Tackling my debt emergency through moving abroad, but what about family?

[flaskandpen]

Hi!

After flirting with Mustachianism in 2012, I relapsed and a lot of sh*t went down.

I’ve recovered by relocating abroad to a place where my only costs are my debt, dinner, and utilities.  My debt is so bad that I owe back taxes in the US, a massive student loan for a failed degree, and about $30,000 in credit card debt, half of which is on accounts that are past due.

Yeah. I’m a moron, and it’s sad, because I thought my debt was bad back in 2012!

I am learning to cook and have positioned myself well to get rid of this debt in two years.  My question is this: I am a teacher who has eight young nieces and nephews and family that thinks it’s crazy that I live abroad and expects me to visit and spend time with them over the summer, even though they are of course not footing the bill.

My question is this: do I interrupt my debt paydown to go to the States over summer vacation?  The only cost would be the plane ticket, but that’s still bad, considering I have so much debt.  On the other hand, I live in a rural city in China where there is little to do, and worry I might go crazy if left alone here for two months. Another option would be to go to a nearby country like Vietnam where the cost of living could maybe cover the cost of food, lodging and the plane ticket, but I would still risk my family’s ire. The fact that my mother has had a lot of health issues and was just in a bad car accident doesn’t simplify the issue.

I want to be as bad-ass as they come, but also highly value family.  I plan to work here for three years, and one other relevant fact is that work gives us a 12,000 yuan flight stipend per year. This means that my flight can be paid for, or I could pocket the money and apply it towards debt. The only caveat is that if we accept it as cash, we pay taxes on it, which significantly lowers the amount.

What should I do?

Sincerely,
Your Neighborhood Plebian/Baby Mustachian

[brooklynmoney]

Forget about the family guilt trip. What do you want to do? Sounds like you have a good solid plan for paying down debt and the fact that you are so dedicated that you moved to rural China to do so is impressive. Can you fly home for 1 month and then fly to Vietnam for the other? I loved my trip to Vietnam and could easily spend a month there again.

[snogirl]

You're at the 1st step of designing a plan to get out of hair on fire debt. You can Skype and hand make birthday and I miss you cards. If you are making a decision to this ends now go all the way. If they buy the ticket go for it otherwise focus on you
Best wishes to release the bondage of debt  ( I did it too 50k and have no debt it changed my life).

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

[Maenad]

Part of honestly valuing family is supporting them when they're doing things to make their lives better, whether it's digging themselves out of debt, eating healthier, etc.

Needless to say, most families don't actually value and support each other when you look at it that way. You have a large amount of debt including back taxes, and you're doing the right thing by working hard to pay it back and do better going forward.

And what's your family's response to this? Trying to induce guilt and harm your efforts to become better. Hmmm...

I recommend checking out Captain Awkward's blog - she has a wealth of advice on dealing with family guilt, and how to tackle it while taking care of yourself. And if all else fails, reverse the guilt-trip. "Don't you want me to be responsible and pay my debts? Don't you want me to be a fully contributing member of society and do the right thing instead of taking the easy way out? Isn't doing the right thing what's needed to build character, even when it's hard?"

[Freedomin5]

Hi from China. We started off teaching in the middle of nowhere in the middle of China for a year before moving to Shanghai, where we are currently based. Totally understand what you mean regarding going stir crazy during the summer. During our first year the town we were in only had mom and pop restaurants outside the school, and the nearest city was an hour coach bus ride away. We almost cried the first time we took the bus into the city and ate at Pizza Hut. The fact that I still remember I ate at Pizza Hut (7 years ago) should tell you something about how isolated our town was.

The question is: What do you want to do in the summer? If you want to stay, would you be working over the summer? Can you do English private tutoring to keep yourself busy (either in person or online via a company like VIPKID)? Or can you take on extra tutoring to save up for the plane ticket home?

If you want to travel frugally, have you considered traveling within China?

