Author Topic: Small Homes + House Guests  (Read 18016 times)

oldtoyota

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Small Homes + House Guests
« on: October 15, 2013, 09:13:38 AM »
We have a fairly small home. I would be willing to pay for a hotel for family visitors. However, I am not sure they would take that in the kind way I mean it, so I've not offered.

Our current setup is not friendly to the kind of guest coming to visit. They need to be on the same floor as a bathroom, so this leaves them either our bedroom or the basement. They are not able to use our guest bedroom since there's no bathroom on that level.

We did give them our bedroom once while we slept in the guest bedroom, but one of the guests broke our ceiling fan...that was time-consuming and costly to replace. I would rather not have them in our bedroom again--not to mention it upsets the entire household structure.

The reason I am okay with paying for a hotel is 1) the guests would be happier and better rested 2) the cat would not freak out and poop in random places 3) I would not have to feel bad about having a small house. 4) I think paying for a hotel is a lot less expensive than having a larger house with a larger mortgage.

Have any of you been in this position? Can you offer advice even if it's not along the lines of what I originally asked to know?



oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2013, 09:22:37 AM »
I need to start a website called "Live Like a New Yorker." I felt guilty for *walking* to the metro to pick up my friend. WTH, Oldtoyota? People walk to pick up friends all the time in the city.

I will talk with the spouse to see if we agree on the approach or not.

grmagne

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2013, 09:50:32 AM »
4) I think paying for a hotel is a lot less expensive than having a larger house with a larger mortgage.

Number 4 is exactly right! Buying a small home and then renting hotel rooms for guests is much cheaper than buying a large home in the long-term (unless you have frequent guests). But it all depends on whether your guests comprehend the financial logic or whether they interpret it emotionally i.e. you don't want them staying with you.

In general, I find that most people don't agree with these types of go-cheap-and-then-splurge-when-you-really-need-it explanations. It's similar to renting cars when you really need them rather than owning. Nearly everyone in my condominium building in downtown Toronto owns a car even though it's much, much, much, much cheaper to just use car sharing or rentals for the occasional car use.  Most people just refuse to go that route because they like the convenience of owning their own car. Even after explaining the hourly savings rate of the inconvenience (thousands of dollars saved, versus only a few hours of rental/sharing hassles), my success rate in converting people to non-car ownership is 0%.

MissStache

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2013, 10:17:03 AM »
Honestly, I find houseguests to be totally exhausting and disruptive (with similar cat freakout issues as you), but we do have them fairly frequently.  Several months ago my parents and my elderly great uncle were coming for a visit and we put them up at a hotel.  Our excuse was that all of our sleeping areas are on the 2nd floor and we didn't wan't uncle to have to use the stairs.  Best $ I ever spent, and everyone was MUCH happier that way! 


Frankies Girl

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2013, 11:11:26 AM »
I don't have a close relationship with my family, and none of my friends would ever need to crash at my house, so we don't have a guest anything setup. A comfy couch if you're taking a nap, but not good enough for stretching out on, so it would definitely be "here's a nice hotel right around the corner" if anyone came to visit.

My MIL invited herself to our house during a hurricane event many years back, despite the fact that we had no place for her to sleep, and also despite the fact that a cousin had invited her to their house instead (she's a nutball, and husband and her are practically estranged). She took the cushions off the couch and slept on the floor.

I would never give up my bed. The idea really squicks me out.

Nothing wrong with saying your house isn't set up for overnight guests and that they would be much more comfortable in a hotel nearby. I actually prefer that arrangement myself when I travel to visit friends/family.

hybrid

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2013, 11:32:12 AM »
I don't get why your guests need to be on the same level as a bathroom.  Is a flight of stairs really that big a deal?  Sounds sort of first-world problem to me.....

If your guests know what the arrangements are going in (welcome to our home, bathroom on separate floor, bring a bathrobe) then they can always opt for the hotel instead and you are off the hook.

Watchmaker

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2013, 11:39:23 AM »
hybrid,

I don't know about the OPs situation, but I certainly have elderly relatives that I wouldn't want trying to use the stairs at night (for their safety).

