Author Topic: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!  (Read 25377 times)

ClaycordJCA

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #50 on: November 05, 2014, 12:07:47 AM »
Costco had a sale on their generic flea & tick control this week. $19 for a six month supply.   Be careful when buying at Costco, it can be easy to buy too much and you end up wasting a lot of $.

mollyjade

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #51 on: November 05, 2014, 11:37:46 AM »
If you haven't already called your health insurance/prescription insurance company to ask about savings, that might be an easy area to trim. There might be a preferred brand for the test strips or a mail order option that's cheaper. I qualified for free test strips when I lived in Louisiana, but I didn't find out about it for years. And in my current plan, the test strips have no copay if I buy them at the same time as the insulin, but have the nongeneric copay when I buy them separately (which is really weird). And again, it took me a long time to figure out why I only had a copay sometimes.

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #52 on: November 07, 2014, 04:01:56 PM »
mollyjade - He has to have a certain brand of test strips, to go with the insulin pump model he has.  He uses Omnipods, which are little things that go directly onto the arm or wherever, and are controlled by a remote control that is also the glucometer.  He could use a different brand, but that would require carrying around a separate meter and manually inputting the data into the Omnipod meter/remote.  The strips are only $10/month after insurance, though, which is not terrible.

ClaycordJCA - thanks for the heads up!  We are pretty set on flea/tick stuff right now; I get 6 months' at a time from Amazon and just got some a month and a half ago.  Do you know how the Costco brand compares to Advantix/Advantage?  I hate spending so much, but none of the cheaper brands we've tried worked on our dog.  Not sure if he's extra prone to fleas, or we just live in a flea-heavy area.  Amazon's prices are better than the pet store, but if Costco's would work as well, I'd be happy to switch. 

horsepoor - that's a good idea!  I'm thinking, since he takes out his spending money in cash, that whatever is left at the end of the month, we could add to the car payment on the 1st.  I'm not sure that would motivate him, but it's worth a try.  I did buy sausage today, and english muffins, and will be making breakfast sandwiches tonight for the freezer.


NewMustachian - I've looked around the Budget Bytes site before, but haven't made anything from there yet.  It's on my list, though.  I really need to get back into the habit of cooking; I worked a ton of overtime this summer, and between that and pregnancy, it was hard to motivate myself to get into the kitchen on a regular basis.

I think I should have titled this something about trying to become Mustachian with an unwilling spouse, because that really is the biggest issue.  Not that I'm perfect - far from it!  But he isn't willing to even try, it seems.  I guess all I really can do is lead by example, and take care of my own spending and debt issues.  One of us making improvements is better than neither of us making improvements, right?

The hard part is not letting his decisions affect me so much emotionally.  I take it personally when he spends money on dumb stuff, because to me that says that his immediate desires are more important to him than our long-term stability and happiness.  It's gotten to where I occasionally think about divorce, because I am so desperate not to end up like my (or his) parents, living paycheck to paycheck with no savings in my late 50's.  I'm 31 and I've been stressed about money my entire life I'm not willing to let it continue any longer.  And he agrees on the surface, but his spending decisions don't line up.

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #53 on: November 07, 2014, 04:10:40 PM »
I've heard a crapton of excuses in this thread.  At some point, you need to take responsibility for your own life.  And don't say that the vehicle is in your husband's name so you can't do anything about it.  You're married!!! 

I'd love to know what I should do about the car.  It is in his name only.  I am not on that loan.  Being married doesn't give me access to everything of his.  So what do you suggest?  Have my name added to the loan and then sell it behind his back?  Sell it behind his back without being on the loan - in other words, stealing it?  How else am I supposed to get rid of it?  Please, tell me what your magic solution is.  Divorce? 

I am taking responsibility for my life, and my finances.  And yes, I'm married, which means that there is another person in this equation, and I cannot make decisions for him, only for myself.  I can't force him to do anything, nor can I magically erase his debts or other obligations.  I can cut back on my own spending - which, if you actually read what I've written, I've been doing.  I can pay my debts - which, again, I have been doing.  I can make other changes to expedite the process, and that is why I'm here.  I'm not here to be told that my husband's mistakes (most of which were made before we were together) are my fault and that I'm responsible for fixing them, because they aren't and I'm not.  If you have suggestions to help me get him on board, that would be super, but blaming me for his decisions doesn't make any sense.

