Author Topic: Please help us create a Mustachian Wedding Registry (if such a thing exists)  (Read 10653 times)

Bostongirl

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My fiancee and I are eloping because we both have a serious aversion to the wedding industry and spending money we don't have to appease our conservative relatives.  That being said, both of our families are throwing parties for us when we get back, and the more traditional family members are insisting that we register.  We have resigned ourselves to the idea of registering, because most people won't give us cash (which we'd prefer), and I really REALLY don't want to get a bunch of stuff we don't need and can't return.

I would love suggestions on items that would enhance our Mustachian lifestyle, versus a bunch of useless stuff that will clutter our modest studio apartment.  We already have a cast iron skillet and a large Le Creuset stockpot.  If we have to register, I'd like to get stuff that will stand the test of time, and help us in our quest to live frugally on less.

PS - honeymoon fund/ charity donations/ any other alternative type of registry is (unfortunately) not an option.

plantingourpennies

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Are you getting a house anytime soon?  We closed on a fixer-upper right after we eloped and when family members insisted on getting us gifts, they seemed okay with our requests for gift cards to home depot and lowes. 

Elaine

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It's hard because I'm not sure how DIY you guys are or what you already have, but here's what I would want:

-High Quality Sheets, Towels, Bed Pillows- this stuff is so pricey and I feel like the cheaper versions really don't last
-Bread Machine (if you would use it)
-Glass Food Storage Containers (allows you to buy more in bulk without the risk of pantry moths)
-Free Weight Set
-High Quality Food Processor (they last 20+ years)
-Dish Set (I like fietsaware, they last forever and can go from oven to freezer)
-Large Wooden Cutting Board
-Knife Set- and a sharpening stone
-Simple Sewing Kit
-Spice Rack
-Mandolin or slicer (if you eat lots of lunchmeat, usually buying block and cutting yourself is cheaper)
-Set of pyrex leftover storage dishes (these can also go in the oven, much better than the plastic rubbermaid ones)
-Tool Box Stuff- Haha, so this is terribly unfeminist of me (please don't revoke my card!) but I have no idea what this would include. All I know is that whenever anything breaks my fella has a solution for it in his gigantic tool box. I suspect a drill, among other things- also zip ties. I can't tell you how many problems we've saved with zip ties.

Bostongirl

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Are you getting a house anytime soon?  We closed on a fixer-upper right after we eloped and when family members insisted on getting us gifts, they seemed okay with our requests for gift cards to home depot and lowes.

No plans to buy a house anytime soon.  We are currently on the "decimate our $90K of student loans at 8% before we can save for a down payment" plan.

nereo

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Congrats on your upcoming wedding.  My fiancée and I have been struggling with how to have a wedding that our families will enjoy and yet follows our own values.  "The Regisitry" is our current hurdle as well, since we have more traditional, mostly older family members who insist that we have one.

My only pieces of advice is to choose a place that allows exchanges/returns, and to register for exactly the sorts of things you mentioned - pieces that will stand the test of time and help us live frugally on less.  Since I don't know what you already own it's hard to make suggestions, but you might consider a nice large slowcooker with autotimer; one small and one large pan to go with your le creuset pot and cast-iron skillet (should last decades with proper use), one very good chef's knife, etc.
A group of less expensive things allows people to choose how much they want to give (glasses and flatware are easy for this).

Mostly I look at every thing and ask myself "is this something I'd want even if it wasn't being given to me".  That, hopefully, will keep us from just winding up with more clutter.  For that reason I've avoided listing for things that have an electrical plug, things that I don't see myself using at least weekly, and things that won't last more than a couple of years.

MissStache

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ARe you guys interested in learning how to can and preserve your own food?  A pressure canner (and canning supplies) are a great investment.  I don't have one, but I'd also ask for a dehumidifier to make dehydrated soup bases.  A crockpot would be a great gift, if you don't have one, as would a heavy-duty Kitchenaid stand mixer.  I don't use mine all that much, but it is amazingly useful for making breads.

