Author Topic: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out  (Read 14387 times)

spartana

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You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« on: October 20, 2014, 04:22:18 PM »
 
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« Last Edit: April 09, 2017, 12:09:16 PM by spartana »

KMMK

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2014, 04:48:24 PM »
I'll have to let you know when it happens. It'll probably be at least 10 more years for me and another 7 or so after that for DH. We're the same age. I have lots of those concerns but as it's so far in the future I'm not worrying yet.

As I'm sure you are curious as to the reason for the time gap it's purely about differing investment styles.

welliamwallace

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2014, 04:59:49 PM »
Great question! I'm curious to hear from the veterans.

Jon_Snow

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2014, 05:33:21 PM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

firedup

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2014, 08:39:53 PM »
Hubby retired 4 years ago. Couldn't take it any more. He was 53. I plan to fire within 4-8 months. It's been rather complicated with family illness and a host of other issues. I get why he couldn't take it but at times it's been hard. The plan is that he is collecting a pension and will take ss in 4 years and pay all the bills and we will take some from the stash till then. So all in all it's been teamwork and give & take. I am so ready though!

retired?

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2014, 08:52:00 PM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Right with you Jon_Snow.  I am 7 months in, but no resentment.  Just recently after a former colleague asked her, in front of me, "it doesn't bother you that he isn't working?", she said that she trusts me on the financial stuff....granted, I'd rather her be more familiar and reach the same conclusions than simply trust me.

I do get up and send off our younger child to school.  I cooked dinner tonight.  Need to do more of that, etc.  since she is now working.  I visited her at work today and she seems very happy there.  We've been in the "he works and she does all the rest" mode for over a decade, so it will take some transition.  As well, also keep the house nice and tidy.  Funny, she actually said "I like a messy bed".

That said, I can see resentment occurring.  My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years.   We're pretty darn comfortable with each other.  If this "change" occurred 10 years ago, it might have caused more consternation.  Not now, though.

Exflyboy

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2014, 10:51:10 PM »
Well I quit for 7 months and have recently gone back for a short term project (6/ 7 weeks) 20 to 55 hours a week and earning an insane amount of money.. not that is remotely relevant.. except other wise I wouldn't do it.

My Wife has shown a little resentment.. took a while for her to admit this to herself. She is going to quit in 2 years..:)

me figuring it out shown here  http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/i-retired-today!-)/

Frank
« Last Edit: October 20, 2014, 10:56:48 PM by Exflyboy »

Allie

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2014, 11:16:21 PM »
Interesting question.  Just this year we dealt with this in our house.  I wanted to go balls out and both retire in three years.  My husband wants to take it slower and keep working.  we compromised.  I quit and stay at home with our kids, but have some very unmustachian services such as preschool and a house cleaner so I can enjoy a pseudo retirement.  My husband loves his job, comes home to a happy wife and children, and doesn't complain because it was his decision to stay in the workforce. 

If we didn't have two toddlers and traveling for long periods was feasible, this may not be as ideal a solution.  But, part of the reason we agreed to a 10year transition for him to part time employment is because at that point our children will be old enough to travel well.  I think it helps for him to know that if he decided he wants to be retired I will be happy to jump in to make that happen ASAP.  Given our lifestyle and goals our situation is working out really well!

markbrynn

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2014, 02:10:34 AM »
I'm in a somewhat similar situation to Allie, though I don't LOVE my job and am not volunteering to stay in the workforce. We have a 1 year old and my wife is officially a SAHM, but she wasn't working for about 3 years before baby was born either. Reason for that was that my job involved periodic relocations and made significantly more money than hers. She worked here and there when it was possible and she found something interesting, but wasn't forced to take any jobs just to stay afloat.

Regarding feelings: I was completely jealous of my wife not having to work, but I didn't (don't) resent her. She generally did more stuff around the house, but that wasn't the point (to me). I was just happy that one of us could enjoy that freedom. If we could swap places once in a while then we would, but financially it just doesn't make sense. Before baby was born we did take off traveling for 8 months, so I had my taste of freedom too.

For the foreseeable future she is now a SAHM, and we all know that that tends to be more work than any "real" job, so she's earning back any debit she may have incurred for her days of freedom.


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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2014, 02:37:15 AM »
I am out of the work force due to illness, the Hub is still in.  He has never said or done anything to suggest that it bothers him.  I do make a conscious effort to spoil him a little by making sure that weekends involve doing things he enjoys since there is plenty of time to indulge myself during the week.

