The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: fpjeepy on January 25, 2025, 09:02:50 AM
-
I don't think my wedding will be full Mustachian, but I would like to keep the price down as best I can. I'm planning to try to have a Jack and Jill fundraiser before the wedding to try to raise some extra funds. Looking for any advice people might have. I have a lots of friends and family that I would really like to have there so that makes it more difficult. She's from PA, I'm from CT so somewhere in the northeast would be ideal.
What's a good way to go about finding a venue? Vendors? Band? Any tips or tricks greatly appreciated
-
If you are really looking to save money, skip the band and the wedding venue. Think about renting a park pavilion. Think about a breakfast/brunch in lieu of a dinner. My own opinion: I think a Jack and Jill fundraiser is tacky. Have the reception you can afford.
-
I had to look up Jack and Jill fundraiser and unfortunately it was what I guess. Mega tacky imo. As herbgeed said, have the reception you can afford. When I was young (yes, a million years ago) a reception with dinner was unusual. Cake and punch in a church hall wasn't unusual. Many options in-between.
Figure out who/how many you want to invite, how much the couple and their parents are willing spend and work from their.
-
Oooh, I have lots of opinions about this. I helped plan my older daughters' weddings, and my youngest recently got engaged, so wedding planning is a hot topic around here.
First, I agree with previous posters that you should pay for your own wedding, not ask friends/family to fund it (unless your parents are paying because you're young & just starting out).
Second, the #1 way to keep costs down is to do less. So be really selective about what you truly want to have happen. At the core, a wedding is a ceremony and a party; all the ancillary events are totally optional. Pretty much all the "traditional" wedding reception elements are optional. What would make a fun, meaningful party?
Having said that, if people are travelling to come to your wedding, imo it is only hospitable to feed them a meal. If you have a lot of family (I totally understand, we do too!), it will add up. Again, thinking of a party rather than a wedding can keep costs down. Instead of a "wedding venue"(TM), which will often entail expensive catering and rental of equipment, consider park pavilions, community centers, school halls, library or city hall meeting rooms, or the church hall if you're marrying in church. Order food from a caterer for a buffet that you set up and buy the drinks yourselves. You want to avoid paying staffing fees. If you need help with setup, takedown, serving, etc., hire a few local teenagers.
For the things that are important to you, think about what you can DIY and what is worth paying for someone else to do. If flowers matter, can you put together your own bouquets and vases? Youtube is your friend here, and Trader Joe's and Costco are good sources for quality flowers. If music/dancing matters, do you need a band and/or DJ/emcee or can you make your own playlist and have you or a friend do the announcements? Can your fiancee rent, borrow, or buy second-hand her dress, or wear a nontraditional dress, or is the full bridal salon experience worth it?
Congratulations!
-
The more people who are traveling to the wedding the more meals need to be served. That being said, there is no reason some or all meals can't be some kind of potluck or fast casual catering. Maybe pay for staff to set up tables and clean up, at least the day of the wedding, rather than wait staff.
I am not sure I have ever been to a reception with a band. DJs will have a wider repertoire, anyway. Live music such as a harp, acoustic guitar or other soft music for the wedding itself and/ or cocktail hour, at most. Personally, I live good dance music while waiting for the wedding party, but the fun people are usually in the wedding party and my partner and I end up being the only ones on the dance floor. Not sure what it says about us that we are never in the wedding parties...
-
I also find the fundraiser idea pretty yucky.
My advice: decide on a short list of your must-haves with your partner. Is having all the family there critical? Is wearing a fancy white gown non-negotiable for her? Are you determined to serve dinner? Pick 2-5 things that you won't budge on. Then, accept flexibility on everything else. You can skip a lot of things people assume are must-haves.
The more vendors you can skip altogether, the slimmer your budget will be. You don't have to have a florist, a DJ/band, hair and makeup artists, a videographer, or a cake baker. We had none of those. You don't even have to have a photographer, though that's the one that was important to me.
Your cheapest venues are going to be those that aren't billed as wedding venues. Our ceremony was in a public park for free. The reception was in an adjacent restaurant, although it bills itself as a wedding venue, so that was pricier. Restaurants and bars can be good options, but the best deals are going to be the ones that aren't obvious.
To say all this another way: most people, me included, start with a cultural idea of what a wedding is supposed to look like, and then try to be frugal within that framework. My advice is to start from NOTHING and add in the items that matter to you.
All that said: this has to be a mutual process. It's not going to go well if your fiancee has a dream and you suggest throwing it all out.
Lmk if you'd like to see our full wedding budget. I posted a non-final, pre-wedding version here (under the spoiler tag): https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/change-of-plans/msg3118528/#msg3118528 (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/change-of-plans/msg3118528/#msg3118528)
I could dig up the final version if you are interested. In the end we spent $16k. At the time I felt so impressive that we were so far below the supposedly "average" wedding ($30k ish), but now I realize those numbers are incredibly inflated. They come from surveys of people on wedding websites--meaning they exclude anyone who just went to the courthouse or threw a party in the backyard. It's dumb to pretend we didn't spend way more than most people do. It was a giant expense. I don't regret it a bit, but only because we could afford it: we incurred no debt and didn't rely on anyone else to pay for it. It also didn't slow down our FIRE plans.
Oh, and looking back at that pre-wedding post reminded me: the sticker price is not the actual price. My commentary from the planning stage:
...everything venue-related (chair rentals, food, staff) has turned out pricier than I originally expected - the sticker price is not the actual price. 20% gratuity, staffing requirements, rental delivery fees, and tax have together added a few thousand over the advertised prices. But there's no avoiding those things if you want to host 60-80 people for dinner. The food is fancier than what I feel is necessary, but it's too late to back out...
Early on, I thought that the venue would be the expensive part (we looked at "affordable" venues where the rental alone was $6-$8k). Once we secured one for only $1.6k, I figured we were therefore successfully frugal. Now I realize that the expensive part is feeding dozens of people a sit-down dinner. My original budget hadn't accounted for gratuity, tax, and staffing, which altogether doubles the food price. Then you have to decide how much booze to offer. Every other scrimp (cheap dress! simple decor! DIY instead of hiring!) starts to look like small potatoes next to the cost of dinner.
Some inspiration for you: https://apracticalwedding.com/apw-real-weddings/budget/weddings-under-10k/ (https://apracticalwedding.com/apw-real-weddings/budget/weddings-under-10k/)
-
I'll try to address everyone's messages here. I am greatly appreciative. This is the only site I have found on the Internet that provides good advice and people seem to be genuinely interested in helping.
That said I think myself and my fiance are in this situation that people that everyone hates. We come here asking advice about how to reduce a budget and we are asked what we are willing to give up and the answer is almost nothing.
The number of guests is huge currently 330+, but we are triming down. I have trouble telling people they can't attend my wedding when I was a groomsmen in theirs etc. Also I have a large family. 64 on my mom's side and I will be kicked out of the family if everyone isn't invited. Additionally, we are Christian and our wedding will have some sort of gospel message to it at some point, and almost none of my friends are Christian and this might be one of the few times they will hear it. Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Finance is a photographer. She would be heartbroken if we skimmed there.
I love a band. I have been to many great weddings with a DJ or an iPod. I'll give up the band for a DJ if it saves a significant amount, but for a few dollars I'd have have a band or an iPod.
Food... I'm happy to feed them pulled pork sandwiches on paper plates. She feels like people will be upset if they travel across the country, dress nice, pay for a hotel etc and get a paper plate dinner.
She wants flowers, but is fine with DIYing them herself.
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer. Then there was a silent auction, a cash raffle and a few gun raffles. I'm frugal and didn't need anything so I showed up for support have a few extra dollars, had a meal and went home. I love my family and any excuse to hang out with them.
She is open to buying a dress second hand, but I can't help, because I can't see it. A dumb tradition in my opinion.
She is find with a small cheap cake and cookies or muffins for guests. I'm fine with that or nothing.
The venue I think is a big one that I would like to capitalize on. Finance has picked five she wants to visit, but all are "Wedding Venues" most have required vendors. And most al already booked for this September. Fiance is in a panic that if we don't select a venue soon we will have to wait till next year to get married. Which sucks because we are long distance and she won't move to me till we are married.
How do I find a nice park in PA, NY, or CT to rent? What happens if random people are just walking through the wedding? If we rent it from the state do we get exclusive access?
-
Please don’t ask people to help you raise funds to hold a party, which is what you’re talking about doing for your “wedding. “ A wedding costs about $35 when you go to the courthouse and get a license it’s just not that expensive. You’re talking about funding a party.
Have the wedding you can afford. there are all kinds of ways to do that.
You say you aren’t willing to give up anything and you’re looking at 330 people coming. Dude, that is thousands and thousands of dollars. I don’t even want to contemplate what you have to do to host 330 people. So that you understand, the dress and the cake will be trivial in cost compared to hosting 330 people.
OK, you do you, you’re not willing to give up anything. Got it. So how much money * DO* you have?
-
That said I think myself and my fiance are in this situation that people that everyone hates. We come here asking advice about how to reduce a budget and we are asked what we are willing to give up and the answer is almost nothing.
Then you won't have a small budget. You can have all the stuff you just listed (huge guest list, photography, band, food, flowers), but you'll have to pay for it. There's no way around that.
I'm going to keep addressing the rest of your post, but the above is what it comes down to.
I love a band. I have been to many great weddings with a DJ or an iPod. I'll give up the band for a DJ if it saves a significant amount, but for a few dollars I'd have have a band or an iPod.
We had a spotify playlist and a rented speaker. Way cheaper than a DJ, and a DJ is typically WAY cheaper than a live band.
Food... I'm happy to feed them pulled pork sandwiches on paper plates. She feels like people will be upset if they travel across the country, dress nice, pay for a hotel etc and get a paper plate dinner.
This is how we ended up with a full formal dinner too. As mentioned above, dinner was the vast majority of the costs in the end. So just realize that you are committing to a lot here, especially with a several-hundred person guest list. You can manage expectations somewhat by telegraphing the formality level of the event. Ex. If you invite someone to a black tie event in a fancy ballroom, they will have different standards for the meal than if they are invited to a park wedding with a relaxed dress code.
She wants flowers, but is fine with DIYing them herself.
Look into wholesale flowers at Costco / Sam's Club, and/or buy flowers a day or two before at Trader Joe's.