To those who have given positive & helpful feedback, thank you.  I really do appreciate the acknowledgement of what I've done so far to improve the situation, as well as recognition that I am actively trying to change a lifetime of habits and attitudes about money. 
« Last Edit: November 07, 2014, 04:24:26 PM by tofuchampion »

Allie

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #54 on: November 07, 2014, 04:30:53 PM »
Don't be discouraged.  I always think that if everyone just did what I told them to do, they would be so much happier.  But, change takes time and energy.  Pretty soon you will have a little person who you love more than anything completely dependent on you.  Being pregnant you get to experience what it is like to put someone else's needs before your own earlier than your spouse does.  Hopefully, when you have the baby your husband will get the same desire to create a stable, secure, and healthy home.  Not everyone does, but given your husband's background in ministry, I have faith he will come around.  I mean, who would choose a sausage mc muffin and monster drink over more time on earth to spend with their children? 

Keep us updated!

happy

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #55 on: November 07, 2014, 05:49:53 PM »
Tofu champion, there are a shit-ton of threads on how to bring SO in line. There is no easy answer.  Maybe the birth of the little one will change him, maybe not.  Keep working on your self and the things you can control, and use those threads to figure out how to get him more on board.  Separate finances is also a solution some use.

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #56 on: November 07, 2014, 06:47:10 PM »
happy - yeah, I've read them all, I think.  He's getting better, but it's SLOW and I get impatient.  I have to remind myself that I was where he is about a year ago - and I've changed a ton!  It's just frustrating, especially now with the baby coming any day. 

Allie - thanks.  :)


galliver

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #57 on: November 07, 2014, 06:57:30 PM »
Btw, love the idea of making breakfast sandwiches he can bring & heat up instead of trying to get him to stop or substitute another food (granola bar, etc). I know when it comes to myself, change is more likely to stick if I take it one step at a time. Here, first you remove the habit of stopping (by substituting basically the same thing), then you change the food. :)

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #58 on: November 07, 2014, 07:13:51 PM »
Btw, love the idea of making breakfast sandwiches he can bring & heat up instead of trying to get him to stop or substitute another food (granola bar, etc). I know when it comes to myself, change is more likely to stick if I take it one step at a time. Here, first you remove the habit of stopping (by substituting basically the same thing), then you change the food. :)

That's a good point, and I hadn't thought of it.

The sandwiches are made, wrapped, and in the freezer.  I got all the ingredients on sale, used a coupon for the english muffins on top of the sale, and when I did the math, these come out to 89 cents each.  Cheaper than McD's, bigger, and healthier.  He's at work and left before I had a chance to make 'em, but I told him I was going to do them tonight, so hopefully he waits to get home and have one instead of stopping on the way.

Next up, the energy drinks.  I can't exactly make my own, but I'm going to see if I can find them cheaper than the gas station.  Shouldn't be too hard.  Costco, maybe.

horsepoor

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #59 on: November 07, 2014, 09:37:56 PM »
horsepoor - that's a good idea!  I'm thinking, since he takes out his spending money in cash, that whatever is left at the end of the month, we could add to the car payment on the 1st.  I'm not sure that would motivate him, but it's worth a try.  I did buy sausage today, and english muffins, and will be making breakfast sandwiches tonight for the freezer.

I think it just takes some experimenting to find what will really compel a person on a visceral level.  If he hasn't already, maybe he can do some reading of MMM's blog?  I know there are a few gems in there that really caused me to change my spending habits, but I'm sure others did not stop in their tracks and do a total 180 over the same bits.  It's very personal.  While my husband and I have a good income, so my wasting of money wasn't a hair-on-fire emergency so much, any time he hedged the issue, I'd pretty much ignore him.  Sometimes having that neutral third voice is more effective.

Also, I don't know why the link isn't in my previous post, but if you Google Snowflake Debt Reduction, you'll find the article I was linking to.

N

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #60 on: November 07, 2014, 10:04:08 PM »
People CAN change. but it has to come internally. maybe your husband will get to the same place as you. maybe it will take longer than you wish, or maybe he wont change...but you can only do what you can do. I think its great that you are making a big effort and trying new things, like making the food ahead of time, finding best deals on drinks, etc. Sometimes its baby steps.

