Author Topic: Sharing costs with partner  (Read 1611 times)

MariaSouth

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Sharing costs with partner
« on: February 05, 2018, 01:32:14 PM »
We are thinking of moving in together. We have a son but never lived together. He has a son from another relationship.

We would like to share the costs of housing (no rent, it is mine, fully paid), food, kid's expenses, etc.

We do not use credit card and will not do it (too expensive here). We use debit card and cash.

Some taxes are paid once a year, some monthly.

We will not mix accounts.

We do not know how much money the other makes and probably will stay like that.

We have some projects-investments independently and will remain like that.

We both have separate cars.

So, how should we share costs? How do you do it?


nexus

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2018, 05:22:44 PM »
SO and I are moving in together in the next couple of months. We agreed on splitting things proportionately to our income, which works out to me paying 60% of our shared expenses and she covering the other 40%. What this does is keep our savings rate roughly equal, although the dollar amounts are different. In this case, if we both started with $0 in our stash we'd reach FI around the same time.

To level set with that, if I go grocery shopping I'm never going to ask her for money. We take turns buying groceries. Gas, insurance, cell phones are all separate. Sometimes she covers the bill if we go out to eat, other times I do. I'm not even sure I'll ask her to help pay for the internet or utilities because doing so isn't a huge setback for me, assuming the utility bill doesn't double*. Plus, I'd have to pay them with or without her there. Plus plus, SO makes great food so I'm happy to pay for groceries. She does all the difficult kitchen stuff. :)

*She basically lives rent free with me now and her being there hasn't impacted my utility bill.

MariaSouth

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2018, 06:22:38 AM »
Thanks nexus, I think we will do something like that too.

I will propose to him that we pay the larger bills together like utilities, taxes, once a month grocery bill, kid's school, internet. It should be easy to do, as I pay it all myself with debit card. And then we pay the rest as it comes, without writing down every little purchase each makes. That should be healthier and friendlier. He will give money to his other son and ex wife. I usually help my father. Sharing all that might be a source of discomfort. Also I would not like to ask him for receipts, not give many explanations if I decided I wanted a croissant at work.

At least for now. Maybe at a later time, we find ourselves getting a joint account.

Peachtea

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2018, 07:03:55 AM »
Looking back I cannot believe how much effort my now husband and I wasted in dividing household expenses before marriage. I highly recommend opening a joint account for joint household expenses, even if you want to keep the rest of your finances separate. Figure out what is considered a joint expense, calculate how much you need each month for joint expenses, figure out how you want to split it (50/50, 60/40, etc.), then have each person set up a monthly or bimonthly autotransfer from their individual accounts to joint account in the amount of their share. Each person gets a debit card for the joint account, and when making joint household purchases uses that card. Individual purchases goes on individual bank cards. Itís makes sharing expenses really simple and convenient.

Lady SA

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2018, 07:38:21 AM »
When DH and I first moved in together (caveat: we didn't have the relative complexity you now have), DH was pretty much in charge of handling the household bills -- they were all in his name and he was the one who took on interfacing with the landlord and utilities and such, so it made sense for me to just cut him a monthly autotransfer to cover my portion of our living costs (which we agreed upon ahead of time). So he would just deposit the check and the various bills would auto-debit from his personal account.

So basically, we had just two accounts: mine and his, and his personal account also acted as the pseudo-joint-household account. I had access to his Mint account so I could see the transactions and stuff. Eventually, I added my accounts to DH's mint account and it became "our" mint account :)

Then after we got married, we opened a brand new joint account and began direct depositing both our paychecks in there (and consolidated our previous personal accounts into this one too) and this became our household account from which all bills were paid from.

MariaSouth

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2018, 05:40:19 PM »
Thank you guys. I see things more clear as I read other experiences. This situation of moving in together finds us with some personal projects and family issues. I am extremely frugal and he is not so much. I do not think I could be comfortable seeing my money go to things that I do not consider valuable. And I could not be comfortable with telling him not to spend the money he earns in what he considers valuable.

So, at least for now, sharing the costs of the big items that are easy to identify and clearly shared (housing, food, utilities, taxes, kid's expenses) seems the best solution. Then we are left with our own money to put into our own individual projects, and to start joint projects.

socaso

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Re: Sharing costs with partner
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2018, 04:36:56 PM »
Looking back I cannot believe how much effort my now husband and I wasted in dividing household expenses before marriage. I highly recommend opening a joint account for joint household expenses, even if you want to keep the rest of your finances separate. Figure out what is considered a joint expense, calculate how much you need each month for joint expenses, figure out how you want to split it (50/50, 60/40, etc.), then have each person set up a monthly or bimonthly autotransfer from their individual accounts to joint account in the amount of their share. Each person gets a debit card for the joint account, and when making joint household purchases uses that card. Individual purchases goes on individual bank cards. Itís makes sharing expenses really simple and convenient.
I'm a +1 on this. It's what we did before we got married. Now that we are married and feel more comfortable with each other financially we do it a bit different. We now do cash expenses for certain categories so we fund those envelopes at the beginning of the month. I would imagine this would be an easy way to split expenses, too. Say your grocery budget is $500 a month and you both kick in $250 at the beginning of the month.