Problem: my bf is not at the point where he can imagine wanting to retire. He's pretty convinced he'll want to work forever. I'm of the mind that ten years into ANY career, and a change might be welcome. Sure would be nice to have the choice!
I applaud your creative approach to get him involved in the spirit of saving and talking about money. "March Money Madness Mustachian Month!" sounds delightful maybe we should apply it to the MMM forum as a whole? :)
It is great you are reading up on other financial books. I strongly recommend "Your Money Or Your Life". MMM reviewed the book here:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/12/18/your-money-or-your-life/ and the two part MMM series on Selling the Dream part 1
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/03/22/selling-the-dream-how-to-make-your-spouse-love-frugality/ and Part 2
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/03/27/selling-the-dream-of-financial-independence-part-2/ and on Lifestyle entitlements
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/09/18/is-it-convenient-would-i-enjoy-it-wrong-question/Having a partner who does not envision retirement or other significant lifestyle changes due to a new career, raising family, etc is normal. Not everyone make detailed plans at the early stages of their life or career, right? I believe there is always room for growth individually and as a team, together. But I also find at some point your partner needs to decide for themselves what is important to them in their life and how much of a role you play.
Perhaps it would help if you clearly defined what are your shared goals. Have you both agreed on what are your big hopes and dreams? Are you both coming up with plans how to get there sooner than later? I feel it is
essential to have these on-going chats immediately to set up and clear expectations and boundaries. Also please do not take offense to this, but it sounds like you are counting on his financial income for ER, but is he ok with this responsibility? Considering he is not even thinking about retirement, let alone ER, saving more in his mind might be equal to depriving himself of what he feels he deserves and deep resentment may build. If this does not apply then I apologize in advance if I misunderstand.
Have you tried having just putting aside "fun" money? A specific amount you both agree to spend however you see fit after taking care of other financial responsibilities? Perhaps that may help. Also, is he on the same page in the relationship regarding "planning" for the future? If he is then he might be more receptive to talking about finances. If not he may feel you need to lighten up and not stress out. For some people I've found talking about finances is not a source of pleasure, b/c it ties to their deep seeded childhood feelings on money and how it influenced their current values. It takes work, patience and more time to find out if you are both truly at the right stage for full disclosure. Good luck!
I feel it takes a lot of patience and honesty to stay together as a couple and fully disclosure your financial values, hopes and darkest fears. More importantly I feel it takes the
right partner who shares the same values, goals and is willing to act on it. These shared values and actions will help make the relationship last when life rains on your parade. I found no matter how much one person can plan, how great their intentions, if the other person does not want to compromise, you cannot force the change. It's like a doctor prescribing a life saving pill to a patient, but it is solely up to the patient to choose and then act. It is always their choice, not yours and you must learn to respect that. Compromising will take you only so far if there aren't shared goals attached. We all know change is not easy, takes tremendous discipline, sacrifice, but it all starts with a personal choice, doesn't it?
Ultimately you do not want to force the person you love to change b/c you feel something is right, doing so will only cause resentment in the future. Lastly, I feel there is a point where all you can do is all you can do, and if that is not enough for you, you may want to re-evaluate your situation.
I wish you the best of luck. Change takes gradual baby steps, so remain patient with each other. Keep us posted on what happens. Cheers!