Turning the ship around takes time. Keep at it! Take the advice that works, and ignore the rest. :) Mine included :)

ClaycordJCA

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #61 on: November 07, 2014, 11:09:42 PM »
TofuChamp - the Costco brand we are using is Adams Pentagon. Only difference with the expensive brand is you apply it to four different spots along the back instead of just one. Works fine on our 65+ pound doodle. Now on month 7.

Josiecat

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #62 on: November 07, 2014, 11:32:33 PM »
Thank you for being loyal to your pet furbabies.  Yes, they are a lifetime commitment. 

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #63 on: November 08, 2014, 02:34:20 AM »
TofuChamp - the Costco brand we are using is Adams Pentagon. Only difference with the expensive brand is you apply it to four different spots along the back instead of just one. Works fine on our 65+ pound doodle. Now on month 7.

I looked it up, and the reviews are consistently horrible as far as the actual effectiveness...

In other news, I went ahead and ordered a couple of Ting phones for us.  They were more than I thought - $94.32 with shipping, and I didn't think to use a referral code till I'd already ordered (I did use a code when setting up an account, though).  So in a little over a week, we'll be done with US Cellular.  I'm pretty damn excited about that. 
« Last Edit: November 08, 2014, 03:58:24 AM by tofuchampion »

begood

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #64 on: November 08, 2014, 07:46:19 AM »
What kinds of energy drinks is your husband drinking? Red Bull? 5-hour Energy? Or are we talking Gatorade/Powerade type things? Costco sells them all in bulk at probably 1/3 the cost of gas stations.

Don't they wreak havoc with your husband's blood sugar level?

justajane

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #65 on: November 08, 2014, 07:59:26 AM »
FYI, 1-2 size Costco diapers are pretty darned cheap (ca. 10 cents each on sale), but once your babe grows out of those, Target Up and Up is way cheaper once you combine sales, Red card, possibly Cartwheel, etc. I have a six month old in Size 3 and pay around 12 cents for Target brand, whereas Costco is 16 each on sale.

Just information for your near future :).

ScroogeMcDutch

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #66 on: November 08, 2014, 08:08:41 AM »
I would also think that the sugar + mcdonalds would be even worse for a diabetic. If finances are not the priority there, his health should be.

What worked well with my girlfriend is going over spending we were doing, and asking ourselves - do we think this with worth xx,-? Turns out, the answer was often no - and sometimes yes.

2ndTimer

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #67 on: November 08, 2014, 08:21:06 AM »
What helps me to rein in the Hub's passion for what he calls "roller food" from convenience stores is making sure that he always has snacks in the trunk.   Whenever I got to Grocery Outlet or a salvage store I keep my eyes open for the sort of thing he likes and when it's cheap I buy it by the case.  The challenge is to buy stuff that is tasty enough to compete with roller food but not so good that he consumes the entire case in the first 48 hours.  This happened recently with a case of mango newtons.  Not exactly sure how this approach would mesh with diabetes since it doesn't sound like he is making any effort to control his sugar.

Apples

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #68 on: November 08, 2014, 08:31:49 AM »
I guess your biggest struggle is getting your husband to care.  Which will take lots of time.  I know you've done a lot of talking to him and are making changes where you can (genius idea to make the breakfast sandwiches!).  You've jumped with two feet into MMM, while he's not even cared to look.  So you might need to think that he's at more of a beginner Get Rich Slowly level (or similar blog) where you guys can meet all of your obligations, and maybe save some, so why not just spend on whatever I want?  My husband also stops for fast food when he's hungry, though he's cut it down from 2-3 times/week to 1-2 times/month, which is a great help.  It would be super helpful if he could agree to spend only a certain limit each month.  I know you've agreed on a number and then he's not held to it.  My husband greatly struggles with this, so now his spending money goes in a personal checking account, which when it's out of money he's done for the month.  I do our finances, so if he uses the joint debit or credit card for some personal spending, we put less money in the checking account next month.  He just had to get in the habit of not spending so quickly.  It took about 6 months.

What would motivate him to care about finances?  What would get him interested?  And what level of spending is he happy with?  I know people here argue that you can be happier at lower spending levels, but I think that's also a learned perspective.  What if his monthly spending was $150 and yours is only $100?  Instead of it being even, could you do that?  At what amount does he feel satisfied?  I know my personal spending is $125/month, and I could certainly up that to $200 and easily spend it, so I'm not truly comfortable at $125, but I wouldn't be significantly happier at $200.  My husband, otoh, gets a ton more enjoyment out of a $50 increase in monthly spending to put towards his hobbies.  So we have uneven spending amounts, but similar levels of happiness (as well as that can be judged, anyway).  He just has more expensive hobbies that bring him joy.

