Author Topic: Second job with sole purpose of dating?  (Read 5591 times)

teltic

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Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« on: April 02, 2017, 02:46:37 PM »
Hello everyone!

I will graduate school the end of this month (Masters in finance).I currently work full time, and with school I never had much time to date (Excuse. I'm calling myself out.)...

Online dating is POS for me (will continue to try, but doesn't seem successful).


I worked at Chili's 5 years ago, and I was getting women every weekend...


I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women.  Serving is on the top of my list, since it worked for me previously (maybe I just got lucky, and it won't be as successful?)


Any suggestions? 

coolistdude

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2017, 03:41:56 PM »
You sly dog. Earning more money while finding girls to date, I wish I was as slick as you while dating! I was a mere smelly pool boy haha.

Were these good quality girls from Chili's that may share and assist your frugal/MMM dreams? Or are these short term girls that make you less lonely, but would probably not fulfill you in the long term?

doneby35

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2017, 03:51:27 PM »
I haven't heard of anyone finding a job for the purpose of dating, however 2 birds with 1 stone is always a good idea. Bartender, waiter, DJ'ing... you will meet lots of women with these 2.

IMO, it's not too difficult to find women to date if you go out there and socialize, without focusing too much on finding a date.
And online dating is even easier. There are tons of women on there that will want to date you, unless your profile is crappy. If you were able to get women at Chili's every weekend, you should have no problem getting women with online dating, not every weekend, but everyday!!

teltic

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2017, 04:00:57 PM »
Win-win situation, huh?  Either way I walk away with more money, and this will cut expenses (working weekend nights, instead of partying).


Great question!  I remember a couple girls with potential in a similar situation as me (serving part time, while getting a degree).  I dated 2 of the 3 (the other got married!) that I can think of.  I do remember a lot of older (35+) single moms (I'm 26...).

I also dated a couple customers...

I DON'T KNOW. Just thinking out loud.  :)

teltic

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2017, 04:07:59 PM »
I do remember some trolls working there though as well.  Turnover was pretty good (1-2 new female servers a month)...


There is concern I will be overworked.  My career job is 40 hours (I work for a national defense contractor, L-3), so working another 15-20 should be okay (espeically with the approach that I want less tables, and more socializing with female coworkers/customers).

AlanStache

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2017, 04:14:58 PM »
Careful with the term "get" unless that is what you are looking for :-)

Online dating was never fun for me and had at best modest results but I FUCKING HATE WRITING!!!! I am sure now it is even more about having the perfect head shot and opening line. 

Does your full time boss expect you to be only working for him/her after graduation?  Dont mess up your adult job just so you can make 9.54$/hr and hook up with chicks.

BlueHouse

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2017, 04:21:08 PM »
ew

Paul der Krake

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2017, 04:27:37 PM »
Spreadsheet with A/B testing or GTFO.

LadyMuMu

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2017, 07:54:59 PM »
"I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women."

Please tell me you meant, I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to meet a nice person to date. Otherwise, ew.

respond2u

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2017, 08:09:05 PM »
"I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women."

Please tell me you meant, I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to meet a nice person to date. Otherwise, ew.

I think he meant
"My experience in finance is that only about 20% of us will be women, and I want a larger and more diverse pool of potential dating partners so that I don't repeat my experience during grad school. Also, I'd like to find an environment that has women that I can form relationships with without fear of getting called into HR about sexual harassment or cause other disruptions to my primary source of income.

I'm in finance, and I know I won't find a woman I want to date sitting on my couch running excel simulations. Nor will any woman want to date me. Believe me, I've done the math.

And I'm not the sort of person who wants to pick women up in bars."

But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

MonkeyJenga

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Cwadda

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2017, 08:24:48 PM »
Online dating takes a LOT of time and effort. How much time are you putting into writing profiles, etc? I spent close to 10 hours making mine. It's worth it.

teltic

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2017, 09:08:59 PM »
"I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women."

Please tell me you meant, I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to meet a nice person to date. Otherwise, ew.

I think he meant
"My experience in finance is that only about 20% of us will be women, and I want a larger and more diverse pool of potential dating partners so that I don't repeat my experience during grad school. Also, I'd like to find an environment that has women that I can form relationships with without fear of getting called into HR about sexual harassment or cause other disruptions to my primary source of income.

