Author Topic: Should I support my husband's early retirement?  (Read 12965 times)

asytsma

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Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« on: July 16, 2014, 02:56:06 PM »
Ive worked at the same job for the past seven years, and I make good money (roughly $75-$80k a year). For five of those years my husband started two businesses that broke even but ended up closing. He struggled for over a year to get a more traditional job. Hes now commuting 2 hours a day to work at a tech start-up for $36K a year. We have a toddler whos in daycare costing us $700 a month. My office and my boys daycare are only 2 blocks from our house. We also have a rental property bringing in $800 a month.

We started reading this blog 6 months ago, and weve become converts. Weve made some major changes, and were stashing cash like crazy. My hope is that my husband will be able to leverage his current job into something with a higher salary. Ive run the numbers, and well both be able to retire in 10 years if my husband found a job making at least $60K a year a realistic number given his education and the booming Seattle economy.

However

My husband hates commuting 2 hours a day, he hates working for someone else, and we both hate having our boy in daycare. He wants to quit, watch our boy, and be an entrepreneur again. Hes arguing its the Mustachian thing to do. He wants to do now what we both want to do after retiring in ten years.

If my husbands new business only breaks even again, I will need to work an addition 5-ish years (15-20 years total) before I can retire too. But if the business works, then we could both retire early.

What would Senior Mustachians do in my place? Support my husbands early retirement on the chance his business works, even if it could push back my early retirement? I do like the idea of my boy not being raised in a daycare, but it'll take mental discipline to suppress my envy.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2014, 03:03:15 PM by asytsma »

dragoncar

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2014, 03:00:51 PM »
Unless fabulous IPO wealth is your goal, I'd support him as a stay at home father who also works on side-gigs while home.  But he should get typical stay at home spousal duties like all home maintenance, cooking, cleaning, etc.  And I'm sure there are plenty of smaller ways for him to earn money at home if there's any time left over.

swick

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2014, 03:08:12 PM »
For five of those years my husband started two businesses that broke even but ended up closing.

My husband hates commuting 2 hours a day, he hates working for someone else, and we both hate having our boy in daycare. He wants to quit, watch our boy, and be an entrepreneur again. Hes arguing its the Mustachian thing to do.

I took the above quotes which I felt were the most important to your situation. The numbers may very well for for your husband to stay home due to childcare and commuting costs  - however - expecting to be a full time parent AND build a successful business venture when two previous ones "Have only broken even" is not practical.

Of course it depends on the type of business, the time commitment required and so on and you don't provide those details. Does your hubby have experience in juggling parent/business responsibilities? Does he have a strong peer/mentorship support network as an entrepreneur?


kkbmustang

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2014, 03:11:17 PM »
Unless fabulous IPO wealth is your goal, I'd support him as a stay at home father who also works on side-gigs while home.  But he should get typical stay at home spousal duties like all home maintenance, cooking, cleaning, etc.  And I'm sure there are plenty of smaller ways for him to earn money at home if there's any time left over.

+1

My husband and I have, over the course of our marriage, done this. SAH parent while earning part-time income and/or earning an additional degree. We've each been the SAHP at different points in time.

Seora Savings

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2014, 03:20:37 PM »
If your husband stays home then your child will get a SAHP, but you won't be able to retire until he is almost ready to go to college.  It is okay for you to think about what is best for you separate from your family, which seems to be one of the big questions behind your post.  Maybe you and H can put all of your wants on the table (retire in 10 years, SAHP, whatever you spend $ on) and come up with a compromise.  It could be budget cuts or him working to support the family in 10 years.

tweezers

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2014, 03:26:27 PM »
I'm not a senior mustachian but I've been a lurker for a while and my husband and I have set and are meeting goals for early retirement.  My husband is the at-home parent to our 3 and 5 year old, and I bring in all our household income except for a small amount generated by a rental property.  I could retire sooner if my husband worked (even with child care costs), but the value of him being at home at this time in their lives far exceeds the few years I could shave off my working life 10 years from now.  I work more efficiently knowing that our children  in the care of someone who loves them as much as I do, and I come home to a clean-ish house and dinner started.  I think that you/he will find similar benefits ditching the daycare and commute.  Also, this is our plan for now....we'll re-evaluate our household dynamic and math as the kids get older.

