Author Topic: single guy dating and being frugal...  (Read 16110 times)

FuckRx

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single guy dating and being frugal...
« on: September 22, 2013, 03:38:53 PM »

I'm 35 and single living in San Diego. What's a good way to be frugal and still go on dates. I haven't dated in a while so everything was going well and then yesterday I went out on a date and I had one hefty bill for appetizer and some drinks...yikes.

Dee18

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2013, 04:06:46 PM »
If you want to go out to eat, scope out places in advance.  If you need ideas, look at the websites for: Yelp, Urbanspoon, Cheapeats and San Diego magazine.  They will give ratings, price ranges, and reviews.  Ask friends and co-workers for suggestions.  Find inexpensive places with good ratings and then go look at them.  Are they clean?  Are they busy?  Does the food people have look yummy?  Remember drinks add a lot to a bill.  If you want to go out for drinks, check out happy hours or perhaps a brew pub.  Consider a coffee house with live music.  Last night friends invited us over for a drink at their house, before we all went to an inexpensive ethnic restaurant around the corner.  It was great fun and made for a full evening, without a big bill.

Consider skipping the restaurant all together.  It's not much work to create a nice picnic.  Or invite a date for a pleasant walk and carry some snacks in a back pack.  Invite her to do whatever you like---whether it's ride a bike, paddle a canoe, go hiking.  San Diego makes these easy by having decent weather outside all year.  After the first couple dates, cook dinner together.  And if you really like her, see if she wants to take dance lessons together...you can always find an initial series on Groupon for about $50 for 5 classes and many community centers and churches offer them cheaply as well.
 
Also check online for art openings (often light snacks & drinks, plus something to discuss), outdoor concerts, free or inexpensive movies, etc. 

Have fun!

chasesfish

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2013, 04:42:48 PM »
It all comes down to what you're looking for in a lady - you probably already have to avoid the people just looking to land a doctor so they can spend and not work.  You can always start your first date over lunch or coffee.

You live in San Diego, I'd say go to a modest place the first time, then parks, outside concerts, and the beach.  Go rent kayaks for a couple hours, go to the SD Zoo....

I think you're options are endless

Deano

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2013, 06:36:50 PM »
My policy when dating was first date was always a coffee for about an hour.

My wife says it worked...cheap too.

lark

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2013, 06:46:33 PM »
I love it when guys want to go to divey ethnic restaurants. Maybe a taqueria?

NinetyFour

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2013, 06:48:49 PM »
Why are you assuming this guy is dating women?  Let's try to have open minds here...

RootofGood

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2013, 07:00:10 PM »
Try to limit each date to only 1 woman.  Cuts down on the cost of dinner significantly. 

LowER

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2013, 07:27:36 PM »
I feel for you.  San Diego and frugal makes for an oxymoron if put together.  Never have I seen more fake yayas, facelifts, and Porsche-driving renters living on the fringes of their incomes.  It's most fair to let your first date bely you and your values.  Enjoy the surf, the sun, and the beautiful weather.  Aside from the traffic and plasticity, seems like an amazing place to live.

Great luck!!!

Left

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2013, 07:40:17 PM »
I like going to a local coffee shop (not starbucks)/bubble tea/drink shop (not  bars) to talk and get to know each other. After that I like going to the park, taking a stroll and just unwinding from the day. And maybe snack on some foods that we can eat while walking that are near park. Or play tennis at park (I'm not any good, but I don't try to hide it either if other person likes playing the game).

It's a bit different now that I'm working nights, I either have to wake up early, or make a morning/lunch date. Normally the lunch dates are short since the other person needs to get back to work so that limits the choices/costs.

Do you have drive-in theaters there? It's generally cheaper than going inside one to watch a movie. It's a bit more intimate too, and since people don't go (at least here), it makes for a memorable date too.

onehappypanda

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2013, 05:06:35 PM »
For first dates, coffee was my go-to. It's not only inexpensive, but really low-pressure and usually quiet so you can talk and get to know each other. And if 20 minutes in you're not feeling it, you aren't stuck sitting through an entire dinner. Wins all around.