I'm in finance, and I know I won't find a woman I want to date sitting on my couch running excel simulations. Nor will any woman want to date me. Believe me, I've done the math.

And I'm not the sort of person who wants to pick women up in bars."

But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

THANK YOU.


My apologies for my wording... I'm no longer looking to "get" women.  I'm not looking to hook up with women, if I did I would be going to bars and clubs.

Respond2u is spot on, majority of the students are male.  I found one potential person in my 2 year degree, which I recently found out she is way too high maintenance and into high status items (she would shave my entire money mustache for sure).

Church is not an option for dating, as I no longer go to church.

I tried the Bar/club scene for the last year... Turns out majority who go are not the type of women to date.

Online dating seems to be a inefficient way of dating.  After hours of scanning, and crafting perfect messages to girls... I've been on around 5 dates throughout the last couple years (I've been "casually" looking.. Installing and uninstalling the apps every couple months).


I will continue to use dating apps (even will look into the subscription apps... Maybe people will be more serious?)... Looking back at everyone I've dated, it was school & work.


WHERE YOU DO GO TO FIND OTHERS TO DATE? ANY SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.

Cwadda

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #13 on: April 02, 2017, 11:07:46 PM »
Quote
Online dating seems to be a inefficient way of dating
If you think about it, it's actually very efficient. It takes a lot of the guess work out of things - each party knows what the other is looking for, and you can sort out dealbreakers. If you've made your profile show who you really are, there will be no useless dates and wasting money on expensive dinners and such.

MarioMario

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2017, 12:12:33 AM »
I don't see the downside, if it isn't working it you can always quit.

Villanelle

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2017, 12:29:53 AM »
I do remember some trolls working there though as well.  Turnover was pretty good (1-2 new female servers a month)...


There is concern I will be overworked.  My career job is 40 hours (I work for a national defense contractor, L-3), so working another 15-20 should be okay (espeically with the approach that I want less tables, and more socializing with female coworkers/customers).

Um, yeah.  You're looking to "get" women and you refer to some women as trolls.  (Yes, I read your clarification about "get", but I think the initial language is telling, especially when paired with your "trolls" comment.)

Heaven help the ladies at Chili's.   

You wanted suggestions?  How about you continue to not date for a while, and spend the time thinking about how you view women and their role in the world and in your life?  Maybe your current attitude is why you haven't gotten a lot of dates, either in person or online.  There's certainly a group of women out there who wouldn't be put off by a guy who refers to women who aren't aesthetically pleasing to him as "trolls" and whose initial instinct is to talk about "getting" women, but they are a minority, and they aren't the type that most men seem to want as long term partners.  They tend to be the high maintenance bunch who will demand expensive dates and spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their appearance, and thus are fine with men who objectify them.

Seriously. You are probably a decent guy and this is just a result of you not really knowing what most people--women!-- find acceptable and respectful.  Now you know.  It's an opportunity to reframe the way you view and speak about women.  Not only would it make you a better (by my standards which don't and shouldn't really mean anything to you) person, but it will probably make you a more attractive date. 

My $.03  Take it or leave it. 

jade

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2017, 01:51:55 AM »
I do remember some trolls working there though as well.  Turnover was pretty good (1-2 new female servers a month)...


There is concern I will be overworked.  My career job is 40 hours (I work for a national defense contractor, L-3), so working another 15-20 should be okay (espeically with the approach that I want less tables, and more socializing with female coworkers/customers).

Um, yeah.  You're looking to "get" women and you refer to some women as trolls.  (Yes, I read your clarification about "get", but I think the initial language is telling, especially when paired with your "trolls" comment.)

Heaven help the ladies at Chili's.   

You wanted suggestions?  How about you continue to not date for a while, and spend the time thinking about how you view women and their role in the world and in your life?  Maybe your current attitude is why you haven't gotten a lot of dates, either in person or online.  There's certainly a group of women out there who wouldn't be put off by a guy who refers to women who aren't aesthetically pleasing to him as "trolls" and whose initial instinct is to talk about "getting" women, but they are a minority, and they aren't the type that most men seem to want as long term partners.  They tend to be the high maintenance bunch who will demand expensive dates and spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their appearance, and thus are fine with men who objectify them.

