So I got a roommate

[EconDiva]

I was debating on it in this thread:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/to-get-a-roommate-or-not/msg1295622/#msg1295622

I know the overwhelming response was pretty much not to do it.  But you know...I'm a stubborn kinda gal.  But last month was the first time I ever transferred $2,000 into my savings account at one time...I must admit that was a GREAT feeling.

Anyways, I'm rooming with my cousin.  We have a small 2/2 and it's mainly furnished with her furniture so when I left Chicago I pretty much sold all my furniture and got rid of a lot of stuff.

It's going on 2 months since I made this move.

Pros:
Reduction in rent.  I went from paying $1570 to $632 in rent.
Reduction in utilities.  I'm paying about 35% less in utilities altogether.  It's not half because water and electric is more here, plus it's more since it's two of us.  And her cable plan is mad high. 
I didn't have a car in Chicago and I'm still putting off buying one here as I do ride around occasionally with my cousin if she's going somewhere.  So no pressure to replace the car quickly since I'm working from home right now.

Cons:
Obviously, loss of privacy.
I'm the clean one so now I'm constantly doing the dishes and wiping the counters etc etc so at times it feels like I'm cleaning up after someone (I'm learning to 'let go' a bit on this.  I don't like feeling like I'm living in a cluttered space that's less than my idea of clean but I guess this is my biggest sacrifice to having moved here). 
I'm the introvert that goes to bed earlier while she's the social butterfly that stays up late (so she typically watches tv up until 1/2 am on weeknights in the common area next to me or has friends over which could be during the week while I'm on conference calls in my room).

In regards to the last con, she doesn't listen to the tv too loud and the friends don't stay too long.  So overall, due to the amount I'm saving, I'm glad I made this decision....for now.  She is already asking about where we should 'look next' and it's too early for me to say if I want to continue to do this so I don't want to make any promises about that yet.  Our lease is up in September and I'm already torn on if I want to try to continue to room together long.  If we can continue paying no more than $750 a piece I just might be open to it.  If I move out on my own I'd honestly be paying closer to $1200 as I've already done the looking around at apartments here in Atlanta for months and that's what gets me something that's not too shabby and not too luxury.

The biggest motivator to not rooming together anymore at this point surrounds my desires for: having total privacy back, a cleaner environment, and a quieter environment for sleeping purposes (I have insomnia) and work purposes (working in my bedroom during days my roommate is home [she has recently started a position where she is working from home half the time now]) might start to get old....quick.

Anyways, we'll see how things continue to pan out over the next few months.



UPDATE JULY 6, 2017:

I'm away on vacation right now but my cousin called me to say our renewal letter came through.

Our rent is going up $250 a month...so $125 a person.  I knew it would go up but this seems like a lot to me.  I'm already at my threshold with paying around $650 a month right now with a roommate.  I have been starting to think that at the new rate of $725 a month, maybe I should just go ahead and pay the extra approximate $300 a month for a $1,000 a month apartment on my own.

I am starting to feel stronger about wanting my own space.  I never mentioned this above in my original post but I think some of this has to do with the fact I work from home 100% of the time since moving in with her which is also still fairly new to me.  Due to sharing space my bedroom is now basically my job and almost my entire living space...I think it may be playing a role in my discontent.  And also wanting my own things again (I may have mentioned this before but every furnishing in the place is hers including the bedroom furniture in the room I have).  As time goes on I just haven't felt any more like the shared space is mine too...I feel moreso like I'm using her space and I feel a bit imposing even though I probably shouldn't feel that way.

Anyways, I have previously led her to believe I was ok with renewing so changing my mind now would give her just under 3 months to figure out what she's going to do if I left.  So it seems inconsiderate on my part if I now change my mind.  Why am I so indecisive?

[JLee]

I've had really good luck and mostly have had roommates I enjoy spending time with, so it's rarely been a burden.  When it has been, I remind myself of how much money I'm not spending to live alone!

[ketchup]

I've been really lucky with roommates in the past for the most part.

The privacy/cleanliness angle is definitely what I miss the least (now live with just my GF).  But I was willing to put up with a few extra dirty dishes in the sink and needing to turn a box fan or two on before going to "bed" for the amount it was saving us at the time.

Definitely keep it going as long as is practical.

[Tay_CPA]

I didn't have a car in Chicago and I'm still putting off buying one here as I do ride around occasionally with my cousin if she's going somewhere.  So no pressure to replace the car quickly since I'm working from home right now.

Do you need a car at all? I'd say keep putting it off, especially since you work from home! :)

[galliver]

If you end up looking together, you could look specifically for a place with better sound insulation. My parents have observed that 2-floor units tend to be better about that, at least between levels; then you could sleep more easily upstairs while cousin entertains below (quietly). A dishwasher would also be a non-negotiable for me with a messier roommate.

You should definitely discuss your concerns/friction points with your cousin; I feel like a lot of people who are neater/cleaner think the messy mindset is "that is dirty, whatever" but actually it's "looks clean enough!". And I've been on both sides of that. Your cousin may not know that crumbs on the counter bother you if you haven't said anything. Also, look for ways you can trade off and feel happy about it...my last roomie before bf would almost always take out the trash, and I always washed/loaded her dishes along with mine. Bf and I do something similar. Maybe you and your cousin have more similar norms about floor or bathroom cleanliness and they're more than happy to take that over completely but have magically clean dishes/counters courtesy of you. Or at least, not deal with your irritation and/or nagging if they don't live up to your standards in the kitchen. [Obviously, there's a risk a roommate will say they'll do X and never do until you get fed up and do it...that's a situation you'd want to flee.]