I love cookbooks, too.  Useful and inspirational!

I'd second the idea of sheets and towels.  A nice, high-quality set will last you for a long time. 

kt

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there are now a few websites which aren't associated with stores and basically act as a web-based list that people can add notes to (i.e. - bought/buying). i hope to do this so people can look around and avoid delivery costs.

my current thoughts include (minus previously mentioned ideas)
metal steamer set (e.g. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tier-Stainless-Steel-Multi-Steamer/dp/B000NZJOP4)
sturdy place mats / coasters (thinking wood/glass/slate)
baking sheet / roasting tin
metal sieve / colander
teapot
vase
serving dishes (if you're likely to host)
cake slice / knife
good kitchen bin
measuring spoons

i really want to avoid plastic stuff that'll break easily. we are starting from scratch practically as we've always lived in furnished shared houses with shared kitchen items
i like the idea of a few more frivolous things (vase/cake slice) as these can be relatively cheap but are something i'd like to give (little more interesting than pans, however useful!)

i second lots of the above, partic cookbooks and durable kitchen basics (knife sharpener!)

any interest in gardening? you could ask for a bird feeder/table, plant pots, small cloche, tools etc.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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If you like popcorn, it's nice to have a stovetop popper and it's a fun thing that someone might like to buy. I use my Whirly Pop constantly.

catccc

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another vote for fiesta dishes.  We have a mix of colors, and when a kid broke a bowl a couple years ago, it wasn't a big deal to hit the department store and get a single replacement bowl in a new color.

i think a nice electric kettle is great if you are a coffee or tea drinker.

a few all clad pieces would be nice.  They are excellent quality and will last.

markbrynn

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I know it's "the thing to do" to get lots of fancier than normal stuff when you get married, but given this is MMM I'm a bit surprised when there's so many suggestions for fancy knives and bedding. Maybe it's a case of not needing anything, so you can get something you wouldn't buy for yourself. I know we're all different, but isn't it just a little bit sad that our dreams are of a fancier knife?

I would suggest either really telling people "no thanks" to the big gifts, or make a list of things you would probably buy anyways eventually (regular versions, not super deluxe versions) and see whether that list is enough.

If you're not afraid of the repercussions, you could also consider a list of "re-gifting" items. Could be a great way to avoid accumulation and satisfy some of your friends and family's need to receive presents.

kt

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I know it's "the thing to do" to get lots of fancier than normal stuff when you get married, but given this is MMM I'm a bit surprised when there's so many suggestions for fancy knives and bedding. Maybe it's a case of not needing anything, so you can get something you wouldn't buy for yourself. I know we're all different, but isn't it just a little bit sad that our dreams are of a fancier knife?

I would suggest either really telling people "no thanks" to the big gifts, or make a list of things you would probably buy anyways eventually (regular versions, not super deluxe versions) and see whether that list is enough.

If you're not afraid of the repercussions, you could also consider a list of "re-gifting" items. Could be a great way to avoid accumulation and satisfy some of your friends and family's need to receive presents.

i think the idea of 'fancy' versions is going for something that is quality and will last. buy-it-for-life type items often cost a little more upfront, that in no way makes them un-mustachian. i would much rather get someone a quality gift that i can well imagine them using for most of their marriage (my parents still use several things from their wedding 30 years ago) than something more disposable.
i would want to buy most of these things anyway, there certainly won't be things on our list that are fancier just for the sheer hell of it.

MsSindy

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I know it's "the thing to do" to get lots of fancier than normal stuff when you get married, but given this is MMM I'm a bit surprised when there's so many suggestions for fancy knives and bedding. Maybe it's a case of not needing anything, so you can get something you wouldn't buy for yourself. I know we're all different, but isn't it just a little bit sad that our dreams are of a fancier knife?