The venue I think is a big one that I would like to capitalize on. Finance has picked five she wants to visit, but all are "Wedding Venues" most have required vendors. And most al already booked for this September. Fiance is in a panic that if we don't select a venue soon we will have to wait till next year to get married. Which sucks because we are long distance and she won't move to me till we are married.
My husband and I were engaged for 6 months and booked our venue 5 months in advance. The sense of time pressure you feel is part of the sales tactic, trying to make you feel desperate. If you are going to be really picky about venues (Ex. "It HAS to be an outdoor wedding with a barn reception on a Saturday within the three weeks of fall with the best foliage color" etc etc), then you might be right that your options are limited. If you're willing to be EVEN SLIGHTLY flexible and creative, there will always be options available to you.
How do I find a nice park in PA, NY, or CT to rent? What happens if random people are just walking through the wedding? If we rent it from the state do we get exclusive access?
Most people are respectful and give an obvious wedding plenty of space. There are a few picnickers way in the background of a couple of our wedding photos. It wasn't a big deal, but our photographer photoshopped them out of a few of the nicest shots.
I suggest going to state and city park websites and looking for event rental spaces, whether they are marked as weddings or not.
My last thoughts on the fundraiser before I drop the subject. I am definitely hypersensitive to asking for money--I avoided even advertising a gift registry--so it's fair to take my opposition to the Jack and Jill with a small grain of salt. However, this:
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer.
...is just beyond the pale in my opinion. "Please pay me money to fund my wedding that you aren't even invited to" ??? If I were invited to this kind of J&J party, I'd think it was a little tacky but keep that to myself. If I were invited to the J&J but not to the wedding I would be seriously offended. Like my wallet is the only part of me the hosts are interested in.
-
OP, the more I read of your ideas, the more I see that you must be very young. “People will be upset”if they can’t come to your wedding. Honey, let ‘em be upset and that includes blood relatives.
There is no real tit for tat in groomsman (you be in his wedding , he be in yours.) Every couple getting married has a different set of circumstances. You are probably at the age where your peers are getting married and you are attending a lot of weddings and it all seems like it’s a really big deal, the wedding thing. Believe me in 10 years these weddings won’t matter much and in 20 years you will have forgotten most of it.
You want to use your wedding as an opportunity to proselytize? Oy that is just…gosh. Look, if you incorporate your religion into your ceremony to show how important it is to you and your fiance, that is one thing and is a nice, personal thing. But seriously, you want to convert your friends? At your wedding? Not cool.
And now we learned that you and your fiancé are living long distance. Have her come to visit you one weekend and have her wear@pretty dress and get some pretty flowers; go to the courthouse and get married.
Then tell your relatives on either side that they are welcome to throw a party in your hometown or whatever town they wish to have it in. Your family can throw a reception party and her family can throw a reception party if it’s so important to them. Let them pay for it.
-
Let me just say again that I spent $16k on a wedding that I felt was pretty frugal, given that it included a full reception and plated dinner. That was for 66 guests. Your list of 330 is 5x larger.
You mention that you are going to have a religious wedding. Is a church wedding a possibility here? Those can be much more affordable than a "venue" wedding, depending on the space, especially if you can have the reception there as well.
-
Let me just say again that I spent $16k on a wedding that I felt was pretty frugal, given that it included a full reception and plated dinner. That was for 66 guests. Your list of 330 is 5x larger.
You mention that you are going to have a religious wedding. Is a church wedding a possibility here? Those can be much more affordable than a "venue" wedding, depending on the space, especially if you can have the reception there as well.
I remember cake and punch receptions in the chirch basement decades ago thwt was the standard of the time. But when I think of all of the big Victorian era churches in my old neighborhood, I know none of them hold 330 people in the basement. This guest list is unrealistic.
-
330 is a massive wedding. Fundraising for a wedding seems strange. If your fiance is a photographer she should be able to find a friend to trade services with to make that more affordable.
How much money do you have available? What is your budget without any fundraising? Most guests give money these days-or at least my family does. I wrote a check for $500 for the last wedding DH and I attended for a cousin’s child. So even though you spend $X per person, a good portion may come back in the form of gifts. Just don’t count on that 100%.
DH and I hired a jazz trio for our wedding reception (smaller headcount of 130), and found n affordable cake and DIY the flowers with family. I regret overspending on my wedding dress that DD will probably never want to wear because it’s 1997 at its finest style. I bought the bridesmaid’s dresses and shoes too, but found those for a super deal. I made truffles for the favors and spent way too much time on that detail no one probably cared about! Our wedding was on a Sunday of Memorial Day weekend-that made our venue very affordable. A friend shared flowers with another bride to save money-one got married at noon and the other at the same venue in the evening. The morning wedding was much more affordable. I grew up where weddings included the whole church, and in those cases, the receptions were more pasta buffets and plastic vs plated with glassware. If you want more people, you will have to sacrifice some things. Could you have family host portions of the wedding? Someone does bouquets, someone does the cake, someone does the band, etc in lieu of their regular wedding gift? @Dicey is very clever at making large events affordable. @Embok just did a wedding for her daughter. They are a lot of work. Mustachian wedding fairies helped with that wedding.
-
330 is a huge wedding. My favorite weddings that I have ever been to be all family and close friends' weddings under 50 people. It is one thing if you have a huge family, but my favorite wedding has always been small intimate ones.
-
We had around 500 people attend our wedding (my parents are well-known in the Asian community, and being a collectivistic culture, you have to invite everyone to avoid anyone being offended).
That being said, we spent around $12K Canadian in total.
Here's how we saved money.
1. The biggest money saver was to hold the ceremony during banquet halls' low season, which is in January, right after Christmas and before Valentine's Day. The per person cost of serving steak and/or salmon dinner, alcohol, free flow soft drinks, buffet salad, and buffet dessert table was around $50 per plate. The peak season price was $150 per plate. We limited the alcohol to one bottle of red and one bottle of white per table. But we have a lot of non-drinking friends, so the ones that drank simply asked the non-drinking tables if they could have their bottles. We said the church ceremony was open to all, but the banquet was capped at 150 due to the size of the banquet hall. The dinner banquet was our biggest expense, and was around $8000.
2. As a bonus, I asked the banquet hall to leave their Christmas decorations up, as they were in our wedding colors (gold and burgundy). So I spent nothing decorating the banquet hall.
3. Church - held the ceremony in my childhood church. Fee was by donation ($500).
4. Music - I reached out to the music department at our local university and asked if there were any students interested in earning some extra money. Because they were studying a music major, they were excellent instrumentalists. Because they were students, they charged less. Cost around $300 in total.
5. Dress was $150 from a sample sale (original price $1200).
6. Photographs - we didn't spend much on this as it wasn't a priority. However, you could also reach out to the local university's fine arts department and see if there are students interested in gig work, or you can have your fiancee reach out to colleagues in the industry to swap services.
7. Cake - instead of doing a real wedding cake, we went for a really big cake from a Chinese bakery. That was a couple hundred dollars, I think.
8. We DIY'd flowers. SIL has a degree from a famous art school - she helped create the bouquets and the church decorations. I think it was a couple hundred for the materials.
Biggest money saver? Don't get married during peak season (summer/fall).
-
One way to cut down on attendees is to be sure to let them know that saving their soul will be part of entertainment. I've been a captive audience at a couple of funerals, but I would skip a wedding in a heartbeat.
-
@Freedomin5 thank you for that detailed explanation of a large wedding situation. Interesting that the wedding venue was for a crowd but the reception was smaller. Our was the opposite- the wedding chapel was small, but we had a bigger reception more were invited to. My parent’s religion (Jehovah’s Witness) don’t like to go into other churches. That reduced the number of people at the church part. That doesn’t sound like what the OP wants to do here though, as they might want to convert some people. I had to pick a non-denominational chapel my parents had attended a funeral in so that they couldn’t object to where the wedding was held but still get a wedding done. Compromise!
-
Have your fundraiser! It's obviously "a thing" these days, but, more importantly, you're a mustachian, so aren't bothered if others might think it's tacky.
-
The number of guests is huge currently 330+, but we are triming down. I have trouble telling people they can't attend my wedding when I was a groomsmen in theirs etc. Also I have a large family. 64 on my mom's side and I will be kicked out of the family if everyone isn't invited.
...
How do I find a nice park in PA, NY, or CT to rent? What happens if random people are just walking through the wedding? If we rent it from the state do we get exclusive access?
My solution was simple. Don't get married near where your friends and relatives live. Get in married in Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, or a beach in Hawaii. Invite as many people as you want and plan a wedding for 20-30.
-
There's a lot here, so I'm only going to contribute what I experienced that helped the most.
Another type of venue to consider is VFW/Knights of Columbus/other local halls. We had ours at a Knights of Columbus hall, and it was simple, but functional. Not super pretty, not a ton of decorations, but had air conditioning for our July wedding, enough staff for the basics and, most importantly, didn't have contracts with any vendors, so we could get the catering from wherever we wanted. If I remember correctly, the main food part was under $20 bucks a head, because I got relatively basic options from an Italian restaurant near the venue and set up a buffet. That's how we managed 150 guests on a low-ish (8k) budget. I bought a couple other sides and rolls from grocery stores to fill it out and was done with it. It was filling, and one of our family friends said it was the best wedding food he'd ever had-and he's a chef! But we couldn't have done that if our venue was contracted with a traditional caterer.
If you're going to DIY flowers you should keep it simple and definitely budget flowers for practice beforehand. I do flowers for family and friends' weddings as a hobby and it's a ton of work to make them look anything approaching Pinterest. The last one I did was about 20 hours of work between me and my MIL's help and it all has to be done the day or two before. I'm not saying don't do it-if you want flowers it's a huge budget saver. But you will be miserable if you're not practiced in arranging them and you try to take on too much with it. If you can, think of non-floral centerpieces (we had fake floating candles, another wedding I did had bowls of apples from their farm). Being able to set them up in advance without pressure will give you so much breathing room.
-
@Freedomin5 thank you for that detailed explanation of a large wedding situation. Interesting that the wedding venue was for a crowd but the reception was smaller. Our was the opposite- the wedding chapel was small, but we had a bigger reception more were invited to. My parent’s religion (Jehovah’s Witness) don’t like to go into other churches. That reduced the number of people at the church part. That doesn’t sound like what the OP wants to do here though, as they might want to convert some people. I had to pick a non-denominational chapel my parents had attended a funeral in so that they couldn’t object to where the wedding was held but still get a wedding done. Compromise!