EDSMedS

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2014, 04:45:44 AM »
Although we are a few years from FIRE, we have experience with each of us being in/out of the workforce - out of the last 60 months, only one of us was working for ~26 months, we were both working ~34 months.  DW is in an industry that she is passionate about.  I am not.  She will be the FI and I will be the RE of our FIRE. 

She has been forced to tromp around the country due to my military obligations, which has stressed us out but tightened up our strategies.  Our key has been open and honest communication, with scheduled check-ins.  The schedule takes the pressure off of the person that is "more curious" about the other's goals and it gives you some communication muscularity.  Weekly, we will discuss successes from the previous week, goals and roadblocks for the next week/month/quarter/year, and anything we can do to assist the other's goals.  When I was not working, my goals were often "I don't want to do anything this week.  I just want to do deadlifts.  And maybe I'll send out some resumes."  (Down time is important.)  DW knew my intentions and could participate and vicariously experience my "nothing."  Sometimes we disagree on the course of action, but it is better to disagree than to let bad feelings fester.  Everyone fears and is hostile toward that which they can't understand!

As we approach FIRE, during which I intend to RE while she continues to be "selfishly employed" (Jeff Yeager - How to Retire the Cheapskate Way), communication of our goals is becoming more and more important.  She knows that I am interested in at least 3 months of trying to relax and redefine (unlikely to occur b/c I am a spring-butt) and that there is potential for lone travel.  I know that she plans to go where her work takes her and that I will need to support the logistics of moving.  Even though our income plans are different, our life together is still the same. 

Best of luck to you!  Great question and I look forward to reading more responses.

dragoncar

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2014, 04:56:46 PM »
Somewhat related -- anyone considering "informal" job sharing as a way to smooth this transition?  It wouldn't work for everyone, but if there were say two married programmers, one could complete discrete programmings tasks here and there from home.  The other could then go home early every night and still turn out great work product.

Obviously, there are potential ethical and practical barriers here, depending on the field.

Jon_Snow

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2014, 09:50:52 PM »
That last bit you mentioned there Spartana, with the retired spouse going on an extended holiday without the still-working spouse... well, I think I'm going to give that one a test run in the Spring of 2015. We have a very nice home in the Baja that we have used to escape the soggy Vancouver winters for many many years. Our longest stay while both of us were working has been 3 weeks. I am going to run by my wife the idea of myself going there for 6 weeks in April of 2015. She would probably be able to come down for 3 weeks of that. Which means retired hubby kickin' back in the sun and surf for 3 weeks while she works.

Our marriage has been wonderfully free of adversity. This could be an important test case going forward. I'd really like to think that we can come to an understanding.

Allie

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2014, 10:52:43 PM »
My husband and I rarely took trips together before we had children.  If not to visit family, we had very different ideas as to what was an enjoyable vacation.  He would go out adventuring in the wilderness and I would explore large, foreign cities.  It never bothered us that we were off with our friends instead of each other.  When we get older and the kids are gone, I imagine it will be similar.  Since we will have kids to care for until he plans to retire, I won't be leaving for long travels while he is working.

However, I can see resentment building if you are in a relationship where the partner who is working isn't doing so by choice.  If my husband had to work to pay bills but I ran off, especially for a long time while he had to deal with everything at home, he may be less than thrilled.  Even if it was a trip to some place he would hate.  But, that's just us!

(by "less than thrilled" I mean really upset)

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2014, 01:45:25 AM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

dragoncar

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2014, 04:18:41 AM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays. 

VirginiaBob

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2014, 04:55:01 AM »
I'd like to take some trips like that without my wife.  Would be neat to go to Vegas to check out the Mustang Ranch or to the Red Light district in Amsterdam.

Workinghard

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2014, 05:32:11 AM »

The disastrous ones seem to be those where one SO retired earlier than the other but the working SO planned to follow them into ER shortly but ended up doing the "just one more year" thing several times. The retired spouse spends a lot of time waiting to start what they thought would be a shared retirement, maybe do some long term travel together or move to a new place, and the working spouse just keeps on working many years longer.  This happened to my Dad when he ER'd and his wife (step-Mom) was suppose to but didn't. They had lots of plans that never happened (and he didn't want to do them alone) and he was very disappointed and sad that his wife (who was older then him) chose to continue working almost 15 years longer.