Good luck.

Cassie

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2014, 03:46:07 PM »
Why not have your hubby stay home only until child goes to school f.t. & then he goes back to work?  Maybe have your hubby get a regular p.t. job at nite or weekends even if not in his field to help with income level.

Baron235

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2014, 03:55:21 PM »
I think you need to change the question.  Being a SAHP is not retiring early.  My spouse stays at home, but would never consider herself retired and we discuss her returning to the work force depending on the situation.  It was something we agreed to before marriage and are okay with.  You and your husband need to work it out and make sure you are both comfortable with you being the sole breadwinner for awhile.    But I would never call it early retirement because it is not.  Calling it early retirement creates false perception IMO. 

Numbers Man

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2014, 03:55:45 PM »
He's already failed at two businesses and he wants to babysit and start a new business? Give me a break. It's tough starting over at $36k, but instead of being a complainypants, he should put all of his efforts into his current career and stop watching the clock. I couldn't put up with an all or nothing scenario on a perpetual basis from my spouse. He needs to get over the fact that he's not going to be earning a mega salary and buy into slow and steady wins the race.

sassy1234

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2014, 04:12:04 PM »
First off, "failing" at 2 businesses does not seem to be the case.  Most successful business people have started businesses that just broke even or did not succeed, and they kept trying and they then went on to a very successful business.  The question you have to ask yourself is if you have a high degree of belief that he will do reasonably well with this next business idea, does he have it in him to succeed? 

Second, "he wants to babysit".  Being a stay at home parent is not babysitting.  Anyone that thinks that is ignorant. 

Best of luck.   

Numbers Man

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2014, 04:33:50 PM »
First off, "failing" at 2 businesses does not seem to be the case.  Most successful business people have started businesses that just broke even or did not succeed, and they kept trying and they then went on to a very successful business.  The question you have to ask yourself is if you have a high degree of belief that he will do reasonably well with this next business idea, does he have it in him to succeed? 

Second, "he wants to babysit".  Being a stay at home parent is not babysitting.  Anyone that thinks that is ignorant. 

Best of luck.

You're missing the point and twisting comments to fit into your reality. Two businesses that close are not successful since they are not operating. Taking care of children is babysitting because you shouldn't be diverting your attention while watching or babysitting precious cargo.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #11 on: July 16, 2014, 08:18:30 PM »
You probably know your husband well enough to know which of these scenarios is most likely, in descending order of desirability:

1. He starts a modest business that brings in a little money, perhaps working while Tot is in preschool two or three mornings a week and in the evenings while you are "on duty" and/or Tot is sleeping. You come home at night to a cooked dinner, groceries in the fridge, and the dust bunnies at a livable level.
2. He doesn't make any money, but at least he does look after the house OR he makes some money, but you come home to cold pots and toys all over--he was too busy working to take care of the house, but he did perhaps take Tot to library storytime or something.
3. Business makes no money. He spends much of the day working on making no money while semi-ignoring Tot, who spends half the day watching TV and the other half trying to push buttons on Daddy's laptop just to get noticed. You come home to cold pots, an empty fridge, and whiny toddler in need of attention.

Full disclosure: I'm a work-at-home parent, although I'm not entrepreneurial (have a couple of somewhat low-paying but no-stress side gigs). I tend to hover around 2. Can't do everything, especially now that naptime is becoming a thing of the past, even though we use daycare two days a week. (I have two tots, ages two and three). Mr. FP has been urging me to get a full-time job and I'm looking--at the moment, I don't expect to really profit any more than I do working part-time from home, but we want to buy a house in the next year or two and I don't think we can get a mortgage on just his income.

This is a tough one. Rely on your instinct about your husband. And if he's industrious, it might not delay your retirement as much as you think.

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2014, 09:04:34 PM »
Personally, working from home made me a crappy parent. I do a LOT of work around the house but it's all stuff that I can drop at a moment's notice if the kids need attention or I decide to take the day in a new direction.