I would suggest either really telling people "no thanks" to the big gifts, or make a list of things you would probably buy anyways eventually (regular versions, not super deluxe versions) and see whether that list is enough.

If you're not afraid of the repercussions, you could also consider a list of "re-gifting" items. Could be a great way to avoid accumulation and satisfy some of your friends and family's need to receive presents.
I'm not sure that people are encouraging 'fancy' as compared to 'quality'.  I've bought cheap sheets before and they get thread baren and lose their elasticity much quicker than a quality set.  Also, I cook from scratch, so a quality knife is essential.  I would think about "purchase it for life" kind of gifts.....unless the OP plans on packing up soon and doing some world travel and wouldn't want such 'things'.....then maybe some quality luggage may be in order!

nereo

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I know it's "the thing to do" to get lots of fancier than normal stuff when you get married, but given this is MMM I'm a bit surprised when there's so many suggestions for fancy knives and bedding. Maybe it's a case of not needing anything, so you can get something you wouldn't buy for yourself. I know we're all different, but isn't it just a little bit sad that our dreams are of a fancier knife?

I would suggest either really telling people "no thanks" to the big gifts, or make a list of things you would probably buy anyways eventually (regular versions, not super deluxe versions) and see whether that list is enough.

If you're not afraid of the repercussions, you could also consider a list of "re-gifting" items. Could be a great way to avoid accumulation and satisfy some of your friends and family's need to receive presents.
No.  Not fancier.  I'm advocating for quality and durability that will last decades, much like the OP suggested.  A good chef's knife can last a line cook 5+ years, and a home cook for 30 years.  It's an upfront cost but it will ultimately work better and cost less than purchasing a lifetime of crappy knives.  The same can be said about good pots (my mother still uses the ones she got from her marriage 40 years ago).

I personally object to registering for items with the intent of 're-gifting' later.  That seems wrong to me - even if they don't understand your mustachian lifestyle, people give wedding presents because they want to contribute to your new lives a married couple. Asking them to give something that you secretly intend to give away.... bleh. I would feel suckerpunched.

Rural

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Sewing machine if you'd use it.
I'll second the dehydrator.

... But you said studio apartment, so probably you need small things, right? Good sheets, good comforter or quilt, whatever suits you (and assuming you don't already have these).

Do you need/want curtains? Anything for weatherproofing the apartment? A nice umbrella big enough for two?

If you can't come up with anything actually useful, you can at least fend off the overcrowding of your apartment by selecting a silver pattern. Then all those traditionalists will buy you forks and spoons, which are easy to store and have some utilitarian value even if they do cost too much.

Shropskr

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Silicon spatulas (scrapers)
Wash clothes (to replace paper towels)
Sew machine
Blender
Mixer
Any cooking instrument you can think of cause you can save So much by cooking at home.
Gift cards

Remember to try to have prices low med and high as people seem to have preconceived ideas as to how much they will spend and all you can do is  guide them.

Also you will get junk my sister sent us a cut crystal picture frame and candlesticks. So no my thing.  Regifting is ok.

Congratulations

Greg

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A couple of ideas.  Are you outdoorsy?  A registry at a local or regional outdoor gear supplier is a good idea.  Over here in the PNW that would be REI.

Or a charity, or charities, especially if you don't need anything really, and just want to give determined gift givers some guidance.

Another idea, Amazon I'm pretty sure does registries.  But if you can arrange it with a local business, even better.

tmac

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There are online registries now that let you register for things, experiences, and funds for specific things.  If I had to do it again, since we have everything we need, I'd register at one of the online places for acts of service: teach me something, help us move, offer dog-sitting on our next trip, bring us dinner a couple of times, take us on a hike and picnic, etc.

I also vote for the high-quality, lifetime kitchen items. A great chef's knife and paring knife make all the difference in the world (look at reviews and hold them in the store -- not all knives fit everyone's hand). Pots and pans that won't burn your rice or warp in the oven are great. A nice big cutting board. My KitchenAid mixer was a wedding gift and I use it 4-5 times a week. I would never have bought it for myself.


