The other thing I've noticed is that women assign too much weight to potential violence. I fully understand that being cat-called is unpleasant, but it's very different from being attacked and I really have very little patience with women who conflate not feeling safe with actually not being safe. Someone I know was commenting on that woman-walks-through-nyc-for-ten-hours video. I thought that video was interesting and made a good point about a challenge women face. But this person said it backed up their paranoid feeling about being out in public in the city. And I'm like, how in god's name did you get from A to B there? The woman walks through nyc for 10 hours, seemingly unaccompanied, and despite numerous catcalling and creepster moves, nothing bad physically happens to her. I interpreted that as proof catcalling does not equal danger.
men never, ever understand this concept no matter how many times you explain it to them.
Please do NOT, however, continue to denigrate an entire gender just because you think your ideas are the only ones that are correct or worthy. Shame on you. How would you feel if I wrote "Most women are just weaklings who will never assume responsibility for their own safety"? Not cool, right? See the parallel yet?
You can learn to recognize and respond appropriately to dangerous situations. You can also learn to curtail your own sexism before spewing it all over the internet. I suggest you start with the latter.
For what it's worth, I didn't interpret this at all as you did and I'm curious why you did. I didn't at all read it as a put down or that she felt that your contribution wasn't welcome. Maybe the difference is I read the two paragraphs as separate thoughts. I didn't think she was using the second one to justify her disagreement with you in the first.
And I don't think it's denigrating to suggest we can't know another's experience entirely. I wouldn't find it sexist for a guy to say women can't understand what it's like to be a guy. I once startled a woman really badly late at night. It was cold so I was wearing a big coat with the hood up and she was distracted by her phone and didn't notice me til I was almost on top of her. I thought the experience was funny and interesting. I wouldn't conclude from that that I have a man's understanding of an entire lifetime of women in isolated situations perceiving you as a threat. Maybe I'm giving TrMama the benefit of the doubt that that was the type of idea she was trying to get across and there might have been a better way to put it.
I agree with much of your post. But I disagree that nothing bad happened to that woman. Catcalling is, in and of itself, bad. It's disrespectful and it makes another human being feel uncomfortable and afraid. That's enough to qualify it as bad, no? It's pretty dismissive to suggest that just because she was not physically attacked it was "nothing bad". If I sit on a corner and hurl racist vitriol at passers by, is that "nothing bad"?
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But I didn't say "nothing bad" happened to her. I wrote "nothing physically bad." I mean, I understand that soundwaves entering her ears is a physical thing... but I thought it was clear what distinction I was making since I'd just allowed as how catcalling is very unpleasant to experience and that it's a real challenge women face.
And I agree that there's nothing degenerating about saying that someone can't know another's experience. Is it "spewing sexism" to say that I can never know what it feels like to receive a blow job?
Again, I think we're making the same point? I was saying I thought Sol's reaction was a bit off the mark. But last month I did go to battle with another forum member for saying most women seem terrible at remembering to turn the lights out :) so I can see how we all ought to be avoiding formats like [most][gender][something bad], or if you do say something like that, to explicate your meaning a bit.