I'd also draw the line on how much capital he can risk starting a business - because what if this third attempt doesn't ever break even?

It may be worth running the math on how much you're netting from $36k after commute costs, daycare, and intangibles like more take out food, etc.

DoubleDown

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2014, 10:19:05 AM »
<snip>

+1

I'd also draw the line on how much capital he can risk starting a business - because what if this third attempt doesn't ever break even?

Also +1

This is my view:

1. Should you should support your husband? Yes (as in, yes, you should always support your husband, in general, assuming he's being a decent husband and not leading anyone in your family to any kind of ruin, including financial. But that doesn't mean you should be on board with this idea, because see #2

2. Should your husband start a third business venture? Not as his sole income venture, at least not right now. I feel like a husband in particular has a responsibility to provide financially for his family (sure, that's a somewhat dated and traditional view, but I think it's a solid value that still has merit). So no matter what, unless you both are completely on board with him being a SAHP while you are the sole breadwinner (and you clearly are not 100% on board with that arrangement), then he needs to be doing his utmost to bring home steady and substantial earnings -- as in, chasing that $60k he is capable of earning, not settling for $36k and not trying to launch a business with no well laid plan.

If he wants to be an entrepreneur, that is awesome: He can and should do that in addition to bringing home a steady paycheck. There is no reason he can't launch a business in his off hours, in addition to a regular, steady job. And when one launches a real business, they have an actual business plan with expected revenues, costs, profits, etc. If he does not have a documented plan with a solid and realistic understanding of the actual money he expects to earn with his business venture, market conditions, customers to be targeted, marketing strategy, expected competition, challenges, supply and distribution plans, etc. -- then there is absolutely no freakin' way he should give up a paycheck. No venture capitalist would invest money (which they can afford to lose) in your husband's business without this, so no family should invest their future in this  x 1000. I've got a feeling the first two business attempts likely had no real plan, so I would not expect this latest attempt to have any real chance of success either unless he's reformed his approach.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2014, 10:52:33 AM »
Maybe your husband should become a landlord/SAHD. You guys already have one rental property. What if you shopped around for another one and started looking at expanding your rental empire a bit.

Your husband does the research, maintenance and tenant management and takes care of your kid.

Is he handy at all? Or willing to learn? Maybe you can pick up a distressed property for cheap and he can fix it up as a rental. If he doesn't have the skills, maybe he should consider trying to find a job with a contractor or something, so he can learn.

I will say this: If you hate working for someone else then you hate working for someone else. He's never going to start liking it. So he needs to either work for himself or he needs to make his work for someone else as painless as possible. 36k per year and a 2 hour a day commute isn't hard to beat. It's really only uphill from there.

rujancified

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #15 on: July 17, 2014, 11:11:10 AM »
I feel like many replies got caught up because of the use of the word "husband," so I'm going to reply based on the numbers. Questions bolded inline.

-Family: 2 Adults, one small child Plans for more?
-Adult 1 makes ~80k annually
-Adult 2 makes 36k annually
-Rental income: 9.6k annually Are you making money on this? Who does upkeep/repairs? How reliable is this number? Any chance for increase in the shorter term? Any plans to sell?
-1&2 could retire in 2024 if income & spending are static.
-Child is in day care @ $700/month which burns through most of Rental income. 3-5 years of daycare remaining before school (Assumptions on my part, not sure on age)
-#1 Has stable job that guessing? pays for many/most expenses?
-#2 Has terrible commute, does not like the job and makes under market rate for skillset

Seems like there's two good options: #2 becomes SAHP and can take on side hustles as plausible or #2 should try to find something close to home that makes at least 36k (because losing the commute would be a financial gain in some fashion, right?). I don't know much about starting a business, but I imagine that's incompatible with a toddler and that should probably wait until the wee one starts school.

Can you guys delay having #2 becoming a SAHP until early 2015 so you can bank more money (for debt paydown or investing)?