Once we booked the church, it cost us the same to have 100 people sitting there watching the ceremony as it did to have 500 people watching the ceremony. The dinner banquet was different because the cost was per plate, so the more people we had attending, the more expensive it would be.
One of the perks about being Asian is that very few people gave us wedding gifts. The tradition is to give money (red pockets). The money ended up covering most of our wedding expenses.
-
Here was my under $1000 wedding. Yes, I actually did this. We were planning to pay for it ourselves, but at the end, our parents kind of shrugged and decided to split the bill.
Feel free to steal, adapt, or ignore these ideas.
Venue (both ceremony and party): home. No need to book in advance, pay fees, etc. We did advise guests to bring their own lawn or folding chairs.
Officiant: friend who is reasonably articulate. There's an online church-of-nothing-in-particular that will ordain pretty much anyone for a modest fee.
Photographer: friends and family. (A few of our friends and family are actually pretty talented.) (One of our friends, who has photography hobby, chose this as the thing to shell out for in an otherwise budget wedding that took place in a park. I get it.) If you do hire a photographer, consider if there's any way you can shorten that hour of standing around outside either venue while different combinations of cousins get photographed.
Wedding party: nobody. I hate the idea of sending friends out to get clothes and shoes they're going to dislike and only wear once, plus it's annoying. If you do have a best man, bridesmaids, etc., though, consider not insisting that they all match.
Food: Costco. They have sandwich and cold cuts platters, ready-made things, things you can make with little to no fuss. They have cakes in several flavors, too. Some of the guests got wind that we were trying to do our own cooking and brought stuff we didn't need. We had so much food.
Flowers: Grocery store, and only a few. Not my thing.
Music: Nope. I just didn't feel like it.
Alcohol: Also no. Most of the people I know don't partake. I think a few might have brought a little for themselves, which is not a problem when it's at home.
Guest list: something under 60. Fits in the house better, small enough you can actually talk to people, and they can get to know each other. Also far easier to seat, feed, etc. We did have sort of a second reception later, for some of the family and friends where DH grew up, but that was just a tea party with the good china at his parents' house.
Three things I did really differently than most, and that I wholeheartedly recommend:
1. Casual dress for all. It was a warm day, and nobody minded one bit skipping the formal/party attire in favor of backyard barbecue clothes. People actually relaxed, including us.
2. A "stage manager." This was a college student friend, not so close as to need to be a part of the production, who volunteered to hang around that day and set up, clean up, and generally help make things go. This is who was dispatched at the last minute to go get the ice that nobody thought of sooner. I'd happily pay such a person if I were having another such occasion, but I think they saw it as their gift at a time when they didn't have a lot of financial means. It was a wonderful gift.
3. No religion, minimal ceremony. Obviously, this is a personal choice, but I've endured entire Catholic masses at various times in support of friends, and sorry, but it's miserable. (Think of it this way: if a friend asked you to sit through a whole ceremony for a religion you do not practice or believe, in the cause of supposedly saving your soul, would you see it as a favor to you, or just an obstacle between you and the food?)
The whistle doesn't pull the train, and the wedding doesn't make the marriage. I've never regretted having less wedding.
-
I know a lot of folks are saying Jack and Jill is tacky, and I agree that in my social circles it would be extremely socially unacceptable, but whether it's tacky in yours depends entirely on your social circle.
So if it's not tacky in your world, then it's not tacky and ignore what everyone else is saying. Cash bars are absolutely tacky in some circles and totally normal in others. Different regions, different cultures have different expectations around weddings.
What IS universally tacky though is asking friends and family for money and then cheaping out on the details that specifically benefit those people. So you can't ask your friends and family for money for a party and then spend it all on nice things for you like a top notch photographer, but cheap out on the nice stuff for them, like food.
If you want ALL the things, you're just going to have to pay for ALL of the things. If you want ALL the guests and ALL the usual nice wedding details, it's going to cost you a fortune.
Anything you do for a wedding that's traditionally "wedding" is going to drive the price up. And with that many guests, the per head cost of doing things traditionally is going to be insane.
The only way to have that many guests and save significant money is to make it not wedding-ish and not formal. Formal gatherings are expensive because formality is literally just a representation of wealth.
So yes, if you want to serve cheaper, less formal food, you need to make the whole event less formal.
I had a tiny wedding, literally only 6 guests and 4 were my parents. We went extremely formal because at that head count, we could spend as much as we wanted per person and stay under budget.
But if I were to have a 300+ person wedding, I would have a casual giant BBQ party. Personally, I despise large formal weddings, so I wouldn't even find one fun to host, and I love a giant BBQ party. I would focus more on making it fun: games, activities for kids, etc.
I would put so much focus on making it fun that people are happy to have traveled to attend. Casual can be done extremely well, but a casual wedding is very different from a formal wedding with cheap details for the guests.
-
330 is a huge wedding. My favorite weddings that I have ever been to be all family and close friends' weddings under 50 people. It is one thing if you have a huge family, but my favorite wedding has always been small intimate ones.
Right, 330 attendees is a cattle call wedding. I think the nice ones are small and very classy because the hosts can afford an expensive venue and food/wine for a small number,and guests feels special, not one of hundreds.
I know the Asian communities have huge weddings but parents save for decades for those events. Even the Asian wedding detailed above had only 150 at the party/reception while a couple hundred more witnessed the ceremony.
And if it is a choice between a cash bar or no alcohol at all, please God let me buy my own wine. I will not sit through a boring Saturday night 5 hour wedding extravaganza without wine.
-
As everyone is saying, you can't have it all and also be very mustachian about it. Our biggest cost by far was the food, because we had 100 guests and wanted a sit down meal.
Venue was cheap (by donation in our church basement), we found a newish but very good photographer for slightly less because we didn't have two of them or video. Flowers we just did centerpieces and a couple bouquets, no bridesmaids or groomsmen just the best man and maid of honour.
Generous gifts and some help from parents covered a decent portion but we budgeted for something we could afford without that.
Where I live some people charge a per plate cost in lieu of gifts, or cash bar, or do jack and Jill's but we didn't want to. Our wedding was super fun and exactly what we wanted and we were comfortable with the cost because we saved where we could and spent on our priorities.
-
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer. Then there was a silent auction, a cash raffle and a few gun raffles. I'm frugal and didn't need anything so I showed up for support have a few extra dollars, had a meal and went home. I love my family and any excuse to hang out with them.
I think there have been some good suggestions about possible ways to cut costs. I just want to add my .02 cents that a Jack and Jill might be a great idea if you are from a community where it is common practice. I suspect that some of the people calling it tacky or telling you how to use the money if you do one aren't familiar with Jack and Jill as an organization or as a party concept. If you choose to do one, do it according to the standards of your families' communities.
Most importantly, congratulations on getting married! I wish you nothing but happiness.
-
330 is a huge wedding. My favorite weddings that I have ever been to be all family and close friends' weddings under 50 people. It is one thing if you have a huge family, but my favorite wedding has always been small intimate ones.
Right, 330 attendees is a cattle call wedding. I think the nice ones are small and very classy because the hosts can afford an expensive venue and food/wine for a small number,and guests feels special, not one of hundreds.
I know the Asian communities have huge weddings but parents save for decades for those events. Even the Asian wedding detailed above had only 150 at the party/reception while a couple hundred more witnessed the ceremony.
And if it is a choice between a cash bar or no alcohol at all, please God let me buy my own wine. I will not sit through a boring Saturday night 5 hour wedding extravaganza without wine.
Exactly this.
My SIL is Asian and her family paid 6 figures for their 200 person wedding a few months ago. And nothing about it was particularly over the top, it's just insanely expensive to host that many people in a formal manner.
Formality is expensive, and it will always raise the per-head cost of an event.
Every single little thing that costs even a dollar more adds significantly to the budget because of the headcount. So glasses instead of plastic cups, linen rentals instead of paper napkins, nice chairs instead of folding chairs or picnic tables, paper invitations instead of e-vites, the staff required to serve and clean a formal meal instead of a BBQ or food truck.
Each little detail that elevates and event from casual to formal can cost thousands.
-
Unlike some other posters, I completely sympathize with your large guest list, being in the same boat though not on quite so large a scale. Malcat nailed the key point: if you want to host 300 people, you either have to spend tons of money or you have to have a casual party.
A formal, elegant party will be very expensive because it involves paying people to do work for you (maintaining the fancy hall, cooking and serving the food, buying and arranging the flowers, etc.) and because those services are charged at premium rates in the context of weddings. Casual doesn't mean cheapo, it means you're not buying the things that a formal event requires. It's a different kind of event. An intentional, fun, welcoming, casual party will be a happy occasion that your guests will enjoy; an attempt at looking like a formal party on the cheap will feel skimpy and be much less enjoyable.
You telegraph the vibe to your guests in advance so they don't show up in long sequinned dresses, expecting a four-course served dinner. The location of the reception, the style of the invitations, and the dress code all help. If you make a wedding website, which seems totally unnecessary to me but is very common nowadays, it would also give the idea.
So, for example, you hire a pavilion at a state park (random example: Bethpage SP on Long Island has a pavilion that holds 250 people for $250). You decorate with some fresh flowers bought in bulk from Costco and some paper streamers and lanterns and balloons. There's a buffet from a restaurant that does catering (random example: in my HCOL area, an Italian restaurant does trays that serve 20 for $240 including garlic read and salad). You buy your own beverages and alcohol and maybe hire a bartender off craigslist (for a gathering that large, I'd want someone who knows what he's doing keeping an eye on whether a guest needs to be cut off). You rent or borrow speakers and have a premade playlist for dancing, and a friend or relative serves as emcee when needed. You also have fun things to do like lawn games. You could have a wedding cake (expensive), or just several round cakes in different sizes, or some other dessert. Nice-looking, heavy-duty paper or plastic plates and tableware would not be out of place, but if you don't want 300 place settings worth of trash, buy real plates and cutlery and glassware (craigslist/thrift store/Ikea/dollar store) and resell them afterwards. I have been to a wedding where the plates were real china, all different floral patterns, from thrift stores. It had a lovely garden-party feel.
As to the gospel message: as a fellow Christian, I also understand this impulse. For this reason, I think it's important to consider how, in the celebratory context of a wedding and of the guests' various relationships to you, the message can best be conveyed. IMO, an invitation is better than an admonition. Of the many converts I know, all but one were brought to Christ not by a lecture or sermon, but by being attracted to the joy of the Christian life they saw lived by their Christian friends.