Dave Ramsey isn't my favorite out there, but he is superrrr motivational when it comes to paying off debt and making some life changes to do it.  While your husband may never get "gazelle intense" or even admit that his "hair is on fire", a focus on finances and changing the status quo would go a long way in your situation.  Maybe you could listen to a few of his podcasts or the radio show or the app to find a few callers that sound similar or one of his rants that you think would speak to your husband.

Some of the best advice I've ever received is that life is long, and marriage is long.  Patience is important, because you have a very long time together, and when you want to rush a change, rest knowing that eventually your partner will get there, or you'll find a suitable compromise.  You're not the same person from a year ago, and for all you know in 5 years your husband could be more enthusiastic than you if you just give him the right nudges and some time.  Or you could lose some zeal and strike a balance 2 years from now.  But have faith you'll get there, because marriage is long, and we all need some perspective.

Distshore

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #69 on: November 08, 2014, 09:37:00 AM »
I really feel where you are coming from, because you have a dreadful urgency about this, and your husband doesn't.  Two different thoughts; one that is slowly working for me and one that's just a guesstimate about your situation:

1) My DH is not a reader.  He has not read one single thing about MMM since I started talking about it a year ago.  However, I do the spreadsheeting for the house, and when I showed him that with a few small changes, we could save $5K per year, he elected to make about 50 % of those changes.  I didn't push him about the rest....just emphasised that every bit of money we save now will bring his goal of career change (to a much lower paying job) closer.  He thought he was frugal, but didn't realise how the little expenditures add up so fast.  Now he talks about Mustachianism even though he doesn't completely understand it ;)

2)  What are your husband's levers?  What is going to make him realise that changes are needed?  I am certainly not advocating manipulation, but sometimes a little genuine emotion can go a long way.  Does he know how terrified you are of him dying young because he's not treating his diabetes seriously?  Does he understand how that will impact your baby?  Many of the changes you guys need to make are not just financial, but health related.  I just wonder if that could be the path to making him care, and see that the small changes are indeed cumulative and add up to a big deal over the medium term.

I have nothing to add on what practically those changes should be - I think that is very well covered.  Best of luck and long distance hug....

Goldielocks

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #70 on: November 08, 2014, 11:33:09 AM »
How do parent plus loans work?

I thought they were fully taken out by the parents, who are the ones agreeing to repay it.

If so, it is time to sit down and show them the huge debt from student loans they allowed him to incur. And then start talking about the new grand baby.

Maybe you can have them understand that you can't pay their loan for them any more, even if you previously agreed to do it?

This will be hard as your husband is still spending on a lot of small stuff, but the baby is a valid reason to revisit earlier verbal agreements.


tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #71 on: November 08, 2014, 06:39:35 PM »
How do parent plus loans work?

I thought they were fully taken out by the parents, who are the ones agreeing to repay it.

If so, it is time to sit down and show them the huge debt from student loans they allowed him to incur. And then start talking about the new grand baby.

I don't actually know how they work; I'll have to ask him.  We're not currently paying his parents anything; he wants to start.  They are quite patient about it all and I think they would be happy with a nominal amount at first - maybe $50/month. 

1) My DH is not a reader.  He has not read one single thing about MMM since I started talking about it a year ago.  However, I do the spreadsheeting for the house, and when I showed him that with a few small changes, we could save $5K per year, he elected to make about 50 % of those changes.

Ha.  I've tried to get him to read.  He read a few articles, go to the one about how the MM's achieved FIRE so quickly, and concluded that none of it applies to us because our income is so much lower than theirs was and our debt load is so much higher.  I pointed out that the principles still apply and still work, regardless of income, and he acknowledged that, but isn't really interested in reading more.

2)  What are your husband's levers?  What is going to make him realise that changes are needed?  I am certainly not advocating manipulation, but sometimes a little genuine emotion can go a long way.  Does he know how terrified you are of him dying young because he's not treating his diabetes seriously?  Does he understand how that will impact your baby?  Many of the changes you guys need to make are not just financial, but health related.  I just wonder if that could be the path to making him care, and see that the small changes are indeed cumulative and add up to a big deal over the medium term.

