Should I move out of my parents house? 25/f

[Mr. Green]

If I were you, yeah, I'd move out. I'm 30 and have been on my own since 18, when I moved across the country with $1,000 and no job. You can figure out ways to make things work. Might be a bit tough at first, but I think a bit of struggle is well worth the life experience.

When I was 25, I had a decent job, my own nice apartment, a growing 'stash, and a comfortable lifestyle that included regular international travel. I would not have been interested in dating someone the same age who had seemingly not done much in their life.

That's where I want to be. The fact that my life hasn't gone like yours has just makes me so angry and disappointed. When I was a kid I wanted life to be amazing like yours, but it turns out I was too stupid/lazy/spoiled for that. I don't even know where to go from here, obviously it's too late to be where you are until I'm middle aged. But the fact that I couldn't even manage half of that before middle age- I'll never forgive myself for that. It's lowly and pathetic and nothing I can ever do will change that or make up for it. I guess the real problem is accepting that and moving on, finding a way to be OK with it. It's just scary because the people I've known, that I know now, and will ever meet I'll have to admit just how stupid my life is/was and it's always going sound just as pathetic as it is. Maybe the goal (everyone's been saying I need a goal) for now should be to accept that so I can move on.

Thanks again for your reply, I do appreciate it.

You would be surprised how quickly things can change. I know a guy who a few years back was fresh of a divorce and owned nothing but an old truck. He was in his mid-30s. He brought a house to live in and fix up, and over the next several years he kept doing that until he was sitting on a bunch of property and more money than he knew what to do with. He was just featured in the city business magazine for a huge container project he's starting. I talked to him a couple months back and he said he just found something he loves doing. Every day he wakes up he's doing what he wants. I'm sure it wasn't easy but he turned a corner and it was like a rocket lifting off the ground. Nothing is impossible when you find something you're driven to work for.

[MrsPete]

I just saw this thread https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/feeling-behind-life-follow-five-steps-start-getting-ahead/ as I was goofing off, and it made me think of this thread. 

I'll have you know, I am damn proud to be working in the cannabis industry. And anybody who knows any actual truth about cannabis knows why (forget all the "stoner" stereo types, those were made up because somebody hated Mexicans 80 years ago). And, not to get too off topic but, as someone who's under weight from lack of eating (anxiety crushes my appetite and I get a looot of anxiety.) Cannabis really helps with both those problems and the other good news is, thanks to the tips I make and my employee discount, the cannabis doesn't even cut into my regular pay check ;P (however, the munchies definitely does cut into my pay check so- it's not perfect Lol)

Really?  'Cause that's not what I'm hearing you say.  I really don't believe you're being truthful with yourself.  Why?  Because I've heard this type of thing too many times:  My life is a mess, I'm not moving forward, I'm not where I expected to be by this age, my peers are surpassing me, and I don't know what the problem could be ... but, oh, no, no, no, it couldn't be pot.  You're surrounded by the substance every day.  You're surrounded by other people who are into it.  People who are big-time into pot VERY OFTEN don't move forward in life, and that's essentially what you're saying about yourself. 

Thanks for your advice, I have no idea what I want to do as a goal. I will not join the military so long as that buffoon is in office (or if the republican party is in control at all, actually). 

Excuse.  Make your military-or-not-military decision based upon what's best for you, not based upon who's in the Oval Office. 

The only goal you have stated is to find a good woman.

You never meet the right person when you're focused on it.  Instead, concentrate on BEING a good woman, and everything else will fall into place.

[omachi]

I'm going to be a bit less supportive than most of the just stay and save plan, not because I want to be mean or cause you anxiety, but because I don't see why you're having a problem. It sounds like you're just being immature and that having things like a room provided for you isn't forcing you to grow up at all. If you haven't saved enough to move out in 6-7 years, you're never going to. You're being coddled, you like being coddled, and until you move out and face the world on your own you aren't going to mature to the point where can improve your life.

So first, let's dismantle the idea that you can't afford to move out. Assuming full time, $11 * 2080 = $22880. CO tax will be somewhere around $1.1k, federal is about $1.4k after personal exemption and standard deduction. About $3.5k go to payroll taxes. You should have somewhere in the neighborhood of $17k per year or $1.4k per month. Not a lot of money, but nowhere near can't afford to move out level. Hard to save tons on this, but you should be able to live on it easily enough.