MsSindy

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2013, 12:14:56 PM »
I've had guests that were elderly and could not maneuver the stairs, so I'm guessing that's the OP's position as well.  As for the arrangements, I would say, this is the situation, and this is what I can offer.  This way they know the expectations and can then decide on "how" they would like to come visit.  I think offering to pay for a hotel is extremely generous.

Also, NEVER feel bad about having a small house.  You buy and live in your house for YOU and your family, not so others have a place to crash (unless that is super-duper important to you).  Don't ever let anyone guilt you about your life-style choices - you decide how you live your life.

Le Dérisoire

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2013, 12:16:28 PM »
I don't get why your guests need to be on the same level as a bathroom.  Is a flight of stairs really that big a deal?  Sounds sort of first-world problem to me.....

If your guests know what the arrangements are going in (welcome to our home, bathroom on separate floor, bring a bathrobe) then they can always opt for the hotel instead and you are off the hook.
Maybe they are disabled. They are many valid explanations for that requirement.

As a side note, when my step-mother comes visit us, she sleeps on the couch or on an air matress. I don't feel bad at all about it.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2013, 12:18:18 PM by Le Dérisoire »

lackofstache

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2013, 12:16:36 PM »
We've got a fairly small house w/ no extra bedrooms. If the guest is young & happy w/ a couch, great. If they're okay w/ a blow up mattress on the floor of our workroom, fine. Otherwise, a hotel.

I think it's going above & beyond that you're paying for it; that's not something I'd expect if I was visiting someone w/o the space for me.

galliver

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2013, 06:27:08 PM »
Renting a hotel for a few days is cheaper than a larger house with guest room. But it's even cheaper to not rent the hotel, either. Badassity would be finding a way to comfortably host guests in a small house.

But then, I've never heard of cats freaking out due to houseguests (not saying it doesn't happen, just never came across it). And guests breaking something and not paying for the repair is super-rude. So maybe it's worth it; but still not the most badass option.


oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2013, 06:33:49 PM »
Also, NEVER feel bad about having a small house.  You buy and live in your house for YOU and your family, not so others have a place to crash (unless that is super-duper important to you).  Don't ever let anyone guilt you about your life-style choices - you decide how you live your life.

Thank you. It's a good reminder to have. Although no one makes me feel guilty (or could, really), I have had snobby people comment on my house. One was a fancy attorney with a fancy background who was horrified at the dated wallpaper. Yeah, the wallpaper was bad and from the previous owners...but whose parents rear such rude people?

The size of my house can be an acid test. Someone says something rude, and I know that person is not for me. Pretty cool!

Well, the spouse says we should have the guests here even though I could pay for a beautiful AirBNB. I dread it. They came one time, did not sleep well, and then were grumpy during their stay. Ugh.

Maybe *I* could stay in the AirBNB? LOL




LauraG

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2013, 07:28:22 PM »
When my parents and grandparents were coming together to visit, we always put them up in hotel rooms (my grandparents couldn't safely climb down stairs and we have no full bathroom on the first floor). The one time my parents have visited since my grandparents passed away last summer, we put the parents up in our bedroom and slept on the downstairs sleep-sofa ourselves. At the time, we had a long-term "guest" (someone we were helping out) staying in the guest room and my parents will have bad allergy attacks if they try to sleep in a room that the cats can access, like the livingroom with the sleep-sofa. But based on their feedback after that visit, I think they'd be happier just staying at a hotel (their allergies were still acting up).

TLDR: I think it's fine to offer to put people up in a hotel rather than trying to host when it's awkward / uncomfortable.

chasesfish

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2013, 07:33:13 PM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2013, 07:34:02 PM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

The way things work is God's own mystery, son.

cosmie

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2013, 07:38:26 PM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

The way things work is God's own mystery, son.
oldtoyota, this quote made my night.

 

Debbie M

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2013, 09:05:02 PM »
My grandparents decided to turn their guest room into a hobby room and office and to put up visitors in a hotel instead.  I thought that was awesome.

