The original post sounds a lot like myself and my DH. Except our kids are teenagers and we don't pay $30k for childcare, but our mortgage is close to that cost, and we don't have nearly as much in savings, either.
DH has been back at work for only 1.5 years, before I told him my plans for FIRE. He makes $60k, and is a bit panicked at the thought of the reduced income. Likely for similar reasons, and including a worry that because he was a SAHD for 11 years, his fallback if he was downsized was to become a SAHD again... NOT to go get a job that pays even more. So this may be more her reluctance than the male / female roles thing... she is thinking that her job is only for while she likes it, not a requirement, more like an optional hobby, which is safe to fail at....
Anyway, What I did -- I got a part time job ($10k.yr) to have some money coming in first, and saved in cash, 2 years expenses (partly because of that job). Then I quit FT, but with a plan . We don't plan to draw any dividends, but then, again, we don't have as large of a fund.
DH was not really onboard with the idea, but I did not give him the choice. I have been working at his insistence for far too many years and my health was showing that. It was time. We are working through the follow up issues now, but so far, so good.
I did agree to go back to work if my plan doesn't work the way I think, or if we spend more than I think.
My advice would be to consider taking a leave of absence to do "charity " work (but you actually work at a non-profit), to "refresh your mind". That way your wife has a fall back safeguard.