I moved to Seattle from Sacramento when I was 18, and I lived there for 12 years. I loved it, I love it still, but there came a time it was time to go. I felt like I hadn't put down roots after all that time. And once I decided I was leaving, which was about a year before I did, I stopped investing in Seattle, and nothing could have kept me there.
I left last July 2013, and moved to Oakland, CA. I found a great place to live (that is a STEAL by COL standards like anywhere), found a job I love (after I moved, btw), met an incredible man, and now a year after my move, and contemplating how to convert him to MMM because I am fantasizing about just how much money we could save with his (much larger than my) income. I'm the happiest I've been in years, even though I wasn't miserable in Seattle, and moving catalyzed that.
I am a HUGE believer in, at some point in your life, moving away from the place you grew up in. While a move won't solve, like, big underlying problems in your life, it can give you new energy, allow you to purge, break old habits (including mental ones), and help you reset those habits. There are real and valid reasons to move that are more than monetary. People will try to discount those reasons, which has happened in this thread, which is what's making you defensive. It's okay to have non-monetary reasons to want to move, but if you're getting defensive about those reasons, I think that's a sign to yourself that you do need to really spend some time clarifying them for yourself. I find that if I'm getting defensive about something, there's more exploration I need to do into why.
The upshot it, it doesn't sound like fixing your budget so you're saving more will make you any more invested in Seattle. Your budget and your desire to leave Seattle are separate issues, and I think you should treat them as such. However, emotions around each issue are, it seems, exacerbating emotions around the other, so to alleviate that and help you clear your head and make a plan, I would:
1. Build an emergency fund to take some of the panic about thinking about money/jobs etc. I don't have a house, but sounds like a HELOC is a good way to do think quickly, then you can start stashing some cash. You are in an advantageous situation. Time is on your side. There's nothing to panic about, and a few tweaks to what you already have should make you feel calmer.
2. Build a moving timeline the same way you would a budget. Sit down with your husband. Explore possibilities and contingencies. You're not committing to anything, you're just creating a picture of what different possibilities would look like. Decided what steps you need to take to get there. Write Pro/con lists. When I decided to leave Seattle, I made a 3 year plan. I made it when I was 27, and I moved a month before my 30th birthday. Now, I was single, so it was pretty simple, but I still started planning logistics nearly a year out. Now that my boyfriend and I are planning to move to Portland next year, we're making a similar plan together. I would personally in your situation like a 2 year plan, just because there are so many logistics, assets, and people involved. Plus, 2 years is a long time for the other people involved to get used to and maybe even excited about the changes.
3. Don't make any big decisions about the house until you've done 1 and 2. In fact, if I were you, I'd take making any decisions about the house off the table for at least 6 months while I sorted out those first two steps.
4. During the ensuing time, work on your budget and saving money. Build and emergency fund and a moving fund.
Good luck!