Author Topic: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...  (Read 10423 times)

Johnez

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Location: Southern California
So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« on: January 06, 2017, 04:22:26 PM »
....and my girl just wants a cheap-o ring. What a predicament to be in haha!

My real issue is that I'm afraid she simply says she'll be happy with it, but will later on down the road be resentful when everyone asks what carat size, and other diamond related questions. I'm thinking about James Allen diamond rings, a very nice .7 carat stone in a simple setting can be quite a bargain compared to brick and mortar stores. I've checked out Blue Nile, can't even view three quarters of their inventory...

So, my real question here is, is there any practical reason to get a diamond engagement ring beside traditional reasons? I've researched hardness and apparently all diamond alternatives are inferior, moisanite being the best.

In my research I've also come across a few diamond blogs (Your Diamond Teacher and Diamond Pro) who seemed to have some pretty helpful posts, I can't help but think it's simply a racket to get readers to pay up for a diamond. No matter what a steal the deal is, they get their cut...

Greenback Reproduction Specialist

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 473
  • Location: Running barefoot thru Idaho mountains
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2017, 04:43:05 PM »
Have you checked craigslist? I see them come up on there for about the cost of the materials.

sakura

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 28
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2017, 04:51:03 PM »
Would you feel ashamed if people thought you were poor or a cheapskate?

My opinion is> trust your girl, your future wife, an adult. if she wants to wear a cheap ring on her finger, get the cheap ring :D why would you know better what she wants? Spending family money on an unsolicited ring seems like a bad idea..

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 11050
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2017, 04:55:46 PM »
She may not want to wear something that expensive, she may have a job where she can't wear it anyway.  Do people really ask nosy questions like carat size?  No-one did when I got engaged, but poor broke grad students, no expectations for anything expensive.  When some of my students got engaged you had to look hard to see the diamond (poor broke undergrads) but everyone oohed and aahed because the point was the engagement and the wonderfulness of her guy, not the size of the diamond.  Very crass to comment or ask about carat size.

She may also prefer a stone other than a diamond, not everyone likes diamonds, they are a cultural brainwashing.  They are only recently "traditional".

Tay_CPA

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 61
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Portland, OR
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2017, 05:02:27 PM »
Your girl is the one who will be wearing the ring :) If she wants an inexpensive, non-diamond ring, I think you should go that route. Maybe you can go shopping together at some local boutiques/unique stores and casually look at rings together to see what she likes? There are tons of other gemstones out there besides diamonds. Also check out Etsy, as they have some nice-looking, handmade rings!

My real issue is that I'm afraid she simply says she'll be happy with it, but will later on down the road be resentful when everyone asks what carat size, and other diamond related questions.

If she is already telling you she wants a cheap-o ring, she probably doesn't care what other people will think of it. If she loves it, that's what matters :) Personally, I would much rather have an extended honeymoon than an expensive diamond ring!

CanuckExpat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2982
  • Age: 36
  • Location: Travelling
    • Freedom35
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2017, 05:06:53 PM »
So, my real question here is, is there any practical reason to get a diamond engagement ring beside traditional reasons? I've researched hardness and apparently all diamond alternatives are inferior, moisanite being the best.

Practical reasons? Hmmm

You like scratching glass with your ring as a party trick. Though quartz would scratch glass too.

You want something to hold up to your ear that lets you hear money being flushed down the toilet.

You can say "I could have donated mosquito nes to stop 1000 kids dying of malaria, but I bought this rock instead. I'm a baller"

You want to impress people by saying you own a diamond ring. Though admitidatly it would be cheaper to buy a moisanite ring and say the same thing. And I don't think any one cares if your ring is diamond or not (except the people trying to sell it to you)

Can't think of any other practical reasons at the minute

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8332
  • Age: 63
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2017, 05:14:04 PM »
Second going with her to look at rings.

katscratch

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1329
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2017, 06:10:10 PM »
A trend among my friends is just getting the bands - mixed metals are my favorites.

Among my social group, there is a huge trend away from engagement rings -- it's a construct of the jewelry industry and that kinda pisses us off, haha.  I mean, yes, our culture tends to expect to see a ring when an engagement is announced, but what does that ring actually say about your relationship?  Is it really a 'modern partnership' if you're picking out and providing her with a ring?