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #16 on: July 17, 2014, 12:13:20 PM »
I agree with others that being a SAHP of a toddler is not compatible with starting a successful business.  Also, it kind of feels like your husband wants to have his fun business without quite putting in the effort necessary. What about a compromise that requires him to work at a job, but for a limited time. For example, husband works until the child (or children, if you want more) are in school. During that time, he saves as much of his salary as possible. After the kids are in school, he can take X percent of the money that he saved and put it toward his business.
Meanwhile, he desperately needs to find another job, whether staff or contract. That commute is miserable.

asytsma

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #17 on: July 17, 2014, 12:40:57 PM »
Wow. I am shocked and thankful for all of your thoughtful comments.

Heres what Im thinking:

1. I was the sole breadwinner for 5 years while he tried his hand at entrepreneurialism. After reading your comments, I realized that I dont want to do that again at least not until were both FI. So Im not OK with him quitting his job to start another business at this point.
2. My husband was the SAHP for my son for a year while he looked for work, and he hated it. So your comments about the difficulty of being a good parent while working (or starting a business) from home really hit home. While I may be OK with my husband being a SAHP if theres a chance he would enjoy it, that seems unlikely. So Im not OK with him quitting his job to be a SAHP and entrepreneur.

No matter how you slice it, if I could have my way, Id want him to stop being a complainypants and to work like crazy to find a job close to our home (preferably one with a higher salary).

But as we all know, what we want our spouses to do rarely align with what they want to do. So a new question: How do I make my case using mustachian logic?

Numbers Man

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #18 on: July 17, 2014, 01:47:51 PM »
Ive run the numbers, and well both be able to retire in 10 years if my husband found a job making at least $60K a year a realistic number given his education and the booming Seattle economy.

^  You already know the answer. Also, it doesn't hurt for the two of you to read other financial blogs for reinforcement.

Goldielocks

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #19 on: July 17, 2014, 07:28:22 PM »
Wow. I am shocked and thankful for all of your thoughtful comments.

Heres what Im thinking:

1. I was the sole breadwinner for 5 years while he tried his hand at entrepreneurialism. After reading your comments, I realized that I dont want to do that again at least not until were both FI. So Im not OK with him quitting his job to start another business at this point.
2. My husband was the SAHP for my son for a year while he looked for work, and he hated it. So your comments about the difficulty of being a good parent while working (or starting a business) from home really hit home. While I may be OK with my husband being a SAHP if theres a chance he would enjoy it, that seems unlikely. So Im not OK with him quitting his job to be a SAHP and entrepreneur.

No matter how you slice it, if I could have my way, Id want him to stop being a complainypants and to work like crazy to find a job close to our home (preferably one with a higher salary).

But as we all know, what we want our spouses to do rarely align with what they want to do. So a new question: How do I make my case using mustachian logic?

WARNING - VERY RANTY - WARNING

Very close to my situation and my feelings (on some days).   Below is a rant from a frustrating day after a long day at work...

Thoughts: 
1) 2 failed businesses that "broke even" ...  I agree that these are indeed failed because there is a whole lot of lost wages during this time. If you retained 60k in income per year on average then his wanting to start another business is reasonable and you would not be concerned, or would just talk about investment risk...  BUT he probably just broke even means that you paid off all the loans and sold inventory or whatever to have zero balance at end.  And you know that was actually a "good" job on his part because it did not explode and impale itself into a debt pit.   Meanwhile 5 years of nearly zero income and zero SAHD and Home care support while this was happening.

New businesses mean MONEY DEBT / OUTLAY at the start, which is the exact opposite of a "stache".   Real estate landloring is different, as you generally retain a property that has resale value...   NOT SO WITH A NEW BUSINESS.    New businesses take years sometimes to grow into income producers.

2 ) Let's face it, not every SAH parent (gals included) are "home keepers" that make life easier for the sole income person.   My SAH spouse was great with kids and pickups and parenting, but lousy at anything involving dinner, cleaning, yard care, annual taxes, keeping up with maintenance (I caulked, mowed, changed lights a lot too), doctors appointments, buying his nephews birthday presents,  etc.  Which still fell 75% to me.   