[GetSmart]

I don't know if your work is mobile at all, but years ago when I needed to get out of my regular work-at-home space I went to the library.  My local library has small study rooms that almost never get used until the after-school crowd comes in.  You could stay there most of the day and make phone calls, work on lap-top, free wi-fi, spread out on big table -- no-one bothered me.  It was great!  Might be something to look into if you need a break when you're both working at home on the same days.

[SwordGuy]

Good for you!

Learning to live with different folks is a useful life skill that just might make it easier to stay married some day. :)

Or know in time not to get married to someone!

Saving an additional $1000 a month is BIG.  It's a great way to pay down debt faster or get those investments bulked up extra fast!

Unless you just can't make it work, I would stick with a roommate (of one type or another) forever.

[Mezzie]

My roommates are awesome, but our very different schedules mean they're up and about when I'm trying to sleep. Earplugs worked for a while until I got an ear infection and was afraid to use them again. Then I got this: https://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Dohm-DS-Natural-Sound-Machine/dp/B00HD0ELFK/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_121_bs_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=AHQ66QAQ820JHRE06HQW

It took about a week to get used to, and I have NEVER been woken up or distirbed by roommate noise since. It might be worth a shot.

[EconDiva]

My roommates are awesome, but our very different schedules mean they're up and about when I'm trying to sleep. Earplugs worked for a while until I got an ear infection and was afraid to use them again. Then I got this: https://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Dohm-DS-Natural-Sound-Machine/dp/B00HD0ELFK/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_121_bs_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=AHQ66QAQ820JHRE06HQW

It took about a week to get used to, and I have NEVER been woken up or distirbed by roommate noise since. It might be worth a shot.

Thank you for this!!

I am a really light sleeper, so I can use anything I can get to help with noise reduction.

I am also easily awakened by sunlight that peaks through my closed bedroom blinds.  I have an eye mask I use for that, which was free from my frequent flights overseas a few year ago, but it's starting to wear so I might look into replacing that soon.

[EconDiva]

I've had really good luck and mostly have had roommates I enjoy spending time with, so it's rarely been a burden.  When it has been, I remind myself of how much money I'm not spending to live alone!

When I'm cleaning up in the common areas this is what I tell myself :)

[EconDiva]

I didn't have a car in Chicago and I'm still putting off buying one here as I do ride around occasionally with my cousin if she's going somewhere.  So no pressure to replace the car quickly since I'm working from home right now.

Do you need a car at all? I'd say keep putting it off, especially since you work from home! :)

All my friends told me that since nothing has changed with the public transit system here, that I would need a car when I got back.

Personally, for me...since I work from home I do not see a need for one.  Maybe that will change but right now I have no immediate reason to purchase one.  I Uber everywhere.  I had a friend in town last weekend and we rented a car (I used miles to pay for it) but I barely used it!  For instance we went to a Hawks game and hopped on MARTA.  Traffic here is so bad anyways...on the occasions I'm going to events or out for brunch during a popular time on the weekend I'd rather use public transit or Uber it anyway.

[EconDiva]

If you end up looking together, you could look specifically for a place with better sound insulation. My parents have observed that 2-floor units tend to be better about that, at least between levels; then you could sleep more easily upstairs while cousin entertains below (quietly). A dishwasher would also be a non-negotiable for me with a messier roommate.

You should definitely discuss your concerns/friction points with your cousin; I feel like a lot of people who are neater/cleaner think the messy mindset is "that is dirty, whatever" but actually it's "looks clean enough!". And I've been on both sides of that. Your cousin may not know that crumbs on the counter bother you if you haven't said anything. Also, look for ways you can trade off and feel happy about it...my last roomie before bf would almost always take out the trash, and I always washed/loaded her dishes along with mine. Bf and I do something similar. Maybe you and your cousin have more similar norms about floor or bathroom cleanliness and they're more than happy to take that over completely but have magically clean dishes/counters courtesy of you. Or at least, not deal with your irritation and/or nagging if they don't live up to your standards in the kitchen. [Obviously, there's a risk a roommate will say they'll do X and never do until you get fed up and do it...that's a situation you'd want to flee.]

That's a good point regarding the sound insulation.

We do have a dishwasher.  I'm the type that puts the dirty dishes IN the dishwasher immediately.  She's the type that leaves the dishes out and puts them in the dishwasher....whenever.  In our small apartment, when you walk in you walk in to the kitchen.  So you literally walk in to seeing dirty dishes.  I can't keep up with this anymore (putting hers away as soon as she's done with using them) so like I said it's one of the things I've had to adjust to that I consider a con to living together. 

Same thing with the kitchen floor...she wipes the crumbs onto the floor frequently but doesn't sweep (or even own a mop) so I've gotten used to constantly cleaning the floors but it's hard to keep up with.  That's why I mentioned the cleaning part as a con.  I also don't normally have many guests over and she's comfortable having them while I actually would not be because of these sorts of things (I'm just the more selective one about how my place looks/is kept).

[EconDiva]

I don't know if your work is mobile at all, but years ago when I needed to get out of my regular work-at-home space I went to the library.  My local library has small study rooms that almost never get used until the after-school crowd comes in.  You could stay there most of the day and make phone calls, work on lap-top, free wi-fi, spread out on big table -- no-one bothered me.  It was great!  Might be something to look into if you need a break when you're both working at home on the same days.

Thank you for mentioning this!

I have been starting to feel a bit like a caged animal on those days we're both working from home.  I might spend as much as 12 hours holed up in my room working because when she works from home she works in the living space adjacent to me where the TV is instead of in her room on the opposite side of the living area that separates us. 