Now that my friends and family are getting too old to want to sleep on the floor, the hotel idea is sounding good to me too.  But you miss the late night talking--which in your case might be a bonus.  I'd always thought that joining them at the hotel might be the way to go.

Actually, when my dad's in town on business, he will sometimes invite me over to his hotel for breakfast and/or a dip in the hotel pool or hot tub.  (This sounds possibly unethical, but he's a deal-maker type and can generally get the company to agree to stuff like this.)

Another idea is to put up a tent in the back yard (best for kids--who get along with each other and like camping).  Or a trailer or camper (perhaps rented or borrowed).

I've often thought it was amazing that my parents still let me stay at their house when I'm visiting even now that I have my own money, but really it's all about maximizing the socialization time.

I've been given the host's bed by TWO different hosts.  Craziness.  Except I would definitely give my parents my bed because they need better sleeping accommodations than I do.

It really all depends on the people involved.  Though sometimes it's okay to do something that will make someone feel insulted because sometimes no solution will make everyone happy, so if there are no extenuating circumstances that make the guests more important, the hosts should win.

(Maybe the bathroom has to be on the same floor just because it has to be nearby because of sudden-onset bodily fluid ejection of some sort.  Or they just have to pee every 45 minutes all night.  Impolite bodily fluids don't necessarily keep one from being able to jump on the bed into the fan.)

KMMK

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #17 on: October 15, 2013, 09:22:59 PM »
We are in a two bedroom apartment and each must have our own bed, and we have a no overnight guest rule. If you want to visit us, you pay for a hotel. That's just how it is. We find guests disruptive (super introverted) so I'm not going out of my way to encourage people to come visit. If I asked them to come, I'd pay. But if they chose to come visit, they are adults, make their own choices and can pay their own way. We will drive them around and pay for food, and I generally expect that would be reciprocated if I was a guest in their city, but if not it wouldn't bother me. As the guest I generally prefer the privacy of a hotel anyhow.

Soon, we will be moving to a 3 BR condo, with 1.5 baths and a basement, so I think we will let guests stay with us then, since there is a lot more space and privacy. Still a 2 night stay rule applies.

I'm probably mean or cheap or whatever, but I'm a firm believer in adults doing what they want with their own money and private space.

imustachemystash

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #18 on: October 15, 2013, 09:31:34 PM »
Our family of 4 lives in a 2 bedroom condo and I know exactly what you mean.  Our place is big enough for the family but not for house guests.  I have my parents stay at a hotel down the street.  I let my other guests decide if they want to crash on the couch  or stay at a hotel.  Having company makes me anxious, so I don't mind that it happens very rarely.  Our small mortgage sure beats having a big one just to accommodate house guests.

pachnik

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #19 on: October 15, 2013, 10:27:20 PM »
I don't mean to hijack this thread but I have the opposite problem. 

I am not a good house guest and always prefer staying in a hotel (or truthfully a cheap motel).  I have bouts of insomnia and can be up for a good part of the night perhaps for two or three nights in a row.  Because of this I am very nervous about staying with other people and bothering them. 

I am also a very light sleeper.  My husband and I have a 2-bedroom apartment because of this.  When he and I were moving in together, I thought about a 1-bedroom but a close friend told that for my (and my husband's sanity), we should get a 2-bedroom.  She was right. 

I would feel very uncomfortable having someone stay here because again, I can be up half the night. 

ruthiegirl

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #20 on: October 15, 2013, 11:35:10 PM »
I can fix this for you real fast -- combine 4 kids, a small apartment and 1 bathroom -- BAM!   No house guests ever.  Seriously, our house guests flee to the nearest hotel, motel, teepee or tent to get some peace and quiet. 

MissStache

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #21 on: October 16, 2013, 06:06:46 AM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

The way things work is God's own mystery, son.
oldtoyota, this quote made my night.

Ditto!

MrsPete

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #22 on: October 16, 2013, 06:46:35 AM »
I currently live in a large (okay, oversized) house, but we are in the process of planning our retirement house.  We don't have any desire to build a large house.  Housework is no great joy to me, and we want to spend our resources on travel, hobbies, and (hopefully) grandchildren -- not on maintenance and taxes. 

