Even in such a big post, I forgot something!
I don't have a high need for routine, but I do get very stressed if I don't know what's going to happen. If I'm going somewhere, I want to know exactly where it is, who is going to be there, what time I will arrive and leave, what is on the menu and what is going to happen. I can actually adapt very quickly if I am adequately briefed beforehand. It means I only have to think about what I'm saying and doing, not about all the other things that are going on. If it weren't a bit crazy, I would love to request photos of places before I go and of people before I meet them, but hey, you can't have everything. It does stress me out when something is planned one way and happens another (like something happening to make me late or the thing I chose from their online menu not being available at a restaurant) but at least I am only stressing about that one thing and not everything!
@BPA: thank you! But it took me YEARS to figure it out. I'm 24 and I've only started to wrap my head round it all in the past two or three years. For example, I kept reading that people with Aspergers liked routine and thought "That's not like me, I don't like doing the same thing every day and hate external constraints on my time". But eventually (after about five years of thinking that!) I realised that I *do* like things to be predictable, which is similar to liking routine. Socially I still struggle with the 'why', but I feel like I am getting there with the 'what'. It is work, though, and I still say really blunt things when I am tired. (E.g. Friend: Hey, do you want to go for a drink? Me: No. *hangs up phone* Husband: You can't just say no. Me:But I answered the question he asked! Gah! Im going to bed!)
Sorry all, that unexpectedly turned into another long post! I hope the OP is finding this helpful!
It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. Can we be friends?
I wondered about the Asperger's thing myself. I really only have trouble when I'm around unfamiliar people and am expected to try to connect with several people at a time. I get a certain exhilaration from it, though, and I sometimes, only sometimes, put myself into unfamiliar, even spontaneous, situations just to see what will happen. I like being able to pretend to be the outgoing friendly girl, but I usually give up the act pretty quickly when I run out of "script." Then, I either make it up as I go along and ignore the inner wincing, or I pretend to lose interest and withdraw into a "safe" position, like sitting down with a book or looking at my phone. I'm the worst at dances and big parties, because when I start to feel uncomfortable, I retreat, no matter how engaging or fun the situation may be. I just have to get away from all of the stimulation. It depresses me for some reason. Unfortunately, my reactions and need to avoid people sometimes leave them with a bad impression of me. I've learned to fight it a little, but I always look for the same chair, the same conversation, the same people, etc. I too like the environment to be very predictable, if I have to do it for long.
Substitute teaching has tested me to the limit, though. I'm in an environment with 120 different people each day, many of whom are not thrilled to see me and think I'm a mean old lady (I'm only 28, but I dress in a way that makes me look a lot older; I've always had an issue with dressing appropriately.) The kids usually pick up that there is something "wrong" with me. I've even heard this opinion voiced, and I do always feel extremely awkward. I also don't think very fast, so coming up with witty comments and reactions to what the kids say is pretty difficult, and in a situation where my appearance is already giving bad vibes, being able to talk and prove myself "normal" would be an advantage.
Since I like scripts so much, maybe I should start writing down some of what they say and coming up with situation specific comebacks for next time. I have trouble connecting with the kids, though. A few teachers have given me little tips, though, like, "always be upfront about who you are to the kids. Tell them your occupation, your degrees, hobbies, etc." Maybe I should start trying some kind of ice breaker with them? I'm just afraid that if I don't make them think I'm a former drill sergeant, they will try to take advantage of me. One thing those painful situations do elicit is a little more preparation on my part. I certainly don't want to make the same mistake twice.
Those kids are brutal. For instance, a high school sophomore said to me something like, "Ooh! If you were my wife, I wouldn't know what to do with you." I just put my head down and tried not to make eye contact. I wanted the kid to sit back down and start his work, but he was being quite a nuisance. Instead, maybe I should have said something like, "the feeling's mutual; if you were my son, I would not know what to do with you. Be grateful you aren't. Now, sit down before I call the principal." I have trouble thinking of things to say when I'm stressed, though.
This same young man too out his phone and started recording me. I tried to scowl at him to put it down, but he reacted as if I smiled and said something like, "Ooh! She thinks she looks good. You don't look good, lady!" The class was laughing, but I really didn't know what to do. At this point, everyone was out of order, and my mind wasn't focusing on who might have started it. In fact, it wasn't really registering at the time that perhaps the class was out of order because of this young man's actions. All I saw was chaos. To me, they all deserved to be written up.
Man, those kids know how to eat me alive. I wish they could taste the world through my eyes. Then, maybe they would have a little compassion.