For later dates, scope out bars with great atmosphere and good drink specials, ethnic or independently owned inexpensive restaurants, lunch dates, free events around the city, dollar theater movie, etc. Some of my favorite dates were active, like bowling or rock climbing, because you could do something and chat about it later. As you get to know each other (so safety is less of a concern) you could do dinner at home or hiking/walking around a local park. Lots of options if you're creative and find someone who is willing to think outside the box with you (which, IMO, is often a good attribute to have in a partner anyway).

SnackDog

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2013, 06:44:51 PM »
On the other hand, dating ladies who have great jobs and tons of discretionary cash is not a bad thing. I'm thinking anasthesiologist, corp exec, or daughter of a magnate of some sort. I know a guy who married a real dingbat of a lady entirely because she had $80 million in timber. She turned out to be a wonderful wife and mother.

mandydean

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2013, 07:05:27 PM »
On the other hand, dating ladies who have great jobs and tons of discretionary cash is not a bad thing. I'm thinking anasthesiologist, corp exec, or daughter of a magnate of some sort. I know a guy who married a real dingbat of a lady entirely because she had $80 million in timber. She turned out to be a wonderful wife and mother.

Probably a bad idea. Women with lots of discretionary cash have probably never had to practice self-control in spending. She might never be won over to your Mustachian ways.

hoodedfalcon

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2013, 08:27:29 PM »
I agree with coffee for a first date. It is a great opportunity to get to know someone and there is a lot less pressure on both people. I wouldn't recommend Starbucks though. Go with a nice independent coffee shop that is in an area good for walking around. If it goes well, a nice walk afterwards can just sort of happen if you want it to.

kh

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2013, 09:04:57 PM »
On the other hand, dating ladies who have great jobs and tons of discretionary cash is not a bad thing. I'm thinking anasthesiologist, corp exec, or daughter of a magnate of some sort. I know a guy who married a real dingbat of a lady entirely because she had $80 million in timber. She turned out to be a wonderful wife and mother.

Probably a bad idea. Women with lots of discretionary cash have probably never had to practice self-control in spending. She might never be won over to your Mustachian ways.

Or, you know, she just has a kick ass job and worked hard to get there, so will be perfectly fine managing her own money. Shocking, I KNOW.

CDP45

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2013, 12:05:01 AM »
Take a nap and set your alarm for 10pm. Wake up, shower, get ready. Go to bar near college campus around midnight. Dance, laugh, have fun, no need to buy any drinks, and breakfast is cheap to make.

Mini-Mer

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2013, 06:36:37 AM »
Take a nap and set your alarm for 10pm. Wake up, shower, get ready. Go to bar near college campus around midnight. Dance, laugh, have fun, no need to buy any drinks, and breakfast is cheap to make.

If you're old enough to need a nap first, this is bad advice.  ;-) 

naners

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2013, 10:26:33 AM »
Happy hour drink specials? Happy hour is an institution on weekdays in NYC. If things are going well enough that the evening stretches past happy hour, then maybe don't worry about additional cost :)

Left

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2013, 11:20:25 AM »
happy hour starts at 10am in a local bar... that's a long evening

BoulderTC

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2013, 01:22:52 PM »
Maybe you could pack a picnic to take somewhere?

naners

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2013, 02:07:12 PM »
eyem: 'Round here, happy hour in many places runs 5-7 or 8pm. Probably enough time to have a drink or two after work.

ruthiegirl

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2013, 02:29:00 PM »
Happy hour is lame.  Come on, you're Mustachian!   Think big!


Do you surf?  I think any man who took me surfing in the warm California sun would have my heart forever. 

How about a bike ride?  With a picnic basket or course.  The Mission Beach Boardwalk is fun for people wartching.