Congrats! :)

pipercat

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I think lots of gifts could fit into the Mustachian lifestyle.  Just because we follow this way of living, doesn't mean we all choose to live lives of deprivation.  Lots of the gifts mentioned so far are great for being long-lasting items that will save you money in the long run, because you won't have to replace them.

There will always be the relative who wants to buy you something pretty or purely decorative.  I would recommend registering for at least one picture frame, maybe you could use it for a picture of the happy couple.

For the practical gift givers, register for CFL or LED light bulbs and the aforementioned zipties. The nightlights that serve as flashlights during power outages are also great.

minimalist

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My cousin registered at Bed Bath & Beyond which has a very liberal return policy (you can return or exchange any gift on your registry). They registered for things a larger amount of people could afford and then returned almost everything and bought a lesser quantity of higher quality goods. I think it is a great idea.

RI GreenBean

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My husband and I "registered" at our favorite vineyard - we contacted the owners who agreed (and loved!) the idea. Our guests had the choice to email/call the vineyard and choose from a selection of our favorite wines. The owners kept a running list of the quantities and after our wedding, shipped the goods to us. Every time we consumed a bottle, we sent a quick note to those who gifted it. It was well received among family/friends. It may not work for all but we liked the "consumables" theme!

brycedoula

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I used to work @ a department store (housewares & linens). Let me warn you about wedding registries: the registry gals will want you to register for EVERYTHING. They'll give you & your fiance the little barcode gun & encourage you to (mentally) go thru every room in your house & register for Every. Single. Thing you could possibly want. It's incredibly easy to get caught up in the whole process and suddenly find yourself registered for a whole whack of stuff you don't even need, just to have a certain number of items/price point ($25-50, $75-$100, $150+). So take a deep breath and don't let them push you around ;)

Other posters have mentioned registering for high quality, buy-it-for-life items, and that's a great idea. But also keep in mind: what do you have room for? Yes, KitchenAid stand mixers are beautiful, and come in almost every colout you'd ever dream of, but they take up A LOT of room. Ditto for 14-cup food processors. And they're pretty expensive(don't know what they cost you in the USA, but the fancy ones in Canada are $500+). Would a hand mixer be a better idea @ this point in your life? (yes KitchenAid also has fancy hand mixer!) High quality sheets & towels are lovely to use, but again, take up lots of room; you don't need 3 whole sets of bath towels (face cloth, hand towel, bath towel, bath sheet, bath mat OMG), you only need one.

Do a bit of research to find out which store has the best return policy. Can you return gifts purchased for cash? Exchange only? Gift cards? Can you return an item without a receipt(or gift receipt)?If a relative in another city buys you something long-distance, do you have to go to the store across town to pick up your gift, or any store?

Some food for thought. Congrats on the upcoming Mustachian nuptials!

mollyjade

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Cloth napkins and dish towels, especially if you're still using paper products (this is probably the registry item we use most, since we use them every time we eat or cook)

basic tools if you don't have them (even renters need a hammer and screwdriver)

board games

glass storage containers

food storage containers for bulk food purchases (I really love the Oxo good grips pop storage containers)

towels, sheets (even if you don't need them now, these things wear out and will need to be replaced)

For kitchen equipment, I recommend checking out Alton Brown's Gear for Your Kitchen from the library. It's got good information on what materials are best for various pots and pans, and what a really basic, useful kitchen might contain.

And resist resist resist relatives who insist you need a second set of fancy dishes. One set is plenty when you're short on storage space.

OldDogNewTrick

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Easy... I'd register for  All-Clad Copper Core pieces... I can bequeath them in my will to my kids.