We haven't retired yet and we're not retiring early. My dh will retire when he's eligible for Medicare at age 65. He REALLY wants me to retire at the same time for the very reasons you've shared. I've heard the first 10 years of retirement are the best when you can travel and before health problems. Course that doesn't apply to ER.

Our tentative plan:
The year he's eligible for Medicare, he'll have 100% going into to his 401k until it's maxed, and he quits,and we'll live off my income.

IF he decides to work per diem that income will be kept separate and not deposited into our checking account.

I'll work FT the rest of that year and then we'll consider me going per diem. Essentially we have to make it 5 years until we start drawing SS which is more than our current expenses. We've reached the 20-25 x living expense but I prefer not to draw from our stache in those early years. On the other hand, life is short and I want to enjoy life with my dh.

Neustache

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2014, 06:23:00 AM »
I am a SAHM so I feel like I've ER. Yes, yes....being a mom is a 24/7 job, I suppose.  But it's a fun job, with cute co-workers.  And I've worked jobs WAY more demanding than being a SAHM plus I had to squeeze in laundry/shopping etc after work or on the weekends.   Anyways, my husband isn't resentful at all.  He does NOT want to SAH with our kids (6,2) and now that his job is slightly more demanding mentally, I take care of the shopping and the cooking M-F.  He likes coming home to a mostly stress-free wife and with how my kids sleep....I couldn't imagine functioning well in a full-time job.  Yikes.  Hats off to those that do. 

My plan is to potentially get my teaching cert in the future, and we both work about 5-10 years before FIRE.  Hubby might continue to work but would hopefully be on a contract basis so we could travel whenever. 

rocksinmyhead

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2014, 07:17:26 AM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

This sounds awesome. Honestly I would love for my boyfriend to quit his job if it meant he would do ALL the housework and work out more :) Plus the getting up at the same time as her is actually a subtle yet awesome way to avoid her feeling resentful. Shit, even if you go back to bed for an hour after she leaves, I think it still makes a huge difference.

CommonCents

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2014, 08:10:02 AM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

This sounds awesome. Honestly I would love for my boyfriend to quit his job if it meant he would do ALL the housework and work out more :) Plus the getting up at the same time as her is actually a subtle yet awesome way to avoid her feeling resentful. Shit, even if you go back to bed for an hour after she leaves, I think it still makes a huge difference.

It's important on other levels.  DH and I go to bed at the same time.  We have a hard time falling asleep knowing the other might come to bed and disturb us in an undefined time, because you are always waiting for it.  So if you start sleeping in, you're also likely to start staying awake longer, disrupting the sleep pattern of the other partner.  So if you go back to bed afterwards - just make sure yor're not keeping your partner awake at night!  Note: Not applicable to those who either sleep like rocks or sleep separately.

Jon_Snow

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2014, 08:12:08 AM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

When I worked, I got up at 4:30am - I find waking up with her at 6:30am a small price to pay to ensure marital bliss continues. I have so much cool stuff to do everyday, it's good to get an early start on it and  I like to be up for the opening of North American stock markets too - which is 6:30 here on the Left Coast. :)

Beric01

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2014, 06:00:06 PM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

This sounds awesome. Honestly I would love for my boyfriend to quit his job if it meant he would do ALL the housework and work out more :) Plus the getting up at the same time as her is actually a subtle yet awesome way to avoid her feeling resentful. Shit, even if you go back to bed for an hour after she leaves, I think it still makes a huge difference.
You just hit on my greatest fear about re-marrying a working guy or even living with the current working BF -  the possibility of "messing up" my ER fun by feeling I should be doing all of the household chores. UGH that might kill me :-)!

But seriously that is/would be a big concern for me and one of the reasons I started this thread. Not only am I the type who would feel very guilty about travelling for long periods of time and leaving a working SO at home (I have done this with current not-living-together BF and have felt VERY guilty even though he's OK with it...in limited quantities but maybe not so much if we married or lived together), but I am the type who would feel very guilty not doing the majority of the household chores (something I detest) if we did live together even if he wasn't supporting me and we lived more like roommates financially. It's all on the fence right now but we are in different places in our lives - me already ER'd and him planning to work another 20 years - that I don't think any compromise we'd both enjoy would work. We've broken up over this before but thought we'd give it a try again and see what happens

Can't both partners be responsible for 50% of the expenses and 50% of the housework? In your case though, your coverage of the expenses would come from passive income.

arebelspy

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2014, 08:45:56 PM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays.

