Hi everyone
Thank you so much for all your replies and support.
what does your post-FI life look like? what are you doing? do any of those activities involve making money (if not teaching martial arts in 10-15 yrs, could you write a book about it or do something else related to your hobbies that will earn money?) most people post-FI are doing some kind of paid work. will that be able to offset your working hrs now and allow you to cut back on your current work time?
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can you arrange with work to do parttime temporarily for 3-6 months and see how you manage that way? if you have leave accrued can you arrange to use that somehow (take off 1 day a week for 16 weeks instead of 16 days in a row for instance). this is so you can try it out before committing. 60-70% is a high savings rate and even if dropping 1 day per week you are only losing 20% of income and possibly less depending on marginal tax brackets.
My imagined/ideal post-FI life would first start with several weeks sleeping to be honest. After this relaxation period I would of course devote a lot of time to my martial arts studies. I will also start to seriously studying Japanese which is something I never find a consistent amount of time for while working.
As a side gig I had thought of giving tutoring and exam preparation (mainly math and physics) to schoolchildren or university students. However I have also been thinking many times of becoming a beekeeper.
I could definitely arrange to work part-time for a while. However it is difficult in my company to do this without giving the impression that I don't care about my job. This is important as it will affect career advancement and therefore income. However I will speak to one college at my level who is also my age, childless and works 80%.
I could imagine to stop working full-time when I reach 400'000 (in 5-10 years) and start with a small side business to get things rolling for when I am ready to quit the race.
Thanks Annie_R you have given me two very good option to consider :)
Maybe get involved with more people in "less fun" activities? Happiness is really about your social connections, IMO - being more involved in your community.
At the same time, I think you are at a very common stage of life where you look around and say, "This is it?" The trick, I think, is to cultivate your contentment with what your life does offer.
Cranky, thanks for your reply. I am not sure I understand what you meen with less fun activities? As I am living as an expat in Switzerland it is difficult to find connections (the Swiss are friendly but it is difficult to become friends with them). I have some local friends due to my martial arts classes and when we hang out it is always fun and I feel like I fit in. However these feelings do not transfer into the next day.
While I'm sure it's not the only problem you've got, have you had your vitamin D levels checked? I believe around 3/4 Swiss citizens are insufficient/deficient, especially during winter months. Low vitamin D has been linked to depression. Consider supplementing if you think this is a possibility. You can go get tested, but there's little downside to the supplements so they might be worth taking just in case. Even if you're out in the sun all day you might not produce it efficiently enough for that climate.
Keep in mind vitamin D isn't an overnight fix, it will have to saturate your system over a few weeks, so don't give up if it doesn't work in a week.
ooeei you're the best! I read this when you originally posted this, while at work. I miraculously remembered my daylight lamp that I had stored below my desk from last winter. I turned it on and immediately felt soooo much better. Thank you for reminding me. I will take your advice on vitamin D and look for supplements in a drugstore tomorrow. Any brands you recommend? Liquid or solid?
Please start with seeing a doctor to see if you are depressed. Your third paragraph is a textbook description -- going through the motions, not feeling much of anything, etc.
If you are not depressed, then your discontent is a sign that you need to change something in your life. Do a lot of thinking about what your various options are, and what tradeoffs you are willing to make. Honestly, I don't think being too busy/exhausted to enjoy time with your SO and the hobbies that help keep you sane is a worthwhile tradeoff for FIREing sooner -- sure, you can FIRE, but if your marriage has broken up and your body has broken down from the stress and lack of exercise, what would you have left to FIRE to?
I have thought about this... but I do not think that I am depressed. I still prefer life over death and I do not have (much) difficulties getting out of bed each day. Also I talked to my husband about this who was depressed and had therapy when he was in his early twenties. Nevertheless I will get a phone appointment with my father-in-law who is a retired psychiatrist. Let's see what he thinks.
I would suggest trying the gratitude journal for a couple of weeks in an attempt to notice the small happy moments that do occur. Train yourself to look for beauty. It is a learned skill for us naturally inclined to see the glass half empty.
I will look into this. Probably makes a good addition to my bullet journal. It is true beauty can be found in many things. I should train myself to see more of it. Thank you Frugal Lizard.
Hi Lilith,
I went through a similar thing in June 2016 (I was 28, so close to your age). I had just spent the past years working towards goals: Graduating university, moving to a different city, starting my career, saving to buy a house, planning a wedding, hitting work goals, and then landing a site placement (big career opportunity in my field, and more money). In between I also set goals for personal fitness including a sprint triathlon, some Spartan Races and a half marathon, then a full marathon. I went from one big goal to the next..and then suddenly I found myself without major short term goals. And this freaked me out! And I was like you I felt like "I have it all, why I am so miserable???", I also related to what you said about "just going through the motions"....and it sucked.