See, he doesn't get the impact of small changes, whether it's money or health.  We've had some scares - he's had hypoglycemic seizures in the middle of the night, twice resulting in me having to call 911.  If I hadn't been there, who knows what could have happened.  He almost didn't get his current job because he failed the physical the first time around. 

But right now things are okay.  His vision sucks but it's not so bad that he can't drive or whatever, and lots of people have crap vision, right?  His feet are in surprisingly great shape.  But it will catch up to him, I know that.  It's more real to me because I work in a hospital and have a LOT of patients with complications from poorly managed diabetes, both type 1 and 2.  Sometimes I wish he could come with me for a shift and see some amputations, some people with end-stage renal failure who are only in their 40's and 50's.  I'm afraid that he won't get it till it's too late. 

So he'll eat whatever he wants in the moment, and thinks, oh, I'll just cover it with insulin.  Never mind that it's that kind of up-and-down that will lead to the worst complications. 

Same with money.  He wants something now, he'll do it now, and figures the money will just come from somewhere else.  Never mind that the "somewhere else" might be more important, and this kind of constant whack-a-mole approach (borrowing a phrase from YNAB) doesn't leave anything for debt payoff or savings.

Honestly, I think he's depressed.  He sees our situation as hopeless (though he does acknowledge, and think it's awesome, that we've paid off approximately $2k of debt since July, and the bank account is always positive now).  I think he does what feels good in the moment, because it does feel good for that few minutes.  He doesn't have the motivation to think longer-term, or make any sacrifices.

Of course, diabetes frequently leads to depression.  Funky blood sugar levels and constant up-and-down screws up brain chemistry like crazy.  I've asked him to think about talking to someone, but he won't because 1) he doesn't want to spend the money (ironic, I know), 2) he doesn't want to be diagnosed with anything, and 3) he doesn't want to take any more meds (besides the insulin, his doc has him on cholesterol meds, even though his cholesterol is fine, as a preventative measure bc of the diabetes and family history). 

So yeah, baby steps.

I guess your biggest struggle is getting your husband to care.  Which will take lots of time.  I know you've done a lot of talking to him and are making changes where you can (genius idea to make the breakfast sandwiches!).  You've jumped with two feet into MMM, while he's not even cared to look.  So you might need to think that he's at more of a beginner Get Rich Slowly level (or similar blog) where you guys can meet all of your obligations, and maybe save some, so why not just spend on whatever I want? 

What would motivate him to care about finances?  What would get him interested?  And what level of spending is he happy with?  I know people here argue that you can be happier at lower spending levels, but I think that's also a learned perspective. 

Yes to your first point.  He pretty much feels like if the bills are paid, any money sitting in the account is available to spend.  Like I've said, we do use YNAB, and he understands the concept of spending from categories instead of balances, but almost never actually checks category balances before spending.  I've started taking any money that isn't going somewhere immediately, and moving it to the savings account (bonus: we get a teeny bit more interest this way, .75% instead of .25%), so that he can't use the debit card.  He could just move it back, but he never does, and I take advantage of this.  ;)  This has helped.  Right now we only have about $150 in the checking account and $260 in savings.  He'll only notice the $150, and the other $260 is safe. 

I think that once we start to make more headway on our debt, that will motivate him to do more.  He has to see that it's possible, and that we won't be sacrificing quality of life to make it happen.  Like I said, we've paid off a small amount of debt, and gotten out of the overdraft cycle.  He gets a little excited about that.  So I think the more we're able to do, the more he'll be willing to participate.

What kinds of energy drinks is your husband drinking? Red Bull? 5-hour Energy? Or are we talking Gatorade/Powerade type things? Costco sells them all in bulk at probably 1/3 the cost of gas stations.

Don't they wreak havoc with your husband's blood sugar level?

He prefers Rockstar, but would probably be happy with anything I buy.  He does get the sugar-free kind, so it doesn't affect his sugar directly, though I'm not sure how all the caffeine and other stuff plays into it.  I can't imagine it's good. 

The Costco website is showing me 24 cans of Monster for $35, which comes out to $1.45 per can.  Lately he's been getting them 2/$3 at the gas station, so it's not a huge savings... but he'll also drink both on the same night, and if he was bringing them from home, he'd only bring one.  AND, that would come from the grocery budget, not his spending $, and I think it would motivate him to have spending money to use for other things he's been talking about and/or just have some left over at the end of the month.

