So I've read everything on the boards about getting your spouse on board with FIRE, my SO and I have been talking about it for a very long time, and we're still not on the same page about it. We're really not far apart. It's not like I'm extremely thrifty and she's extremely spendy; we're both actually pretty frugal. We both grew up in frugal, blue-collar families, and we met in college.
We're 43, we've been together ever since our senior year in college, and have had combined finances (joint checking) ever since graduation. We can't legally be married as a same-sex couple in our state, but we own our house jointly, and we have an 8-year-old daughter who is legally both of ours. We've done all of the legal documents we can do (wills, living wills, powers of attorney) to give each other the rights that legal marriage would automatically confer.
At this point we have no debt, we own our house outright, and we have $512k in retirement accounts and $45k in cash. We made differing amounts of money for a very long time; I'm in IT and she's in non-profit management, so I've always made more money but we've always treated it as one pot of money. Last year she got a big promotion and a raise and got another raise this year, so now we're within 10k of each other, and I wouldn't feel bad asking to separate our finances because our goals are just so different.
I really want FIRE and she is of the mind-set that, as long as we're making good money and can still work we should be working. She actually loves her job and is energized by it. I don't like my job at all and I drained by it. It's also very stressful to have two professionals working more than full time, plus a child, pets, and a household to run, and it always feels like we're running behind. I would like to slow down, work part time or seasonally, or take a year off and think about what kind of work I'd like to do. She likes the thought of me taking care of everything at home because she hates all kinds of household management, but feels like she would be jealous even though she doesn't want to do it. She also wants me to keep working so she can have nice stuff, nice vacations, not have to think about money, etc.
I'm at the point where I just want to separate our finances and pay for common expenses 55/45 or whatever our incomes make it and we can each make our own decisions without being restrained by the other. If she wants to buy expensive glasses, go out to eat every day for lunch, or buy a new car, or whatever, she can without me trying to talk her out of it. If I want to FIRE or work part time or take some time off I can do it without having to get her permission.
What do you think? Has anyone else done this? I can guarantee that she is not going to like this idea, but I'm so frustrated and I'm pretty sure that we're not going to be able to reach an agreement.