Tidepooling is great if you like to explore ocean life.

Balboa Park is awesome and there are often free concerts on Sunday. 

Don't forget, you can have a bonfire on many California beaches.   Spectacular way to end a date.

FuckRx

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #21 on: September 24, 2013, 04:53:59 PM »
i like a lot of the ideas...
for a bit i was thinking happy hour but yea, maybe happy hours can get a little repetitious but at least way smarter than my last date...
we had fun but it just cost too much...

next date i'm actually gonna try the balboa park thing...
or doing something outdoors...i've never done that on a date...
 

SinnerLloyd

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2013, 08:53:32 PM »
its kinda hard to date and being frugal at the same time. Maybe go dutch when on dates or even ask them to pay lol. Or go to buy them a supersized fries and nuggets. Or advertise yourself at a dating site and tell them that you are poor and cant afford to pay for dates. Check it out here http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/interracial-cupid/ You'll get the ones that are interested and willing to pay.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2013, 07:39:09 PM by SinnerLloyd »

naners

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2013, 02:50:35 PM »
Also, from the female perspective, having just started dating again myself: worrying about buying me $15 of drinks on a first date might be crossing the line from frugal to cheap. Maybe you're a dating machine seeing many women in a given month, but each individual woman doesn't know that.

lsalinas

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2013, 08:39:02 PM »
 You want to make a good first impression and do something fun, but at the same time you are going to want to stick to your Mustachian ways so that the lady knows what she's in for.  If she doesn't have the same outlook on finances it will be a struggle on each date and uncomfortable for you both.  Also you might need to go on several first dates before you find somebody that you want to have a second date with, so that could be a lot of money out the window. 

I get that a lot of women want the guy to pay for the date, especially if he was the one to ask her out on it, so you might not have much luck in trying to go dutch.  On the other hand back in the day when I was dating I would always offer to pay my half and thank the man for paying for me if he chose to.  I make a lot more money than my husband so when we were dating he always asked me out to fun but inexpensive places.  He took me to beach (we ate hot dogs and ice cream cones), he took me to botanical gardens and parks for a stroll, we walked trails around lakes or in the woods, barbeques at neighbors or friends houses, volleyball games, local parades (like St. Patrick's Day) or festivals (Cinco de Mayo).  We also used to have fun by pretending we were tourists in our own city and do the walking tours or visit architecture that are featured in brochures.

RootofGood

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2013, 08:29:03 PM »
You want to make a good first impression and do something fun, but at the same time you are going to want to stick to your Mustachian ways so that the lady knows what she's in for.  If she doesn't have the same outlook on finances it will be a struggle on each date and uncomfortable for you both.  Also you might need to go on several first dates before you find somebody that you want to have a second date with, so that could be a lot of money out the window. 


I think I used a coupon on my second or third date with this really hot chick back in college.  She seemed cool about it, so I went with it, figuring money savvy might get me some bonus points.  Gold mine!  Girlfriend became wife, and now 15 years later, we are happily married, have 3 kids and are financially independent (in our 30's). 

There is something to be said about weeding out incompatible dates early on in the relationship.  I'm not saying take your date to McD's or bust out a BOGO and ask her to pay since your meal is the free one.  But be cool about it.  With livingsocial and groupon type sites, it is so easy to get half off and be cool about it (I think).  "Hey, I just got this livingsocial deal at the new Peruvian place.  It's valid for $20 - just perfect for 2.  Wanna go?".  You can dine and turn two half chickens into a whole.  <3

Fite4Rite2Party

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #26 on: October 14, 2013, 02:05:44 AM »
Just transition to the "next time let me make you dinner at my place" move as soon as possible. If she's willing to try your cooking, then she's just the adventurous sort of woman you're looking for.

