I just read RootOfGood's suggestion to discuss taking just a year off, so it doesn't seem like RE will be forever. Maybe that will help.
Big congrats on your retirement btw, DD! Since it's been a few months, can you share how things are working out between you two? Is she adjusting to your new life together?
For now I'm going to put on my Optimism Hat and assume that we'll get there too, and things will work out.
Yeah, I did the same thing with taking a year off (fortunately my work allows that). Although I consider my retirement to be likely permanent, it was a fail-safe in case I changed my mind or if we had a repeat of 2008/09 and the markets tanking. I'm not sure it made it any easier for my wife to accept -- jury's still out on that I guess.
I'd say after about 7 months, my wife now is no more nor no less apprehensive about my retirement. She's just really risk-averse, and does not understand or accept the whole notion of FI (despite 1000 explanations). She'll always throw up some bogeyman argument about how uncertain the future is and all the things that could go wrong -- or how we could have so much "more" if I kept working. Explanations of "but I don't need or want more" do not make an impression.
I like your optimistic approach. And I know a lot of people in this thread are saying "there must be something else at the root of this, it's not just about the money (or whatever)." But I'll be contrary, based on my own experience: I don't think there's necessarily anything else underlying.
Some people just are not on board with the notion of FIRE, for whatever reason, and there will be no convincing them. They either accept it, or they don't.
So, I don't mean this as a downer, because I think it's empowering to exert control over the things you can: But honestly, I think you might find that you just have to make a decision on what is most important to you: FIREing without her joining you in it, or continuing to work to satisfy her needs. Sometimes people are hung up on things that are irrational (to us, at least). But once you've been over and over all the concerns, you're just left with two people who disagree, and you can then only make a choice for what is most meaningful for you.
I could think of 1000 things I might not be able to convince a spouse over, such as having or not having kids; living a frugal life frugal or not; whether or not the death penalty is just; voting Republican or Democrat; and so on. Some of those things we might just accept differences of opinion (like voting), and our relationship can continue on relatively harmoniously despite the differences. But some, like having children, are deal-breakers. You can't make the other person have kids (at least not ethically, like tricking them by not using birth control). In those cases, you can only decide which is more important: staying with the person you are with, or choosing to find a relationship with someone else who can honor your goal of having kids.
In my case, we reached an agreement that I would FIRE, and she would continue to work as her preference. So thankfully it did not come down to "it's me or FIRE, take your pick." But if it had, I probably would have concluded that I could not stay with someone who would force me to work another decade just to satisfy their need for more stuff/status/whatever. I would have resented it too much. So, I would have FIREd anyhow, and if they chose to leave me over it, so be it.
Good luck!