Hi Jives5-
I think you have got some good advice in this thread so far.
I wanted to tell you that I recognized a lot of my own story in your story.
Its hard to face the music, but avoiding and denying isnt working for you, so I encourage you to take hope, be positive, and just put one foot in front of the other and starting walking the walk. Corny, right? I personally rely on those cliche mottos to get me thru the tough times. like, the 4th week of every month. ha ha.
I have a journal where I have put up the details of my "mustachian 180". you can always make better choices. not necessarily easier, but better.
obviously you need to first, get very acquainted with the fine details of your financial picture. all of it. every debt, every interest rate, every expense, etc. Cut and reduce all you can. Rethink your housing. use mint or ynab to track and manage your financials.
as far as the kids activities go: the bottom line is you just cant afford them right now. it is money you literally do not have. you are borrowing money with no way to pay it back, and that is really poor decision making. aside from the fact that those particular sports can be really dangerous, and there are probably additional expenses involved besides the fees, (tickets or travel to games/competitions, uniforms, fundraising, for example). they are young and will have plenty of time in the future to get involved in activities, once you can afford them. find alternatives. spend family time together.
where I live we can go to free beaches and the park district has free pools and tennis courts. we do all kinds of free or very low cost activities. search those out. organize meetups of kids at playgrounds or fields where they can play or do stuff with their friends.
Id encourage you to do a journal, so that you can get ongoing support and advice. its a great community in that journal section :)
I am 40, my husband is 50, our kids are 10 and 7. we arent retiring anytime soon. we screwed up a lot and are trying to go forward smarter, but its true that its a lot of sacrifice and change. I will say, that as hard as it is, it does get easier. at first it was impossible to imagine not going out to eat every week (multiple times!) and we went out to brunch for the first time in months and it was a real treat. it hardly ever comes up, the idea of brunch out, and we used to do it every weekend!
new habits get established.
I think if you can be decisive and resolute, make some strong good choices, get some momentum, and you will see how fast things can swing around. a few combinations of increase income and decrease expense can really make a big difference.
obviously your housing is where you have a lot of room to improve, but gas and car also could be a big deal for you. when our $hit hit our fan, I sold our nice, comfy, roomy car with a loan and bought a 4k car with cash. we have one car now. way less gas, insurance, etc and obviously, no loan.
I wish you the best and I hope you continue to post and update. The support of these forums has made all the difference for me in my journey.
N