Zikoris

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If I was in this situation, I'd ask for "experience" type stuff - season opera/symphony/ballet tickets, movie tickets, spa packages, weekend getaway somewhere nearby, language lessons, classes in something interesting, hot air balloon ride, skydiving, even gift cards to local vegetarian restaurants that I might not go to on my own. Anything to keep garbage out of my apartment. It would actually irritate me a lot if people insisted on filling up my apartment with crap, because it's 600 square feet and I'm working on getting rid of stuff.

mollyjade

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If I was in this situation, I'd ask for "experience" type stuff - season opera/symphony/ballet tickets, movie tickets, spa packages, weekend getaway somewhere nearby, language lessons, classes in something interesting, hot air balloon ride, skydiving, even gift cards to local vegetarian restaurants that I might not go to on my own. Anything to keep garbage out of my apartment. It would actually irritate me a lot if people insisted on filling up my apartment with crap, because it's 600 square feet and I'm working on getting rid of stuff.
The problem with this is that people who insist you make a registry are also usually people who insist on buying things rather than experiences. It's worth a try, but you'll likely end up with five salad bowls and some really ugly picture frames. In this case, the gift giving is about the giver, not the receiver. At least if you make a registry, you have some chance that you'll get things you actually need/can use.

iwasjustwondering

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at-home entertainment ideas
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2014, 01:41:24 PM »
Yes I know you'll be newlyweds, but that's NOT what I meant.  :)

I think the cooking stuff idea is great, and very mustachian.  Having all the gear you need to cook at home will save you tons of money.  Think about a crockpot, too.

Another idea is to ask for something you can use at home for entertainment.  My boyfriend bought me a year's subscription to Pandora when we were just starting to date. It was very sweet, and I can now listen to any music I want without commercials.  Ditto a year's subscription to Netflix online.  It will help you resist the urge to spend $ on cable TV, movies and music downloads.

MustachianAccountant

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I don't have one, but I'd also ask for a dehumidifier dehydrator to make dehydrated soup bases.

There is SO MUCH you can do with a dehydrator. We have a fancypants Excalibur one that was given to us as a gift. In the summer, we dehydrate fruits and vegetables. Recently, I've been using it to make a gallon of yogurt at a time. (Almost everyone in our house has yogurt for breakfast...)

StarryC

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What is the air quality in your apartment?  What about a high quality air purifier?  If you live in a modern apartment with AC and a furnace filter and no pets, it might not be a good buy.  However, I love ours.  It really reduces the dust in the apartment.  We have no AC, and our furnace has no filter, and we live at ground level.  (Of course, ours was $10 on craigslist, plus a new $20 filter, but I think they are $100-$300 new)

Where are you with tools?  Do you have a cordless drill, a good hammer, nice screw drivers, a socket wrench set, jumper cables, plumbers wrench, and needle nose pliers? 

What about art?  Maybe you could "register" for some paintings or prints or other artwork either via etsy or your favorite museum shop? 

Threshkin

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No plans to buy a house anytime soon.  We are currently on the "decimate our $90K of student loans at 8% before we can save for a down payment" plan.

There is your registry in a nutshell.  Solicit donations to pay down you debt!  Not cash but direct payments.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2014, 03:11:39 PM by Threshkin »

lemondirgopie

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We are about to have our wedding in about two weeks and are doing the honeyfund route. Despite this, we put together a small registry on Amazon for those few people that still want to buy us something. Some of the things we put on there are:

*Super geeky board games (Agricola, Netrunner, Mice & Mystics, etc). Entertainment that lasts and lasts.
*A two person sleeping bag from Big Agnes for camping (Big Agnes designs sleeping bags with a pocket for the pad so you don't slide off. Genius!)
*A mechanic's tool set. We've already accumulated a bunch of tools but don't have a socket wrench set.
*One of those large outdoor clothes line dryers, the kind that are diamond/square shaped and can spin around as you pin up the clothes.
*Quality natural bedding (wool comforter, bamboo sheets, latex pillows)
*7-cup Cuisinart Food Processor (we don't have much need for a stand mixer, but a food processor would be a great time saver).
*Electric kettle (it took lots of research to try and find one that was good quality and didn't have lots of plastic)
*Nice knife set and knife sharpener (Ginsu set)
*Lodge Dutch Oven
*Lodge cast-iron skillet
*Quality cookware set (T-Fal Copper Bottom)

