The segment in red is modified from the original post. I had first said "gifts, hampers, etc," and this caused confusion, as some reasonably believed I was referring to a gift of a laundry basket, as opposed to a poverty survival package.
I posted yesterday's embarrassing story in my Journal.
The gist: I live in a new-to-me area, thus I am new to lots of people here.
People keep offering me gifts -clothes, leftover food, etc, which I absolutely love.
Nearing Christmas now, several have offered me a "hamper", which in this context is a basket of Christmas food and Christmas toys organized for families "in need" and "at risk of having to move out of the area if they do not receive support".
It occurs to me that people here think I'm poor.
I don't think of myself as poor.
I have awesome savings -not filthy rich by Western standards (can't even buy a house in most of BC), but I have great savings.
Income is incredibly variable, sometimes zilch, sometimes solid.
I love generosity, and I love receiving gifts that I can use.
I consider myself interdependent: I do need the human community.
I don't love people thinking they need to help me out on the assumption that I can't afford things, because that's not the case.
I also don't love the embarrassment, shame, etc, I feel when people think I'm poor.
I've been thinking about why they think I'm poor. I think they are taking these as clues:
I rent.
I rent the cheapest, smallest option in the area. (I'm crazy happy in it!)
I have very few possessions by Western standards.
I'm an only parent (no child support, etc).
I put exactly $1 each week in the collection plate at church, not more, not less. (I also make a private donation annually, but only the two treasurers would know that, and my annual donation hasn't occurred in the short time I've been here, so even they don't. I give the Sunday dollar so that my son has something fun to do at church, and so that my son understands that these things require money to run. It's a "fun" and "teaching" thing, not a reflection of poverty.)
I wear one of only two pairs of pants and one of three shirts daily.
I wear dirty boots, but that's because it's muddy out.
If I know there will be a crazy excess of food at a gathering, I don't bring more.
My son often says, "I'm hungry!" We have lots of food, he is free to eat everything all day at will. His disability, though, leaves him fixated on food. When it's around, he says this so that people will give him cookies.
I don't buy alcohol, food, crafts, etc, at events.
I go to stuff that's free.
Out loud (but not loudly), in public, I actively teach my kid to budget, and I say no to requests for things I think are excessive.
I don't let my kid take more than $2-$4 to school events (I don't want him to lose his cash savings).
I naturally say things like, "This costume item for the school play is $3.50! Ouch!"
I walk everywhere, including in the rain and snow, when most others are driving.
I think about what I buy before I buy it, do not purchase on whims.
I am selective about what and how much I give to my kid.
I use the library on some sort of Olympic level.
I've gone to a restaurant zero times, and a coffee shop once.
I severely limit my daytime cell use re: cost.
I buy second-hand.
On the other hand:
I write a cheque to my son's school pretty much every week, because that's what they require. I do not request the low income waiver on those fees. I do not even post-date them like they permit.
I have a great and shiny car.
I've donated money to at least four community things.
I bought my son a small meal at the event that had no other option for contributing.
My son bought himself a big thing at another event.
I am very healthy and also very happy! Like, beaming a lot of the time. So is my kid.
We have all the weather-appropriate clothing we need.
We even have extras, like skates and things!
So, I'm pretty frugal, yes, but I'm not poor.
They want to help me because they think I'm sort of poor.
I don't want to say, "No thanks, I'm filthy rich."
I know other frugal people have been mistaken for poor. What do you say when they try to give you food, etc?