-
You telegraph the vibe to your guests in advance so they don't show up in long sequinned dresses, expecting a four-course served dinner. The location of the reception, the style of the invitations, and the dress code all help. If you make a wedding website, which seems totally unnecessary to me but is very common nowadays, it would also give the idea.
Website is a free way to disseminate information, as opposed to paying for extra stationary to include in invitations. If I'd included the time of my ceremony on the website, perhaps the last guests (who presumably no longer had their invitation) would have been able to look it up and arrive on time instead of relying on inaccurate word-of-mouth about the start time. 😂 It wasn't a big deal, but it would have been easy to fix in retrospect.
-
We had a fantastic wedding, and it edged closer to inexpensive than formal. A few suggestions that I haven't already seen mentioned:
- Get married on a weekday. We got married on our "dating anniversary", which happened to be a Monday that year. EVERYTHING was easier, because it was typically a -0- booking day for the photographer, the caterer, the DJ and the hall. We got the hall for a full 8 hours, for $500. The hall allowed use of their tables and chairs as part of the rental.
- Get married at the same place you have the reception. My sister "lost" a grandparent and aunt and uncle because they got lost in the town she was married. Still a bummer when she thinks of her wedding day, as grandma was gone within a year of her wedding.
- Only have one attendant. Or none. We had one attendant each, so there was no nonsense about matching outfits. Other friends gave a reading, greeted guests, intersected with the minister and the caterer and the DJ, so we didn't have to.
- We asked for surf instrumental music during dinner, which was fun, and very beachy. Since we got married in Santa Barbara, it was an easy vibe, and meant we didn't have to agonize over music. For the dancing afterwards, we just gave the DJ a DO NOT PLAY list, which helped me not be annoyed with overplayed crap music, like Wind Beneath My Wings, the Macarena, and Celebration.
- We did serve alcohol, but only champagne. It's very hard to get falling down drunk on champagne. So we had a little celebratory bubbly, but no bartender and no mixed drinks.
- We did our own flowers. Five boutonnieres, two bouquets, and three mom corsages.
- Have a buffet instead of served dinners. Much easier to maneuver, and fewer servers needed. We only had 9 tables, so we dismissed each table one by one to the buffet line. The head table went first, so we actually got to eat on our wedding day - something a lot of couples miss.
- Do the formal photos in advance of the wedding. It means that the photographer and the families don't ask the guests to wait around for an hour why pictures are being taken. It also means you can have the photographer for a shorter time period - like 3 hours instead of 6.
We had a blast on our wedding day. I hope you'll be able to say the same in a year from now.
-
Here was my under $1000 wedding. Yes, I actually did this. We were planning to pay for it ourselves, but at the end, our parents kind of shrugged and decided to split the bill.
Feel free to steal, adapt, or ignore these ideas.
Venue (both ceremony and party): home. No need to book in advance, pay fees, etc. We did advise guests to bring their own lawn or folding chairs.
Officiant: friend who is reasonably articulate. There's an online church-of-nothing-in-particular that will ordain pretty much anyone for a modest fee.
Photographer: friends and family. (A few of our friends and family are actually pretty talented.) (One of our friends, who has photography hobby, chose this as the thing to shell out for in an otherwise budget wedding that took place in a park. I get it.) If you do hire a photographer, consider if there's any way you can shorten that hour of standing around outside either venue while different combinations of cousins get photographed.
Wedding party: nobody. I hate the idea of sending friends out to get clothes and shoes they're going to dislike and only wear once, plus it's annoying. If you do have a best man, bridesmaids, etc., though, consider not insisting that they all match.
Food: Costco. They have sandwich and cold cuts platters, ready-made things, things you can make with little to no fuss. They have cakes in several flavors, too. Some of the guests got wind that we were trying to do our own cooking and brought stuff we didn't need. We had so much food.
Flowers: Grocery store, and only a few. Not my thing.
Music: Nope. I just didn't feel like it.
Alcohol: Also no. Most of the people I know don't partake. I think a few might have brought a little for themselves, which is not a problem when it's at home.
Guest list: something under 60. Fits in the house better, small enough you can actually talk to people, and they can get to know each other. Also far easier to seat, feed, etc. We did have sort of a second reception later, for some of the family and friends where DH grew up, but that was just a tea party with the good china at his parents' house.
Three things I did really differently than most, and that I wholeheartedly recommend:
1. Casual dress for all. It was a warm day, and nobody minded one bit skipping the formal/party attire in favor of backyard barbecue clothes. People actually relaxed, including us.
2. A "stage manager." This was a college student friend, not so close as to need to be a part of the production, who volunteered to hang around that day and set up, clean up, and generally help make things go. This is who was dispatched at the last minute to go get the ice that nobody thought of sooner. I'd happily pay such a person if I were having another such occasion, but I think they saw it as their gift at a time when they didn't have a lot of financial means. It was a wonderful gift.
3. No religion, minimal ceremony. Obviously, this is a personal choice, but I've endured entire Catholic masses at various times in support of friends, and sorry, but it's miserable. (Think of it this way: if a friend asked you to sit through a whole ceremony for a religion you do not practice or believe, in the cause of supposedly saving your soul, would you see it as a favor to you, or just an obstacle between you and the food?)
The whistle doesn't pull the train, and the wedding doesn't make the marriage. I've never regretted having less wedding.
We spent about $500 in 1998.
We got married at dawn at a hike in riverbank (first date location) with only five people there.
We had a reception at her family's backyard, which was gorgeously landscaped.
We bought some wine and beer and paid a friend to make some food, other friends brought food and snacks.
Yes, we had a potluck wedding ;-), but we came from a very DIY community.
We spent the night sleeping under the stars on the deck and did a honeymoon later, a simple weekend away one state over.
Our photographer was also a friend and took some pics; he was also our ordained marriage official (The Church of Bob The Sub-Genius).
But none of this particularly helpful to the OP who is in a different boat altogether. 300+ guests!?
-
330 is what really sticks out to me.
We had about 90 people at our wedding. Close friends and family only. If you have to think for a second to recall their name, if you haven't seen them in the last year, if you feel like you're inviting them because you should rather than because you want to . . . don't invite.
If you absolutely need to have 330 people, then you absolutely need to cut corners on everything to try to avoid spending stupid money. Venue, food, entertainment.
-
But none of this particularly helpful to the OP who is in a different boat altogether. 300+ guests!?
300+ guests is a choice. If it's the bride or groom's parents insisting on all those people, I hope those parents will help pay. If it's OP, unless the invitations have been sent, perhaps they should reconsider that choice.
They asked about a mustachian wedding, and to me, the process for thinking about any given aspect, whether venue, guest list, or whatever is this:
-Can you skip it entirely? (No limo needed if the ceremony and reception are in the same place.)
-Can you scale it down, simplify, get a better price, or DIY? (Fewer guests, make your own favors/centerpieces, off the rack, thrifted, or rented clothing, choose a less popular day or less costly venue, or avoid things labeled "wedding.")
-Or is this something you value enough to pay full price? (Photographer, in the case of OP and one of my friends.)
-
I don't think my wedding will be full Mustachian, but I would like to keep the price down as best I can. I'm planning to try to have a Jack and Jill fundraiser before the wedding to try to raise some extra funds. Looking for any advice people might have. I have a lots of friends and family that I would really like to have there so that makes it more difficult. She's from PA, I'm from CT so somewhere in the northeast would be ideal.
What's a good way to go about finding a venue? Vendors? Band? Any tips or tricks greatly appreciated
Instead bring a gift, ask people to bring a dish for a potluck. You provide wine and beer. Bands are expensive, there's no real way to have a discount. But you can curate your own playlist of fun and meaningful songs.
Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Extremely tacky.
-
Where do you live? Anywhere in the South? If so, I'm thinking mega church for your venue--it'll fit 300+ people and you would have the reception at the gym on the campus. No booze, have a restaurant cater, use paper plates and the church's folding chairs/tables. Lean in to the religion thing and use your church resources to frugalize your wedding and still be able to have a million guests. No DJ but you might be able to do some dancing with Spotify or something.
For context, we're quite religious and our guest list was 150 people. We leaned heavily on my church to hook us up. The entire wedding, including dress, decorations, bridesmaids dress rentals (I paid for this), groomsmen dress shirts (DH paid for this) and photographer cost $10k in 2013. We had five months between getting engaged and getting married.
It was a fairly informal wedding at our church on a Sunday afternoon (more availability and cheaper). Our reception was at a nearby country club but they allowed us to use their cheaper lunch grill buffet menu for the dinner. I hired my town's contra-dance band for $400 for the reception (we did simple contra dancing!) and had my guitar teacher play for "cocktail hour" (just beer and wine) for $150.
The country club was a hookup from one of my church elders and they had no venue fee. All we paid for was the food. Very casual hamburgers, grilled chicken, and salads, but still yummy!
Photographer was a friend of mine with a photography business. She did the event for $1200. In retrospect, I don't care about the pictures at all and would have been happy with just some formals with family done before the ceremony and then snapshots from my friends during the ceremony/reception.
Got my dress from JCrew for $500 and sold it a month later for $250.
-
That said I think myself and my fiance are in this situation that people that everyone hates. We come here asking advice about how to reduce a budget and we are asked what we are willing to give up and the answer is almost nothing.
The number of guests is huge currently 330+, but we are triming down. I have trouble telling people they can't attend my wedding when I was a groomsmen in theirs etc. Also I have a large family. 64 on my mom's side and I will be kicked out of the family if everyone isn't invited. Additionally, we are Christian and our wedding will have some sort of gospel message to it at some point, and almost none of my friends are Christian and this might be one of the few times they will hear it. Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
My money-saving advice is to state clearly in the invitation that wedding guests will be a captive audience for sermonizing about how they're sinners who are going to hell if they don't convert to your religion.
Many people will politely decline to attend, saving you money. You're welcome.
-
You telegraph the vibe to your guests in advance so they don't show up in long sequinned dresses, expecting a four-course served dinner. The location of the reception, the style of the invitations, and the dress code all help. If you make a wedding website, which seems totally unnecessary to me but is very common nowadays, it would also give the idea.
Website is a free way to disseminate information, as opposed to paying for extra stationary to include in invitations. If I'd included the time of my ceremony on the website, perhaps the last guests (who presumably no longer had their invitation) would have been able to look it up and arrive on time instead of relying on inaccurate word-of-mouth about the start time. 😂 It wasn't a big deal, but it would have been easy to fix in retrospect.
