Author Topic: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring  (Read 3269 times)

zachaloo

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Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« on: April 24, 2018, 11:14:13 AM »
In the next few months, I plan on proposing to my gf. We have had a few serious discussions about this part of our future and I know what style ring she's looking for. She doesn't want anything fancy: solid yellow gold ring with a single stone. I have never purchased real jewelry before (my HS ring was $170 stainless steel from Wal-Mart, and I opted not to get one for college graduation), so this is uncharted territory for me.

On another mustachian note, I told her that I want a dark metal ring, cheapest she could find.

grandep

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2018, 12:54:18 PM »
I used MoissaniteCo.com to buy my fiancee's engagement ring and wedding band. Whether or not you think it's cheap will depend on your frame of reference. Compared to a "real" diamond, moissanite is significantly cheaper and is basically indistinguishable from a natural diamond to the untrained naked eye (as long as you buy a good quality one).

Lady SA

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2018, 01:18:52 PM »
My DH got my ring from Blue Nile.

I second the idea of getting a moissante (sp?) stone instead of diamond. I do have a very small diamond, but sometimes I wish DH had instead gone with a stone that I'm not so paranoid about misplacing lol :)

zachaloo

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2018, 01:27:50 PM »
Those moissanite rings look beautiful, and it looks like they definitely have the style she likes. Still open to suggestions though.

ysette9

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2018, 01:30:36 PM »
We had a positive experience with Blue Nile. I don’t know about moissenite (sp?) but I know that cubic zirconium scratches pretty easily and is not a diamond alternative that I would personally choose.

grandep

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2018, 01:33:21 PM »
We had a positive experience with Blue Nile. I don’t know about moissenite (sp?) but I know that cubic zirconium scratches pretty easily and is not a diamond alternative that I would personally choose.

Diamond is a 10 on the hardness scale, moissanite is a 9.25, cubic zirconia is 8. Moissanite is much harder than CZ and almost as hard as diamond.

Kierun

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2018, 01:52:33 PM »
I've also been shopping around for a ring.  I was hoping the GF would be okay with moissanite but insists on natural diamond and not lab created diamonds, which are still diamonds, just man made and significantly cheaper.  So, if she isn't interested in a diamond alternative (moissanite/amora/etc), I've been perusing James Allen, Brian Gavin, Brilliant Earth, and Blue Nile.

zachaloo

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2018, 02:01:27 PM »
Yeah I'm debating whether or not to ask her if she's okay without it being a diamond. I think she would be fine with it, but her parents and siblings would probably flip out and think I'm some sort of freak cheapskate. They all live very inflated, materialistic lives. Thankfully the gf is very different from them in this regard. She's not very mustachian yet, but she likes that I am and shows interest in learning more of those ways.

mm1970

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2018, 02:06:32 PM »
I'm a moissanite fan (have a necklace and bought my mom a ring).

Kierun

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2018, 02:21:11 PM »
I'm a fan of being upfront about things and want to make sure it's exactly what she wants, she'll be wearing it on her finger daily for decades.  My fear was that I would go with moissanite/lab created and she found out and wasn't happy and now the ring was a constant negative reminder.  So we talked about it, went over the options and ultimately she decided on natural.  She doesn't know why she wants natural vs the others aside from just because, which is good enough reason for me.  I got blasted by my family, female and male members, for even considering something other than natural diamond, but all in all a decent conversation at the end of it all.

frugaliknowit

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2018, 02:26:01 PM »
Have you considered buying a used ring?  From what I've read about jewelry, you get much better "bang for the buck" buying from a pawn shop or a dealer that sells used....

slappy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2018, 03:11:08 PM »
Yeah I'm debating whether or not to ask her if she's okay without it being a diamond. I think she would be fine with it, but her parents and siblings would probably flip out and think I'm some sort of freak cheapskate. They all live very inflated, materialistic lives. Thankfully the gf is very different from them in this regard. She's not very mustachian yet, but she likes that I am and shows interest in learning more of those ways.

The family members don't have to know!

middo

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2018, 03:16:21 PM »
This is not a recurring purchase, and once spent will be with you and your wife hopefully for life. Go buy the ring with her.  Make sure you both look at it with joy. Do NOT think too hard about this expense.  It is not a car that wears out and devalues, as the value in a ring is what it means to both of you.

sol

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2018, 03:34:47 PM »
I don't think I could have married anyone who insisted on a "real" diamond wedding ring. 

