I looked a little bit more into our taxes. I think it's costing actually around $6k, because we lose dependent care deductions, etc. It is interesting to me that the amount makes such a difference in people's feelings on the situation, like it would be ok at $20k but not at $2k. I've also heard of a paper divorce for financial aid and qualifying for Medicaid.
....
We've been in your shoes and are again. Wife is doc making a fair bit more than you, while I'm between you and your DH. We examined paper divorce back in early 90s when, like now, we faced substantial marriage penalty. Decided against for a variety of reasons:
* Sentiment (hokey, but for us it did make a difference)
* Cost/inefficiency of documentation workarounds to fill the gap vis-a-vis Healthcare and financial PoAs, etc.
[edit: I am an attorney, and thought too much hassle]* Estate Planning (Mentioned by others and HUGE for you in 25 years or less)
* If lower earner (me) mostly retires to raise kids, you can get marriage benefit during the years of SAHParenting.
* Asset protection for things held jointly (depends on state), which can be attained otherwise, but for $$--see factor 2.
Bottom line, to us, it wasn't worth it. (But, YMMV!)
Another thought/observation is that you seem concerned with paying taxes each April. That is a good thing--if you are on top of things and know how much the tab will be (and you meet withholding safeharbors). My best tax year, due to special factors, resulted in an electronic transfer of more than we'll ever spend on a car to the Feds on April 15. Of course, that was when the tax-free interest on a municipal bond fund was worth catching; today, it is hardly worth bothering with.....
Finally, as others have said, you have, or at least can have, opportunities to put far more than 17,500 away each year. If you are in a small enough practice environment, push to have employer max out on plan contributions, or as you noted in another comment, look into breaking out on your own. The present 415 limit is $52,000.
Good luck. :-)