If you do any gardening, you could maybe put some gardening tools on there. I would also second a dehydrator. We use ours all the time for drying soaked almonds. We also have a stick blender that we use all the time for smoothies, soup, and even soap making. Stick blenders are so much less of a pain to clean up that real blenders. An air purifier or humidifier might also be good buys.

Zikoris

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If I was in this situation, I'd ask for "experience" type stuff - season opera/symphony/ballet tickets, movie tickets, spa packages, weekend getaway somewhere nearby, language lessons, classes in something interesting, hot air balloon ride, skydiving, even gift cards to local vegetarian restaurants that I might not go to on my own. Anything to keep garbage out of my apartment. It would actually irritate me a lot if people insisted on filling up my apartment with crap, because it's 600 square feet and I'm working on getting rid of stuff.
The problem with this is that people who insist you make a registry are also usually people who insist on buying things rather than experiences. It's worth a try, but you'll likely end up with five salad bowls and some really ugly picture frames. In this case, the gift giving is about the giver, not the receiver. At least if you make a registry, you have some chance that you'll get things you actually need/can use.

Is there some way to make a registry for experiences? I seem to think I saw something like that before a few years ago - a couple had some sort of registry with things for their honeymoon, like spa treatments, sightseeing packages, wine, dinners. Still wasteful, but you don't end up with an apartment full of ugly salad bowls.

MrsPete

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First, I'd say don't elope to avoid the wedding industry.  If you really want to be married in a private way, in a vacation destination, do it because that's what you want -- not because you want to avoid flowers and photographers.  You could have a simple, no-frills wedding here and avoid all the hoop-la. 

Second, wedding gifts aren't automatically frivolous, unnecessary items.  I've been married 23 years and still use MANY of my wedding gifts.  My everyday china comes to mind first, but I also have casserole dishes and knives and other items that have stood the test of time -- and I often remember their origin when I use them.  I also received some nice linens as wedding gifts, which are now worn out; however, they were very useful and I enjoyed them tremendously! 

mollyjade

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If I was in this situation, I'd ask for "experience" type stuff - season opera/symphony/ballet tickets, movie tickets, spa packages, weekend getaway somewhere nearby, language lessons, classes in something interesting, hot air balloon ride, skydiving, even gift cards to local vegetarian restaurants that I might not go to on my own. Anything to keep garbage out of my apartment. It would actually irritate me a lot if people insisted on filling up my apartment with crap, because it's 600 square feet and I'm working on getting rid of stuff.
The problem with this is that people who insist you make a registry are also usually people who insist on buying things rather than experiences. It's worth a try, but you'll likely end up with five salad bowls and some really ugly picture frames. In this case, the gift giving is about the giver, not the receiver. At least if you make a registry, you have some chance that you'll get things you actually need/can use.

Is there some way to make a registry for experiences? I seem to think I saw something like that before a few years ago - a couple had some sort of registry with things for their honeymoon, like spa treatments, sightseeing packages, wine, dinners. Still wasteful, but you don't end up with an apartment full of ugly salad bowls.

There are a few alternative registry sites that allow you to add things like experiences or time. (Help moving into the new apartment, favorite recipes, advice, whatever you want.) SoKind is popular right now. I've had a few friends use them. For people who want to get you what you want, they're pretty good. They're more flexible than a traditional registry. For your elderly relatives who aren't computer savvy, they're hard to use. Grandma can go to Bed Bath and Beyond and the staff will look up the registry and help her buy something. And for people who still want to buy you "things," you still get a salad bowl.