TrulyStashin

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #27 on: October 14, 2013, 10:10:28 AM »
I'm now 45 and in a relationship but was single/ divorced from age 33 to 44.  Best dates over that decade include:

Outdoor Shakespeare with a picnic and wine beforehand (college theater department, tix were under $30 each).
Hike along the river, wading out onto the flat rocks, bottle of wine and dark chocolate as the sun set.
Picnic and paddle boating in one of our urban parks
Bike riding along one of our most beautiful boulevards, followed by sushi

You get the drift..... Dates where you're active and doing something physical out in nature and HANDS DOWN the best ones.   Same formula for happiness as in the rest of your life applies to dating too. 

Plus, the women/ men who aren't interested in these kinds of dates are perhaps best identified up front anyway.  If you suggest a picnic and walk in the park and s/he wrinkles his/her nose, then you've learned something important, no?

RootofGood

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #28 on: October 14, 2013, 09:41:51 PM »
Plus, the women/ men who aren't interested in these kinds of dates are perhaps best identified up front anyway.  If you suggest a picnic and walk in the park and s/he wrinkles his/her nose, then you've learned something important, no?

Conversely, if you hit a singles bar to pick up a date, you are likely to find a date that considers singles bars a good place to pick up dates. 

I think I would hit the library (I mean if Mrs. RootofGood weren't in my life... ;) ).

Catbert

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #29 on: October 15, 2013, 12:30:57 PM »
This is your mother speaking...well at least someone old enough to be your mother and who lives in San Diego so take this for what's it worth...

Pick up The Reader (free SD weekly) and scope out free/low cost activities.  They also have a happy hour listing.  SD also has many neighborhood specific newspapers with ideas for activities/restaurants.

Local coffee shops are a great 1st date.  For example, Lestat's on Adams Ave is open 24 hours and has free (??) music, poetry readings etc. (not sure of the details since it's not my thing.) 

I think Groupon and similar restaurant deals are fine as long as your date can select what she wants within reason.  (Save the gotta-get-the-combo-plate-and-soda deals for later in the relationship.)  Groupon is also good for activities. 

San Diego is packed with ethnic restaurants although maybe not for a first date.  Wait until you can ask how she feels about adventuresome eating or specific ethic foods.

Think about what YOU like to do and try to find a like-minded woman.  Walks, biking, picnics, etc. at all good but don't fake it.  (A friend was meeting a man for the 1st time who indicated that he liked walking.  Then he showed up in loafers and no socks for a walk!)

ch12

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #30 on: October 20, 2013, 04:16:33 PM »
Upvote for the cool advice here from a variety of sources, esp. San Diego folks.

Downvote for even thinking of going Dutch on a first date - not to you or any specific person, but just no to the idea. My idea of dating is where the guy pays on the first date. Also, throughout college, a lot of my guy friends insisted on paying for our meals. These were friends. I'm not 100% sure or not if those were dates - my idea was that if it is a friend dinner, I should be paying for my meal or 50% of the total.

AND THEN the things that other people unequivocally considered dates I didn't because I went Dutch on them. I'm really confused about what "dating" is anyway. I've read a lot of stuff about hookup culture and there was this one girl who said that her best date was eating ice cream on a door stoop. Excuse me, why/how is that a date? If you went to eat ice cream with your best friend, is that a date? What if one of you treats the other? Does that make it a date? Is "dating" in the intention of both parties? If one of your gay friends asks you to go to Red Mango to check out the Nutella flavor, is that a date? So confusing...

I have zero problem with paying my own way on not-dates. I have, in fact, forced someone to let me pay 100% of the bill on one of those friend breakfasts where I was weirded out by the idea that he even wanted to pay the bill. (He's an adult now, but I think of him as 14-year-old bebe Juanito from Spanish class.)