Enough of my soapbox, though -- I agree with those who have said go with her - at least to get a sense of what she actually likes.  I have a few friends who have found antique rings that they fell in love with -- they're absolutely beautiful and had come from stories of long happy marriages.   

Also: CONGRATULATIONS :)

Grosgrain

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 33
  • Location: PNW
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2017, 06:34:39 PM »
Believe her when she tells you what she wants.  I just got married a couple months ago.  As part of wedding planning, I spent some time on wedding forums.  Trust me: it never goes well when the guy disregards what the woman has told him she wants.  Be very glad your future wife wants you to spend less and not more.  The size/cost of the ring is no reflection on you and/or your ability to provide.   

Get her what she wants.  She'll tell you if she wants something different later on.  You could even ask her if she'd like an upgrade as you approach your 5-year anniversary.  More than likely, this will be a non-issue once the wedding is over and you two are focused on creating your life together.  Much better places to put your money, IMHO.

birdiegirl

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 94
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2017, 08:16:41 PM »
Donít know her age but I guess sheís probably already very aware of the reactions and questions she will get when she shows off her ring.  Most of us have seen this many times with our girlfriends, sisters, cousins etc.  Itís great that she isnít worried about what everyone else thinks and wants to make a practical choice. 

I would second the other recommendations to go shopping with her and find out what she likes.  Then youíll have a much better idea of what she has in mind.   Once you know what she wants you can focus on finding a good quality ring at a reasonable price.  You donít need to spend a lot to get a ring that will last for many years. 

Another good option is let her pick her own ring, if sheís open to that.   My husband proposed without the ring and then we went shopping together.  I ended up with a lab created sapphire and few small diamonds in a unique setting.  I love it because itís my style and itís unique.   My husband was happy because he was afraid heíd make the wrong choice.  He would have played it safe with a traditional diamond ringÖwhich would have been fine but just isnít my style.   

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5511
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2017, 08:24:02 PM »
The only practical use for them is finding out if your prospective spouse INSISTS on an expensive one.

What makes that practical is if you take that as a sign to ditch them.  :)

Don't marry high-maintenance, self-indulgent people.

ChipmunkSavings

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 116
  • Age: 26
  • Location: Canada
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2017, 08:29:10 PM »
Does she wear any jewelry at the moment? I'm not big on jewelry (never wear any) and therefore I would feel uncomfortable wearing an expensive fancy ring. Maybe it's not her style?

+1 to gemstone rings. You can find beautiful and original rings for much less than diamonds.

sonjak

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 235
  • Location: Portland, OR
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2017, 09:01:56 PM »
I really hate diamonds and meant it when I told my ex I didn't want one.  I'm very glad he listened and I just ended up with a white gold band (don't like the way yellow gold looks on me either).  Loved that ring for the time we were together. 

So I agree with the others who say believe her.

(We got him a band with a couple small diamonds in it since that's what he actually wanted for himself.)

damyst

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 160
  • Age: 42
  • Location: Canada
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2017, 11:19:47 PM »
+1 for the honeymoon idea. Hedonistic adaptation is real -expensive rings mean nothing in the medium term, except maybe to the person who sold them to you.

JAYSLOL

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1191
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2017, 01:56:49 AM »
I skipped the engagement ring all together, and we each got a plain gold wedding band.  I say bring her along to see what she likes, buy her what she likes and forget the rock.  Diamonds are not rare and do not hold their value (try selling a used one for more than 1/10th the original price).

Mezzie

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 818
    • Mezzie Learns
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #15 on: January 07, 2017, 04:11:11 AM »
Please believe her. If I'd gotten a diamond against my wishes, I wouldn't have gotten married. I'm not okay with wearing something with an engineered inflated price that people have been killed and mutilated for.

We actually skipped the engagement ring altogether and have matching, simple wedding bands.

MoonLiteNite

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 413
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2017, 04:12:04 AM »
NSFW! (language)

This video explains it well
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK_9GN5r-Jg&feature=youtu.be

lizzzi

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2082
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2017, 05:59:48 AM »
Another vote for believing what she says, and going out together to pick the ring for her or the rings for both of you. Do not foist something on her that she has said she doesn't want--my daughter became engaged to a nice guy who surprised her with a beautiful, one-carat diamond solitaire engagement ring--but she had not wanted one that big, and had told him so. She was very unhappy that he had disregarded her wishes--felt it was an issue of his controlling and showing off--the engagement did not last. Talk things over with your girlfriend and make sure she (and you) get something you really want. I agree with the poster upthread who said you can always upgrade later (significant anniversary, etc.) if it does turn out later that she would like a diamond and it makes sense financially.