Diamonds are expensive, not rare.  They are an artificially manipulated marketplace with insane markups, and the profits flow to horrible people who do horrible things in horrible parts of the world.  You might as well ask me to send my money straight to ISIS.

Have her read a book about the diamond trade.  Literally ANY book about the diamond trade.  This is one of those examples where the tiniest bit of education can completely reverse a person's thinking on a topic.


iris lily

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2018, 05:30:06 PM »
I don't think I could have married anyone who insisted on a "real" diamond wedding ring. 

Diamonds are expensive, not rare.  They are an artificially manipulated marketplace with insane markups, and the profits flow to horrible people who do horrible things in horrible parts of the world.  You might as well ask me to send my money straight to ISIS.

Have her read a book about the diamond trade.  Literally ANY book about the diamond trade.  This is one of those examples where the tiniest bit of education can completely reverse a person's thinking on a topic.

Oh dear god. No. Do not make her “read a book about the diamond trade.”  A lecture before getting engaged, how fun. NOT. Perhaps she is open to a brief discussion about blood diamonds and etc, but if not, forcing it is uncool.

I am not interested  in the  “blood” aspect of my engagement diamond ring which  I have had for 30 years. I am fully aware that the diamond industry keeps the market artificially inflated. I would never be so foolish as to buy diamond jewelry for “investment” purposes. Mewelry even dates itself, styles chamge every few years and none of it is ti eless.

All of that said, maybe the girl wants a diamond in her ring and if so, that is OK.


sol

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #15 on: April 24, 2018, 05:47:12 PM »
Do not make her “read a book about the diamond trade.” ...  forcing it is uncool.

I didn't say "make her read" I said "have her read".  I'm not advocating force, just the elimination of ignorance.

Quote
I am not interested  in the  “blood” aspect of my engagement diamond ring which  I have had for 30 years. I am fully aware that the diamond industry keeps the market artificially inflated. I would never be so foolish as to buy diamond jewelry for “investment” purposes. Mewelry even dates itself, styles chamge every few years and none of it is ti eless.

All of that said, maybe the girl wants a diamond in her ring and if so, that is OK.

You don't have to be "interested" in the slaughter of elephants to know you shouldn't buy ivory.  This is the exact same thing.

AMandM

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #16 on: April 24, 2018, 06:30:13 PM »
OP, if you get a manmade diamond, you and your fiancee can both just say, "It's a diamond" to your future in-laws.

Does it need to be a diamond-y looking stone? There are many pretty colored stones. My mother's engagement ring was an opal, and I always thought it one of the most beautiful stones. Although it did chip after a while, after which she didn't wear it daily.


Jouer

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2018, 06:51:26 PM »
Diamonds are un-MMM and evil. Ok, got that outta the way.

I've heard excellent things about Blue Nile as well. Excellent prices (relative, of course).

Whatever you do, do not buy from a retailer at the mall or whatever. You'll be ripped off.

Pro Tip: find a diamond broker in a nearby large city (or your own large city, if you live in one). The fun part is you bring your best man with you to pick it out so you get a little day-drive road trip. Then you get the setting separately - ask around, most cities have a guy to buy from. You'll likely need a second road trip to pick up the diamond (YES, more best man time!). If you do something like this, your soon-to-be fiancé will have an awesome story to tell everyone who asks her where she got her ring.

Also, do not buy a round number on size. i.e. 1 carat. Prices are inflated at those round numbers. For instance, .9 of a carat costs way less than 90% of a 1 carat. And you can't tell the difference in size by looking at it.

The goal should be to spend 50-60% of what the ring ends up being appraised for.
 

Bourbon

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2018, 07:29:52 PM »
I surprised her.  I found a diamond/gemstone forum and found a seller with a nice sapphire, in a rush for timing so he forwarded me a catalog of setting and he set the blue sapphire along with smaller white and blue sapphires.

Reasonable price, natural stones if that matters.

The wedding band was more despite smaller stones, because she wanted it custom designed to match.

Mine was about 20 bucks for a plain tungsten band. Later found the seller on Amazon when I needed to replace it.

Found a photo

« Last Edit: April 24, 2018, 07:36:54 PM by Bourbon »

tralfamadorian

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #19 on: April 24, 2018, 07:31:42 PM »
I've been perusing James Allen, Brian Gavin, Brilliant Earth, and Blue Nile.