You'd better; that's the day you promised to pay me for all those hamburgers I've been giving you!
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and are now settled with three kids.
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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2014, 08:56:14 PM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays.

You'd better; that's the day you promised to pay me for all those hamburgers I've been giving you!

Wait - ARS gives out free hamburgers? Where do I sign up!

dragoncar

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #25 on: October 22, 2014, 08:56:38 PM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays.

You'd better; that's the day you promised to pay me for all those hamburgers I've been giving you!

You don't take Serve payments?

Jon_Snow

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #26 on: October 22, 2014, 08:58:37 PM »
I recognize that our current arrangement probably has a limited shelf life. If my wife was staring another 20 years of work in the face, then I don't think this would work.

But the plan is for her to work another 5 years or so - that's her preference. We are safely FI now, and if she grows tired of my ER escapades without her, then she can join me sooner. :) I have told her that I not going to hang around the house, catering to her every whim, forever. She gets it.

arebelspy

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #27 on: October 22, 2014, 09:03:08 PM »
Wait - ARS gives out free hamburgers? Where do I sign up!

Clearly not; I was expecting to get paid yesterday!

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays.

You'd better; that's the day you promised to pay me for all those hamburgers I've been giving you!

You don't take Serve payments?

Heh.  You always get the last zinger in dragoncar.  I tip my hat to you.

And now I'll go back on topic.

The wife and I plan to FIRE together, and can't wait to be FIRE'd together, however one of our contingency plans is her going back to work for a year or two. There's a number of reasons why it would make sense for her to do so over me that I won't get into at the moment, but if that does happen, we'll likely be looking forward to the day when we can both be FIRE'd together.

I think, personally, each person needs to do what makes them happy.  If the SO is good going to work while the other is FIRE'd, cool.  If the working one later changes their mind, they should be allowed to do that (even if that means the FIRE'd one going back to work to get to a point where both can FIRE - they can just think of their early FIRE time as a free vacation).
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and are now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about us, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

deborah

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #28 on: October 23, 2014, 03:19:33 AM »
My SO retired before I did. And he did nothing extra - no meals, no extra work around the house - nothing. He even became a couch potato! Did I get annoyed - sure thing. But I didn't say anything. I had read a lot about retirement, and most books say that for the first 6 months of retirement, you let go and do nothing. So he was just following the normal pattern. Besides which, I could have retired too - but for various reasons, I wanted to stay at work for another couple of years. But I was still annoyed.

Then I retired too, and everything worked out. But I still remember being annoyed.

hybrid

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #29 on: October 23, 2014, 08:45:31 AM »
Interesting thread. The missus should be retiring in two years. I will likely work for the next twelve. One of the reasons for that is there is a significant age difference between us. Will I resent her being retired while I still work? Not at all, I'll probably work about the same hours as her over a lifetime.

Having said that, the understanding is that while we both do about the same amounts of housework now, and I actually do more than half when she is getting slammed at work, she will be doing the vast majority of the housework in retirement while I work. One of our goals going into retirement is to get me out as soon as practical, and that may involve some ramping up at my job. That will surely be much easier for me with her retired, so I see her retiring under any scenario as a win for me as well.

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #30 on: October 23, 2014, 09:31:40 AM »
Spartana,
I think about this all the time. Not because I have a SO but what will happen if/when I meet my SO. I think at first it would be fine but will tarnish in time unless they are trying to be ER with me. If/when I meet my SO then I would show them how easy they can make it to FIRE.

Since my income already covers all of my living expense and spending money then they only need to come up with the extra food and spending money to cover them. He may already be at that level, if not I'm sure he could make it up fast if he sold the house and moved in (Big step). If he's working just because he still enjoys it then let him and go do your own thing.

Beric01

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #31 on: October 23, 2014, 06:02:25 PM »
Spartana,
I think about this all the time. Not because I have a SO but what will happen if/when I meet my SO. I think at first it would be fine but will tarnish in time unless they are trying to be ER with me. If/when I meet my SO then I would show them how easy they can make it to FIRE.

Since my income already covers all of my living expense and spending money then they only need to come up with the extra food and spending money to cover them. He may already be at that level, if not I'm sure he could make it up fast if he sold the house and moved in (Big step). If he's working just because he still enjoys it then let him and go do your own thing.