Seriously. You are probably a decent guy and this is just a result of you not really knowing what most people--women!-- find acceptable and respectful.  Now you know.  It's an opportunity to reframe the way you view and speak about women.  Not only would it make you a better (by my standards which don't and shouldn't really mean anything to you) person, but it will probably make you a more attractive date. 

My $.03  Take it or leave it.

+1

alison_peta

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2017, 07:52:32 AM »
There is a recent thread on the Mustachian and Single board that discusses this idea: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/personals/a-second-job-purely-to-find-others-to-date/

EDIT: didn't realize you were the OP of that thread, too!  Interesting to see the different responses...

BlueHouse

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2017, 08:14:54 AM »

I think he meant
"My experience in finance is that only about 20% of us will be women, and I want a larger and more diverse pool of potential dating partners so that I don't repeat my experience during grad school.
1.  Finance is a very broad category, so I'd have to ask which branch and level of finance is only about 20% women?
2.  A more diverse pool of potential partners?  Like more diverse as in less educated?  Or if they are as educated, did he mean younger or simply less successful?  Either of these shows a power-differential.

Quote
Also, I'd like to find an environment that has women that I can form relationships with without fear of getting called into HR about sexual harassment or cause other disruptions to my primary source of income.
Interesting point.  But because I tend to think the statement above points to actively pursuing someone with less power in the relationship, having no HR or harassment guidelines just further slides the power in a one-way motion

Quote
I'm in finance, and I know I won't find a woman I want to date sitting on my couch running excel simulations. Nor will any woman want to date me. Believe me, I've done the math.
I don't understand this comment at all.  People are much more likely to have successful relationships with those that have similar education levels and interests.  Unless, as the OP stated originally, he really just wants to "get women".  Then I can certainly understand that he might think less educated or less powerful women with fewer choices in their lives might be willing to date someone more successful.  If nothing else, at least she'll get a free meal out of it.

Quote
But maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I don't know.  But there's just something about the entire thing that seems untoward.
I would be interested to hear from the OP on how he would describe the second job to his main employer or to any of this co-workers at his main employment.


patchyfacialhair

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2017, 09:05:31 AM »
To find someone to marry? Probably not. Do things you like to do on the weekends and you'll find someone of quality with similar interests, provided you're a quality pick as well.

For physical companionship? Sure! Extra money, and easy access to a steady supply of folks? Sounds like a win-win.

Just be honest with yourself as you're probably not going to find wife material in the restaurant game.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2017, 09:09:58 AM »
White collar workers largely have the common sense of not trying to date their coworkers.

Wait staff employees are known for not giving two shits about these things.

mozar

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2017, 09:58:49 AM »
This is an interesting topic I never get to talk about. I did online dating for about 3 years. I dated both men and women and more men were interested in meeting in person (after chatting online). I think this has to do with issues around safety. I have no problems meeting women IRL.

I was surprised by how conservative the men on OKC were, saying things like men should be the head of household. Apparently research shows that millennial men are more conservative than in the past.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/31/opinion/sunday/do-millennial-men-want-stay-at-home-wives.html?mtrref=www.nytimes.com&assetType=opinion

I don't know how retrograde the OP is, but there are women who are doormats out there, if that's what he wants.

To the OP, try going where women are: yoga, hiking groups, knitting circles, and commit to it for at least a year.

Laserjet3051

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #22 on: April 03, 2017, 10:17:39 AM »
Don't know about your neck of the woods, but the Chilis around here are packed with cougars intent on luring young bucks into the web. No need to work there, just patronize Chili's at the right days/times; much more flexibility on your part w/o any employment commitment.

Nothing wrong with maximizing coital frequency, if that is the OP's intent.

frugaliknowit

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2017, 10:21:45 AM »
Yoga instructor.

Most yogies are either women or gay men (not much competition...):)

SnackDog

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2017, 10:28:18 AM »
Yoga instructor.

Most yogies are either women or gay men (not much competition...):)

Good idea.  Others -
  • hairdresser
  • manicurist
  • realtor
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  • housekeeper
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Mmm_Donuts

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2017, 10:31:41 AM »
Yoga instructor.

Most yogies are either women or gay men (not much competition...):)

Noooo! Really really bad idea. In most studios there is a basic ethical code against dating your students, especially if you don't respect women and refer to them as "trolls". Sorry. Should be for obvious reasons but generally women go to yoga to chill, breathe, heal their bodies and souls, not to be preyed on sexually.

jenbee64

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2017, 12:56:02 PM »
"I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women."