Look at vintage/antique to pay 25% of the price.

AMandM

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #20 on: April 25, 2018, 09:03:00 AM »
Pro Tip: find a diamond broker in a nearby large city (or your own large city, if you live in one). The fun part is you bring your best man with you to pick it out so you get a little day-drive road trip. Then you get the setting separately - ask around, most cities have a guy to buy from. You'll likely need a second road trip to pick up the diamond (YES, more best man time!). If you do something like this, your soon-to-be fiancé will have an awesome story to tell everyone who asks her where she got her ring.

That's more or less what my husband did (he really wanted a diamond, I didn't really care), except that the broker's price for the stone included a simple solitaire setting--plain gold, choice of four or two prongs. The story part is that ahead of them at the counter was a guy buying a $15,000 emerald as a present for his wife.

partgypsy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #21 on: April 25, 2018, 09:24:55 AM »
I also second looking at James Allen for reasonable prices. The most important thing is to pick a diamond that is ideal in cut quality (research this if you don't know what this means) . That is really what makes a diamond beautiful. Si clarity or better, probably wouldn't go below a J in color. Look for sales and coupons for both James Allen and Blue Nile (retailmenot is my favorite). Wire transfer will often get you an additional discount.

Honestly if I was doing a diamond simulant I would do cz over moissanite. It's loads cheaper and looks closer to a diamond, you just have to keep it clean. Moissanite though harder, is double refractive and to me does not "look" like a diamond. It may also have a tint that is un-diamond-like. I would call it a diamond "alternative", along with colored stones.

The other option is to get a pre-owned piece of jewelry or stone. The best would be ones that have a stone with a grading report so you know what you are getting. You can get a significant discount going this way but you may have less options regarding style, sizing, etc. Just make sure your fiance is OK with this route.
I do and I don't, loupe troop are some sites, as well as internet antique malls like Rubylane.
eta if she is open to antique cut styles, I think this is a pretty ring
https://loupetroop.com/listings/rings-natural-diamond-center/cvb-18k-rose-cut-diamond-ring

No matter what your stance regarding natural diamonds, I would NOT get a diamond simulant or alternative, and pass it off to fiance without telling them what it is. Same thing for fracture-filled or otherwise altered diamonds. That's just lying and not a good way to start off a marriage.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2018, 10:49:02 AM by partgypsy »

Kierun

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #22 on: April 25, 2018, 10:10:31 AM »
I've been perusing James Allen, Brian Gavin, Brilliant Earth, and Blue Nile.

Look at vintage/antique to pay 25% of the price.
Thanks for the suggestion, but already discussed these options and she's hasn't seen anything she likes.

CheapskateWife

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2018, 10:18:49 AM »
Sending out the bat signal for @lifejoy

Slee_stack

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #24 on: April 25, 2018, 11:42:19 AM »
We bought a used ring from a flea market.  It looks as nice or nicer than any new one (considering the cost savings anyway).


As an option, you could always just setup a gofundme page and beg others to pay for a ring.  Then buy whatever funds accrue.   It appears to be a pretty standard shameless thing to do nowadays.  :P



Kidding aside....  Keep in mind that used/antique/whatever rings can have their diamonds re-set.  Buy an old ring, extract the diamond, place it in a fancy 'modern' setting...and you're good.   You could still save some serious coin going that route.  Remember...diamonds don't 'go bad'.  They tend to look the same day 1 or day 10,000.

The setting often ends up the more critical element aesthetically.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2018, 11:44:45 AM by Slee_stack »

use2betrix

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #25 on: April 25, 2018, 11:54:28 AM »
I purchased my wife’s bring from Adiamor. Similar to blue nile (which I was originally set on) but was a bit better pricing.

It wasn’t cheap, but I find it beautiful. My wife is the frugal one and I could’ve spent a fraction of the amount. That being said, I’ll be happy to look at it the next 50 years. We’ve been married a couple years, and my wife literally still tells me several times a month how beautiful it is lol.

To each their own, and more power to those who are content with less, however I have zero regrets and appreciate the beauty and quality when I look at it.

COEE

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #26 on: April 25, 2018, 12:19:10 PM »
I was hoping the GF would be okay with moissanite but insists on natural diamond and not lab created diamonds.