KBecks

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1809
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #18 on: January 07, 2017, 06:02:07 AM »
Yes, let her pick something out, or at least get you going with a few ideas that are in styles she likes.

Eventually, you know, 10 - 20 years in, she may want to change it and that's OK.  The marriage is not about the ring.

Honestly, I would go for one of the fancy Moissanites, and those are not really "cheap".  But your best bet is to try to learn her style. 
« Last Edit: January 07, 2017, 06:03:47 AM by KBecks »

MrsDinero

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 935
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #19 on: January 07, 2017, 06:31:04 AM »
....and my girl just wants a cheap-o ring. What a predicament to be in haha!

My real issue is that I'm afraid she simply says she'll be happy with it, but will later on down the road be resentful when everyone asks what carat size, and other diamond related questions. I'm thinking about James Allen diamond rings, a very nice .7 carat stone in a simple setting can be quite a bargain compared to brick and mortar stores. I've checked out Blue Nile, can't even view three quarters of their inventory...

So, my real question here is, is there any practical reason to get a diamond engagement ring beside traditional reasons? I've researched hardness and apparently all diamond alternatives are inferior, moisanite being the best.

In my research I've also come across a few diamond blogs (Your Diamond Teacher and Diamond Pro) who seemed to have some pretty helpful posts, I can't help but think it's simply a racket to get readers to pay up for a diamond. No matter what a steal the deal is, they get their cut...

To go with any ring other than what she wants is sending the message that you know what she wants better than she does.  Not the right message to send when starting out.  Trust your girlfriend to know what is best for her.

I second going shopping together.  What one friend did, was go shopping with his girlfriend, she picked out 3 she liked leaving him to choose his favorite.  It was still a surprise for her when he proposed, because she didn't know which one he would pick.   BTW all the rings she picked were blue sapphires, no diamonds. 

MandyM

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 544
  • Location: Lexington, KY
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #20 on: January 07, 2017, 07:00:17 AM »

To go with any ring other than what she wants is sending the message that you know what she wants better than she does.  Not the right message to send when starting out.  Trust your girlfriend to know what is best for her.

Like many other posters, I agree with the above. I REALLY hate it when I explicitly say what I want and someone assumes that I don't mean it. Or that I'm not thinking about the future ramifications.

Also, this doesn't have to be the end all be all ring. If she decides later that she wants a nicer one, go shopping again. This is your engagement and marriage, stop letting diamond peddlers make your decisions for you.

Mgmny

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 573
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Northwest 'Burbs of MSP
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #21 on: January 07, 2017, 07:20:15 AM »
Amora Gem.

You're welcome.

Dave1442397

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1002
  • Location: NJ
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #22 on: January 07, 2017, 07:25:12 AM »
There are plenty of other beautiful gemstones out there for much less money than a diamond. She might like a nice stone that doesn't look anything like a diamond.

We have friends where the now husband bought her a ring that cost around $120,000 maybe 18 years ago. She wore it to work once. Everyone thought it was a cubic zirconium (her coworkers were making maybe $30k a year). I haven't seen that ring in many years. I think she keeps it in a safe deposit box most of the time.

notactiveanymore

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 212
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #23 on: January 07, 2017, 08:49:44 AM »
I've never wanted a diamond engagement ring and I always said to friends that if a boyfriend proposed with a diamond I'd know to say no. Been married over two years and I still love my solitaire sapphire ring. My wedding band is an infinity white sapphire ring, so no diamonds there either. The engagement ring was about $750 and the wedding band was $650 (and I paid for that one myself).

Maybe you grew up seeing people in relationships who said one thing and meant the other. But I can tell you that a relationship of honesty and no games is truly awesome. My husband and I bought each other tickets to a film festival for Christmas instead of traditional wrapped presents. His coworker kept goading him that I would be disappointed if he didn't have something extra for me to open on Christmas morning. Nope. Totally okay with the plan we made together.