As we share our plans with friends, we're getting some flack:  But this is a starter-house size!  You can afford to build more!  What about guests?  What about Christmas and Thanksgiving?  Yes, yes, we could build more, but it's not what we want. 

Back to the subject -- how do we plan to deal with guests?  We've thought this through:
- We don't have expectations of setting our friends up in a luxury hotel located inside our house.  Some people do!  I've been reading a custom-building board, and MANY people are building guest suites with bathrooms, closets and other amenities that rival the master suite.  I do want to have space enough that my two children and their future spouses can spend the night, but I don't expect to house them as if they lived with me.

- We're willing and able to pay for a hotel.  An occasional hotel is cheaper than building and maintaining the room all the time.

- We plan to buy a teardrop trailer within the next couple years.  The one we're going to buy will have a comfortable queen-sized mattress in the back.  I wouldn't have a problem putting guests, especially children into the camper to sleep.  We live in the kind of place where it's fine to leave the back door open all night, so they could easily slip in to use the bathroom.  I don't have the kind of friends who'd find this offensive, and I expect children would consider it an adventure.   

We also have thoughts on how to deal with large family gatherings, something we enjoy and frequently host:

- Again, we do not feel the necessity to provide a large room dedicated to our friends' dining comfort.  We are going to have a dining room that'll hold a good-sized 6-person table for everyday use.  We're placing the table next to a walkway so that it can be stretched out to twice its size, though the guests will be somewhat more crowded.

- We're planning a large patio and ample outdoor space, where we can host gatherings of 50 or more.  We already have folding tables and chairs, which can come out of the garage for casual, outdoor meals.  This might be impractical for someone up North, but where I live, we have a 50-50 chance of having Thanksgiving dinner out on the porch, so it's realistic.  We're also planning a small pool in this area, so I'm sure we'll end up being "the summer place", while other family members will host the winter holidays. 


Bottom line: If you're comfortable with your small house, don't let other people make you second guess your choice. 

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #23 on: October 16, 2013, 07:19:36 AM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

The way things work is God's own mystery, son.
oldtoyota, this quote made my night.

Ditto!

=-)

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #24 on: October 25, 2013, 07:11:00 PM »
OMG. The guests want to leave cots. at. our. house.

That way, they do not have to bring them in the car.

Did I mention that I'd bought a fold out couch? They did not use it so I got rid of it.

One of the guests said we could then use the cots for other people, but other people use the sofa bed upstairs. No one else chooses to sleep in the basement!

Is a simple "no" acceptable here?


Self-employed-swami

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #25 on: October 25, 2013, 07:41:15 PM »
I say keep the cots, and sell on kijiji/craigslist once they leave!

But I'm a bitch like that ;)

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #26 on: October 25, 2013, 08:09:45 PM »
I say keep the cots, and sell on kijiji/craigslist once they leave!

But I'm a bitch like that ;)

;-) Ha!

jawisco

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #27 on: October 25, 2013, 08:28:50 PM »
I have a small house with only one real bedroom.  When I have guests, I have done a lot of different options, depending on the guest:

- guests sleep in tent outside in yard
- guests sleep in my bed and I sleep in tent in yard
- guests sleep in mini-motorhome that exists mostly to hold guests
- guests sleep in my bed and I sleep in the motorhome
- guests sleep on the floor
- I rent the guests a cabin
- I put the guests up at a motel nearby

It really does depend on the needs of the guest and the situation.  This is usually for 1-3 nights.  More than that and I opt for the motel/cabin.  But I think it is a bonding experience to have the morning and evening experience.

N

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #28 on: October 25, 2013, 11:34:10 PM »
It may be difficult, but I think you are perfectly within your right to not store cots in your house for other people. You can say no.

I have a family member who used to try to invite themself and their two children over to my house for the weekend or holidays.
It was always a disaster.  I finally laid down the law and insisted she get a hotel room. I felt like a jerk, but honestly, the visit was SO MUCH nicer.

