Author Topic: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation  (Read 1912 times)

wc

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« on: July 27, 2017, 11:04:37 AM »
Hi Mustachians,

This is very difficult for me to express but I have self confidence and motivational problems that hinder me from acquiring the skills and the motivation to become financially independent. While Mr. Money Mustache and many others in this forum boast self confidence, motivation, and talents I'm just mediocre and most things and don't have any passion to work. Logically, I understand that financial independence is the way to go but there's no burning desire.

I've listened to self confidence lectures including a whole series by Brian Tracy in order to become more motivated. Basically, the advice given is always the same: find out what you're passionate about and make it into a career, think about what you've always dreamed of but never dared to do, find out what your 3 greatest skills are and take advantage of them, etc. etc..

But what if I'm not passionate about any type of work? Can I make watching TV, playing video games, or going mountain biking into work that I'm passionate about?

What if I don't have any dreams because I've seen a lot of the world already and the things that I've dreamed of as a kid didn't turn out to be as exciting as I hoped them to be?

What if my only skill was playing a video game, which I haven't played in 5 years?

Sorry for this depressing post but I'm wondering if any of you here have experienced this lack of motivation and the resulting lack of self confidence?


ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1514
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2017, 11:26:44 AM »
Forget making it a career, what are you good at? What do you enjoy?

If you are good at video games, why has it been so long since you played?

There are professional mountain bikers, but it is also true that they need a good support team and buy their gear some place, so there are a variety of careers in the field.

Your post does sound like a case of mild depression, so seeking professional help might be where you need to start.

Ann

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 254
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2017, 11:42:06 AM »
I would worry less about "passion" and focus more on "kinda interesting."   Some people have many things they are "passionate" about . . . but that's not everyone and I don't think it is even that common.  It is certainly not me.  Sometimes I'll really get into something for a while, but I don't classify myself as a person with "passions".
 I liked this post from The Art Of Manliness (this was shared here in the forums on another thread, but I apologize I don't remember which one):  http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/08/22/art-of-manliness-podcast-78-the-myth-of-following-your-passion/

Is there a way you can find one project to pursue . . . . say set a goal to try something every week?  Borrow a book from the library on a subject you find slightly interesting.  Scour the internet to learn about it.  Take a class.  You probably won't become an expert, but slowly you will have areas where you are definitely more knowledgeable than the average person.  And, you COULD become an expert if "slightly interesting" turns into "rather fascinating!" as you dig deeper.  I think confidence will be easier when you realize there are things at which you are above average.

Also, I do think counselling is helpful.  It's a good way to have a neutral party listen to your problems and giving some feedback.  It's not magical, though.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2017, 11:45:09 AM by Ann »

Cali Nonya

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 514
  • Location: California
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2017, 11:57:41 AM »
The advice to make something that is your passion your career is just utter B.S.
Sorry, but you are setting yourself up to fail if you are following that ill-advised line of snake-oil.

Figure out what you are competent at; that will pay.  Work is just work, it is not a passion, it's a profit needed to earn a life you desire.  Focus on your competencies, and get a good solid job in something you can be good at, that will pay.  Use the money for things you love.

Examples, are, if you are good at detail oriented numbers, think about something like accounting or actuary work.  Medical fields if you are good with people and stress, physically strong, then a labor field, etc.  Find out something that can pay well that you can be good at.

Tyson

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2356
  • Age: 47
  • Location: Denver, Colorado
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2017, 11:59:35 AM »
The advice to make something that is your passion your career is just utter B.S.
Sorry, but you are setting yourself up to fail if you are following that ill-advised line of snake-oil.

Figure out what you are competent at; that will pay.  Work is just work, it is not a passion, it's a profit needed to earn a life you desire.  Focus on your competencies, and get a good solid job in something you can be good at, that will pay.  Use the money for things you love.

Examples, are, if you are good at detail oriented numbers, think about something like accounting or actuary work.  Medical fields if you are good with people and stress, physically strong, then a labor field, etc.  Find out something that can pay well that you can be good at.

+1

czr

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 60
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2017, 12:09:25 PM »
LOL@ video game playing, watching tv, and biking. That is what every guy wants to do and get paid for. At first read, I could have sworn you were my BIL. The other thought that came to mind was the movie “The Graduate” but sorry, I digress.

I am thinking you are in your early 20’s (I hope) and have not seen the light yet. Most people dislike their work but have to do it to support their lifestyles, families, etc. There is a term ‘working for the weekend’ meaning people work during the weekend to do what they love on Saturdays and Sundays. Many mustachians are working for FIRE and doing so much earlier than the 66+ “normal” retirement age. Maybe, you are fine with retiring the normal age. Do you have a spouse or significant other or kids? Maybe, you need a reason to ‘work harder.’ Besides a therapist, maybe you need a life coach to help facepunch, err.. motivate you.

JanF

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 85
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2017, 12:28:51 PM »
I'm in the same boat (I'm 25) but I don't have any passion. I'm not particularly smart. I'm lazy and unmotivated, I don't know what to do with my life. I was in a pile of school and credit card debt and I couldn't see the way out. My only desire was FI so I slowly worked toward that. I got really lucky that my husband help me out financially and now we're almost out of debt. Financially we're taking small steps....clear debt, build fuck you fund, invest and hopefully early retirement, but personally I'm still pretty lost. It's hard to find your self when you're grinding 9-5.  Right now I'm setting up small goals for myself (reading more books, learning Japanese, try new things). And if I notice that something is interesting I'll pursue it further.

Tyson

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2356
  • Age: 47
  • Location: Denver, Colorado
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2017, 12:41:27 PM »
The nice thing is that, if you are young, you can try different things out and see what you like better (and what you don't like). 

wc

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Re: Self Confidence / Lack of Motivation
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2017, 01:01:55 PM »
Thanks, everyone. I think these motivational tapes are part snake oil but also part true. The problem is, they only apply to extroverted, emotional types that get fired up on snake oil.
I'm 30 with a family and have already been through 3 different careers trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. So far nothing has been satisfying. The thing is, many of the people I know genuinely like what they do so why can't I be one of them?

 I think counseling is a great suggestion. I'm sure I have some underlying issue that's holding me back. If I only had money to afford a session...

Okay, enough self-pitying. I'm out.