Savings   - $140
Rent      - $600
Utilities - $150
Food      - $200
Bike      - $  0

Those are the big things, and that leaves $310 to pay for health care, have fun, take transit or own a car, or whatever else needs doing. Or save more like we'll all tell you to do. Assumptions are a low 10% savings rate and that you have a roommate. A quick scan of the Denver area (no idea where you are in CO) shows a number of 2 BR apartments in this price range within an hour bike ride of downtown, some of which are really nice looking. Some on light rail if you can't fathom biking. Totally doable and not in the ghetto. $200 a month on food for one person is easy, certainly not instant ramen-level. Fresh fruit and veg, some meat, a fair amount of staples, but good food.

Hopefully you have something to show for ~7 years of rent free life at home after high school. Use that for the security deposit on the apartment and the start of an emergency fund.

Once you're free and independent of your parents, make yourself two goals. First, a career goal. Go find out what an ideal job for you looks like that pays enough to save well. Could be retail manager, could be many things. Most jobs aren't exciting to others, but that's not the point of a job. Get paid so you can take care of yourself. Once you've figured out what an ideal job looks like, start applying to jobs that fit the criteria.

Second, a personal goal. What are you going to do to improve yourself? What's going to make you interesting and attractive to people? Having an apartment and a stable job isn't it. Are you going to draw? You say you want to make an anime. Maybe try your hand at manga first. The question is what do you want to do that will make you you?

[Peony]

Here is a MMM thread you need to read. And read the comments, too, as there are so many excellent suggestions there. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/07/25/50-jobs-over-50000-without-a-degree-part-1/ 

I think there's a Part 2, as well, which you can search for on the site.

You might also consider doing a Myers-Briggs personality test, to get an idea of some fields for which you might be suited. I know the test's validity has been questioned but my own experience was that suggested occupations for my type (ESFJ or ISFJ, depending) dovetailed closely with what I'd done, enjoyed, and been good at.

Good luck! You are absolutely not too old to course correct. In fact, the fact that you're uncomfortable with your current situation would seem to indicate that some part of you wants to better yourself. But please try to frame it positively ('I want,' not 'I should'), for the sake of your own mental health and happiness!

[Lmoot]

I do appriciate that, however I'm also interested in dating girls and they're a little (or a lot) pickier and I had this perfect girl say "oh, I'm looking for someone who's a little more established in life" I think her rejection is what really kick started this worry.

I'm not hearing "I don't want to start a relationship because you still live with your parents"; rather, I'm hearing, "You're 25 and seem to be floating along in life.  Not a real plan, etc."  Accomplished people want to be with people who are also accomplishing things in the world.

This.  I would be more concerned of a potential partner who doesn't seem to have any goals and doesn't have the confidence to be their own person. I would actually be very impressed with someone who goes against social expectation in order to accomplish sometiing more important to them.  Who you live with is the least of your worries.  Work on the stuff that matters. Everything else is just for show, and you will be found out not long after the first date. The questions people typically ask when they want to find out about somebody is what is their career, their passion, and their dreams for the future.

[respond2u]

Children leaving home before marriage is a relatively new thing, isn't it? 100 years ago, I bet you'd find people in an extended family living together even after marriage "normal" (I don't know the stats, just the impression I get from stories).

IMO, the only "dishonor" in your situation is if you're sponging off your parents, e.g., not contributing to grocery, utilities, or rent (even if they own, they still pay property tax, a rent to the gov't) either with money or "in-kind" work.

And if you're parents absolutely won't take the money, I suggest you figure out your portion of costs and set it aside for your future rather than spending it now. That'll give you a better feel for how well you're really doing. [Most of human migration was caused by people figuring out they can't support themselves the way they want where they are...]

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Someone above pointed out that 1 try isn't enough. I agree... If you want a college degree (and can get one without loans, which are a devil's bargain), maybe start with a class you're really interested in and find some people to study with? [BTW, I know someone who was flunking her first college math so she dropped it, and picked it up again in the summer session as a online class. She got an A. Different teachers, different modes of instruction--they can make a difference!]

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Oh--as for travel. If you really want to and can't figure out another way, you could join the Peace Corps or the Navy.

[SeaEhm]

STAY AT HOME!

I am not sure why people are in such a hurry to move out.

If you feel insecure about living at home at 25, there are a lot of people within a certain ethnic group that live at home until they are in their late 20s and sometimes early 30s.   These people live at home and make hundreds of thousands of dollars per year.  (doctors, investment bankers, business owners, etc.)

Move out making $11 and you will continue to try and build a financial foundation on nearly nothing for years/decades to come.  For some people, this struggle may motivate them to "get more" and for others, they may just accept the struggle for decades and then sit down at family reunions talking about how they should have done something different.

Eiichiro Oda would disagree that making an anime is not profitable, haha.