Believe your girlfriend. Get her the ring she wants.

MicroRN

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1021
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #24 on: January 07, 2017, 09:03:39 AM »
If she says she doesn't want it, listen to her.  I know my husband spent several thousand on my engagement ring.  He knew I didn't want diamond, so he got a purple sapphire with accent diamonds instead.  It's very pretty, but I only wear it maybe twice a year.  Every so often, I can't help but think about how much more money we could have banked if he hadn't bought me that ring.  I'm just not a jewelry person, and it's really wasted on me.  One of my favorite rings is a small and simple vintage Victorian garnet ring that cost about $350, and I would have been more than content with that as my engagement ring.  Truthfully, I'd have been perfectly fine with no ring at all.   

Look around for an independent jewelry store that specializes in vintage/estate jewelry, and take her there to see what styles she does like.  Skip the Kay jewelers and all the other big name places - they'll just pressure you into a huge ring that it sounds like she won't like anyway.   

mindy

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 51
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #25 on: January 07, 2017, 09:32:25 AM »
I agree that you should listen to her and not get an expensive ring. I was completely surprised when my husband proposed and had never told him what kind of rings I like, so I ended up with an expensive diamond ring. I think he could tell I didn't really love it and after a couple years of marriage we picked out a less expensive (but in my opinion more gorgeous!) rose gold and aquamarine ring from Etsy. If you're worried about what people will say about it, then let me tell you, I have gotten way more compliments on my aquamarine ring than I ever received for my diamond ring. I work with a lot of customers and I get about 2-3 compliments a day about how unique and beautiful my ring is whereas with my diamond ring I got maybe 2-3 a year. Since you mentioned you were worried about what people would say about a cheaper ring I thought I should throw that in there for some food for thought :)

I forgot to mention that if a cheaper ring is done right then it can look really expensive. My ring set was less than $1K but I can't tell you how many people say to me "oh those must have cost a fortune!"...yeah...no...
« Last Edit: January 07, 2017, 09:40:40 AM by mindy »

iris lily

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3301
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #26 on: January 07, 2017, 10:26:40 AM »
Believe her when she tells you what she wants.  I just got married a couple months ago.  As part of wedding planning, I spent some time on wedding forums.  Trust me: it never goes well when the guy disregards what the woman has told him she wants.  Be very glad your future wife wants you to spend less and not more.  The size/cost of the ring is no reflection on you and/or your ability to provide.   

Get her what she wants.  She'll tell you if she wants something different later on.  You could even ask her if she'd like an upgrade as you approach your 5-year anniversary.  More than likely, this will be a non-issue once the wedding is over and you two are focused on creating your life together.  Much better places to put your money, IMHO.

Please listen to this.

MountainFlower

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
  • Location: Colorado Mountains
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #27 on: January 07, 2017, 12:37:58 PM »
My husband was feeling somehow shamed by the fact that I didn't have jewelry to wear a few years back at a family wedding.  I just forgot to bring some along because I'm just not a big jewelry person.  So, guess what I got for Christmas?  Diamond stud earrings that I didn't want that he spent over $1600 on followed by a diamond necklace.  Now I feel like I have to wear them because they cost so much.  I prefer artsy stuff picked up at art shows.    While it was a nice gift, I feel like it was motivated by what OTHER people think and not what I WANTED. 

Megma

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 713
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #28 on: January 07, 2017, 01:55:32 PM »
OP, I got engaged this year and my fiance got me a pretty cheap non-diamond ring (it was $400). It is absolutely beautiful and I have gotten raving compliments from complete strangers. A lady on a plane sitting next to me, cashiers, etc. It totally looks expensive - it's a light blue center stone with a halo of diamond accents and diamonds down the band. People think it's expensive but it was cheap. It is also perfect for me. Blue is my favorite color and it's the exact style I wanted.

My point is, if you are only concerned about the "optics" of the ring don't be. Most people will have no idea how much it cost. Get your future fiance something unique and beautiful that she will love. Don't get her the same diamond every other girl has. Look for something that she will really love and screw everyone else.

kandj

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 46
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2017, 11:53:58 AM »
Listen to your lady.