Boy do I wish my SO was more like "thegoblinchief" or my sister, or many others... It is FRUSTRATING when your spouse is not contributing equal "life energy" to the family.     For me, this was partly due to his back injury, so "understandable", but still so frustrating and worthy of a Rant!


3.  Wouldn't you feel better if your spouse earned regular $1000/month or so, and was SAHD at the same time?   He keeps skills up for future full time work, and is working very hard as a SAHD as well... Note the other post threads about finding work after several years of SAHD is hard...   I think I am on to 11+ years now of his being a SAHD, which was only supposed to last 3 years at first until both kids were in school, and despite follow up promises (such as when buying a new home for  more than I wanted to pay) and his solidly looking for work for 6 months, the lack of recent experience was hard to overcome. 

4.  How would you feel if you had to remain the sole income earner for 25 years+?     There is a lot of stress when you realize that you don't have FU money to take time to change jobs as the sole income earner.   

5. How do you really feel about not sharing 50% of  parenting duties for potentially ALL of your kids lives?...  My eldest is going into grade 10 next year and I am seriously feeling that I should take time off to help parent as they go through highschool (sabbatical or part time or something) but am also feeling trapped into sole income (nearly) situation.

6.  When my youngest was 7, I remember his saying to my pushing that he should find work, as planned... "Of course I will work if I have to..."   but the underlying theme was that on my one income and a 15% savings rate we had enough money that he did not have to work...  and he really liked staying at home now that he had free time with the kids in school.   This was while I was working at a previous job that I truly hated. 

Anyhow, My Rant, not yours.   I wanted to share what this could actually look like for you 10 years from now.    Of course you and your family are not me!  and of course there are many good days too.

Good Luck!





MsRichLife

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #20 on: July 17, 2014, 08:57:52 PM »
I could retire sooner if my husband worked (even with child care costs), but the value of him being at home at this time in their lives far exceeds the few years I could shave off my working life 10 years from now.  I work more efficiently knowing that our children  in the care of someone who loves them as much as I do, and I come home to a clean-ish house and dinner started.  I think that you/he will find similar benefits ditching the daycare and commute.  Also, this is our plan for now....we'll re-evaluate our household dynamic and math as the kids get older.

Well said. We are in this position too. I'm very happy continuing to work, knowing that the household is well taken care of and my toddler is home with his Dad instead of in full-time daycare.

My husband also had grand plans of starting a business on the side too, but for various reasons he just hasn't had the time to do this. Being a SAHP is more than a full-time gig. As our son gets older though, we expect that Hubby can dedicate more time to his business ideas.

For now our son is the number one priority. He's only little for a short time.

DoubleDown

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #21 on: July 18, 2014, 12:50:06 PM »
<entertaining rant>

That situation sucks. To pile on for anyone else with this situation, I had a similar experience with my ex-wife. She became a SAHM with plans to return to work after 6-12 months. But as time passed, it became evident she did not want to go back to work. Kept putting it off longer and longer. Meanwhile, she was doing very little of relieving the burden of housework, chores, childcare, etc. As far as I could tell, much of the day was spent watching TV and talking to her sisters on the phone (also SAHM's).

Fast forward a few years -- she was still resisting going back to work, and her mood was awful. Then we divorced, and I had the misfortune of getting assessed a gigantic alimony payment for years to come, as I was the sole wage earner. She was allowed to continue not working for three more years after the divorce, while I supported her, because "that was the pattern that was established during the marriage."

So as I'm always harping on this forum, people need to be aware of potential consequences when they set up a sole wage earner arrangement. There's not much that's more frustrating than supporting a nasty EX-spouse for years after the relationship is over, particularly while they're sitting around at home while you drag your ass to work every day to send them their check.

Cressida

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #22 on: July 19, 2014, 01:30:31 PM »
I feel like a husband in particular has a responsibility to provide financially for his family (sure, that's a somewhat dated and traditional view, but I think it's a solid value that still has merit).

Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.

MsRichLife

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #23 on: July 20, 2014, 06:46:57 PM »
People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.