Now, I don't have a car though so I'd need to look into where the closest library is to me.  But I definitely need to start getting out of the house even if it's only a few days out of the week.

[EconDiva]

Good for you!

Learning to live with different folks is a useful life skill that just might make it easier to stay married some day. :)

Or know in time not to get married to someone!

Saving an additional $1000 a month is BIG.  It's a great way to pay down debt faster or get those investments bulked up extra fast!

Unless you just can't make it work, I would stick with a roommate (of one type or another) forever.

Yep...our lease is up in September and we believe we will get the new rate sometimes in late June.  So I will soon need to decide if I want to continue doing this.

Now that I'm in a roomie situation it just seems like such a waste to go back to paying for rent on my own.  Right now the difference is going into a house fund.  At the beginning of next year I will need to decide if I even want to go through with purchasing a home which is another story. 

Once the house fund is fully funded then I will look at maxing savings/investments accounts (bulk up ER fund some more, max ROTH, possibly max 401k, etc.).

[researcher1]

- having total privacy back (I'm the introvert)
- cleaner environment (now I'm constantly doing dishes and wiping counters)
- quieter environment for sleeping purposes (I have insomnia)
- and work purposes (working in my bedroom during days my roommate is home might start to get old....quick.

Honestly, the sacrifices you are making by having a roommate don't seem worth it AT ALL.

All of the points you noted above have some value, a great deal of value in my opinion...
- You have insomnia and now can't sleep as well.  This will negatively impact every aspect of your life (health, work, social, ect).
- You are now acting as a part-time maid, yet not getting paid for it.
- Your home is also your place of work, your office.  Being forced to work in your bedroom will have a negative impact on both your work productivity/efficiency AND your personal attitude/demeanor.

I would NOT put up with these things to save some money on rent.
Can you find a cheaper 1 bedroom apartment and reduce your expenses that way?

[mozar]

I wasn't against any roommate. Just your cousin. There are other people out there who will have similar house habits to you. If your cousin is looking to upgrade to a more expensive apartment with you, it's definitely not worth it. Don't let her guilt you into living together (with her).

For insomnia I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - Insomnia. Or CBT-I

Congrats on the move!

[Sibley]

If you end up looking together, you could look specifically for a place with better sound insulation. My parents have observed that 2-floor units tend to be better about that, at least between levels; then you could sleep more easily upstairs while cousin entertains below (quietly). A dishwasher would also be a non-negotiable for me with a messier roommate.

You should definitely discuss your concerns/friction points with your cousin; I feel like a lot of people who are neater/cleaner think the messy mindset is "that is dirty, whatever" but actually it's "looks clean enough!". And I've been on both sides of that. Your cousin may not know that crumbs on the counter bother you if you haven't said anything. Also, look for ways you can trade off and feel happy about it...my last roomie before bf would almost always take out the trash, and I always washed/loaded her dishes along with mine. Bf and I do something similar. Maybe you and your cousin have more similar norms about floor or bathroom cleanliness and they're more than happy to take that over completely but have magically clean dishes/counters courtesy of you. Or at least, not deal with your irritation and/or nagging if they don't live up to your standards in the kitchen. [Obviously, there's a risk a roommate will say they'll do X and never do until you get fed up and do it...that's a situation you'd want to flee.]

That's a good point regarding the sound insulation.

We do have a dishwasher.  I'm the type that puts the dirty dishes IN the dishwasher immediately.  She's the type that leaves the dishes out and puts them in the dishwasher....whenever.  In our small apartment, when you walk in you walk in to the kitchen.  So you literally walk in to seeing dirty dishes.  I can't keep up with this anymore (putting hers away as soon as she's done with using them) so like I said it's one of the things I've had to adjust to that I consider a con to living together. 

Same thing with the kitchen floor...she wipes the crumbs onto the floor frequently but doesn't sweep (or even own a mop) so I've gotten used to constantly cleaning the floors but it's hard to keep up with.  That's why I mentioned the cleaning part as a con.  I also don't normally have many guests over and she's comfortable having them while I actually would not be because of these sorts of things (I'm just the more selective one about how my place looks/is kept).

Your cousin sounds like my current roommate. Do NOT live with her for too long - it will affect your relationship, and not positively.

[Bicycle_B]

I support the idea of talk to your cousin, both about cleanliness and letting her know you are considering moving elsewhere because of it when the lease ends.  She should know, otherwise she won't realize it's important. (Which it is.)

Ditto the TV.  Would she feel uncomfortable just watching her shows on a device with headphones?

I personally have lived with roomies for years.  But I hate background noise, so I interview to find people who will be comfortable keeping their audio streams in their earbuds, or people who don't have audio streams at all.  I own a house and that's the baseline I set, but you can get the same effect by being in charge of a lease that allows you to sublet, or by being the junior renter and interviewing the leaseholder very carefully.  If you're introvert like me, respect your own need for quiet and actively take steps to find it or guard it.

In my experience, level of cleanliness is hard to control so you have to learn the other person's level and terminate the roomie relationship if you're on too different a plane.  Perhaps if you calculate the savings per hour of being her maid, you'll conclude different from me, but that's what I concluded.  So all my rental agreements are month to month in case they're too loud or dirty for me!

[EconDiva]

I support the idea of talk to your cousin, both about cleanliness and letting her know you are considering moving elsewhere because of it when the lease ends.  She should know, otherwise she won't realize it's important. (Which it is.)

Ditto the TV.  Would she feel uncomfortable just watching her shows on a device with headphones?

