I agree about the yelling. I don't yell frequently. The last time I yelled was February. I had started birth control pills for endometriosis and they made me ragey for a few months.
My husband yells more. And I agree, it's scary when he yells. I can see he's trying to control it. He was very calm yesterday while this was all going on. But the kids have told me that he yells a lot while I'm at work. I can't control him though, so I'm not sure what to do about that. He is open to family counseling so maybe the counselor will get through to him. He is also open to reading the parenting books I got from the library today. He has never read a book in all the years I've known him or been open to any self improvement, so this is a positive step.
Haven't seen the rest of the thread since this, but is there at least a decent chance that your daughter's hormones are making her feel exactly this right now? Except without the years of experience of handling them, and without full frontal lobe development to, you know, help decide to make good choices.
Yay husband reading parenting books/maybe counseling! Those are good things! Yelling will either scare them, or will become ineffective. My mom's yelling no longer bothered me by 14 or 15 because I was used to it. So not a great long term parenting tactic either way.
ETA: Also, around this age I found a few adults that I developed better relationships with. A great aunt in particular, and some cousins in their 20's who were fairly responsible adults. That allowed me to feel more adult-ish, and it was a place for me to talk about how I felt about school, friends, siblings, and parents without judgement. I'm sure, looking back, that what I said made it back to my parents, but it was important for me to get my thoughts out there and also be taken (somewhat) seriously. That I knew best about my friendships, how my parents were annoying, etc. The older people could agree with me, which made me feel better, and also point out a few things like "maybe your mom just gets tired when you guys bicker all day, so that's why she snaps - maybe you could cut back a bit?" or "that friend really doesn't sound like a good friend to me, why are you friends?" that kind of thing. My parents or other close adults could have said the same thing and I wouldn't have listened. These other people were wonderful.