Yay!

FYI, 1-2 size Costco diapers are pretty darned cheap (ca. 10 cents each on sale), but once your babe grows out of those, Target Up and Up is way cheaper once you combine sales, Red card, possibly Cartwheel, etc. I have a six month old in Size 3 and pay around 12 cents for Target brand, whereas Costco is 16 each on sale.

Just information for your near future :).

We're doing cloth, actually, and are pretty set for at least the first 6 months, but thanks!

Thank you all so much for your feedback.  You've given me a lot to think about, and I'm getting a clearer picture of the next steps. 

Perhaps I should start a journal...

bradleylsmith

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #72 on: November 08, 2014, 08:39:19 PM »
I feel you, I have $68,000 in student debt from a useless music degree 4 years ago and my wife had around $70k in an unfinished degree who now is a stay at home mom with our 2 kids. We started with $138,000 in student loan debt and I made around $5k a month before taxes so very similar. After 4 years we feel like we've accomplished a ton by paying off the around 40k in debt we have so far.

A really cool tool I use to keep track of this is mytotalmoneymakeover.com's debt snowball - sponsored by Dave Ramsey. Here's a few pictures to give you an idea of my debt and how it visualizes when I'm debt free.

Overview:



This shows you when each debt will be paid off, assuming you put previous debt payments onto the next debt in your list. You can order them as you see fit, put extra payments on them either one time or recurring...pretty slick tool. You can see I've planned on putting a lump sum payment on my highest interest loan in march of next year, and then another lump sum in september. I'll be debt free in 2022.



Hope this helps, it really motivates us!

bradleylsmith

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #73 on: November 08, 2014, 08:46:46 PM »
Oh and with our kids we used cloth diapers and completely recommend bum geniuses. Spent around $150 upfront and you can buy more as you decide you can do it. Don't skimp on the diapers or you won't want to do them, but they've saved us a ton of money over disposables.

http://www.bumgenius.com/


bradleylsmith

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #74 on: November 08, 2014, 08:56:53 PM »
It sounds like you share a bank account which is great. Can you give him cash to spend at the beginning of each month for the categories he has to spend on junk instead of a blank check to the bank account?

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #75 on: November 08, 2014, 09:14:49 PM »
It sounds like you share a bank account which is great. Can you give him cash to spend at the beginning of each month for the categories he has to spend on junk instead of a blank check to the bank account?

I do give him cash...but he still has a debit card for the joint account.

Oh and with our kids we used cloth diapers and completely recommend bum geniuses. Spent around $150 upfront and you can buy more as you decide you can do it. Don't skimp on the diapers or you won't want to do them, but they've saved us a ton of money over disposables.

http://www.bumgenius.com/


Right now we have 30 newborn prefolds + a dozen or so covers.  Then a dozen size one prefolds + various covers.  We also have a bunch of pocket diapers.  The brands are varied; we bought them in bits and pieces, mostly secondhand.  I figure we don't know what we'll like best, and different brands & styles work better for each kid, so once we get past the newborn stage and have it more figured out, we'll fill out the stash.  We're completely set for the first few months, though - and we definitely have quite a few BG in there.  :)

A really cool tool I use to keep track of this is mytotalmoneymakeover.com's debt snowball - sponsored by Dave Ramsey. Here's a few pictures to give you an idea of my debt and how it visualizes when I'm debt free.

I can't see the pics bc I'm on a work computer and it's a billion years old, but I'll check out the tool on the DR website.

We do have TMMM and one or two other DR books that someone gave us years ago.  I remember Husband getting somewhat excited about it - not that he really followed through all the way, even then - but maybe the second time around it would be better.  Worth a shot, right? 

justajane

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #76 on: November 09, 2014, 05:48:48 AM »
Right now we have 30 newborn prefolds + a dozen or so covers.  Then a dozen size one prefolds + various covers.  We also have a bunch of pocket diapers.  The brands are varied; we bought them in bits and pieces, mostly secondhand.  I figure we don't know what we'll like best, and different brands & styles work better for each kid, so once we get past the newborn stage and have it more figured out, we'll fill out the stash.  We're completely set for the first few months, though - and we definitely have quite a few BG in there.  :)

This is a very sensible approach. BumGenius didn't work for us (stunk to high heaven), but other brands did. Every baby's behind is different. Prefolds with covers are the cheapest, plus you can bleach them if they ever get the stinkies.