On a first date, though, even though I'll definitely pick 100% of the tab up at times in the future, I would be really offended by him making me go Dutch. He'd have to pick up the bill, I'd offer to pay my share, and he'd say no. I would deviously plan to circumvent him paying the bill in the future so that I felt like I had contributed my fair share, but that would be at a later date - which he would probably merit if the 1st date went well.

ender

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #31 on: October 20, 2013, 05:16:47 PM »
AND THEN the things that other people unequivocally considered dates I didn't because I went Dutch on them. I'm really confused about what "dating" is anyway. I've read a lot of stuff about hookup culture and there was this one girl who said that her best date was eating ice cream on a door stoop. Excuse me, why/how is that a date? If you went to eat ice cream with your best friend, is that a date? What if one of you treats the other? Does that make it a date? Is "dating" in the intention of both parties? If one of your gay friends asks you to go to Red Mango to check out the Nutella flavor, is that a date? So confusing...

I have just always talked with the gal at or ahead of whenever we get together, if it's a "date" or a "friends getting to know each other so not a date" or something else.

Makes for a slightly awkward conversation but I guess I like having that be clear up front :)

dmn

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #32 on: October 20, 2013, 05:22:52 PM »
Downvote for even thinking of going Dutch on a first date - not to you or any specific person, but just no to the idea.
That may be a cultural thing, from the consensus in this board I suspect that this is how it works in the USA.

I never understood that rule - emancipation works both ways, right? If a girl expected me to pay her bill, I always took this as a bad sign. I would have accepted it if she had a good explanation for why paying her bill would've been appropriate, but no girl ever had one. So I usually went Dutch on dates unless the girl had herself decided to pay my share of the bill during an earlier date. This seemed to work fine in Germany where I lived, and most of the girls I was interested in actually agreed on my point about emancipation.

(My girlfriend impressed me very early on by ranting about a mentorship programme that was offered to her: girls studying physics were offered mentors to help reduce their dropout rate. She was offended by the implication that she needed more help than her male colleagues!)

ch12

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #33 on: October 20, 2013, 08:20:40 PM »
AND THEN the things that other people unequivocally considered dates I didn't because I went Dutch on them. I'm really confused about what "dating" is anyway. I've read a lot of stuff about hookup culture and there was this one girl who said that her best date was eating ice cream on a door stoop. Excuse me, why/how is that a date? If you went to eat ice cream with your best friend, is that a date? What if one of you treats the other? Does that make it a date? Is "dating" in the intention of both parties? If one of your gay friends asks you to go to Red Mango to check out the Nutella flavor, is that a date? So confusing...

I have just always talked with the gal at or ahead of whenever we get together, if it's a "date" or a "friends getting to know each other so not a date" or something else.

Makes for a slightly awkward conversation but I guess I like having that be clear up front :)
You know what's more awkward than having a straightforward conversation? Not knowing if I dated a dozen people or nobody during college. So props to you, seriously, for setting expectations up front. I do wish that more people found it worthwhile to have a 2 minute awkward conversation saying what dinner meant, since it clears things up later, when it's even worse. "What? You think I'm your girlfriend? We've never been on a date. What is going on?!?"

Downvote for even thinking of going Dutch on a first date - not to you or any specific person, but just no to the idea.
That may be a cultural thing, from the consensus in this board I suspect that this is how it works in the USA.

I never understood that rule - emancipation works both ways, right? If a girl expected me to pay her bill, I always took this as a bad sign. I would have accepted it if she had a good explanation for why paying her bill would've been appropriate, but no girl ever had one. So I usually went Dutch on dates unless the girl had herself decided to pay my share of the bill during an earlier date. This seemed to work fine in Germany where I lived, and most of the girls I was interested in actually agreed on my point about emancipation.


Yeah, I think that it's cultural. Like I said, I'd offer to pay with the expectation of getting turned down. And, yeah, I'd pay on later dates, just not the first one. I do believe in equality etc. (pretty vehemently, going by how many blog posts I've written about gender equality over the past 3 years), but one antiquated and traditional expectation that I have is that a guy pays on the first date. I almost flew my then-boyfriend to Ecuador to hang out with me during Spring Break in the Amazon, which would've cost 4-figures and not been Mustachian at all, but I really missed him and he would've found it fun. I assure you that the expenditure would've exceeded the total of anything he's spent on me ever. I'm fine with spending money on a significant other - it's only the first date that I have absurd, old-fashioned ideas about.

