Author Topic: Protecting senior parent from greedy adult child -need advice or "let it go"...?  (Read 2246 times)

Paradise

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Mr. P's 94-yr old dad (in fab health - great genes!) who has a little nest egg through investing and wise 'stachian ways all his life, has decided and told a horrified other family member he now wants to "buy a house" for needy/greedy daughter in the South and would give up his borrowed, and rent-free house to live there too. (Not sure if all this was just a trial balloon or not, but he was asking to take furniture since "they'd need a lot" - eek.) FIL knows this chick - and her teen - are a total hot mess in just about every way you could imagine, but has been shoveling her $ and excusing her manic spending/living/schemes for decades (everyone in the family gets bill collector calls asking about her and that's only one reason everyone is estranged), so...

- Two other children and vast extended family are scattered all around the country, but apparently, Dad doesn't want to live any longer where nasty winter weather is an issue. (Can't really blame him there.) He does still drive.
- Mr. P is visiting his dad shortly - only happens every couple of months, although phone calls are very frequent, but what advice can wise-'stashians give Mr. P for some face-to-face talking points on what to try and mitigate this?

Not sure any mind-changing would happen - but there's no clock ticking on anything, so we're puzzled where this is all coming from now, except a recent health scare that probably provoked something. If he's really determined to escape another winter, we'd love Dad to take his $ and settle in a no-maintenance apt or in a vibrant senior community maybe near one or more family folks where he can happily enjoy what's left of his life without daily drama and being a live-in servant - but if he's determined to pursue this, how can Mr. P help protect him? Maybe this is his idea of a "pre-inheritance" for her (?) and Mr. P should butt out? Although we don't need an inheritance when the time comes, there are other children and grandchildren who might. Though, I truly believe the rest of us just prefer him to be comfortable and happy for however long he has left and not be sucked dry by this leech.

Sorry for the length - would love ideas, tips, and suggestions (even if you say MYOB!) from anyone who has experience in dealing with similar situations - thanks!

Rebecca Stapler

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Maybe he feels that moving in with her is his only option if he wants in-home care? Mr. P could invite him to move close to him, or move in with him, and show him his local options. Or, other family members could step up.

If he's thinking about it like a pre-inheritance, then it would be a good idea to revise his Will to reflect that. Maybe the Will would provide that the daughter gets the home and the rest gets divvied up among the rest of the relatives? Another way to set it up is to leave her out of the Will completely and buy the home in trust for her, with him having an irrevocable life estate.

matchewed

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If the 94 year old dad is in fab health and is fully alert then there is nothing. Your husband could voice his concerns and let it go. It is not his place to dictate the actions of someone who is full possession of their faculties.

Paradise

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Crisis averted - on his own, Dad decided moving plan was a really bad idea and Mr. P did not even have to "butt in." Whew.  Not sure yet, but maybe the eventual solution will be extended stays with a rotation of welcoming family members and a bit of snowbirding to get through the winter...

Many thanks for taking the time to post replies - we're very grateful for your input!