Yes, this. I didn't receive formal paper invitations the last three weddings I attended. They all created a website or a Whatsapp/WeChat invite. It was easier for them to keep track of RSVPs as well, because you could RSVP directly on the site/app.
-
We eloped (well, our dog attended), at sunrise, and it was the best decision we could have made for us. Whenever we look back on that day now almost 20 years later, we always give each other the same unspoken look--"yeah, we did it right."
A couple weeks later, her family held a small and very casual "reception" for us. While we gave our input if they asked us, we ceded every decision to them, because they wanted to throw it. We just showed up and enjoyed. It was a lovely event and gesture, but we stressed about no detail.
I know this is not what you want, and am not trying to be unhelpful or suggest you should do it this way at all. Just offering the thought that there are no actual requirements for a wedding ceremony, and if you give up certain aspects of a "normal" wedding because you validly aren't in a position to front it right now, you and your spouse may look back and realize you didn't miss those aspects at all.
-
A wedding is just a big party that is over in a couple of hours. Then you get to start your lives together. Every dollar that you spend on that big party is a dollar that can't be spent setting up your new life together, so I would really scrutinize expenses for these line items. If you're young and just starting out, is it better to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a single party, or put that money towards your future as a couple? Is paying for a live band worth it if it means you can't buy a house when/where you want? Is inviting over 300 people (many of whom you won't see or communicate with on a regular basis in 10 years) worth paying for or is that money better spent elsewhere? Is it worth it to you/your fiance to spend tons of money on a fancy dress to be worn for a few hours, or would you rather put that money towards a honeymoon?
There really is no way to do a huge, fancy wedding on the cheap. You have to compromise if you want a party that size. The Mustachian thing to do is to think critically about what is truly important to you, vs what outsiders or societal norms are pressuring you to do. Spend on what is truly important to you as you start your new life together. But if there are things that you guys don't care about enough to sacrifice for, delay your future, etc then by all means screw societal norms, or whatever outsiders want for your wedding and your life and leave those things off the list.
I invited around 120 people to my wedding. My dad was terminally ill at the time and we wanted to have the whole family there to celebrate. We networked a lot to find deals and put it together quickly.
- We might've been able to do a cheaper, outdoor wedding if the timing had worked out, but we ended up with an indoor wedding in December due to my dad's condition.
- The venue was a friend's country club house on the cheap. Ceremony was 10 minutes long and reception immediately followed in the same room. We were there to get married and celebrate with people we loved. No reason to have a bunch of different locations, or make people wait hours while we went through a bunch of motions.
- The photographer was a friend's mom that just liked to take pics. We didn't get glossy, professional photos that had been edited to look perfect, but we got images that captured all of the event on an SD card before we left the wedding. If your fiance is a photog, could she do the editing, etc to save money?
- The DJ lived in the neighborhood and did weddings at that venue for relatively little since he could walk home.
- Small wedding parties on both sides. We each had one sibling stand with us.
- We served a more formal meal, which was the most expensive part by far, but was handled by the venue rather than an outside catering company.
- Her dress was beautiful and well tailored, but cost a fraction of what most brides spend.
- I wore a simple suit rather than a tux, and the two siblings had matching suits that I paid for a rental on.
- Party favors/dessert were wedding gifts from a family member who is a professionally trained baker/chocolatier.
- Instead of a huge, fancy, professionally made cake, we had a small cake for the two of us that was made by our SIL.
- Invitations were hand made by my fiance and SIL (back when paper invitations were still a thing).
- We did our own setup/tear down of decorations, center pieces, etc.
-
But none of this particularly helpful to the OP who is in a different boat altogether. 300+ guests!?
300+ guests is a choice. If it's the bride or groom's parents insisting on all those people, I hope those parents will help pay. If it's OP, unless the invitations have been sent, perhaps they should reconsider that choice.
They asked about a mustachian wedding, and to me, the process for thinking about any given aspect, whether venue, guest list, or whatever is this:
-Can you skip it entirely? (No limo needed if the ceremony and reception are in the same place.)
-Can you scale it down, simplify, get a better price, or DIY? (Fewer guests, make your own favors/centerpieces, off the rack, thrifted, or rented clothing, choose a less popular day or less costly venue, or avoid things labeled "wedding.")
-Or is this something you value enough to pay full price? (Photographer, in the case of OP and one of my friends.)
Oh, I agree. The easiest way to save money on a wedding is not to plan an expensive wedding. But I don't think that's where the OP's head is at.
-
Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Extremely tacky.
Wow. If I were one of your non-Christian friends I would be extremely offended if I found out that I was invited as an attempt to convert me. Not to say that you should strip the religion part from your wedding (that wouldn't be fair to you), but if that was your primary reason for including me in the guest list I'd just as soon not receive one.
-
Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Extremely tacky.
Wow. If I were one of your non-Christian friends I would be extremely offended if I found out that I was invited as an attempt to convert me. Not to say that you should strip the religion part from your wedding (that wouldn't be fair to you), but if that was your primary reason for including me in the guest list I'd just as soon not receive one.
I would attend with a bullhorn and attempt to convert all the wayward Christians to pantheism. Might as well get some bang for your buck. :P
-
I would attend with a bullhorn and attempt to convert all the wayward Christians to pantheism. Might as well get some bang for your buck. :P
A wedding is also a golden opportunity to get people straightened out on their politics. I'm thinking big screen TVs set up around the venue blasting Fox News. It will be the event of the season.
-
I would attend with a bullhorn and attempt to convert all the wayward Christians to pantheism. Might as well get some bang for your buck. :P
A wedding is also a golden opportunity to get people straightened out on their politics. I'm thinking big screen TVs set up around the venue blasting Fox News. It will be the event of the season.
I bet you could convince many people of the correctness of your plan for peace in the middle east too.
-
I’ve been watching old wedding reality shows on YouTube. The one I just watched had 400 guests. It was one of those typical formal affairs. It cost $80,000 back in the year 2006 that’s more like $120,000 today.
We haven’t talked as cost of what the OP said he wanted, but it’s gonna be at least $100,000 for a formal type wedding reception.
-
I’ve been watching old wedding reality shows on YouTube. The one I just watched had 400 guests. It was one of those typical formal affairs. It cost $80,000 back in the year 2006 that’s more like $120,000 today.
We haven’t talked as cost of what the OP said he wanted, but it’s gonna be at least $100,000 for a formal type wedding reception.
In maybe 2003+/- a few years, I attended the wedding of an extended family member. Beautiful wedding, picturesque little Victorian inn as venue. Somewhere along the line, I learned that the bride's father had offered a hard-earned $25,000 to the couple that they could put either toward the wedding or toward their new life together. There (rural town) and then, it would have been a solid down payment on a house. They chose the wedding. It was part of how I decided never to do that to myself or anyone I know.
-
In maybe 2003+/- a few years, I attended the wedding of an extended family member. Beautiful wedding, picturesque little Victorian inn as venue. Somewhere along the line, I learned that the bride's father had offered a hard-earned $25,000 to the couple that they could put either toward the wedding or toward their new life together. There (rural town) and then, it would have been a solid down payment on a house. They chose the wedding. It was part of how I decided never to do that to myself or anyone I know.
Hah a friend's parents did something similar but with a mustachian twist - they offered X to help pay for a wedding, or 2X if they eloped. It was nowhere near $25k, IIRC something more like $3k/$6k. They did end up choosing a wedding but it was very small and modest, I think they spent less than $10k total.
-
What's a good way to go about finding a venue? Vendors? Band? Any tips or tricks greatly appreciated
What about a food truck?
-
What's a good way to go about finding a venue? Vendors? Band? Any tips or tricks greatly appreciated
What about a food truck?
[/quote
My cousin had a food truck and open bar at her wedding last summer and it rocked. You could even do two food trucks for some variety.
-
You'd need a lot of food trucks to feed 300 people without significant delays.
-
I'll embed my comments in red. Friend's weddings that I've enjoyed the most were ones where a core group was involved with setup. It really brought people together and let various factions that didn't know each other beforehand, to become introduced and build camaraderie. A great way to cut costs and make sure you don't have strangers--- family or friends that segregate to one side of the church/venue or the other. I'd also recommend a venue that's close to either you or your fiancé, rather than something in the middle, so that planning can be done locally to at least one of you.
I'll try to address everyone's messages here. I am greatly appreciative. This is the only site I have found on the Internet that provides good advice and people seem to be genuinely interested in helping.
That said I think myself and my fiance are in this situation that people that everyone hates. We come here asking advice about how to reduce a budget and we are asked what we are willing to give up and the answer is almost nothing.
The number of guests is huge currently 330+, but we are triming down. I have trouble telling people they can't attend my wedding when I was a groomsmen in theirs etc. Also I have a large family. 64 on my mom's side and I will be kicked out of the family if everyone isn't invited. Additionally, we are Christian and our wedding will have some sort of gospel message to it at some point, and almost none of my friends are Christian and this might be one of the few times they will hear it. Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Finance is a photographer. She would be heartbroken if we skimmed there.
As others have said, she must know a friend that does photography, so perhaps they can take a few special photos you'll want framed. I've heard the biggest time committment of a photograher is all the editing, so fiancé can take care of that herself and do some reminiscing. Also, guests will taking tons of photos, so they can all be compiled online and made into an album afterward.
I love a band. I have been to many great weddings with a DJ or an iPod. I'll give up the band for a DJ if it saves a significant amount, but for a few dollars I'd have have a band or an iPod.
We had a live band-- one guy (music teacher) playing softly during dinner and a honky-tonk group that plays at local bars afterward. Well worth it to us, but it depends on your wedding crowd. I think we might have paid $700-800. 10 years later, they still tell me it was the best wedding they played at--- got fed great food and everyone actually danced to their music.
Food... I'm happy to feed them pulled pork sandwiches on paper plates. She feels like people will be upset if they travel across the country, dress nice, pay for a hotel etc and get a paper plate dinner.
One of my friends had a wedding under a big tent, also with a huge gathering of family. They served very nice breads, cheese, and fruits. No plates necessary. I thought it was elegantly simple.
She wants flowers, but is fine with DIYing them herself.
We threw an annual wildflower mix into our garden plot (1,200 sq ft) in preparation for the wedding. Some friends came the morning of to pick and make table arrangements. All vases came from the thrift store.