KulshanGirl

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #34 on: October 22, 2013, 10:13:52 AM »
I will probably hit the dating scene again one of these days.  I like it when a guy picks up the tab on the first date, but after that I am all about going dutch and/or taking turns.  +1 to all of the advice here, look for interesting free/inexpensive/outdoor things to do.  There can be a good balance between being frugal and being generous with your ideas and time.  :) 


 

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #35 on: October 22, 2013, 02:09:15 PM »
There are SO many free or nearly free activities to do in San Diego.

Balboa Park is a great place to stroll through (including the rose gardens across the street). The often have free concerts. In the summer they do free movies on the lawn. The museums rotate one day a month when admission is free each month. Check the online calendar for all the activities happening in Balboa Park each month.

Hike Torrey Pines. Beautiful views, very romantic. You donít have to hike up the big hill to the top if you donít want to. You can park at the top of the hill and hike around the easy trails at the top while taking in a view of the ocean. (Parking is $10 if you park inside the park. If you want to save the money park outside and walk in).

Ride bikes around Mission Bay.

Stroll around La Jolla cove, see the seals at the childrenís pool, check out the caves, or best of all snorkel in La Jolla cove (you can buy a snorkel set at Walmart for $7).

Stroll through farmers markets or street fairs. Hillcrest and Little Italy both have great farmers markets with live music. Enjoy the free samples of food. There are numerous neighborhood street fairs in North Park, Hillcrest, South Park, etc. throughout the year. Look online for local event calendars to see whatís going on. 

Hike around Mission Trails, Cowles Mountain or Iron Mountain.

Liberty Station in Point Loma often has big events with free entertainment, music, etc. They probably have an event calendar online somewhere.

Visit Cabrillo National Monument. I think itís $5 per vehicle. The views are incredible and the tide pools at the bottom of the hill are fun to explore.

During times of year like when the Festival of Sails or other similar events are happening it can be fun to just walk around down by the harbor, or Shelter Island, take in the views, maybe stop somewhere for one drink or a coffee together, etc.

Have a bonfire/picnic at the beach, or near Mission Bay. Watch the free Sea World fireworks.

Buy a $5 block of ice from the grocery store and ride ice blocks down the hill at Presidio Park. Ok, maybe this one is not a good idea for an early date, but it's seriously so fun. You can really fly down the hill. It's like sledding but you don't need any snow on the ground.

In general, there are lots of beautiful views and places to walk around and explore while you talk and get to know each other. In the beginning, on early dates, food and drink can be kept to a minimum. Stop for one drink, or a coffee, or share a dessert together at some point while youíre walking around or doing some activity. Thereís really no need to go out to fancy restaurants and have a sit down dinner until after youíve been on a couple dates with the person and you know you want to spend more time with each other. The first couple dates are best kept shorter and more causal anyway, with activities to give you something to do while you talk and provide a distraction if the conversation wanes.

Check out the San Diego Reader calendar for all sorts of activities going on around the city each week. The Union Tribune and City Beat probably have event calendars online too. Many activities listed in those types of calendars are free or cheap. Check out Groupon or Living Social for discounts on activities like kayaking or stand-up paddle boards, and discounts on admission to museums or Scripps Aquarium. 
« Last Edit: October 22, 2013, 04:20:04 PM by sneeds »

sneeds

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Re: single guy dating and being frugal...
« Reply #36 on: October 22, 2013, 02:41:23 PM »
One more ... Pack a picnic or bottle of wine and take it to Sunset Cliffs to enjoy your picnic while taking in the beautiful coastal sunsets from on top of the cliffs.