+1

My husband is a far better SAHP than I would be. He's handy around the house, likes to cook and is good at it, doesn't loathe shopping and vacuuming like I do.

I'm far more successful as the breadwinner. I earn twice what he could and I enjoy work (which he wasn't).

Why on Earth would be swap roles to align to gender rules? We'd both be miserable and this makes no sense in this day and age of supposed equal opportunity.

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2014, 07:51:06 PM »
My husband is a far better SAHP than I would be. He's handy around the house, likes to cook and is good at it, doesn't loathe shopping and vacuuming like I do.

I'm far more successful as the breadwinner. I earn twice what he could and I enjoy work (which he wasn't).

Why on Earth would be swap roles to align to gender rules? We'd both be miserable and this makes no sense in this day and age of supposed equal opportunity.

Except for the "enjoy work" part, which fluctuates, this is me and DW to a T. While I don't think she'd be miserable as a SAHP, I don't think she'd be happy either - unless and until we're both retired, which should happen before the goblins leave the nest (or is it a cave, hmmm?).

DoubleDown

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #25 on: July 21, 2014, 04:19:28 PM »
I feel like a husband in particular has a responsibility to provide financially for his family (sure, that's a somewhat dated and traditional view, but I think it's a solid value that still has merit).

Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.

Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years. You may, of course, disagree with it, but it doesn't make it any more or less valid as a worldview to hold. But I pretty much agree with your last sentence above.

I value some of the traditional views on roles of men and women in the family. For example, if my family of five is on a sinking ship, and the lifeboat has room for no more than four, then I'm putting my wife and children on the lifeboat. I could, I guess, make some arguments about who is better suited to provide for the kids "based on their skills and inclinations," and say my wife should go down with the ship -- but I hold the traditional gender view of men and chivalry, so they're going on the lifeboat no-questions-asked. I hold a similar view that men have an added responsibility to provide for their families (note that "providing" could come in many forms, including being the SAHP).

Hey, absolutely nothing wrong with a husband and wife choosing non-traditional roles. If a dad wants to be the SAHP while mom goes to work, that's excellent. Not only does it not matter what I think, that could be the best arrangement for them. Nonetheless, I hold a negative view of a guy who wants to go off on flighty adventures or risky schemes when there is a family to feed, and the wife is not in favor of said schemes. I think a dad has a special responsibility to provide for them that puts their interests ahead of his, just like with the lifeboat.

quilter

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #26 on: July 21, 2014, 05:49:12 PM »



2. My husband was the SAHP for my son for a year while he looked for work, and he hated it.

Isn't this the most important thing?  Why would you want a child to be home with any parent who hated it?

I don't think this is a gender thing and treating it as such just derails helping the OP. 

You have gotten great advice from those who have lived through it. When I was a SAHM I worked part time. I also made all the meals, did the laundry, paid the bills, took the kids everywhere and kept the house reasonably well. Frankly I was afraid to not work part time as re entering the job market would have been very difficult for me.   You can bet I was glad I did when DH was injured and while out on disability was diagnosed with cancer. Luckily, he came out the other side and is still on this side of the grass and was able to return to work.

So he hates his job.  He has lots of company.  Sit and discuss scenarios with him. As in what happens if you get sick or pregnant?  What if your job is eliminated or you are laid off (happens all the time.)  what happens if he can't get a business off the ground?  Where is he planning on getting the capital? I live in a booming area and a contractor told me today even in this climate it is so hard to make a go of it.


randymarsh

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #27 on: July 21, 2014, 06:36:03 PM »
I'm confused about why your SO's income is so low. Tech salaries are generally much higher than 36K. 36K would be low for a recent graduate IMO. I made/make 30K at my internship.

Cressida

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #28 on: July 21, 2014, 09:45:39 PM »
Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.
Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years.

Homophobia and racism have been around for thousands of years too, and seemed to "work" for those in power. Do you also think those aren't harmful?

lakemom

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #29 on: July 22, 2014, 05:25:24 AM »
Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.
Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years.