I personally have lived with roomies for years.  But I hate background noise, so I interview to find people who will be comfortable keeping their audio streams in their earbuds, or people who don't have audio streams at all.  I own a house and that's the baseline I set, but you can get the same effect by being in charge of a lease that allows you to sublet, or by being the junior renter and interviewing the leaseholder very carefully.  If you're introvert like me, respect your own need for quiet and actively take steps to find it or guard it.

In my experience, level of cleanliness is hard to control so you have to learn the other person's level and terminate the roomie relationship if you're on too different a plane.  Perhaps if you calculate the savings per hour of being her maid, you'll conclude different from me, but that's what I concluded.  So all my rental agreements are month to month in case they're too loud or dirty for me!

Eh...I have thought about talking to her about the cleanliness thing.

I hate conflict and have avoided it because it's not like she doesn't know IMO.

In other words she's the one that asked me before we moved in together about cleanliness type stuff.  She asked how I felt about dishes in the sink.  I said I think we should work to get them put away so that there aren't dishes in the sink past 24 hours of using them. 

She leaves them in the sink past 24 hours.  Frequently.  Not all of the time because...well, I'll move them from the sink to the dishwasher for her.  She'll say she 'was going to get that'.  But I'm like....if you cooked 4 hours ago and it's midnight now when were you planning on 'getting it'...?  I mean...the dishwasher is only 1 foot away from the sink. *perplexed*

When her dad came to visit she clearly stated that *I* 'was the clean one'...that she'd come home to dishes she knew she left out but that I had put them in the dishwasher or just cleaned them myself and put them away.  I just feel too old to be telling other adults things they already know and won't change.

To be honest I just think my having to put up with this stuff is better than the 'possible' friction it would cause by me 'nagging' her about habits she's already aware of.  Just to give an example, one weeknight it was about 1 am and I opened my bedroom door and asked her if she wouldn't mind turning down the tv.  She did turn it down, but it's not like she verbally acknowledged or responded to me...she just gave a dramatic roll of the eyes which let me know she really wasn't happy with being asked to do such a thing.

[clarkfan1979]

Housing is typically the largest cost for most people. Having a roommate seriously reduces this cost. I have never lived by myself. I went directly from having roommates in college and grad school to buying a house and sharing the cost with my wife.

[EconDiva]

If you end up looking together, you could look specifically for a place with better sound insulation. My parents have observed that 2-floor units tend to be better about that, at least between levels; then you could sleep more easily upstairs while cousin entertains below (quietly). A dishwasher would also be a non-negotiable for me with a messier roommate.

You should definitely discuss your concerns/friction points with your cousin; I feel like a lot of people who are neater/cleaner think the messy mindset is "that is dirty, whatever" but actually it's "looks clean enough!". And I've been on both sides of that. Your cousin may not know that crumbs on the counter bother you if you haven't said anything. Also, look for ways you can trade off and feel happy about it...my last roomie before bf would almost always take out the trash, and I always washed/loaded her dishes along with mine. Bf and I do something similar. Maybe you and your cousin have more similar norms about floor or bathroom cleanliness and they're more than happy to take that over completely but have magically clean dishes/counters courtesy of you. Or at least, not deal with your irritation and/or nagging if they don't live up to your standards in the kitchen. [Obviously, there's a risk a roommate will say they'll do X and never do until you get fed up and do it...that's a situation you'd want to flee.]

That's a good point regarding the sound insulation.

We do have a dishwasher.  I'm the type that puts the dirty dishes IN the dishwasher immediately.  She's the type that leaves the dishes out and puts them in the dishwasher....whenever.  In our small apartment, when you walk in you walk in to the kitchen.  So you literally walk in to seeing dirty dishes.  I can't keep up with this anymore (putting hers away as soon as she's done with using them) so like I said it's one of the things I've had to adjust to that I consider a con to living together. 

Same thing with the kitchen floor...she wipes the crumbs onto the floor frequently but doesn't sweep (or even own a mop) so I've gotten used to constantly cleaning the floors but it's hard to keep up with.  That's why I mentioned the cleaning part as a con.  I also don't normally have many guests over and she's comfortable having them while I actually would not be because of these sorts of things (I'm just the more selective one about how my place looks/is kept).

Your cousin sounds like my current roommate. Do NOT live with her for too long - it will affect your relationship, and not positively.

I don't plan on looking at another place with her...I feel like that would put us in a position to be rooming together for longer than I am anticipating right now.

Right now we are waiting to see how much more they are going to be charging us when our lease is up end of this September. I honestly can't see them charging us so much that I would want to move.  Right now they could hack it up 10% (which is HIGHLY unlikely) and I'd still be willing to stay as that would only mean another $62 a month for me which is worth forgoing the hassle of moving again when I just got here 2.5 months ago.

She did already bring up moving into a 3 bedroom in our current complex but unless the rent is the same or less than what we'd be paying once our lease is up in our current unit I'm not sold on the idea of us making another move together just for the sake of additional space when I actually don't have an issue with space. 

I did already mention to her when she asked my thoughts recently on moving to a bigger place that I'm really not keen on moving again this year or on paying any more money in rent.

I do need to decide just how long I'm willing to do this.  Honestly I was thinking a year.  But the one thing that is hard is thinking about how much more money I'd be spending going back to living on my own.  Paying an extra $700-$800+ a month is significant for me-we're talking ~15%/16% or so of my net income which is huge. 

[EconDiva]

- having total privacy back (I'm the introvert)
- cleaner environment (now I'm constantly doing dishes and wiping counters)
- quieter environment for sleeping purposes (I have insomnia)
- and work purposes (working in my bedroom during days my roommate is home might start to get old....quick.