When my husband and I got married, we eloped and skipped an engagement (no engagement ring either) and decided to make our own rings. Not sure if your future wife wanted a rock or a plain band, but our plain homemade bands mean so much more to me than a diamond ever will. Otherwise you should probably go shopping with her, either online or in store so you get on the same page.
Ours were made from silver quarters, pre 1964(?)

lizzzi

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2082
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2017, 12:12:47 PM »
I love your rings made from the silver quarters. When you say, "homemade", does that mean you made them yourselves?

alewpanda

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 317
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2017, 07:54:43 PM »
Buy her what she wants.

I wear a gold band.  We have matching bands.  Between both of them, we paid 550.00 for them. 

I love it.  I never stress about breaking it or losing it.  we paid extra to have them etched inside.  They are understated and I can wear anything I want with it. 

If she eventually wants a diamond ring, buy it later!  No harm, no foul.

MrSal

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 866
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #32 on: January 09, 2017, 08:29:38 PM »
To the OP Johnez.... Listen to me!

YOU HAVE HIT JACKPOT!

Your girlfriend does not want a diamond ring! Diamonds are one of the biggest marketing scam in existence!! They ARE NOT worth the price you pay for it.... unlike gold or silver for example!

Please, read this:

http://seekingalpha.com/article/3285705-dont-buy-diamonds

If you ever tried to sell a diamond, or a ring with a diamond in it... you will ONLY get a bid for the amount of gold the ring has! Diamonds are pretty much worthless ... so enjoy your smart girlfriend and be happy that she knows better!


And here is another link, that is present in the first link I posted, that is worth a read even though it was written in 1982 it holds true today:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/
« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 08:31:57 PM by MrSal »

TacheTastic

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 31
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2017, 12:15:57 AM »
I think someone else mentioned above, but maybe she has ethical issues with diamonds. I do, and I would feel awful if I was given a diamond.

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5299
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2017, 12:26:03 AM »
I can't think of any practical use for an engagement ring. All the uses I can think of are equally served by any bauble worn on the left ring finger.

kandj

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 46
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2017, 07:31:48 AM »
I love your rings made from the silver quarters. When you say, "homemade", does that mean you made them yourselves?

Yep, made them ourselves. Bought the quarters on ebay and made the bands the night before we eloped. We added a maple part to my husbands but his cracked while ziplining once. He prefers his Qualo ring anyways.

Cwadda

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2182
  • Age: 25
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2017, 07:42:15 AM »
I studied geology in school. Diamonds are a complete illusion value-wise to what you're actually buying. The majority of them aren't high-quality, they've got inclusions and impurities. Completely overrated in terms of beauty. There are plenty of alternatives.

I will not be shelling out money for a lackluster diamond. Definitely going to be exploring other gemstones when it comes time.

CheapskateWife

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1392
  • Location: Central TX...but getting ready to hit the road
  • Countdown to fire in 3-2-1
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2017, 07:45:40 AM »
I love your rings made from the silver quarters. When you say, "homemade", does that mean you made them yourselves?

Yep, made them ourselves. Bought the quarters on ebay and made the bands the night before we eloped. We added a maple part to my husbands but his cracked while ziplining once. He prefers his Qualo ring anyways.
DH and I both work with our hands a great deal, and my lovely engagement ring and my beautiful wedding band rest collecting dust in my jewelry box.  We both wear silicone rings (like Qualo) and have grown to prefer them over standard jewelry.

To the OP, I caution you to listen to what she wants, make her part of the selection of the wedding/engagement ring (they can be one in the same...shocker!) and then make the surprise part the time and manner in which it is presented.  The diamond engagement ring is a scam with no worth beyond what it is worth to you and your partner.  Ever priced a second hand engagement ring?  Its like buying a new car that depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot.  You and she both sound much too smart to fall for the scam.

I'm a red panda

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8009
  • Location: United States
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2017, 08:21:27 AM »
I think someone else mentioned above, but maybe she has ethical issues with diamonds. I do, and I would feel awful if I was given a diamond.

This was my thought too. Possibly she is anti-diamond specifically.

I also agree with all the people who say they HATE when they express a preference and then someone assumes they didn't really mean it.

prognastat

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Location: Texas
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2017, 08:29:24 AM »
I would agree with the people saying do listen to what she says she wants.

