Hi Kale, I have a pointer not on finding a Mustachian, but on keeping one who's close enough but awesome besides:
I like frugality and analyze everything - my wife is frugal, though not to the same extent, and dislikes thinking much about it. She's completely awesome, for the record.
I do not expect her to hoard her dragon's nest ASAP, and neither does she expect me to get into motorcycling, photography, skydiving, or extensive international travel. This arrangement works almost flawlessly, hinging on these three points:
1. She has her money, and I have mine. We keep our own accounts and pay for things with a joint account which we pay into 50/50. Currently, we just keep our own salaries, though if ever one partner ends up supporting the other's career extensively, we'll just divide the spoils of our incomes 50/50, but still maintain our own accounts.
Hence, we begrudge each other nothing, because we can spend our own moneys the way we like. I want FI, she wants higher pricetag adventure and a higher intensity career (which she enjoys).
2. Point one would mean nothing, however, if she wanted to spend large amounts on groceries, vehicles, housing, and other joint expenses. Hence, her native frugality is important. She doesn't care to scan for ways to optimize, but she doesn't mind me doing it and often likes my suggestions. Where we disagree, we'll discuss, and if it's something unavoidably joint, but something she really wants, I'm usually ok with it. It's never been anything too significant: we agree on small and inexpensive housing, mostly veggie/grain diet minus the cheese, house parties with friends more often than not, I'm ok with us having a car (-40 degree winters helped the decision), etc. Point is, the other half doesn't need to be 100% gung ho for it to work. If they're mostly inclined that way on the joint expense side, then Point #1 above works flawlessly, because they spend as much as they want on personal hobbies/expenses and it won't slow you at all from attaining your goals (unless they go into debt: that's a problem if it happens).
3. K, bit cliche, but tons of communication. Talk everything over, look for compromise, and know what you cannot accept (dealbreakers). Always be civil, understanding, yada yada. Doing this excessively heads off most troubles.
Note: your above situation is clearly a dealbreaker. Avoiding that type makes sense.
Of course, I would just avoid relationships entirely unless they're fun. Single life can be awesome fun for many types of people. That said, if you're a love dove like me, just do awesome things you like to do with other people. From there it's just dominos: one thing to the next. Personally, I hate dating, and this was my top pick for finding people I liked.
Though clearly, this forum is rife with like minded males, some of which apparently live in Sydney. Maybe you two could cook some lentils together? :)