Honestly, the sacrifices you are making by having a roommate don't seem worth it AT ALL.

All of the points you noted above have some value, a great deal of value in my opinion...
- You have insomnia and now can't sleep as well.  This will negatively impact every aspect of your life (health, work, social, ect).
- You are now acting as a part-time maid, yet not getting paid for it.
- Your home is also your place of work, your office.  Being forced to work in your bedroom will have a negative impact on both your work productivity/efficiency AND your personal attitude/demeanor.

I would NOT put up with these things to save some money on rent.
Can you find a cheaper 1 bedroom apartment and reduce your expenses that way?

I think the lowest I'd be going is around $1100 in rent for a one bedroom.  That would put me in a safe newish (not brand new, not extremely old) community that's likely to have some amenities (think business center in case my laptop or printer malfunctions) and most importantly...be in an indeal location where I can walk to many things (grocery, train, etc.) and still put off having to buy a car.

That $600 minimum more in rent a month means a minimum ~13% increase in the amount of my take home pay that will be going to rent.  That's not including the utilities we split.

The bottom line is that basically I have to determine if my current living situation is uncomfortable enough to warrant spending  spending about ~15% more of my take home pay in housing expenses than I am right now.  That's that much less money in savings towards emergency and house down payment funds at this point basically.

Right now I am not sure it's worth it.  However, it's not to say I won't feel differently after living this way for another 3-6 months or however long we decide to extend our current least out for.

[Bicycle_B]

The trade-offs are tough, aren't they?

Your price range makes me think of a friend of mine.  He too is looking for a one bedroom apartment.  In his city, the low end of apartments that yield a short commute is $800-$1100.  But his market now also includes some micro apartments - studio or efficiency apartments that cost $375-$500 per month, in return for very small square footage (typically 350-400 sq ft, where one bedrooms run 700 to 1000 sq ft). 

Due to his space needs, he is choosing the larger apartments, but would the excellent price point make such an apartment attractive to you?  (Sorry if you already covered this and I missed it.)

[Missy B]

EconDiva, have you put out any feelers for another roomate who would be a good fit? It seems like you're only considering two options - living on your own and having your cousin as roommate. I know how tricky it can be to find the right person at the right time, but it's worth putting it out there. There are other tidy, quiet people who would really appreciate  you.

I also suspect that your cousin tells herself that you don't mind her taking over the common area for her work, and will continue to until you say otherwise.
If you do renew your lease with her, that's a good time to refresh your 'roommate contract'. Things like, since you're both working from home, you'd like the living room to be a non-work area. If she balks, that's important information. She does have a proper office she can work from. (And guess why she wants to rent something bigger and who will mostly be using that third bedroom...)

[firelight]

I've had a bunch of roommates when I was single, ranging from great (had very similar values or we had very separate lives and clear rules) to deranged (basically a toddler in adult size). What helped me deal was setting clear rules and having an out in terms of lease break. I'm not sure why you can't take a different roommate (instead of your cousin) who is more in line with your values/personality and cleanliness. That will save you money and solve almost all of the issues (cleaning, quiet, etc). If you luck into having a roommate that travels a lot (had one for six months and I had the whole house to myself almost all the time because she was traveling always), then you get the whole place for half the rent. Also always have a cleaning schedule that everyone should follow (way easier to enforce if everyone wants the same level of cleanliness)

ETA: having roommates is great practice to staying married and knowing earlier when things won't work out with a SO, as a previous poster said.

[mozar]

Here is a concrete example of a roommate working out. I rejected 10 people on craigslist before i found a perfect summer renter. He is a gamer, so when he is home he is in his room sleeping or gaming. When he moved in he said I probably wouldn't see him again and its true.

[EconDiva]

The trade-offs are tough, aren't they?

Your price range makes me think of a friend of mine.  He too is looking for a one bedroom apartment.  In his city, the low end of apartments that yield a short commute is $800-$1100.  But his market now also includes some micro apartments - studio or efficiency apartments that cost $375-$500 per month, in return for very small square footage (typically 350-400 sq ft, where one bedrooms run 700 to 1000 sq ft). 

Due to his space needs, he is choosing the larger apartments, but would the excellent price point make such an apartment attractive to you?  (Sorry if you already covered this and I missed it.)

Great points!

To be honest, studios in my city are a fairly newer thing.  So the majority of them are brand new or very close to it, meaning they are running close to $1000 and most of the ones I've seen are more than that actually.

[EconDiva]

EconDiva, have you put out any feelers for another roomate who would be a good fit? It seems like you're only considering two options - living on your own and having your cousin as roommate. I know how tricky it can be to find the right person at the right time, but it's worth putting it out there. There are other tidy, quiet people who would really appreciate  you.

I also suspect that your cousin tells herself that you don't mind her taking over the common area for her work, and will continue to until you say otherwise.
If you do renew your lease with her, that's a good time to refresh your 'roommate contract'. Things like, since you're both working from home, you'd like the living room to be a non-work area. If she balks, that's important information. She does have a proper office she can work from. (And guess why she wants to rent something bigger and who will mostly be using that third bedroom...)

Actually I have not been doing that.  Excellent point...I'm really not even sure why I hadn't thought about that.  I think because it was my cousin that approached me about rooming with her, so having a roommate was never even a real consideration for me until that had happened. 

Honestly I do understand why she works in the common area-who wants to be locked up in their room working for 8 hours?  If we had a 3 bedroom townhome with a lot more space it would be a different story - we could trade off where we work and be far enough from each other to not be any annoyance.  However, for what it would cost for a space that much larger we might as well pay for our own individual apartments IMO.