Yeah, this is interesting to think about. I'm single and have no plans to marry, at least until I reach FIRE. I would want to be able to focus on interests beyond solely being a stay-at-home parent, not that I would avoid those responsibilities either.

mozar

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #32 on: October 23, 2014, 07:09:28 PM »
If you like each other and things are fine, why change it? It's not a law that you have to live with your SO. If he's fine with living separately, and you going off for a few months and coming back to him, that sounds like a good gig!

Cigar2011

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #33 on: October 24, 2014, 07:35:05 AM »
I am not ER yet but getting very close.  My present job always me to be home for  a few days at a time so I will work 24 hrs then be off for say 48-72. In general i work 48 hrs a week not counting OT. Even with that much time home I am looking to spend more time with the kids.  That is why I am planning to fire. We, the wife and I, have talked about this and I don't think many things will change. I do some of the chores now seeing that I am off during the day more then she is.  I enjoy getting the kids off the bus and just spending time talking about what's going on.  Changing the oil with my little guy or going shooting. Planning and cooking with my daughter are all the reasons I will fire. Will she resent the fact that I am spending even more time with the kids, who knows. But she is choosing to work, she doesn't have to work so that is on her. 

DollarBill

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #34 on: October 24, 2014, 08:53:41 AM »
If you like each other and things are fine, why change it? It's not a law that you have to live with your SO. If he's fine with living separately, and you going off for a few months and coming back to him, that sounds like a good gig!
That's pretty much what we've been doing the last year couple of years but it really isn't working very well. I think that as time goes on it will become more of an issue as I want to do more things that require me to be gone longer periods of time. Plus I don't want to spend 20 years longer in SoCal - blech! I'd rather he be free to be with someone who better suits his lifestyle, and same for me (although I think that will be harder for me to do but who knows!). Sometimes compromises just can't be reached (and we have tried) and you just have to part ways.
I think we both have the INFP personality (The Dreamer)...lol

morjax

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #35 on: October 24, 2014, 02:38:53 PM »
One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

Sounds like a shame. One of my goals once I FIRE is to get up when I want, any day of the week. :P

I'm pretty sure I'll only be getting out of bed on Tuesdays.

You'd better; that's the day you promised to pay me for all those hamburgers I've been giving you!

I actually lol'd. Well played, sir.

libertarian4321

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #36 on: October 25, 2014, 03:22:42 AM »
I ER'd for about 4 years at one point, before going back to work (only because they allow me to work from home on flexible hours).

I told my wife she could retire too.  She's one of those workaholic types who complains about work, but would never consider retiring early.

She'd occasionally get upset, usually on a bad work day, but for the most part, she was okay with it.

Bob W

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #37 on: October 25, 2014, 08:47:55 AM »
So hates to think I am ever having more fun than her.

mm1970

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Re: You retired early and your SO didn't - how's that working out
« Reply #38 on: October 25, 2014, 09:11:49 AM »
So far so good. But it's only been a month. We will have a better idea 6 months in. No resentment from her at all. She loves going to work, and I have our home spotless and dinner prepared when she gets home every night.

And because I am now a diehard at the local gym, she is liking how hubby is looking these days. My ER is full of win so far. But like I said it's EARLY DAYS.

One thing I DON'T do is stay in bed when she gets up for work - that would be a bad move on my part.

This sounds awesome. Honestly I would love for my boyfriend to quit his job if it meant he would do ALL the housework and work out more :) Plus the getting up at the same time as her is actually a subtle yet awesome way to avoid her feeling resentful. Shit, even if you go back to bed for an hour after she leaves, I think it still makes a huge difference.
You just hit on my greatest fear about re-marrying a working guy or even living with the current working BF -  the possibility of "messing up" my ER fun by feeling I should be doing all of the household chores. UGH that might kill me :-)!

But seriously that is/would be a big concern for me and one of the reasons I started this thread. Not only am I the type who would feel very guilty about travelling for long periods of time and leaving a working SO at home (I have done this with current not-living-together BF and have felt VERY guilty even though he's OK with it...in limited quantities but maybe not so much if we married or lived together), but I am the type who would feel very guilty not doing the majority of the household chores (something I detest) if we did live together even if he wasn't supporting me and we lived more like roommates financially. It's all on the fence right now but we are in different places in our lives - me already ER'd and him planning to work another 20 years - that I don't think any compromise we'd both enjoy would work. We've broken up over this before but thought we'd give it a try again and see what happens
I love your tagline. :)

Yeah, I think about "early retirement" aka SAHMdom, and I think I would get to resent doing all of the household chores. I just don't like doing them.