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Not saying you need a big giant change, but doing an deep analysis on your life may help assess where those happiness gaps are, or what is sucking your happiness away, and working on those items really helped us!
kaypinkHH this is very similar to what my live has been like the last years minus the super ambitious sports goals. Supporting my husband emotionally during the final months of his PhD, planning a wedding in Germany, waiting for my husband to find a job, so that I could apply for a job in the same city, staying too long in a job with a toxic environment, applying for a new job, looking for a new flat in the new city, organizing another wedding (same husband) in my country of origin to celebrate with my family, reaching 1st black belt in one of my martial arts. For many months my main feeling when thinking back to my wedding was "I am so happy I am done organizing this...".
Thanks for making me feel less alone with this :) I will find this happiness drain and plug it shut.
Hello OP
You need purpose in life. So simple :)
Good advise up there ^^ finding some things that keep you engaged and on your toes. But if your life is purposeless.... those are just distractions to fill the time.
As MMM has said, something along the lines of a 'casually muscled stoic charity-hero' (or words to that effect, I forget exactly) if very rewarding. it is rewarding exactly because it is not about you, it is what you can do for others; and improving the environment and people around you.
Good luck!!
Good point. I might be to focused on trying to make myself feel better maybe I need to shift the focus outside. Maybe there is some kind of soup kitchen giving food to homeless or so. I will look into it.
However lately I have noticed that I am not as excited/happy/content as I should be. Most of the times I do not feel anything just emptiness... Recently I took a long time to answer my mother-in-law's question whether I truly liked life ("Lebst du eigentlich richtig gerne?", in case someone who speaks German is reading). She is one of the strongest and kindest people I know and at that time she was in the middle of a lot of financial, family, legal issues and has all the reasons you can have in our fortunate countries to feel despair. It is not that I hate my life. It is just that most of the time I feel so little. There are moments when I feel happy. It can happen suddenly when I see a beautiful landscape or talk to an interesting person who is sharing their unique self with me. Then it feels like the clouds open and the sun is shining again. I do not expect to feel this kind of excitement and happiness at all times but I would like to feel content most of the time.
I could have written that paragraph myself (well, except for the part that's in German ;). It sucks to feel like this day after day.
Schaefer Light, I am sorry you feel this way. It really sucks :). If you'd like to talk about it feel free to PM me.
I second (or third, fourth?) the recommendation to see your doctor. Could be vitamin deficiency, thyroid problem, or any number of other things...or nothing physical at all. Also get checked for clinical depression and related. Don't try to self diagnose, a few tests will save you a lot of headache.
Would also recommend thinking about your diet, sleep, and exercise. These are all related and as I've aged these have had an increasing influence on my overall wellbeing. In my adolescence and early 20s I could get away with eating crap and getting very little sleep or exercise. By late 20s and early 30s not so much. Consistently eating a balanced and healthy diet helps me feel more energetic during the day, which means I'm more motivated to exercise, which helps me sleep better, and there's evidence that getting good sleep helps us eat a better diet and feel more energetic. It's a cycle. So you may need to be much more intentional about these. IMO doing martial arts a couple times a week is not sufficient, you need to find forms of exercise you can do 5x a week. In addition to the martial arts, maybe walk or bike to work, go for a run, yoga, etc. Get in the habit of regular sleep/wake schedule.
Working lots of overtime for short periods is fine, but it is not sustainable long term. You may need to find a way to establish work/life balance. Seek out career advice/counseling from people you trust. For some employers it's sufficient to just learn to say "no" and be clear about your boundaries. In my experience, even good employers are more than happy to let employees overwork themselves, and no matter how hard you work there's always more to be done. In other instances you may need to find another employer - e.g. if your employer expects everyone to work overtime all the time and/or working regular hours is frowned upon...this is the fast path to burnout, full blown depression, broken marriages, estranged children, etc.
I see what I can do about saying no... I will also make an appointment for a health checkup. If there's nothing on the test, at least I know that there is nothing wrong physically and if there is I have an angle to work.
Definitely yes to more sport. I will try to cut the time for that out of work and not out of sleep time ;) this will be tough. At this moment I have to do overtime when it is required, but nobody is telling me I cannot compensate but due to some political changes in the company this might change for worse. However I know what to do in this case ;)
The FI/MMM has removed the stress, problems relating to money in your life, but that doesn't solve anything. if you want a quick perspective, think about the fact you have no money issues. Something goes wrong, you would be fine financially. That is a huge baseline of problems that has disappeared from your life.
That doesn't mean there aren't other issues. But if you apply the same mind-set, and start working on the other things that bother you, things should start to look up!
being FI/FIRE isnt the end-all, but it's a heck of a lot better than having money problems!
This is true. But I am not a person who is worried about the future. Not at all. I know that together with my husband we can handle anything as a team. I just don't like feeling so ungrateful for the silver spoon we are given...
Again thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply so far. I have made a list of all suggestions and I will try little by little to see what works. Writing to all of you and hearing your perspectives has already helped me a lot.
I am of to the Dojo (=martial arts gym) to get 2 hours of training in before sleep. Thanks to all of you.
Lilith