[MandyM]

I'm a little late to most of this conversation, but I'll add my two cents anyway. I had a roommate for six years - half of it was in a 2100 sq ft house that was way oversized for us. Then I sold that place and we moved to a 1100 sq ft house. Things that helped us not murder each other:

I almost always slept with ear plugs. For a while the roommate worked second shift, getting home about midnight and then watching tv. Wearing ear plugs kept me from hearing her come in every night and also let her go about her evening fairly normally (no tiptoeing). I.LOVE.EARPLUGS. While I don't use them at home now that I live alone, I always travel with them just in case the hotel or friend's house is louder than I anticipate.

Separate bathrooms. Obviously not something you can change right this second, but worth considering if you continue living with a roommate.

While I am probably less "clean" than my roommate, she is a lot more cluttered which I hate. So we both had issues with the other in that regard, even though neither of us is a slob. Mostly, we just had to let go of things.

I wouldn't dismiss the idea of a bigger place unless it would truly negate any savings of living with someone.

 

[EconDiva]

On a side note, I'm extremely annoyed that I just walked out of my room into my cousin and her bestie eating lunch on the floor of the common area right in front of my room.  She didn't even tell me she was bringing this person over.

I don't think I'm going to renew my lease with her.  Ughhhhhh such a tough spot to be in....

[EconDiva]

UPDATE JULY 6, 2017:

I'm away on vacation right now but my cousin called me to say our renewal letter came through.

Our rent is going up $250 a month...so $125 a person.  I knew it would go up but this seems like a lot to me.  I'm already at my threshold with paying around $650 a month right now with a roommate.  I have been starting to think that at the new rate of $725 a month, maybe I should just go ahead and pay the extra approximate $300 a month for a $1,000 a month apartment on my own.

I am starting to feel stronger about wanting my own space.  I never mentioned this above in my original post but I think some of this has to do with the fact I work from home 100% of the time since moving in with her which is also still fairly new to me.  Due to sharing space my bedroom is now basically my job and almost my entire living space...I think it may be playing a role in my discontent.  And also wanting my own things again (I may have mentioned this before but every furnishing in the place is hers including the bedroom furniture in the room I have).  As time goes on I just haven't felt any more like the shared space is mine too...I feel moreso like I'm using her space and I feel a bit imposing even though I probably shouldn't feel that way.

Anyways, I have previously led her to believe I was ok with renewing so changing my mind now would give her just under 3 months to figure out what she's going to do if I left.  So it seems inconsiderate on my part if I now change my mind.  Why am I so indecisive?

[Bicycle_B]

UPDATE JULY 6, 2017:

 So it seems inconsiderate on my part if I now change my mind.  Why am I so indecisive?

As my sister used to tell me, "Well, that a deep subject." 

Joking aside, if you're going to fly solo, it's more inconsiderate to tell her later than now.  Even more inconsiderate to wiffle waffle into another lease and then get mad at her, which you easily could.  Best course is decide now and tell her now. 

Re working from home, it's always possible to look for quiet roommates and people who work 9-5 jobs offsite.  I have three roommates at this moment and none of them are home.  That said, if you are determined enough to get out that you are seriously considering a $1000 per month solution, you don't sound like you'd be happy with your current roomie.  If this is the case, I would communicate clearly and soon that you are not joining a new lease with her. 

You're the author of your life.

[yachi]

Could you rent an office space for less than $350 a month?  If so, that might be an option.

[Zamboni]

$250 a month increase is a lot . . . I would decline to renew at this time, and I would phrase it exactly that way: "Inflation is very low and that increase seems inordinately high, so I decline to renew at this time." Is it in a large complex with a central leasing office? Often, when it turns out they can't actually rent it to anyone else at the higher rate, the landlord will come back with about a month to go in the current lease and say "great news! We'd love to invite you to stay another year at your current rent rate!" That happened to both me and (later) another friend of mine. In your shoes, I would definitely decline to renew at this time and wait and see what happens.

3 months is a HUGE amount of lead time! If you decide you don't want to live with your cousin anymore, then feel absolutely no guilt about the "lead time" part. In a city like Atlanta, there are always a fair number of vacant apartments. She could literally find somewhere reasonable to move to in a single day I bet. In fact, I know this is true after helping a friend recover from a home fire . . . there are just apartments sitting empty in almost every big complex. I do agree that more notice is more considerate than less notice, but you are entitled to change your mind about having her as your roommate at any point up until you sign a new lease.

In any event, in your shoes I would not agree to renew at this time. If this is your decision, then you need to communicate this to her now. Perhaps start by telling her you are not ready to commit to the new level of rent for the same place? You can suggest that the rent might not increase as much if you both delay signing renewal paperwork based upon what you have read on the internet, plus you can look at other places . . . if the landlord stays firm with the higher rent, it might actually be cheaper to move.

[Meowmalade]

I'd just grovel and be terribly apologetic, and say that you've come to the realization over time that you're not compatible roommates and hope that because you have three whole months that she has plenty of time to find someone else.  I wouldn't make fake excuses in case you do find another roommate.  It took me a while after our ex-Roommate left to really realize how much happier I am without someone else living in the house, especially someone who doesn't have the same cleaning standards.

[Bicycle_B]

Could you rent an office space for less than $350 a month?  If so, that might be an option.

What a great idea!

Maybe you could even explore coworking spaces.  My city has some beautiful ones, some for as little as $120/mo.