Zamboni

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #29 on: October 26, 2013, 07:49:02 AM »
Quote
starter-house

This is just brainwashing real estate agent speak.  Every home I have considered buying lately is either marketed as this or as great for "first time home buyers."  How about "last time cash buyers?"

I vote that you say no to the cots. Tell them you are working on moving toward minimalism and won't be able to store the cots for them.  Did you offer the hotel?

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #30 on: October 26, 2013, 07:59:41 AM »
Quote
starter-house

This is just brainwashing real estate agent speak.  Every home I have considered buying lately is either marketed as this or as great for "first time home buyers."  How about "last time cash buyers?"

I vote that you say no to the cots. Tell them you are working on moving toward minimalism and won't be able to store the cots for them.  Did you offer the hotel?

I did not offer the hotel, because the spouse was against it.

I was thinking about telling them about working toward minimalism. The irony is that I dropped a load of items off at Value Village and then was asked the same day about storing two cots. Right now, I'm in the mood of "no more stuff." My MIL asked. I said I'd talk it over with the spouse, and I told him no last night.

I have to say I don't like having house guests--or at least as many as I've had. I cook and wash dishes nonstop, and that part is a real drag.

Also, I was criticized for having an iPad months ago because my kidlet was using a piano app and people should "only play real pianos." Now, guess who got to use an iPad at a museum and thinks "it's so neat." And, yes, I've since realized my iPad was an emotional purchase made for dumb reasons. The point is that I was criticized when I had it but it was okay when the guest used one somewhere else. So, it boils down to thinking what we do is dumb and what others do (even if it's a similar thing) is great. Why do parents do this to their kids??

Just get me through to Monday! I can make it!




Zamboni

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #31 on: October 26, 2013, 08:10:03 AM »
There is a saying that house guests are like having a fish in your house:  after three days, things start to smell bad.

I hope all goes well with your visitors!  You can do it!

Personally, even though I am generally frugal, I prefer to camp or stay in a cheap hotel when I'm visiting family.  It's too disruptive for them if I stay in their homes, although some of them like to deny that and try to insist that I stay on their very "comfy" couch, air mattress, floor, etc.

I enjoy visitors for a night or two . . . maximum.  My dad doesn't get on my nerves after that amount of time, but most other people do. 

Good luck!

Self-employed-swami

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #32 on: October 26, 2013, 08:42:46 AM »
clip...
I have to say I don't like having house guests--or at least as many as I've had. I cook and wash dishes nonstop, and that part is a real drag.

I hate that too.  I had my SIL, her husband, 2 of her kids, and my FIL for 2-3 weeks this summer (her husband, and my FIL went home after 2 weeks).

FIL was the only person doing dishes, or cooking, other than me/DH.  Even at breakfast time, I was feeding the kids, despite breakfast consisting of yoghurt, bananas and raspberries (on sale for $1 a pint that week!). I really noticed all that FIL had been doing, once he left.  He was even sweeping the kitchen floor!

They were here during the time that 100,000 people were displaced in and around our city from flooding (my Dad included), and did nothing to help, or even show that they had any empathy.  (SIL et al live in Europe, so that's why 3 weeks was decided upon as the time for their visit).

As for housing that many extra people, we bought 2 beds (one from kijiji, and one from a friend).  We have one spare bed in spare room 1 (where SIL and her DH slept).  We bought a set of bunk-beds and mattresses for the kids, from a woman who sold her 4 bedroom cabin, and they were barely used.  We re-arranged our exercise room, and put them in there (our other spare bedroom, next to their parents).  MIL bought a twin mattress from a friend, and DH made a simple frame, and we put it in our basement office for FIL (MIL and FIL have been divorced for 20 years).

Once they left, I sold the bunk beds and the sheets I had to buy, to a woman who's whole house flooded (so I gave her a better deal than I got on everything), and the other bed is still in the office.

Anyway, good luck, and deep breaths when they are getting on your nerves!

TLV

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #33 on: October 26, 2013, 08:57:05 AM »
We still rent so it's not an option, but I like to think that when we own I will build one of these for guests
« Last Edit: October 26, 2013, 08:58:58 AM by TLV »

KLina

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #34 on: October 26, 2013, 10:34:26 AM »
NYC apartment here! There are exactly 3 options: Sleep in our "master" bedroom, sleep in the kids' room on the futon, or sleep on an air mattress on the living room floor.