Homophobia and racism have been around for thousands of years too, and seemed to "work" for those in power. Do you also think those aren't harmful?

Completely different topic.  Take it to off topic or drop it and address the needs of the original poster.

DoubleDown

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #30 on: July 22, 2014, 09:49:42 AM »
Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.
Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years.

Homophobia and racism have been around for thousands of years too, and seemed to "work" for those in power. Do you also think those aren't harmful?

Yes -- ESPECIALLY homophobia, racism, cannibalism, pedophilia, infanticide, fascism -- they're all good. And very relevant to whether the OP's husband should start another business or bring home a regular paycheck.

/sarcasm

quilter

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #31 on: July 22, 2014, 09:54:45 AM »
Please stop derailing this thread. The op has serious things to consider and your opinions are of no relevance to the questions at hand.

I would also suggest reading the thread "divorce, WOMD". For insight at what other posters have faced with SAH partners, re entering the workforce etc.  lots of interesting views based on personal experiences.

« Last Edit: July 22, 2014, 09:58:25 AM by quilter »

mrdfw

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #32 on: July 22, 2014, 10:13:47 AM »
Can your husband find a job that pays $26k and is not 2 hours away?

I would quit a $36k + 2 hour commute one way job yesterday. Life is too short.

You would probably make up some of the difference on gas and car maintenance/repairs.

mariejm

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #33 on: July 22, 2014, 06:48:12 PM »
I think:

The care that your child recieves with one on one attention from your husband will be far greater then care at daycare.

I think the 2 hour commute is soul sucking and expensive, wear and tear, time and energy from your DH.

I like the idea of hubby watching kid during day, saving 700 per month plus other stress and giving good care. He can take a part time job in the area (preferably biking distance)

Your kid is young, they grow up fast. Best for him to be with his family as much as possible, he will get plenty of social time in preschool and kindergarten.

Cressida

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #34 on: July 22, 2014, 09:02:11 PM »
Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.
Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years.
Homophobia and racism have been around for thousands of years too, and seemed to "work" for those in power. Do you also think those aren't harmful?
Yes -- ESPECIALLY homophobia, racism, cannibalism, pedophilia, infanticide, fascism -- they're all good. And very relevant to whether the OP's husband should start another business or bring home a regular paycheck.

/sarcasm

Notice that your statement doesn't address my argument against you. Not surprising.

Cressida

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #35 on: July 22, 2014, 09:09:51 PM »
Why does a man have more of a responsibility to provide financially than a woman does? This view isn't "solid," it's harmful. People should contribute to the household based on their skills and inclinations, not on gender stereotypes.
Of course such a view isn't harmful, that's preposterous to say so. It's a traditional view that's worked for thousands of years.
Homophobia and racism have been around for thousands of years too, and seemed to "work" for those in power. Do you also think those aren't harmful?
Completely different topic.  Take it to off topic or drop it and address the needs of the original poster.

My original comment was perfectly relevant. One comment to defend against a bad argument is not derailing. So quit the bullying.

oldtoyota

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #36 on: July 22, 2014, 09:30:00 PM »
<entertaining rant>

Fast forward a few years -- she was still resisting going back to work, and her mood was awful. Then we divorced, and I had the misfortune of getting assessed a gigantic alimony payment for years to come, as I was the sole wage earner. She was allowed to continue not working for three more years after the divorce, while I supported her, because "that was the pattern that was established during the marriage."


I thought about the above too. My neighbor was stuck paying (still is, I think) for her ex. Although he was capable of earning $100K at one point, he stopped working to "care for the child." Of course, he did not do much. They divorced since he was cheating. He moved in with the girlfriend and, by not marrying the girlfriend, gets to live off of his ex wife. Something to consider.

When I look at the facts:

1. two businesses failed;
2. earns $36K;
3. thinks he can watch a kid and start a business (??)...

I get worried.

Also, yeah, that would not be early retirement...


Cassie

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Re: Should I support my husband's early retirement?
« Reply #37 on: July 22, 2014, 09:36:41 PM »
I would be very wary of being the sole provider given his track record.  You could end up supporting him even in divorce.