Might be cheaper and quieter to get a new roomie who's introvert, though.  With or without the office/coworking, you could get a lower base cost and calmer atmosphere.

[EconDiva]

$250 a month increase is a lot . . . I would decline to renew at this time, and I would phrase it exactly that way: "Inflation is very low and that increase seems inordinately high, so I decline to renew at this time." Is it in a large complex with a central leasing office? Often, when it turns out they can't actually rent it to anyone else at the higher rate, the landlord will come back with about a month to go in the current lease and say "great news! We'd love to invite you to stay another year at your current rent rate!" That happened to both me and (later) another friend of mine. In your shoes, I would definitely decline to renew at this time and wait and see what happens.

3 months is a HUGE amount of lead time! If you decide you don't want to live with your cousin anymore, then feel absolutely no guilt about the "lead time" part. In a city like Atlanta, there are always a fair number of vacant apartments. She could literally find somewhere reasonable to move to in a single day I bet. In fact, I know this is true after helping a friend recover from a home fire . . . there are just apartments sitting empty in almost every big complex. I do agree that more notice is more considerate than less notice, but you are entitled to change your mind about having her as your roommate at any point up until you sign a new lease.

In any event, in your shoes I would not agree to renew at this time. If this is your decision, then you need to communicate this to her now. Perhaps start by telling her you are not ready to commit to the new level of rent for the same place? You can suggest that the rent might not increase as much if you both delay signing renewal paperwork based upon what you have read on the internet, plus you can look at other places . . . if the landlord stays firm with the higher rent, it might actually be cheaper to move.

OH...so....in regards to the lease renewal rate.  Let me explain why it is so high:

My cousin used to work for the apartment complex.  As in, she lived and worked in the same place...would walk 2 minutes from her apartment to the leasing office.  They got a new property management company end of last year and although she didn't see this coming because they did decide to keep 1 or 2 other people...they ended up laying her off pretty quickly.

So the issue is when you work for the property, you get a substantial decrease on the rent if you also decide to live there.  So right now with the lease ending, the discount she had been keeping as an employee of the company is also now ending.  Side note of importance:  She has requested that they lower the increase so it could go down to more like $200 or $150 more a month...we are waiting to hear back on that.  Right now I'm honestly not interested at any rate but I'm trying to talk myself into the thought that doing this is best for my financial future. We are only looking at the 13 month renewal rate which means another ~15 months of living together. 


I do think this situation is much easier for her than myself and it's just a matter of personal preferences I guess.  Again, I'm the pickier one who's extremely quiet, cleaner, with no visitors and she's the extrovert.  On a totally unrelated note I recently broke up with my boyfriend and am not ready to talk to her about it so I've been hiding my tears for days on end in my room in between working--it makes me resent choosing to share a space because I can't have privacy to grieve or have important discussions such as with my mother or others that I wish to have when I want to have them with any privacy. 

Lastly, I think the other 2 issues I am so undecided on all this is:

1-I totally also feel guilt about not being as 'badass' if I chose to go pay another $300-$400 more in rent because I wasn't able to adjust to living with a roommate.  I feel like I should be pushing myself more to figure out how to adjust and 'let go' of the things I don't like for the savings advantages.

2-My cousin is in a fairly new job which she doesn't necessarily like that much and is not sure how stable it is.  I actually felt some pressure to move in with her as when she approached me with all of this she had just been laid off while I had already picked the apartment I wanted to move into alone.  I also have some guilt about leaving her knowing her job situation and how much she wanted to save rent--her mom paid to furnish the place we live in for her and was paying half her rent before I moved in (we are both 38 years old).  When my cousin called me the other day to let me know the renewal rate (again, I'm out of town on vacation at the moment)...I did ask her if she still wanted to continue to room together considering the increase and her tone indicated she was very upset at the mention of this question to her as she replied "I *thought* we had discussed already that this is what we *would* do [renew together] but if YOU have decided you're going to do something different than what you NEED to do is LET ME KNOW!".  I figured I better be damn sure I'm making a decision I can live with.  Because I do want to be happier but contrary to what she might be thinking I'm taking the time to figure out what's best because I am also considering her greatly in this decision. 

Thank you for your insight/input by the way...

[EconDiva]

Could you rent an office space for less than $350 a month?  If so, that might be an option.

What a great idea!

Maybe you could even explore coworking spaces.  My city has some beautiful ones, some for as little as $120/mo.

Might be cheaper and quieter to get a new roomie who's introvert, though.  With or without the office/coworking, you could get a lower base cost and calmer atmosphere.

Thank you for this--it is a good idea and I have thought about this.

But this is the thing:

Why would I pay $300 more in office space and $100-$200 more in rent rather than just pay that extra amount and get my own place?  Because the separate office space means paying to commute there (which I currently do not do-I don't own a car).  And it doesn't have any impact on the other (albeit probably minor to some) annoyances such as the cleaning issues, frequent visitors, or feeling like when I am home I don't want to 'over use' the living area since it's full of her things (which I don't really do because she is usually using it). 

[Bicycle_B]

Sorry, I wasn't very clear.  Obviously $350 month plus rooming with the cousin you don't like rooming with is an idea that will only lead to another year of irritation or worse, while costing as much as a $1000 apartment.

I meant $120 plus rooming is cheaper than the apartment.  And it would give you workspace that your roommate wouldn't be in.

Best option is quiet roommate, not your loud cousin.  That would be cheapest.  If you're going to talk yourself into something because it's "Mustachian", talk yourself into a new roommate situation.