You don't want to start your engagement with an obvious statement you disregarded her opinion.

talltexan

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2493
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2017, 08:34:33 AM »
Show her that you are a man of means. Creat a sub-account with $100,000 of VTSAX that is named after her. The dividends will be enough to buy a nice ring every year!

Slow&Steady

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 719
  • Location: Midwest
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2017, 08:45:23 AM »
I did not want a typical engagement ring.  My now husband's parents gave him a family ring to give to me.  He knew I didn't want it nor would I be happy about wearing it so he waited until he found the ring I had been describing that I wanted (eternity band).  He bought it and proposed with both rings, I specifically asked why he would buy the typical engagement ring for me.  He told me that his family gave it to him/me so I only wore the family ring when we were around his family.  On our honeymoon he gives me this other ring that I love, turns out it was the first ring he ever bought for me but it wasn't exactly as I described so he didn't want to give it to me.  The ring he picked out was just a band with a few diamond chips in it, I love it!  I love it because it shows that he knew what I wanted long before I started trying to describe a ring that I would be comfortable wearing.

So I disagree with some of the other posters that you should just buy the exact ring she says she wants but I do believe you should look for something you know she will like and will fit her taste.  If she is not into big flashy rings, do not buy her a big flashy ring.

The family ring was reset in a necklace and I wear it more now than I ever did as an engagement ring. 

I'm a red panda

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8009
  • Location: United States
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2017, 09:24:38 AM »
So I disagree with some of the other posters that you should just buy the exact ring she says she wants but I do believe you should look for something you know she will like and will fit her taste.  If she is not into big flashy rings, do not buy her a big flashy ring.


But OP wants to buy the exact ring she says she DOES NOT want: a diamond. It doesn't sound like she has said there is a specific ring she does want.





dcozad999

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 620
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #43 on: January 10, 2017, 10:33:57 AM »
Listen to the woman.

Cativa

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 22
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #44 on: January 10, 2017, 04:00:43 PM »
LISTEN TO HER.

My wedding band is plain - my choice.  DH must have asked me 100 times "are you sure that is what you want?"  I'm so happy that he listened.  I hike, I do crafts, I garden...I wanted a band that I could wear though all that and not have to worry about a stone falling out, or dirt getting into the setting, etc.  My wedding band is precious to me and I would be very sad to have to leave it in a box, or have something happen to it.  The fact that it would only cost $300 to replace is not the point at all.

If you really worry that she'll eventually be disappointed, or if you personally want her to have a "fancier" ring, then start putting money aside for a ten year anniversary band.  I love my diamond and sapphire anniversary band that my DH surprised me with - but that doesn't make me love my plain wedding band any less :)

frooglepoodle

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1356
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #45 on: January 10, 2017, 05:26:21 PM »
Listen to her. I have an engagement ring I rarely wear because my husband didn't, and a wedding band that is not my preferred color of metal because we bought it to match the engagement ring.

11ducks

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 559
  • Location: Duckville, Australia
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #46 on: January 10, 2017, 05:51:27 PM »
I asked for something flat, simple, small gem if anything.
My partner is very traditional and went with a big, high solitaire diamond ring. While it is lovely, and I love the sentiment, it gets caught on bloody everything (which is why I wanted something flat)-I'm always worried I'll damage it or knock out the diamond. I have to take it off daily for exercise class/climbing/yard work/cleaning. Simple is good, for practical reasons.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10488
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #47 on: January 10, 2017, 06:06:11 PM »
Listen to her and count your lucky stars.

Pigeon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1193
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #48 on: January 10, 2017, 08:34:11 PM »
I love my diamond engagement ring and after 35 years I smile when I look at it. But if she tells you she doesn't want one, don't buy one. Go shopping with her and see what she likes.

Slow&Steady

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 719
  • Location: Midwest
Re: So I really want to get a diamond engagement ring...
« Reply #49 on: January 11, 2017, 08:07:10 AM »
So I disagree with some of the other posters that you should just buy the exact ring she says she wants but I do believe you should look for something you know she will like and will fit her taste.  If she is not into big flashy rings, do not buy her a big flashy ring.


But OP wants to buy the exact ring she says she DOES NOT want: a diamond. It doesn't sound like she has said there is a specific ring she does want.

I didn't say he should buy the ring he wants to buy ... the part of the quote you didn't bold says you should look for something you know she will like and will fit her taste.