Most people choose the futon, despite the fact that my kids get up at 7.

I am also happy to let people stay at a hotel, or pay for them to stay if they are close family. I think the main thing to do is have a relaxed discussion about it ahead of time. "Hey, we have a really tiny place, but here are some options..." We are pretty easygoing and don't have any pets or sleep difficulties, so I'm sure that makes things a little easier for us.

I think our place can be surprisingly comfortable. My sister has a pretty big house, and every time we stay, their huge dog jumps on us in the early morning and wakes us up (we are sleeping in a back room with no door).

We just try to be friendly-but-straightforward about exactly what we can offer.

(Oh, and there's just 1 bathroom ;)

FinancialIndependenceTime

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #35 on: October 26, 2013, 09:44:04 PM »
I enjoyed what Kenstra said:

Quote
I'm probably mean or cheap or whatever, but I'm a firm believer in adults doing what they want with their own money and private space.

randomstring

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #36 on: October 27, 2013, 12:08:12 AM »
NYC apartment here! There are exactly 3 options: Sleep in our "master" bedroom, sleep in the kids' room on the futon, or sleep on an air mattress on the living room floor.

Most people choose the futon, despite the fact that my kids get up at 7.

I am also happy to let people stay at a hotel, or pay for them to stay if they are close family. I think the main thing to do is have a relaxed discussion about it ahead of time. "Hey, we have a really tiny place, but here are some options..." We are pretty easygoing and don't have any pets or sleep difficulties, so I'm sure that makes things a little easier for us.

I think our place can be surprisingly comfortable. My sister has a pretty big house, and every time we stay, their huge dog jumps on us in the early morning and wakes us up (we are sleeping in a back room with no door).

We just try to be friendly-but-straightforward about exactly what we can offer.

(Oh, and there's just 1 bathroom ;)

+1. Only we don't have a futon. And we do have a dog. So air mattresses are the only choice. But we do have a set of very nice air mattresses!

I like guests, but most of the time I am too busy to spend quality time with them (unless it is someone who specifically made a treck to see me, which happens rarely; most people just want a place to stay while they visit the city). So I show guests where the fridge is, teach them how to come and go and put the dog in the crate, set them up with linens and give them wifi password. After that they are on their own. Now that we have a kid the guests don't come very often. In pre-kid days guests were fairly frequent; I never minded because I always suspected the types of guests that choose to stay with us would happily let us stay with them in their own exotic-to-us hometowns.

We also have invited our friends to come stay in our place while we are away; this gives some people a chance to have an inexpensive vacation and our plants get watered.

happy

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #37 on: October 27, 2013, 02:27:57 AM »
Do NOT feel bad about a really smart  decision to have a small house. Pre-MMM I bought a larger house in order to have space for my parents and other family to stay. I was feeling bad because we stayed with them quite frequently and I felt it was hard to reciprocate.  Huh! Well I have to say, despite my invitations family have hardly ever come and stayed. My daughter has had small groups of friends sleep over every now and then, but essentially I have an extra room lying idle most of the time. All in all, it hasn't worked out the way I expected.

Definitely no to the cots  if your place is small. (unless you sell them later :) I like that idea)

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #38 on: October 28, 2013, 11:49:31 AM »
Spouse and I did say no to the cots. Nice to know I'm not just being a jerk about it. We explained no one else would use them. They felt that it crowded their car to have them, so they wanted to spend $200 or $300 on buying these cots to keep at our house. We invited them to use their $300 another way. =-)

They are gone, and it was actually not as bad as we thought it would be. Both of us felt a measure of relief to have the planning done with. One of the guests did dishes, which was nice.


CommonCents

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #39 on: October 28, 2013, 12:12:20 PM »
Spouse and I did say no to the cots. Nice to know I'm not just being a jerk about it. We explained no one else would use them. They felt that it crowded their car to have them, so they wanted to spend $200 or $300 on buying these cots to keep at our house. We invited them to use their $300 another way. =-)

They are gone, and it was actually not as bad as we thought it would be. Both of us felt a measure of relief to have the planning done with. One of the guests did dishes, which was nice.