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer. Then there was a silent auction, a cash raffle and a few gun raffles. I'm frugal and didn't need anything so I showed up for support have a few extra dollars, had a meal and went home. I love my family and any excuse to hang out with them.
Our wedding was about 10k, but we ended up cost neutral. All the tablecloths, utensils, plates, cookware, etc, got sold for the same price we paid for them, since they were purchased used anyway from others that had the same idea. Plus whatever gift money we received. As with everyone else here, rather than ask for wedding funds, just let people gift it to you. I think that's generally the accepted method in any wedding I've known.
She is open to buying a dress second hand, but I can't help, because I can't see it. A dumb tradition in my opinion.
Definitely, yes to second hand.
She is find with a small cheap cake and cookies or muffins for guests. I'm fine with that or nothing.
This seems to contradict what you said earlier about your fiancé feeling ashamed to have a paper plate dinner, but maybe not. Is your point that the food itself isn't important, as in it doesn't have to be a main meal, but it needs to presented well? Or is this about grandiose wedding cake vs easier/cheaper alternatives?
The venue I think is a big one that I would like to capitalize on. Finance has picked five she wants to visit, but all are "Wedding Venues" most have required vendors. And most al already booked for this September. Fiance is in a panic that if we don't select a venue soon we will have to wait till next year to get married. Which sucks because we are long distance and she won't move to me till we are married.
How do I find a nice park in PA, NY, or CT to rent? What happens if random people are just walking through the wedding? If we rent it from the state do we get exclusive access?
We rented a venue at a local state park--- https://www.dcr.virginia.gov/state-parks/blog/weddings-and-special-events-at-claytor-lake It had a gazebo for the ceremony on the water, with a building at the docks. Total cost was about $1,000 for 2 full days, but not sure what it runs now. We were able to set up Friday afternoon and do a rehearsal, then ceremony and reception Saturday, then clean up Sunday morning. A number of boats stopped to watch the ceremony, which was actually pretty cool.
-
You'd need a lot of food trucks to feed 300 people without significant delays.
Yes, I went to a friend's wedding with two food trucks. It really sucked. One had a mobile pizza oven and I can't remember the other, probably because we never got any food. I think people waited up to 2 hours before getting something. We opted to head straight for the dessert table instead.
-
You'd need a lot of food trucks to feed 300 people without significant delays.
Yes, I went to a friend's wedding with two food trucks. It really sucked. One had a mobile pizza oven and I can't remember the other, probably because we never got any food. I think people waited up to 2 hours before getting something. We opted to head straight for the dessert table instead.
Yeah, as someone who worked in catering, a food truck is a great option for late night snacks at a wedding, but an incredibly inefficient option for a large group of people who all expect to be fed a full meal around the same time.
I've catered some larger parties of over 100 people, and we had A LOT of pre-prepared side dishes, and multiple industrial grills running and manned by multiple people, plus a pig on a spit that we started hours before the event. A food truck just doesn't have that capacity.
300 people eating at the same time means an astronomical coordination of food delivery, even if it's self-serve. That's going to require a number of staff, which will make it $$$
-
I'll embed my comments in red. Friend's weddings that I've enjoyed the most were ones where a core group was involved with setup. It really brought people together and let various factions that didn't know each other beforehand, to become introduced and build camaraderie. A great way to cut costs and make sure you don't have strangers--- family or friends that segregate to one side of the church/venue or the other. I'd also recommend a venue that's close to either you or your fiancé, rather than something in the middle, so that planning can be done locally to at least one of you.
I'll try to address everyone's messages here. I am greatly appreciative. This is the only site I have found on the Internet that provides good advice and people seem to be genuinely interested in helping.
That said I think myself and my fiance are in this situation that people that everyone hates. We come here asking advice about how to reduce a budget and we are asked what we are willing to give up and the answer is almost nothing.
The number of guests is huge currently 330+, but we are triming down. I have trouble telling people they can't attend my wedding when I was a groomsmen in theirs etc. Also I have a large family. 64 on my mom's side and I will be kicked out of the family if everyone isn't invited. Additionally, we are Christian and our wedding will have some sort of gospel message to it at some point, and almost none of my friends are Christian and this might be one of the few times they will hear it. Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Finance is a photographer. She would be heartbroken if we skimmed there.
As others have said, she must know a friend that does photography, so perhaps they can take a few special photos you'll want framed. I've heard the biggest time committment of a photograher is all the editing, so fiancé can take care of that herself and do some reminiscing. Also, guests will taking tons of photos, so they can all be compiled online and made into an album afterward.
I love a band. I have been to many great weddings with a DJ or an iPod. I'll give up the band for a DJ if it saves a significant amount, but for a few dollars I'd have have a band or an iPod.
We had a live band-- one guy (music teacher) playing softly during dinner and a honky-tonk group that plays at local bars afterward. Well worth it to us, but it depends on your wedding crowd. I think we might have paid $700-800. 10 years later, they still tell me it was the best wedding they played at--- got fed great food and everyone actually danced to their music.
Food... I'm happy to feed them pulled pork sandwiches on paper plates. She feels like people will be upset if they travel across the country, dress nice, pay for a hotel etc and get a paper plate dinner.
One of my friends had a wedding under a big tent, also with a huge gathering of family. They served very nice breads, cheese, and fruits. No plates necessary. I thought it was elegantly simple.
She wants flowers, but is fine with DIYing them herself.
We threw an annual wildflower mix into our garden plot (1,200 sq ft) in preparation for the wedding. Some friends came the morning of to pick and make table arrangements. All vases came from the thrift store.
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer. Then there was a silent auction, a cash raffle and a few gun raffles. I'm frugal and didn't need anything so I showed up for support have a few extra dollars, had a meal and went home. I love my family and any excuse to hang out with them.
Our wedding was about 10k, but we ended up cost neutral. All the tablecloths, utensils, plates, cookware, etc, got sold for the same price we paid for them, since they were purchased used anyway from others that had the same idea. Plus whatever gift money we received. As with everyone else here, rather than ask for wedding funds, just let people gift it to you. I think that's generally the accepted method in any wedding I've known.
She is open to buying a dress second hand, but I can't help, because I can't see it. A dumb tradition in my opinion.
Definitely, yes to second hand.
She is find with a small cheap cake and cookies or muffins for guests. I'm fine with that or nothing.
This seems to contradict what you said earlier about your fiancé feeling ashamed to have a paper plate dinner, but maybe not. Is your point that the food itself isn't important, as in it doesn't have to be a main meal, but it needs to presented well? Or is this about grandiose wedding cake vs easier/cheaper alternatives?
The venue I think is a big one that I would like to capitalize on. Finance has picked five she wants to visit, but all are "Wedding Venues" most have required vendors. And most al already booked for this September. Fiance is in a panic that if we don't select a venue soon we will have to wait till next year to get married. Which sucks because we are long distance and she won't move to me till we are married.
How do I find a nice park in PA, NY, or CT to rent? What happens if random people are just walking through the wedding? If we rent it from the state do we get exclusive access?
We rented a venue at a local state park--- https://www.dcr.virginia.gov/state-parks/blog/weddings-and-special-events-at-claytor-lake It had a gazebo for the ceremony on the water, with a building at the docks. Total cost was about $1,000 for 2 full days, but not sure what it runs now. We were able to set up Friday afternoon and do a rehearsal, then ceremony and reception Saturday, then clean up Sunday morning. A number of boats stopped to watch the ceremony, which was actually pretty cool.
Great post! Just want to comment that it's actually cheaper to buy vases on Amazon. I volunteer at a Thrift Shop and we never seem to get enough vases to do something like this. The ones we get are typically spendy, like Waterford, or junky, but they still cost 1-2 bucks.
I bought a set for an event, plus Embok bought the same ones for her daughter's wedding, and gave me the leftovers. They were sturdy, diverse, and less than a buck apiece. I've used them twice since then for other events, so they've easily paid for themselves.
-
For plain cylinder vases, Dollar Tree is even cheaper then Amazon and you can order them in cases of 12.
-
For plain cylinder vases, Dollar Tree is even cheaper then Amazon and you can order them in cases of 12.
I got 42 of these for 39.99 last April. They're slightly more expensive now, but they still beat DT. The service at DT in my area sucks, so I wouldn't count on them to get the order right. Of course, if you don't like Bezos...DT gives you another option.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C5LB1XW5?ref_=ppx_hzod_title_dt_b_fed_asin_title_0_0&th=1
-
For plain cylinder vases, Dollar Tree is even cheaper then Amazon and you can order them in cases of 12.
I got 42 of these for 39.99 last April. They're slightly more expensive now, but they still beat DT. The service at DT in my area sucks, so I wouldn't count on them to get the order right. Of course, if you don't like Bezos...DT gives you another option.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C5LB1XW5?ref_=ppx_hzod_title_dt_b_fed_asin_title_0_0&th=1
I haven't been keeping track of how it's going, but someone on my BN group recently put out an ask for a bunch of mix-and-match clear glass vases for a baby shower or some such.
-
Those are cheaper, Dicey, and perfect for small flowers, but they're not plain cylinders. That's what I was looking at, because my DD wants to fill them with water and decorative doodads and a floating candle.
-
Those are cheaper, Dicey, and perfect for small flowers, but they're not plain cylinders. That's what I was looking at, because my DD wants to fill them with water and decorative doodads and a floating candle.
Now I'm confused. I thought we were talking about vases for wedding flowers.
-
You're right, we were. I got distracted by the specific type of vase I was looking at. Sorry, everyone.
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
that's because it *is* bonkers. We had a justice of the peace do it with our cat as a witness and have never regretted it.
-
I would like to know how your cousin planned a wedding similar to yours that was only $20 a head. It appears to me that you could take some advice from your cousin.
-
I would like to know how your cousin planned a wedding similar to yours that was only $20 a head. It appears to me that you could take some advice from your cousin.
It sounds like attendees paid $20/person. I don't think that means all wedding costs got covered for that amount, it's not clear that's the wedding style OP or fiancé wants, and I don't think that was their point. The wedding description was written out in response to criticism of how funds were acquired-- aka Jack+Jill.
My cousin just had a wedding. They had a Jack and Jill. I didn't think it was tacky. I thought it was a lot like a stag party. Some people came that weren't invited to the wedding, because they couldn't invite everyone to the wedding. I think it was $20 and that got you food (potluck the family provided) and unlimited keg beer. Then there was a silent auction, a cash raffle and a few gun raffles. I'm frugal and didn't need anything so I showed up for support have a few extra dollars, had a meal and went home. I love my family and any excuse to hang out with them.