Personally I'd be shopping for a new GF and not a diamond.

tralfamadorian

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #27 on: April 25, 2018, 12:35:15 PM »
Thanks for the suggestion, but already discussed these options and she's hasn't seen anything she likes.

Kidding aside....  Keep in mind that used/antique/whatever rings can have their diamonds re-set.  Buy an old ring, extract the diamond, place it in a fancy 'modern' setting...and you're good.   You could still save some serious coin going that route.  Remember...diamonds don't 'go bad'.  They tend to look the same day 1 or day 10,000.

Antique and vintage rings come in every style under the sun so if she says she doesn't see anything she likes, that might be code for "I want something new." Which is fine.

As @Slee_stack suggested, find some hideous 1970's monstrosity and have the stone reset into a new setting. Bonus points if it's a heavy man's ring with enough gold to be worth scrapping. Diamonds do chip and craze- look at pictures closely and don't be afraid to ask auction houses for that information.

Go onto a site like stuller, which is one of the biggest wholesale jewelry suppliers in the US, and pick out a ring. Then you can go to a local jeweler with stone and exact ring style in hand for them to order.

FreshPrincess

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #28 on: April 25, 2018, 12:37:51 PM »
My stone is from www.betterthandiamond.com and is one of the Asha Diamond Simulants.  It's beautiful, was cost efficient and no ones ever questioned it... not even the jeweler who set it in my custom band.

and also CONGRATULATIONS!  How exciting!

Chrissy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #29 on: April 25, 2018, 01:08:08 PM »
I used CZ to make a replica of the thing I wanted.  I have 148 backups of the stones, but haven't needed them:  no scratches and no yellowing in 3 years.  Here's my post about it:  https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/hacked-my-engagement-ring

partgypsy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #30 on: April 26, 2018, 12:02:49 PM »
More thoughts. I looks like James Allen is having a sale, so take advantage of it! Also get feedback from your intended what kind of setting she would like.

While this is not applicable for the op, for those wanting jewelry that looks like diamonds, the problem of czs clouding and getting yellow is overstated. I have a couple pairs of cz earrings that are 10 years old and look just as beautiful as when I bought them.

If you do get a cubic zirconium, there are cheap non name brand and nicer (branded) czs. For the minimal difference in price get the brand name czs (Russian, Winks, signity etc). Set it in a gold setting and 95% of people will not know. If it is in a prong setting you can inexpensively replace it. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYG79v1Ne4s

My personal rule is I like czs as earrings because they don't really get dirty, and I can afford to wear different styles. But for a ring that you are wearing on the hand and hence more likely to get dirty (and this includes lotion and soaps) and also more prone to getting scratched there are benefits to a diamond. 

Basenji

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #31 on: April 26, 2018, 12:46:51 PM »
Congratulations!

Yeah I'm debating whether or not to ask her if she's okay without it being a diamond. I think she would be fine with it, but her parents and siblings would probably flip out and think I'm some sort of freak cheapskate. They all live very inflated, materialistic lives. Thankfully the gf is very different from them in this regard. She's not very mustachian yet, but she likes that I am and shows interest in learning more of those ways.

Now have a discussion with your gal about:
Money and future plans, FIRE, being frugal, etc.
How the engagement ring, wedding rings, wedding itself, fit into those financial plans
If an engagement ring is even needed if one has wedding bands.

You should both be involved in the financial decision-making and be totally open with each other about money and how you want to spend it (or not spend it). This is the first test of how you will prioritize your joint future.

You should not be buying an engagement ring on the requirements of her family (or your feeling of what they will think). Good luck!

ETA: I've been married almost 30 years, I never wear my (incredibly stupid and large-ass diamond) engagement ring and I'm just waiting around for one of my nieces or nephews to need it. Is there an old engagement ring in either family? You might want to ask.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2018, 01:02:24 PM by Basenji »

mm1970

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #32 on: April 26, 2018, 02:19:55 PM »
I don't think I could have married anyone who insisted on a "real" diamond wedding ring. 

Diamonds are expensive, not rare.  They are an artificially manipulated marketplace with insane markups, and the profits flow to horrible people who do horrible things in horrible parts of the world.  You might as well ask me to send my money straight to ISIS.

Have her read a book about the diamond trade.  Literally ANY book about the diamond trade.  This is one of those examples where the tiniest bit of education can completely reverse a person's thinking on a topic.