If this comes up again, suggest they buy (and keep) an air mattress.  We have a high quality one.  Stores away and travels well.  We host guests in our 1-bed place on it and have taken it to my in-laws new place on the Cape with no furniture.  As in, no bed, chairs, table etc.

aj_yooper

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #40 on: October 28, 2013, 02:23:38 PM »
I don't have a close relationship with my family, and none of my friends would ever need to crash at my house, so we don't have a guest anything setup. A comfy couch if you're taking a nap, but not good enough for stretching out on, so it would definitely be "here's a nice hotel right around the corner" if anyone came to visit.

My MIL invited herself to our house during a hurricane event many years back, despite the fact that we had no place for her to sleep, and also despite the fact that a cousin had invited her to their house instead (she's a nutball, and husband and her are practically estranged). She took the cushions off the couch and slept on the floor.

I would never give up my bed. The idea really squicks me out.

Nothing wrong with saying your house isn't set up for overnight guests and that they would be much more comfortable in a hotel nearby. I actually prefer that arrangement myself when I travel to visit friends/family.

"Squicks me out"

I learned something today!

MountainFlower

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #41 on: October 28, 2013, 04:10:57 PM »
We often give guests our room and head to the basement.  There's a full bath down there and It's kind of a nice refuge from the insanity of house guests. 

CommonCents

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #42 on: October 28, 2013, 05:59:22 PM »
I would never give up my bed. The idea really squicks me out.

Do you ever sleep at a hotel?  It's pretty much the same thing.  (I assume the OP would change the sheets.)

I have offered to give up my bed (and was accepted) for my sister when she was maybe 6-7 months pregnant with a very rough pregnancy.  I've also offered to my parents (always declined).  I wouldn't offer to a random friend, absent some really strong circumstances.

Back in the day, though (as a grad student), I've had friends offer to share their bed with me when I traveled and visited for the weekend.  I think it probably depends on the friend, the relationship, the situation.  But no, now as an adult my bed is mine and I wouldn't offer to it someone who can't reach the bathroom but can break the fan.  (That must be a good story.)

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #43 on: October 28, 2013, 07:20:09 PM »
Spouse and I did say no to the cots. Nice to know I'm not just being a jerk about it. We explained no one else would use them. They felt that it crowded their car to have them, so they wanted to spend $200 or $300 on buying these cots to keep at our house. We invited them to use their $300 another way. =-)

They are gone, and it was actually not as bad as we thought it would be. Both of us felt a measure of relief to have the planning done with. One of the guests did dishes, which was nice.

If this comes up again, suggest they buy (and keep) an air mattress.  We have a high quality one.  Stores away and travels well.  We host guests in our 1-bed place on it and have taken it to my in-laws new place on the Cape with no furniture.  As in, no bed, chairs, table etc.

They did have one of those, but it deflated in the middle of the night. One thing I don't want again is a tired house guest. Cranky Time!

oldtoyota

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #44 on: October 28, 2013, 07:21:47 PM »
...I wouldn't offer to it someone who can't reach the bathroom but can break the fan.  (That must be a good story.)

This time, they broke off part of a wall. I think this was done while carrying the cots out. I wonder, sometimes, if it's passive aggressive.

CommonCents

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #45 on: October 28, 2013, 07:33:34 PM »
Spouse and I did say no to the cots. Nice to know I'm not just being a jerk about it. We explained no one else would use them. They felt that it crowded their car to have them, so they wanted to spend $200 or $300 on buying these cots to keep at our house. We invited them to use their $300 another way. =-)

They are gone, and it was actually not as bad as we thought it would be. Both of us felt a measure of relief to have the planning done with. One of the guests did dishes, which was nice.

If this comes up again, suggest they buy (and keep) an air mattress.  We have a high quality one.  Stores away and travels well.  We host guests in our 1-bed place on it and have taken it to my in-laws new place on the Cape with no furniture.  As in, no bed, chairs, table etc.