Please tell me you meant, I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to meet a nice person to date. Otherwise, ew.

I think he meant
"My experience in finance is that only about 20% of us will be women, and I want a larger and more diverse pool of potential dating partners so that I don't repeat my experience during grad school. Also, I'd like to find an environment that has women that I can form relationships with without fear of getting called into HR about sexual harassment or cause other disruptions to my primary source of income.

I'm in finance, and I know I won't find a woman I want to date sitting on my couch running excel simulations. Nor will any woman want to date me. Believe me, I've done the math.

And I'm not the sort of person who wants to pick women up in bars."

But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

THANK YOU.


My apologies for my wording... I'm no longer looking to "get" women.  I'm not looking to hook up with women, if I did I would be going to bars and clubs.

Respond2u is spot on, majority of the students are male.  I found one potential person in my 2 year degree, which I recently found out she is way too high maintenance and into high status items (she would shave my entire money mustache for sure).

Church is not an option for dating, as I no longer go to church.

I tried the Bar/club scene for the last year... Turns out majority who go are not the type of women to date.

Online dating seems to be a inefficient way of dating.  After hours of scanning, and crafting perfect messages to girls... I've been on around 5 dates throughout the last couple years (I've been "casually" looking.. Installing and uninstalling the apps every couple months).


I will continue to use dating apps (even will look into the subscription apps... Maybe people will be more serious?)... Looking back at everyone I've dated, it was school & work.


WHERE YOU DO GO TO FIND OTHERS TO DATE? ANY SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.
Have you thought of joining a social group (e.g. Meetup.com)?  It's not dating, but you may meet like minded individuals through your interests.  I've made many friends through these groups and have seen many relationships develop. 


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respond2u

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2017, 06:37:00 PM »
"I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to get women."

Please tell me you meant, I'm thinking of getting a second job, strictly to meet a nice person to date. Otherwise, ew.

I think he meant
"My experience in finance is that only about 20% of us will be women, and I want a larger and more diverse pool of potential dating partners so that I don't repeat my experience during grad school. Also, I'd like to find an environment that has women that I can form relationships with without fear of getting called into HR about sexual harassment or cause other disruptions to my primary source of income.

I'm in finance, and I know I won't find a woman I want to date sitting on my couch running excel simulations. Nor will any woman want to date me. Believe me, I've done the math.

And I'm not the sort of person who wants to pick women up in bars."

But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

THANK YOU.


My apologies for my wording... I'm no longer looking to "get" women.  I'm not looking to hook up with women, if I did I would be going to bars and clubs.

Respond2u is spot on, majority of the students are male.  I found one potential person in my 2 year degree, which I recently found out she is way too high maintenance and into high status items (she would shave my entire money mustache for sure).

Church is not an option for dating, as I no longer go to church.

I tried the Bar/club scene for the last year... Turns out majority who go are not the type of women to date.

Online dating seems to be a inefficient way of dating.  After hours of scanning, and crafting perfect messages to girls... I've been on around 5 dates throughout the last couple years (I've been "casually" looking.. Installing and uninstalling the apps every couple months).


I will continue to use dating apps (even will look into the subscription apps... Maybe people will be more serious?)... Looking back at everyone I've dated, it was school & work.


WHERE YOU DO GO TO FIND OTHERS TO DATE? ANY SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.

Hi Teltic--I worked in software, which has a similarly low sexual diversity (maybe finance is considered part of M in STEM?). The last project I worked on in the US had 2 married women out of the 7 of us. A sister project had 8 guys, 0 women. That's fairly representative of many of the places I worked in or near (with some exceptions).

As you're pointed out (indirectly, and emphasized by BlueHouse's points on economic/bureaucratic/educational power disparity), it might be hard to find people to date in your department at work--either job.

You could try honing your pickup-artist skills at Starbucks, but that takes a "special" sort to do year after year until you find "the one".

My advice is to first work on having friends in your new life, and worry about dating later. If you start dating and have no friends, you'll be miserable in between dates. If you're enjoying life with your friends, I bet the socialization will lead to more dating.