We do both cloth (prefolds as infant, fuzzibunz later) and disposable - cloth at home and disposable out, at night, at his Parent's Day Out program, and frankly when we're just too tired to tackle cloth. But we're on the third kid on the same cloth diapers, so it's all bonus money at this point.

Good on you for trying cloth to save money. By buying used you will come out even more ahead.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #77 on: November 09, 2014, 06:36:56 AM »
The electric bill is high because Husband is from Iowa, but we live in NC, and he has no heat tolerance. 
I thought I would never get used to the humid NC heat either, and before that I lived in a country where the government airs warnings on national TV whenever temperatures rise above 90 for more than a few days. The first summer was hell, but it's now been 3 years and I can survive fine with minimal AC. This last summer our electric bill for the 2 bedroom apartment never exceeded 250 kWh (roughly $35). Where there's a will there's a way!

Distshore

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #78 on: November 12, 2014, 08:42:00 AM »
Sounds like you're onto a good thing by moving any spare cash to savings so that he doesn't "see" it.  I would keep doing it, use it to pay on the debts and show him the results every month or so.  I agree with you that if you can "prove" him some results that he may start to believe it's possible.

And why can't you take him to work to show him what happens when diabetics don't treat their condition with respect and care?

tofuchampion

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #79 on: November 12, 2014, 02:57:58 PM »
And why can't you take him to work to show him what happens when diabetics don't treat their condition with respect and care?

Because of HIPAA.

Besides that, he KNOWS, but it's all abstract because he's young and has great feet so far and blah blah blah.  It's different from my perspective because I see it close-up. 

In happy news, I sent him a long email detailing the cuts I want to make to the budget, because he asked me how exactly we were going to get our expenses down to ~$1500/month.  So I showed him.  I then pointed out how much this would free up for debt repayment, how quickly we could get rid of the car, and how much more that would help.  He got excited about that.  Like I've said before, his biggest hangup is not thinking it's actually possible to get out of debt in a reasonable timeframe, so showing him 1) that it IS possible, and 2) how we're going to do it, made a big difference.  We're estimating 6 years for complete debt payoff, but that doesn't factor in any increases in income, or windfalls, so it could be faster.  Still, 6 years is pretty damn good, I think.

Bonus happy: the new Ting phones came today! I'm trying to activate them, but am having issues getting some info from the US Cellular website.  Of course.  *rolls eyes*

Oh.  Also.  I don't think we're going to move in May.  Yes, we'd be closer to his work, but we'd be farther from everything else, and would most likely do even more driving.  Besides that, rent in the town where he works is higher - we'd pay at least $100 more for the same size house we have now.  So we'd break even if we were lucky and/or never left the house, but probably end up spending more. 
« Last Edit: November 12, 2014, 03:05:49 PM by tofuchampion »

Allie

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #80 on: November 12, 2014, 05:39:45 PM »
Sounds like he is getting there!!!  Maybe get him to freeze the debit card for a little bit...you know, literally freeze it up in a cup of water...I remember hearing that as advice on how to control credit card spending.

I know you can't take him to work, but maybe see if there is someone who would be willing to talk with him.  You can't just introduce him randomly to a patient, but patients are always able to agree to have a visitor.  Our good friend took care of himself reasonably well but quickly went from seizures to renal failure.  At 35, he just happened to be insanely lucky and got a new set of organs.  I can't imagine he or another patient like him wouldn't be willing to help a younger guy who may be facing the same thing. 


Distshore

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #81 on: November 15, 2014, 05:58:33 AM »
Quote
Because of HIPAA.

Shows how much I know about healthcare regs here :(

Congratulations on the progress you are making!  It sounds like you're a lot further forward than when you started the thread :)

2ndTimer

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Re: Reader Case Study: HOLY SHIT MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
« Reply #82 on: November 15, 2014, 09:13:41 AM »
I stopped back to see how the breakfast sandwiches worked out and saw that you have done a LOT of good stuff.  Brilliant idea moving money from checking to savings.  Sounds like you are making progress educating your husband too.  One suggestion on the diabetes:  If you are talking to him about consequences of not controlling blood sugar, hit blindness especially hard.  People have a hard time picturing things like dialysis but anybody can imagine blindness and be scared.