They did have one of those, but it deflated in the middle of the night. One thing I don't want again is a tired house guest. Cranky Time!

Oh.  We have a high quality one.  Perhaps unsurprising, as it was a gift from the people who use it the most (my parents).  They used to haul theirs over but then got us one, with even "box spring" and "mattress" to it.

But yes leaky ones are sad.  I did not like waking up with my bum on the floor at a friends once, or even super cold at my brother's not too well heated home in VT (the following night we got smart and put the extra blanket under us rather than over us).

...I wouldn't offer to it someone who can't reach the bathroom but can break the fan.  (That must be a good story.)

This time, they broke off part of a wall. I think this was done while carrying the cots out. I wonder, sometimes, if it's passive aggressive.

Wow.  I'd say two strikes and they are out.  I hope you don't let them stay over again.

galliver

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #46 on: October 29, 2013, 01:44:40 AM »
I just want to put this out there...air mattresses are far from a universal solution, even if they don't deflate. Sleeping on one gives me back pain like no other (I'm 25, back pain isn't a normal thing for me, and it's happened since I was like 12). I'm sure I'm not alone.

Personally, I'm cool with sleeping on the floor, and get that it's not really the host's responsibility to provide luxurious accommodations if I'm invading their space. But if someone is figuring out how they'll host guests comfortably in a small space...maybe a fold-out sofa (or chair) is a better choice?

Zamboni

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #47 on: October 29, 2013, 04:54:39 AM »
Quote
This time, they broke off part of a wall. I think this was done while carrying the cots out. I wonder, sometimes, if it's passive aggressive.

Oh dear!  I certainly hope that they apologized and insisted on paying for the damage.  You, of course, then reply by insisting that you could not possibly accept payment and that you will take care of it.  That is how it should play out when invited guests cause minor accidental damage to your home.  Of course, I'm not entirely sure that you invited them, but that's another matter . . .

CommonCents

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #48 on: October 29, 2013, 09:04:37 AM »
I just want to put this out there...air mattresses are far from a universal solution, even if they don't deflate. Sleeping on one gives me back pain like no other (I'm 25, back pain isn't a normal thing for me, and it's happened since I was like 12). I'm sure I'm not alone.

Personally, I'm cool with sleeping on the floor, and get that it's not really the host's responsibility to provide luxurious accommodations if I'm invading their space. But if someone is figuring out how they'll host guests comfortably in a small space...maybe a fold-out sofa (or chair) is a better choice?

Oh sure an air mattress isn't a perfect fix.  But when one asks to visit someone's small house, one does give up the right to complain about things like this in my opinion.  If you have back pain and you can't use the guest bedroom because you need a bathroom on the same floor, you destroyed things the last time you were generously given the master bedroom, and what is offered by the host such as an air mattress doesn't work...yeah sorry, I'm out of sympathy for you and you should go stay in a hotel.  (The "you" being the visitors, not you specifically.) 

I'd also say...I've met *many* more uncomfortable sofas that are lumpy or I can feel the wires than air mattresses I disliked.  It's probably a matter a preference, I prefer a softer bed and you probably a prefer a harder bed (if you're willing to sleep on the floor), thus for me a (good) air mattress is a better solution for most people than a pullout sofa.

Quote
This time, they broke off part of a wall. I think this was done while carrying the cots out. I wonder, sometimes, if it's passive aggressive.

Oh dear!  I certainly hope that they apologized and insisted on paying for the damage.  You, of course, then reply by insisting that you could not possibly accept payment and that you will take care of it.  That is how it should play out when invited guests cause minor accidental damage to your home.  Of course, I'm not entirely sure that you invited them, but that's another matter . . .

I agree that's how I'd probably handle it time one, but do you think OP ought to refuse payment when it's the second time that the damage occured?

SunshineGirl

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Re: Small Homes + House Guests
« Reply #49 on: October 29, 2013, 09:18:24 AM »
I surprise nobody has asked this, but how are they not able to walk up stairs, but wild enough to break a ceiling fan?

The way things work is God's own mystery, son.

:)