Oh dear god. No. Do not make her “read a book about the diamond trade.”  A lecture before getting engaged, how fun. NOT. Perhaps she is open to a brief discussion about blood diamonds and etc, but if not, forcing it is uncool.

I am not interested  in the  “blood” aspect of my engagement diamond ring which  I have had for 30 years. I am fully aware that the diamond industry keeps the market artificially inflated. I would never be so foolish as to buy diamond jewelry for “investment” purposes. Mewelry even dates itself, styles chamge every few years and none of it is ti eless.

All of that said, maybe the girl wants a diamond in her ring and if so, that is OK.

Well, I know this now but I didn't know it 23 years ago.

If I knew now what I knew then, I wouldn't have gotten a diamond.

bluemarie

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #33 on: April 28, 2018, 07:18:29 PM »
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!

You seem to already have a good understanding of her style, but I would suggest that if she hasn't physically tried on rings yet, do that!    Before I got engaged, I remember having "1 carat" just ... stuck in my head as the "correct" size.  Who knows where I absorbed that!  When I actually tried on a ring with a stone of that size, it looked awful to me - this huge chunk just squatting on my finger, awkwardly jutting out from my hand.  I had also had a particular shape in mind, and ended up liking a completely different one after seeing both on me.  It may be that your girlfriend knows her own mind much better than I did, but for me looking at pictures online or rings in a display case really didn't prepare me for how I would perceive them on my own actual hand.

As far as where to buy, I would at least do a quick search for "diamond solitaire ring" on Etsy.  You can find just about anything from antique to brand new to craftspeople who will work with you to customize whatever you can envision.  Prices do run the gamut but there are so many options that there is always something reasonable to be found (both for natural diamond, and exponentially more so if your girlfriend is open to other options).  It's also a great place to find an ugly vintage ring with a great stone that can be re-set, per the excellent suggestion above.

This is all assuming there is no family ring, which would be a lovely and meaningful option as well as a frugal one!
« Last Edit: April 28, 2018, 07:20:55 PM by bluemarie »

bacchi

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #34 on: April 28, 2018, 08:32:47 PM »
Get a Canadian Northwest Territory (NWT) diamond. They're laser inscribed and tracked from the mine to the retailer.

This gets you and her a "real" diamond with all of the cost and status and shininess but without wondering if it was mined by a child or a guy who had his hand chopped off or if the profits helped a warlord kill families.

Polaria

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #35 on: April 29, 2018, 02:09:21 AM »
I don't think I could have married anyone who insisted on a "real" diamond wedding ring. 

Diamonds are expensive, not rare.  They are an artificially manipulated marketplace with insane markups, and the profits flow to horrible people who do horrible things in horrible parts of the world.  You might as well ask me to send my money straight to ISIS.

Have her read a book about the diamond trade.  Literally ANY book about the diamond trade.  This is one of those examples where the tiniest bit of education can completely reverse a person's thinking on a topic.

Oh dear god. No. Do not make her “read a book about the diamond trade.”  A lecture before getting engaged, how fun. NOT. Perhaps she is open to a brief discussion about blood diamonds and etc, but if not, forcing it is uncool.

I am not interested  in the  “blood” aspect of my engagement diamond ring which  I have had for 30 years. I am fully aware that the diamond industry keeps the market artificially inflated. I would never be so foolish as to buy diamond jewelry for “investment” purposes. Mewelry even dates itself, styles chamge every few years and none of it is ti eless.

All of that said, maybe the girl wants a diamond in her ring and if so, that is OK.

Well, I know this now but I didn't know it 23 years ago.

If I knew now what I knew then, I wouldn't have gotten a diamond.

This is why it is important to inform people about the actual price of natural diamonds, too bad if one doesn't like to hear about it. De Beers did an excellent brainwashing job though.

driftwood

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2018, 05:02:26 AM »
You don't even need a ring. You need a ring like you need a 70" TV or a half a million dollar house or car payment.

Be free... marriage is about your relationship, not a stone, or a piece of metal. If you're going to buy in to society's expectation about what you should do in life, then leave MMM and never come back. This isn't the place for you. 

There are plenty of divorced people out there with nice diamond rings...what does that tell you about how important the ring is to the relationship?

partgypsy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #37 on: April 29, 2018, 05:37:14 AM »
Judgy much driftwood? Just because something doesn't have sentimental meaning to you, don't apply it to other people. My mil still wears her engagemrnt ring from her marriage of 53 years, even though now she's a widow. Why don't u tell her that her ring actually has no meaning?

