Author Topic: Social etiquette question  (Read 5522 times)

ender

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Social etiquette question
« on: April 17, 2016, 01:54:02 PM »
Interesting scenario came up the other day. My wife and I were invited to a wedding and went.

Afterwards, a friend (who was not invited to the wedding) was asking us if his ex was invited - my wife and I felt this was a fairly not socially appropriate type of thing to ask.

I'm curious what other people think though or how you would have responded in a similar situation.

Rezdent

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2016, 02:11:39 PM »
Whether the question was appropriate or not, it points toward some insecurity - are they being excluded because of divorce?

We have several divorced friends.  When we get caught in a between like this, my usual response is "I didn't notice if X was there, or "I saw X there, but didn't really pay much attention to them."   I then follow up with some sort of affirmation - "I'm glad we are still friends, because you are important to me".  Then change subject to a question about them:  "are you still playing rugby?".
Depends on our level of friendship, of course.



ender

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2016, 02:13:01 PM »
Whether the question was appropriate or not, it points toward some insecurity - are they being excluded because of divorce?

There is a whole host of reasons why we were asked the question in the first place, none of which are good :-)

former player

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2016, 02:33:47 PM »
Best answer to any rude question is "why do you ask?"

okits

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2016, 06:30:04 PM »
Whether the question was appropriate or not, it points toward some insecurity - are they being excluded because of divorce?

There is a whole host of reasons why we were asked the question in the first place, none of which are good :-)

If that's the case, I hope I'd say something like "hey man, you gotta focus on you."

If it was a REALLY close friend (and I didn't think the information would result in any negative actions) I might tell but help put things in perspective so he can prioritize moving on with his life.

Sorry he put you on the spot.

plog

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2016, 06:49:10 PM »
I would have responded with the truth and not tried to judge or over think the situation. 


HappierAtHome

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2016, 07:59:32 PM »
I would have responded with the truth and not tried to judge or over think the situation.

+1

And if he's a close friend of yours, I don't think it was an inappropriate question. But if you're not comfortable disclosing the info, just say so. No harm no foul.

BlueHouse

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2016, 08:42:04 PM »
I would have told the truth and then felt guilty about it afterwards and second guessed both my friend's motives for asking and whether I did the right thing by telling.
I often answer before thinking through the consequences. I have not yet been able to change this despite years of kicking myself.

bobechs

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2016, 10:57:25 PM »
Because the most important thing in adulthood is to keep on acting like thirteen year olds.

Cliques, secrets, cool kids and not-cool kids, offense at purely imaginary impositions.

The whole thing.

Ceridwen

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Re: Social etiquette question
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2016, 06:42:26 AM »
I would have responded with the truth and not tried to judge or over think the situation.

Same here.  It never would have occurred to me to lie or hesitate to answer.