085]

I have been very into finances the last couple years and stumbled upon mmm about 3 months ago. I love it and it ties in perfectly with the way I have for the most part lived my whole life. I have, however, noticed sometimes it feels I'm skating a fine line between doing this to free up time and create happiness out of more meaningful time vs it becoming an unhealthy obsession. I work under a pension system currently and while that won't come to be until 52, even at 31 I find myself constantly reviewing the numbers, seeing howuch we have, finding ways to cut corners to save more, readjusting the numbers, seeing if I put XYZ amount into a 403b for so many yrs vs the mortgage, what if we gave up XYZ in order to get to that goal quicker. Sometimes it winds me up, consumes me, and I find myself in a panic sometimes if things don't go according to plan like if we leave the house in the morning and leave the heat on or a light on. We have 2 kids under 3 right now, both work full time, and while I think my knowing what all I do about living minimal and focusing on what's important and understanding our finances well, I find myself easily obsessed with it and crunching the same numbers every day for a goal that is years and decades down the road. My friends understand my wanting to be aware of finances, but they think I'm really silly to worry and think about it so much. We are very well off for our lifestyle- we make about $6300 a month after taxes and with a $1500 mortgage and $1500 daycare for 2 kids, we still only spend $4500 a month max, which from what I can tell will reduce down to $1500 a month once our mortgage is paid off in 6 years and daycare is no longer an issue. $1500 a month and that for us is living very comfortably.

Does anyone else feel like you sometimes skate a fine line between a healthy understanding of what's important and making this whole venture an unhealthy obsession?

[damyst]

How long have you felt this way? A recent thread here suggested that this is a very common phase people go through near the beginning of their journey to financial independence. I've certainly been feeling it myself, but after a few months my anxiety started fading and I'm able to focus on enjoying the journey itself again.
Give it a few more months, see how you feel then.

[Khaetra]

If you're obsessing over it every day then maybe you need to take a step back.  I get that it's exciting and new, many of us have BTDT, but you can also burn out on it and drive not only your friends but your loved ones crazy.  You're doing fine, so step away from the spreadsheets and go out and find some puddles to jump in with the kids :).

[brian313313]

How long have you felt this way? A recent thread here suggested that this is a very common phase people go through near the beginning of their journey to financial independence. I've certainly been feeling it myself, but after a few months my anxiety started fading and I'm able to focus on enjoying the journey itself again.
Give it a few more months, see how you feel then.

Same here. The first six months I was quite obsessed. ...constantly updating spreadsheets & such. No matter how I calculated it time was the biggest component for me. After about six months, I just relaxed about the whole thing. FI will get here eventually and sooner than most people.

[catccc]

I check my #s nearly daily, and I think about it a lot.  But it doesn't take a ton of my time, and it certainly doesn't take time away from friends or family.  You can think about it a lot, or spend a lot of time on it, and I think that is just fine unless it starts affecting your relationships or quality of life.  So I certainly don't think it is an unhealthy obsession for me.  You also have to realize that when you talk with friends about it... not everyone wants to live simply now and forever.  Some people think it is quite normal to live it up and rack up CC debt and save nothing for retirement.  So I don't talk about it much to friends. 

But it sounds like you have other stuff going on.  My deep interest in FI and the, uh, "entertainment" value it gives me to update my NW is not like you getting consumed or finding yourself in a panic because you left a light on.  That sounds like a potential mental illness (OCD) to me...  See if you can reel it in.  If you have problems with that, I suggest talking to a therapist.

[MrGville]

I have had the same thoughts as the OP.  Im new to this as well, and think about it more than I would like to.  I've recently finished setting up automatic contributions to retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc., so I'm hoping I can now relax a little more and watch my stash build. 

[Mezzie]

I think 3-6 months obsessing over something relatively new and exciting is okay. Beyond that, it's time to find other things to focus on and only come back to the money when there's a significant change (a raise, a house paid off, the kids not needing daycare, etc.). The cool thing about finances is once things become a habit, it's really a kind of set-it-and-forget-it kind of deal.

I'm at about the three month mark of realizing I had to redo some savings if I have to stop working due to my disability. I'm hanging on until I can do my taxes this weekend (assuming Fidelity gives me that last form they owe me in time), and then everything will be automated again and I imagine my journal will only have monthly financial updates and lots of more interesting material.

[BTH7117]

I had a similar experience.  But once your plan has been in place for a few months, it honestly gets a little boring (in a good way!).  Everything is automated: bills get paid automatically and the extra cash is automatically moved to its proper place.  The only big excitement I have left is buying a new share of VTI inside my HSA every few weeks since I can't automate that.

Just remember not to change your plan simply because you need something to do or worry about.  You sound like you have the big stuff taken care of, everything else is tinkering around the edges.  RELAX and enjoy life - you've put yourself in a great position!

[jade]

hi,

I think this is a great discussion point. Like many here, I can see I got quite obsessed when I discovered this way of living and the possibility of retiring early. But we're at least ten if not fifteen years away from FI and I realised recently that I needed to stop thinking so much about it for now and get on with working in the meantime and also enjoying life till then. I also realised I was beginning to annoy my husband (who was, incidentally, more frugal than me when we met and got me on this path) with all the calculating and planning! It can stop you living in the now I think if you get out of balance with it.

I also read an interesting article in The Guardian (I can't find it online unfortunately) on Sunday about a woman who's husband committed suicide in part because he was always worrying about money, despite always being a saver and very frugal......... his anxiety seemed to increase with his NW. There was obviously underlying longer term mental health issues going on too but I thought it was interesting how "being good" with money could turn into an unhealthy obsession too and his wife told her story to raise awareness on this issue. I am so glad I have found MMM but at the same time, am dropping in less frequently as barring a windfall, our FIRE date is quite a way off. We have all the things set up to achieve that so will try and get that balance of enjoying life in the meantime!