Living with your loud cousin because she wants you to isn't Mustachian.  It's at best ambiguous (it's cheaper than a private aptmt, but you clearly dislike it.  conflicting criteria = ambiguous).  Mustachian is bad-ass, where you take action that meets your own needs.  Best of luck!!

[Zamboni]

2-My cousin is in a fairly new job which she doesn't necessarily like that much and is not sure how stable it is.  I actually felt some pressure to move in with her as when she approached me with all of this she had just been laid off while I had already picked the apartment I wanted to move into alone.  I also have some guilt about leaving her knowing her job situation and how much she wanted to save rent--her mom paid to furnish the place we live in for her and was paying half her rent before I moved in (we are both 38 years old).  When my cousin called me the other day to let me know the renewal rate (again, I'm out of town on vacation at the moment)...I did ask her if she still wanted to continue to room together considering the increase and her tone indicated she was very upset at the mention of this question to her as she replied "I *thought* we had discussed already that this is what we *would* do [renew together] but if YOU have decided you're going to do something different than what you NEED to do is LET ME KNOW!".  I figured I better be damn sure I'm making a decision I can live with.  Because I do want to be happier but contrary to what she might be thinking I'm taking the time to figure out what's best because I am also considering her greatly in this decision. 

Thank you for your insight/input by the way...

Thank you for clearing up the rent increase issue. I think I may have read your case studies months (years?) ago because I remember you thinking about moving away from Chicago. It sounds like you've come a long way and that you are really putting away the cash now.

Reason #1 does not require your cousin, of course. You do not need to continue living with your cousin to be a badass . . . there are lots of alternatives.

By the way, your #2 reason is just a terrible reason. It sounds like she's not financially stable at all, and that she is immature in several ways. That is the exact opposite of the type of roommate you need. Please don't let her emotional appeal mire you into a living situation that is not the best thing for your own peace and sanity. If she is in a precarious employment situation, she needs to be finding a cheaper place anyway.

Over the years I had several roommates . . . the BEST roommates by far were people I did not know at all prior to rooming together. They were just more considerate than both friends and family, probably because we were making the choice to room together based upon mutual preferences and needs. The worst roommate I had was a good friend prior to us rooming together. She was a slob and used our "friends" status to "borrow" without asking, wrecked a bunch of my stuff (whoops!), and just generally took advantage of the situation.

Could you rent an office space for less than $350 a month?  If so, that might be an option.

I had a self employed friend do this years ago and LIVE in the fairly large one room office space he was renting for dirt cheap. He had a small "beer fridge" for his food in the leg space under his desk and slept on a futon that he pulled into "couch" shape during the day. He is the original badass.

Upsides to the arrangement:
1) Cheapest rent possible.
2) Absolute and total quiet and privacy after about 6pm as everyone else vacated the building to go home.
3) Upper floor with very nice view (one entire wall of his office was a window facing the mountains.)
4) Building had a security system, so felt very safe at night. Sometimes he would have a few of us over to play cards at night and he'd have to come down to the lobby to let us in.
5) Common areas/bathroom/kitchen cleaned by a cleaning service paid by the landlord.

Downsides to the arrangement:
1) The bathroom was the shared one down the hall, and there was no shower (he showered at his fitness club.)
2) No kitchen in the room, although there was a small shared kitchenette down the hall.
3) Not a lot of closet space . . . I don't actually recall that he had any. He kept his clothes in a filing cabinet I think. He was a pretty frugal guy all around and did not have a big wardrobe, obviously. He must have also put his bedding in the file cabinet during the day . . . never asked him about that specifically, but he did have a couple of big filing cabinets.
4) I am not sure if what he was doing was allowed by his lease terms or not . . . as far as I know he was never questioned about it, but I'm also not sure that the landlord ever figured it out. As his friend I know he lived there, but he did seem to try to not make it not totally obvious to someone who might just stop by his office.

Since knowing this guy, I've always had this weird daydream about living at work on the sly . . . my work even has a shower on the same floor as my office. Sadly my office is not nearly as big as the one he rented.

[Catbert]

Three months is plenty of notice to give a roommate that you aren't renewing the lease.  But if you aren't going to stay, you need to tell her now while she had plenty of time of find another roommate or decide to move or whatever.  Trust me, she wouldn't feel bad bailing on you with a lot less notice.   

Continuing to rent with her b/c she needs a roommate isn't a good reason for staying.

[EconDiva]

Three months is plenty of notice to give a roommate that you aren't renewing the lease.  But if you aren't going to stay, you need to tell her now while she had plenty of time of find another roommate or decide to move or whatever.  Trust me, she wouldn't feel bad bailing on you with a lot less notice.   

Continuing to rent with her b/c she needs a roommate isn't a good reason for staying.

I return home on July 11 and the lease ends on September 30 so it's a little less than 3 months notice. 

I do agree staying for that reason is not the best reason. I'm using these last few vacation days to decide and be sure this is what I'm gonna do. And prepare my reasoning.  I think I'll just say I need my own space again and that's it. Which is the truth.

[Kennethco1992]

My roommates are awesome, but our very different schedules mean they're up and about when I'm trying to sleep. Earplugs worked for a while until I got an ear infection and was afraid to use them again. Then I got this: https://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Dohm-DS-Natural-Sound-Machine/dp/B00HD0ELFK/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_121_bs_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=AHQ66QAQ820JHRE06HQW

It took about a week to get used to, and I have NEVER been woken up or distirbed by roommate noise since. It might be worth a shot.

Hey,
I fully agree with you. I also using Marpac Dohm White Noise Machine and it helps me a-lot when my roommate irritating me with hier noise. Then this machine reduce her noise and I get better sleep. I really like this.