3. I always liked the perspective that Amy Dacyczyn of the Tightwad Gazette took--she and her husband were both SAHPs at different times (at a time when SAHDs were much more unusual, especially in rural Maine!) Basically, they each trusted that the other worked full-time during the 9-5 shift, so whatever was left over at the end of the day was equally divided. It probably helped that since both of them had been at home, they had a good handle on what was realistic to get done in a day.
I absolutely agree. That part of her book has always stuck out for me. It's interesting, because I was *just* talking with my husband last night about how I've considered being a SAHP a lot the last few years. Yesterday, I spent hours cooking and doing dishes - 7 or 8 different things I prepped. I *know* it makes the week go more smoothly, but it's exhausting. At the same time, my husband did several loads of laundry and needed to take a 20 minute nap because it's prime allergy season.
Being at home with 3 kids and doing all the chores...I know someone above said it's "easy", but that's just crazy talk. It's going to vary a LOT. Babies, toddlers, are a CRAP ton of hands-on work, and they make more mess than you can keep up with. When home with my kids from time to time, I've been able to get *some* work done. I could keep up with the dishes and cook dinner. OR I could do the laundry. But not both, not on the same day. And good luck keeping the house "not a mess". When my kids were very little, I mean just keeping up with the breastfeeding and diapers - oy.
I don't think it's realistic to expect that the working parent does "nothing". I know that when I've been on maternity leave - the great things were:
- my husband never had to do laundry on the weekends, as I did it during the week
- we ate like kings, because I had time to cook. I mastered cooking in 15 minute chunks. Then when he got home from work, it would only take 20 -30 mins to finish it up.
When I was working part time, the great things were:
- I did drop off and pick up. So he was off the hook for those
- I had more time to cook and play with the kids before dinner
- I had extra spare time to do the doctor's appts, sick days, etc.
Some advantages to having a SAHP is all those things you need to take the kids to. And when you need to meet the plumber, or get the oil changed. I wouldn't expect your wife to come home and never have to do a chore.
In the end, as my husband said "well, you'd be fine without a job now, but what about in 6 years? If you want one then, and have been out too long?" Very true. On one hand, I don't think I'd be bored at home, as I would have been 10 years ago when my oldest was a baby. 2 kids, hobbies, PTA, etc. On another hand, sometimes work is so horrible and soul sucking, I think it *can't* be worth staying. But sometimes it's not horrible.
As an aside, I went on a couple of women's retreats locally. Both times, the leader (in her 60s) was talking about life and mentioned how important it is that we let our husbands de-compress for 1/2 hour when they get home. "Keep the kids away, let them de-stress, it's good for their health!" All I could think about was "eff that, I have a FT job too. When do I get to de-stress?? My husband de-stresses after the kids are in bed." It was fascinating, in part because it reflected both what she'd learned AND her generation.