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #38 on: April 29, 2018, 08:20:11 AM »
What we opted for: my mom gave my (now husband) her ring. He had the diamond put into a new band for me, and had an artificial diamond put back into my mom's ring. He had a custom setting done for the diamond, and you know what? It was shockingly cheap for that. So maybe check if there's a diamond in the family you can reset- this doesn't just have to be rings, you can look at necklaces, earrings, etc.

If I hadn't known my mom was passing her diamond to me, I had wanted Husband to buy a pawnshop ring and have the stone reset. Estate sale websites also sometimes get some really cool vintage rings.

driftwood

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #39 on: April 29, 2018, 10:11:28 AM »
Judgy much driftwood? Just because something doesn't have sentimental meaning to you, don't apply it to other people. My mil still wears her engagemrnt ring from her marriage of 53 years, even though now she's a widow. Why don't u tell her that her ring actually has no meaning?

The relationship has meaning. Considering the opinion of OPs soon to be inlaws doesn't make sense.

This discussion isn't about getting something that will have sentimental value... it's about balancing frugality with trying to meet other people's expectations of what kind of rock to put on what kind of metal. Your MIL would value her ring if it was tin, or if it had a blood diamond. The value comes from the relationship, not the material of the item being marketed to you.

I am completely judgy when it comes to peer pressure backed by years of conditioning through marketing. Completely. Isn't the whole point of MMM to throw off the chains of our society's expectations when it comes to how we spend our lifeblood, our irreplaceable time?
« Last Edit: April 29, 2018, 10:14:07 AM by driftwood »

partgypsy

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #40 on: April 29, 2018, 11:25:26 AM »
I do think things should be questioned. But if people do their research, look at all their options and their overall financial situation, and still want a diamond ring, I'm not going to judge them. OK, maybe I'll judge them if they made a financially foolish decision like a really expensive ring they couldn't afford or put on credit. But not if they bought something within their means and got value out of it.  People vary in what they value. Some people (most guys, a lot of women) are not into jewelry. Some are. 

You might have me confused with someone else. While I am getting a divorce, I consider my MIL part of my family and love her. And while I no longer have the ring that was associated with bad memories, I did keep a ring that my ex bought for me a long time ago. He sold a piece of artwork and rather than putting it in the budget, surprised me by getting me a handmade ring. That ring IS associated with good memories and I intend on passing it down to one of my daughters.

Regarding conflict diamonds, when she got her ring highly doubtful. And really for anyone who purchases a diamond after 2004, particularly one with a grading certificate. Is it perfect? No. But if I was morally perfect I wouldn't buy food grown in the Amazon basin, or put gas in my car, or electronics using gold which is also used to fund conflicts. 
« Last Edit: April 29, 2018, 11:38:18 AM by partgypsy »

driftwood

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Re: Proposal on the horizon, need help finding a ring
« Reply #41 on: April 29, 2018, 02:26:36 PM »
I do think things should be questioned. But if people do their research, look at all their options and their overall financial situation, and still want a diamond ring, I'm not going to judge them. OK, maybe I'll judge them if they made a financially foolish decision like a really expensive ring they couldn't afford or put on credit. But not if they bought something within their means and got value out of it.  People vary in what they value. Some people (most guys, a lot of women) are not into jewelry. Some are. 

You might have me confused with someone else. While I am getting a divorce, I consider my MIL part of my family and love her. And while I no longer have the ring that was associated with bad memories, I did keep a ring that my ex bought for me a long time ago. He sold a piece of artwork and rather than putting it in the budget, surprised me by getting me a handmade ring. That ring IS associated with good memories and I intend on passing it down to one of my daughters.

Regarding conflict diamonds, when she got her ring highly doubtful. And really for anyone who purchases a diamond after 2004, particularly one with a grading certificate. Is it perfect? No. But if I was morally perfect I wouldn't buy food grown in the Amazon basin, or put gas in my car, or electronics using gold which is also used to fund conflicts.

I'm confused at your confusion. Above you said your "mil" still wears her engagement ring. I was saying she values it, without regard to what stone it has or what it's made of, because of her 53 year marriage. That is something I agree with. The value doesn't come from your in-laws approving of your "mil"'s ring, or society's expectations of what that ring should be.