Some specifics:
   - L-3 probably has some sort of intramural clubs (softball, volleyball, running, biking, rocketry, etc.). That may not help you find dates, but at least you won't be on your couch.
    - There's a possibility that your company may be hiring a bunch of other people at the same time, so you'll go through orientation with a bunch of other people in the same boat you are. Gang up. Explore the city together.
    - Someone mentioned meetup.com. That's good to find things to do with other people that are trying to find things to do.
    - Volunteer (e.g., Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays)
    - take a second job. I knew a guy in his 60s that worked at the front desk of the corporate fitness facility after putting his 40 hours in. It gave hm extra cash and a different set of people to hang out with.
    - Likewise, if you move into an apartment or community of some sort, they might have planned activities.

I bet, though, if you do things just to meet people that it won't work. I recommend doing things for the experience (learn to scuba dive) or because you really enjoy them (like scuba diving). I'm not sure you'll really enjoy Chili's as much at 27 as you did when you were younger.

Oh--one final suggestion: No one wants to hear their sister or daughter called a troll.


teltic

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #28 on: April 03, 2017, 11:18:26 PM »
Thanks for all the replies!

1. Sorry for offending people saying, "get women" and "trolls"... I get a little too casual in online forums... But at the same time you're a little too sensitive. Its the fucking internet... Villanelle, are you okay?

2. I just realized I already posted this same question a month ago!  Interesting to see the different responses for sure.  Thanks for pointing that out alison_peta!


I think the list for me is...
A. Serving (leaning away from this after reading comments, thank you!)
B. Volunteering
C. Yoga (I've never done yoga, but you have to try everything once right?)
D. Crossfit
E. Meetups (I've actually used this app before!)
F. Classes (dancing, cooking, something casual like that)


I'll look into Yoga tomorrow when I go to the gym, and I'm installing the meetup app as we speak. :) The plan is to test out other options than a second job, if nothing works by fall I'll pursue a second job.

Thanks again everyone!

Villanelle

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #29 on: April 04, 2017, 01:03:03 AM »
Thanks for all the replies!

1. Sorry for offending people saying, "get women" and "trolls"... I get a little too casual in online forums... But at the same time you're a little too sensitive. Its the fucking internet... Villanelle, are you okay?

2. I just realized I already posted this same question a month ago!  Interesting to see the different responses for sure.  Thanks for pointing that out alison_peta!


I think the list for me is...
A. Serving (leaning away from this after reading comments, thank you!)
B. Volunteering
C. Yoga (I've never done yoga, but you have to try everything once right?)
D. Crossfit
E. Meetups (I've actually used this app before!)
F. Classes (dancing, cooking, something casual like that)


I'll look into Yoga tomorrow when I go to the gym, and I'm installing the meetup app as we speak. :) The plan is to test out other options than a second job, if nothing works by fall I'll pursue a second job.

Thanks again everyone!

Lol.  Condescending, much?  I'm just fine!  And I went out of my way in my post to say that you are probably a nice guy and just don't realize that a vast majority of women (and plenty of men, too) find that language offensive, giving you the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps I was too generous!  It's not that they are "too casual".  Is calling black people niggers "too casual"?  No, it's offensive.  It's not that the language isn't right for an internet forum; it's that it is disrespectful and offensive.  Or are those black people who call it out just sensitive and maybe not "okay"? 

I posted that response in the spirit of trying to show you that language like that is incredibly off-putting.  It seems clear you don't want to see that and that you are clinging to the notion that it's other people who are overly sensitive, rather than that your language and your attitude are off-putting.


« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 01:19:46 AM by Villanelle »

FrugalToque

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Re: Second job with sole purpose of dating?
« Reply #30 on: April 04, 2017, 05:16:53 AM »
1. Sorry for offending people saying, "get women" and "trolls"... I get a little too casual in online forums... But at the same time you're a little too sensitive. Its the fucking internet... Villanelle, are you okay?

Villanelle told you that a problem you're going to have is related to the way you speak of women as if they were a fungible commodity.

That's a completely fair criticism, given the "casual" language with which you started this thread.  You can't complain about her sensitivity - she wasn't being sensitive in the way you are using the word, merely promoting your self awareness - while at the same time dropping an f-bomb to demonstrate your over sensitivity.

Yes, it's the Internet.  Yes, we can swear on this forum.  No big deal.  But you have to be willing to take what you're giving - and to accept the advice for which you ask.

Toque.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 06:04:22 AM by FrugalToque »