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
that's because it *is* bonkers. We had a justice of the peace do it with our cat as a witness and have never regretted it.
I have a family friend who did a 30-person service at a cabin and that felt so much more up my ally. A lot of the food was potluck style and there was no open bar. I have way more memories about the actual wedding and not nearly as many about the buffet style food.
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
My SIL's parents just mortgaged one of their properties to spend 6 figures on her wedding.
It was a nice enough wedding, nothing extraordinary or terribly glamourous. It definitely wasn't executed as well as similarly priced formal events I've attended in the exact same ballroom space.
And that's really what gets me about expensive weddings. They're usually organized by couples who have no experience planning large, formal events. So even if they hire an event planner, a lot of the executive decisions they make are insanely budget inefficient for creating the kind of atmosphere and ambiance they want.
Most really expensive weddings I go to very clearly show the amateur-hour event-planning skills of the couple hosting.
As someone who has attended a lot of formal events/galas, the net effect of most people spending a fortune on a wedding is not the seamless, high class, glamourous experience they're envisioning. It's usually unbalanced, has some poorly planned and poorly executed elements, some awkwardness, and a lot of the details can come off as really tacky.
I know what my SIL's vision was when she ordered her flowers, but she had zero experience decorating a large ballroom, and her decisions produced an extremely expensive, but entirely underwhelming impact in the space.
While I entirely understand the feminine urge to throw a ball, it takes a lot more to pull it off than to have a pinterest board, hire a coordinator, and write massive cheques.
So yeah, even the folks who are spending a fortune are rarely getting value for the money they're willing to pay, much less go into debt for.
This is why formality is best left to the small scale for retail-level event planning. Large events should always be more casual, it's just too difficult to pull off large scale formality and get any value for what you have to spend.
-
Notice how the OP hasn't been back?
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
My SIL's parents just mortgaged one of their properties to spend 6 figures on her wedding.
It was a nice enough wedding, nothing extraordinary or terribly glamourous. It definitely wasn't executed as well as similarly priced formal events I've attended in the exact same ballroom space.
And that's really what gets me about expensive weddings. They're usually organized by couples who have no experience planning large, formal events. So even if they hire an event planner, a lot of the executive decisions they make are insanely budget inefficient for creating the kind of atmosphere and ambiance they want.
Most really expensive weddings I go to very clearly show the amateur-hour event-planning skills of the couple hosting.
As someone who has attended a lot of formal events/galas, the net effect of most people spending a fortune on a wedding is not the seamless, high class, glamourous experience they're envisioning. It's usually unbalanced, has some poorly planned and poorly executed elements, some awkwardness, and a lot of the details can come off as really tacky.
I know what my SIL's vision was when she ordered her flowers, but she had zero experience decorating a large ballroom, and her decisions produced an extremely expensive, but entirely underwhelming impact in the space.
While I entirely understand the feminine urge to throw a ball, it takes a lot more to pull it off than to have a pinterest board, hire a coordinator, and write massive cheques.
So yeah, even the folks who are spending a fortune are rarely getting value for the money they're willing to pay, much less go into debt for.
This is why formality is best left to the small scale for retail-level event planning. Large events should always be more casual, it's just too difficult to pull off large scale formality and get any value for what you have to spend.
You hit it right on the head.
Our wedding so many years ago probably turned out well because we were wedding guinea pigs for a winery looking to start having wedding events and had zero say in basically anything for the reception other than the color of the table clothes and our cake. The event coordinator of the winery was in charge. In fact, they had a separate cake which was better than ours for their own pictures. I was kind of disappointed we didn't use that one when I look at our cake pictures. Gloriously easy on my part in retrospect. $25 per person including all the wine and sparkling wine for the reception in 1997. No beer or hard liquor allowed because "winery". I didn't know how good I had it! We were limited to 125 guests, though. It's now the Francis Ford Coppola Winery in Geyserville. I felt a lot like Cinderella at the wedding. My parents had the cleaning contract for the winery, so I'd scrubbed every toilet in that place as well as the floors many a time. I'm sure they wrote off a bunch of expenses as business expenses looking back. I love going back to the winery for anniversaries and special events now that I'm financially more well off.
Which reminds me, I need to reserve a 100th birthday party space for this summer....
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
My SIL's parents just mortgaged one of their properties to spend 6 figures on her wedding.
It was a nice enough wedding, nothing extraordinary or terribly glamourous. It definitely wasn't executed as well as similarly priced formal events I've attended in the exact same ballroom space.
And that's really what gets me about expensive weddings. They're usually organized by couples who have no experience planning large, formal events. So even if they hire an event planner, a lot of the executive decisions they make are insanely budget inefficient for creating the kind of atmosphere and ambiance they want.
Most really expensive weddings I go to very clearly show the amateur-hour event-planning skills of the couple hosting.
As someone who has attended a lot of formal events/galas, the net effect of most people spending a fortune on a wedding is not the seamless, high class, glamourous experience they're envisioning. It's usually unbalanced, has some poorly planned and poorly executed elements, some awkwardness, and a lot of the details can come off as really tacky.
I know what my SIL's vision was when she ordered her flowers, but she had zero experience decorating a large ballroom, and her decisions produced an extremely expensive, but entirely underwhelming impact in the space.
While I entirely understand the feminine urge to throw a ball, it takes a lot more to pull it off than to have a pinterest board, hire a coordinator, and write massive cheques.
So yeah, even the folks who are spending a fortune are rarely getting value for the money they're willing to pay, much less go into debt for.
This is why formality is best left to the small scale for retail-level event planning. Large events should always be more casual, it's just too difficult to pull off large scale formality and get any value for what you have to spend.
Ok, I have a quirky fascination with weddings and event planning and also a LOT of hot takes on the subject, as a middle aged lady, I guess. So this was such a cool post and I want to add to it.
People seem to often feel this need to have a very personalized wedding, which is where the oft-repeated phrase "I don't want a cookie-cutter wedding" comes in. Maybe this was more of a 2010's thing. So people would try to save money and also be unique by booking a very raw space and then having a million vendors. And they would wind up spending way more money as well has having way more headaches for less of a cohesive effect than if they just went with the cookie cutter.
When I was planning my own wedding I realized that the "cookie cutter" weddings where you just write a check to a hotel or country club and make three choices about the buffet menu were really the way to go, because it's a party and (mostly) nobody cares about individuality at a party, they just want good food and free booze. Using the decor that the hotel or country club already has is so much more budget-friendly than trying to source all that stuff yourself. And flowers! Good lord! Flowers as decor are bonkers expensive! Bouquets for bridal party, ok, fair enough, but stop there.
I LOVE a good party and I think the more the merrier, but either casual/informal like a church picnic, or do it at a wedding factory venue, I think.
-
I know a very not mustachian person who is getting married next summer, and this thread is the polar opposite. I am not married so maybe I just don't understand how sacred the event is, but taking out debt to fund your wedding seems bonkers to me.
My SIL's parents just mortgaged one of their properties to spend 6 figures on her wedding.
It was a nice enough wedding, nothing extraordinary or terribly glamourous. It definitely wasn't executed as well as similarly priced formal events I've attended in the exact same ballroom space.
And that's really what gets me about expensive weddings. They're usually organized by couples who have no experience planning large, formal events. So even if they hire an event planner, a lot of the executive decisions they make are insanely budget inefficient for creating the kind of atmosphere and ambiance they want.
Most really expensive weddings I go to very clearly show the amateur-hour event-planning skills of the couple hosting.
As someone who has attended a lot of formal events/galas, the net effect of most people spending a fortune on a wedding is not the seamless, high class, glamourous experience they're envisioning. It's usually unbalanced, has some poorly planned and poorly executed elements, some awkwardness, and a lot of the details can come off as really tacky.
I know what my SIL's vision was when she ordered her flowers, but she had zero experience decorating a large ballroom, and her decisions produced an extremely expensive, but entirely underwhelming impact in the space.
While I entirely understand the feminine urge to throw a ball, it takes a lot more to pull it off than to have a pinterest board, hire a coordinator, and write massive cheques.
So yeah, even the folks who are spending a fortune are rarely getting value for the money they're willing to pay, much less go into debt for.
This is why formality is best left to the small scale for retail-level event planning. Large events should always be more casual, it's just too difficult to pull off large scale formality and get any value for what you have to spend.
You hit it right on the head.
Our wedding so many years ago probably turned out well because we were wedding guinea pigs for a winery looking to start having wedding events and had zero say in basically anything for the reception other than the color of the table clothes and our cake. The event coordinator of the winery was in charge. In fact, they had a separate cake which was better than ours for their own pictures. I was kind of disappointed we didn't use that one when I look at our cake pictures. Gloriously easy on my part in retrospect. $25 per person including all the wine and sparkling wine for the reception in 1997. No beer or hard liquor allowed because "winery". I didn't know how good I had it! We were limited to 125 guests, though. It's now the Francis Ford Coppola Winery in Geyserville. I felt a lot like Cinderella at the wedding. My parents had the cleaning contract for the winery, so I'd scrubbed every toilet in that place as well as the floors many a time. I'm sure they wrote off a bunch of expenses as business expenses looking back. I love going back to the winery for anniversaries and special events now that I'm financially more well off.
Which reminds me, I need to reserve a 100th birthday party space for this summer....
Holy crap, that sounds amazing.
-
Some of you will hate me for this, but if you put yourself in my shoes, I think my friends will spend eternity separated from God if they don't accept Christ. What kind of friend would I didn't witness to them in some way at some point.
Extremely tacky.
Wow. If I were one of your non-Christian friends I would be extremely offended if I found out that I was invited as an attempt to convert me. Not to say that you should strip the religion part from your wedding (that wouldn't be fair to you), but if that was your primary reason for including me in the guest list I'd just as soon not receive one.
I'll leave the cost savings options out, because you've gotten some really great advice already, and DH & I got married (alone) on the beach in Hawaii, so don't have much to add.
I would be incredibly offended as a non-Christian friend if you use this attempt to proselytize & "save" me. I would have no objection to you having a religious wedding, because it's your day & those are your beliefs. Anything beyond that goes well beyond tacky & forcing people who were intending to come & celebrate your wedding participate in an attempt at conversion is not appropriate.