Also, if you’re in rural China, I can’t imagine the pay is terribly high. Have you considered completing your contract so you get relevant job experience and then seeking better paying opportunities in a larger city? If you have your American teaching credentials, you could get work at an international school, which tend to be better paying.

[flaskandpen]

Thank you all so much! I appreciate it a great deal.

Freedomin5: I’m in Fuyang outside of Hangzhou. It’s actually a huge city by US standards (750K);
just not very Western. However, the pay is higher than offers I had in Shanghai and Suzhou due to salary negotiations and the high tuition cost for students. In addition, due to my past spendy history, a key part of this was to make sure I was somewhere that it would require going out of my way to go into debt even more!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for mentioning tutoring. A friend in Hangzhou makes serious money doing it and had actually received an offer to help when I first arrived, but I was still adjusting and kind of forgot. I spoke to the colleague who connected us before, and he said he would definitely hook me up.

I worked in Beijing before and made up to $65 an hour tutoring there!! In addition, right or wrong, my family would be more understanding if I was actively working here, versus sitting around.

I do want to mention that I myself love time alone at home, as well as the idea of time to write, develop a side hustle I started a year ago online, and read to my heart’s content. It’s just that most Westerners here think it’s crazy to stick around any longer than necessary. I’m wondering if I am nuts to think I may actually enjoy the downtime. (There is a lovely river and lots of natural environment to enjoy via hiking, etc.) However, I’ve realized that most Mustachians delight in defying norms, and maybe it would be okay to listen to this “buckle-down panic” instinct pummeling me and making me want to stay put. Right?

[Maenad]

If you think you may enjoy the downtime, I say give yourself the opportunity to do just that! If you decide you want to do something different, you can (even if you have to wait until your next down time) - it's not set in stone for eternity. :-)

[FLBiker]

These are really personal decisions, but I personally would listen to what YOU want to do.  I don't put a lot of stock in guilt / obligation when it comes to relationships (but maybe I'm wrong).

I lived in China (Zhangjiajie) for a year and Taiwan (Hsinchu) for 5 years before that.  China is a cool place to travel around, and you can do it VERY cheaply if you're so inclined.  I spent a month biking / camping around Qinghai the summer I was there, and it was awesome.  I also spent a month in the winter in Xishuangbanna.  I mostly camped and stayed with farmers.  People are very friendly in small villages.  In cities, I sometimes camped (which can be dicey) or stayed at fleabag hotels near bus / train stations (definitely not for everyone).  Personally I wouldn't bother paying for a plane ticket to Vietnam until I'd explored China. 

If YOU really want to see your family, though, flying back is worth it.  Paying of debt is great, but it isn't the only thing.

[LightStache]

I would take the trip home once a year. I've actually been in a similar situation living overseas and skipped a Christmas because I was short on cash -- went to Malaysia instead and I don't regret that. But the path you've chosen is hard (and commendable) and you've already expressed that you might crack without a break. Visiting family will be a welcome change and it will reduce your guilt-stress over the next couple of years.

[flaskandpen]

Thank you so much, everyone! Part of my debt has come from travel, but the upside is that I have a lot of frequent flyer miles. I just realized that I could get a round trip ticket with mostly miles + about $300, which will offset the taxed part of the flight stipend a little. I am so thrilled and relieved—I can see family with minimal impact on my goals, and for a few weeks, which will still leave me time to tutor and raise extra money!

Sincerely,
flaskandpen

[Freedomin5]

Yes, there are so many opportunities to make money in China, particularly if you’re a native English speaker, that it makes sense to increase income as much as possible, focus on paying down debt and building your stash, and then giving yourself a bit of leeway in terms of visiting family.

For us, we set a savings goal, and if we want to travel/live luxuriously, we work extra through tutoring or other side gigs to earn our “play money”.

And yes, if you’re in a town of less than a million people, it makes it hard to spend money, as long as you don’t travel to Bora Bora and Bali etc every holiday, and as long as you don’t get addicted to Taobao. And you’re also close enough to Shanghai that if you miss Western food you can always take a day trip.