-
@Metalcat we ended up at 130 with 3 wedding crashes and 2 children we didn’t need to include in our headcount (flower girl and ring bearer). We didn’t have assigned seating, but probably should have made that effort. Herb crusted rib eye for dinner. Chef told me it was a roast we were having. My image of roast and his image of roast were two entirely different things. Ha!
-
Let me put it another way... If you showed up at the wedding of a friend & they practiced a different religion that is not something you personally believed in & they used the ceremony to try & convert you - how would you feel?
-
Let me put it another way... If you showed up at the wedding of a friend & they practiced a different religion that is not something you personally believed in & they used the ceremony to try & convert you - how would you feel?
Agreed. I’m even a (pretty low key) Christian, and I feel this is incredibly offensive.
-
Let me put it another way... If you showed up at the wedding of a friend & they practiced a different religion that is not something you personally believed in & they used the ceremony to try & convert you - how would you feel?
Agreed. I’m even a (pretty low key) Christian, and I feel this is incredibly offensive.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is why OP isn't participating anymore and the rest of us are just yammering at each other about our wedding opinions
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
That is actually very believable. I know somebody who balled out on a wedding at 25 and was divorced by 28...
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
That is actually very believable. I know somebody who balled out on a wedding at 25 and was divorced by 28...
My ex spent 250K on his wedding, the marriage lasted 10 months.
They broke up over financial struggles. Lol
-
Let me put it another way... If you showed up at the wedding of a friend & they practiced a different religion that is not something you personally believed in & they used the ceremony to try & convert you - how would you feel?
Agreed. I’m even a (pretty low key) Christian, and I feel this is incredibly offensive.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is why OP isn't participating anymore and the rest of us are just yammering at each other about our wedding opinions
Yeah, but this is one of the reasons I love this forum. Even though I have no need to consider wedding planning in any foreseeable future and even if the OP bugged out, I've found the above discussion of the difficulty in achieving cohesion in large events and the non-intuitive advantages of leveraging existing "cookie-cutter" venue decor fascinating and something I wouldn't have thought of. So rock on, everyone.
-
Let me put it another way... If you showed up at the wedding of a friend & they practiced a different religion that is not something you personally believed in & they used the ceremony to try & convert you - how would you feel?
Agreed. I’m even a (pretty low key) Christian, and I feel this is incredibly offensive.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is why OP isn't participating anymore and the rest of us are just yammering at each other about our wedding opinions
Yeah, but this is one of the reasons I love this forum. Even though I have no need to consider wedding planning in any foreseeable future and even if the OP bugged out, I've found the above discussion of the difficulty in achieving cohesion in large events and the non-intuitive advantages of leveraging existing "cookie-cutter" venue decor fascinating and something I wouldn't have thought of. So rock on, everyone.
Hey, we have to have something to talk about other than the 4% rule and American politics
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
That is actually very believable. I know somebody who balled out on a wedding at 25 and was divorced by 28...
My ex spent 250K on his wedding, the marriage lasted 10 months.
They broke up over financial struggles. Lol
How on God's green earth do you even spend 250k on a wedding??? I legitimately cannot comprehend that.
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
That is actually very believable. I know somebody who balled out on a wedding at 25 and was divorced by 28...
My ex spent 250K on his wedding, the marriage lasted 10 months.
They broke up over financial struggles. Lol
How on God's green earth do you even spend 250k on a wedding??? I legitimately cannot comprehend that.
You know the ubiquitous chocolate fountain? Have one that pours molten gold instead for guests to dip into.
-
How on God's green earth do you even spend 250k on a wedding??? I legitimately cannot comprehend that.
Consider if you really want to know the answer before you click this link. https://www.reddit.com/r/BigBudgetBrides/ (https://www.reddit.com/r/BigBudgetBrides/)
-
Taking out a mortgage against the house, or whatever was done, is just BONKERS to me. I get that it's a sacred day and all. I am fine with spending some money on it, but that is just pure insanity. Maybe, I am just being cheap or something
Bigger and more expensive weddings have been correlated to shorter marriages. So, maybe you just want to stay with your spouse?
That is actually very believable. I know somebody who balled out on a wedding at 25 and was divorced by 28...
My ex spent 250K on his wedding, the marriage lasted 10 months.
They broke up over financial struggles. Lol
How on God's green earth do you even spend 250k on a wedding??? I legitimately cannot comprehend that.
It's shockingly easy with larger head counts and any degree of formality.
The moment you make an event formal, you ratchet up the per-head cost of the event. For a passable formal wedding, it costs about $500/head. For a properly formal wedding, it's closer to $1000.
Formality adds dollars for every single little detail to every single head added. And formality adds A LOT of details.
Anything less than $500/head that tries to be formal is going to be a cheap knockoff of formal. Which is FINE, a lot of folks are absolutely fine with a cheap knockoff of formal, I would say that this is the majority of "formal" weddings, and the majority of people love them. All good, but still eyewateringly expensive just for a facsimile of formality.
When you don't waste your budget on formality, you radically streamline the number of per-head expenses and the per-head expenses you do have, are much, much cheaper.
Think of the cost differential alone on 200 place settings, with upgraded linens, nice flatware/silverware/glassware, which all needs to be rented, set up, taken down and cleaned, flower arrangements, staff to serve food if plated, staff to make cocktails, clear glasses, chefs to cook and plate 200 individual plates, etc, etc, etc
Vs disposable dishes at a cookout, drinks from a giant ice tub. The differential on the staff and supplies to serve a few hundred people is fucking mind blowing when you try and add formality to it.
But that's because our society has a delusional habit of equating formality to specialness, which is just consumerist wealth worship. It's absolutely nonsense to equate the two and to feel like a wedding MUST be formal to be special.
Formality can be fun, and on a small scale, it's often an affordable luxury. But as a society we've gone way, way overboard in fetishizing formality.
As someone who has been part of the rich folks gala circuit, and who owns more ballgowns than I do jeans, it's really not that special, and even the people attending don't think it's that special.
In then ultra wealthy world, these events are about networking, not actually about the importance of the love of the couple getting married. My ex married a lunatic and his parents tried to talk him out of it.
They still paid a quarter million for his wedding (and this was 20 years ago), because it was an important event to demonstrate their connections and influence. They had Cirque du Soleil performers because the founder was a guest. They had food stations at the cocktail hour manned by famous chefs in the city.
When I've gone to galas, it's work, it's not really glamourous, it's just part of the job when your job is to be well connected.
For the people who can really afford this level of formal event, it rarely feels "special" to them, it's just part of the process of being in that world. These aren't "magical" evenings of feeling like a princess, it's usually stress/boredom/political maneuvering...it's work.
No one who needs to mortgage a property to throw a party should be aspiring to that as their standard for "special." Formal is not special just because it's formal.
Which is why SOOOOOOO many weddings are dull-ass boring as fuck. The thing that makes weddings fun is celebrating with loves ones, not the fact that a cater waiter who just snorted a line off the bartender's ass in the bathroom served you a plate of reheated chicken instead of uncle Joe manning the grill and handing you a burger.
Granted, maybe uncle Joe is also into snorting blow off of the bartender's ass, I don't know what people's family dynamics are like...but at least you're not paying a premium for it.
ETA: I *always* give a massive tip to the bar staff at the beginning of any open bar event with the statement of "because these assholes aren't going to tip you enough." Cater staff notoriously hate the guests they serve, which is one of my least favorite parts of formal events, being surrounded by staff who are just dreading the drunken bullshit to come. The seething underneath the treacly thick niceness is so awkward to me.
The tip trick is AMAZING for getting access to the verboten gossip that they're really not.supoosdd to share. I can't tell you how much valuable social capital I've gained from sucking up to cater staff at formal events. Un-fucking-real.
Frequently the best $100 I've ever spent.
So if you ever get sucked into a really formal open bar event and you want to make the evening a heck of lot more interesting, try a massive tip and a bit of shit talking. Works every time.
-
Out of curiosity, @Metalcat: Could your SIL (or anyone else who doesn't belong to the ultra-wealthy set but is prepared to mortgage a property to pay for a wedding reception) have had a properly formal wedding by hiring the kind of person who organises the galas you've gone to? Or are there other obstacles? Maybe those people only take the ultra-wealthy as clients, maybe the galas actually cost a lot more then one property's value, maybe the bride would have to accept the organizer overruling her ideas about, say, flowers....
-
Out of curiosity, @Metalcat: Could your SIL (or anyone else who doesn't belong to the ultra-wealthy set but is prepared to mortgage a property to pay for a wedding reception) have had a properly formal wedding by hiring the kind of person who organises the galas you've gone to? Or are there other obstacles? Maybe those people only take the ultra-wealthy as clients, maybe the galas actually cost a lot more then one property's value, maybe the bride would have to accept the organizer overruling her ideas about, say, flowers....
Oh yeah, of course. In their case, they would have had to spend more per head to get the impact they wanted, and the mother of the bride would had to have given up a lot of creative control, which would never happen.
They were really going got ultra formal. The dress code was "black tie preferred," which is kind of absurd. For anyone who doesn't know dress codes, that means male guests in tuxedos and female guests in floor length gowns.
They just did not have the budget to reasonably match that level of formality for that many people, nor the understanding of formality in a large event context to pull it off. Had they ratcheted down the formality a few degrees and given more control to an event planner, they wouldn't have had a problem.
And that's really where I see most weddings in attend kind of drop the ball. They're always trying to stretch their budgets to a level of formality they cannot afford and that's where the cracks show through. And that's the thing with formality, the effect only works if it's seamless, otherwise it feels like cosplay. Which again, fine, if you don't mind the cosplay feel, which many don't.
SIL and her mom were happy with it, and again that's great for them. I personally find it a waste of money, and a batshit insane thing to do, when IMO, it doesn't even manage to be impressive, but it made the bride's mother happy and it's her money.
The couple have a ton of financial stress though, so it's wild to see throwing a party that's more formal than you can actually pull off as a priority. Makes me shake my damn head, but it's not my money.
-
SIL and her mom were happy with it, and again that's great for them. I personally find it a waste of money, and a batshit insane thing to do, when IMO, it doesn't even manage to be impressive, but it made the bride's mother happy and it's her money.
If the bride's mother liked it, maybe it did impress the other guests? Most people don't have your standard to compare to--a few college dances and maybe a fundraising dinner or two is the closest I've ever come to a black tie event.
-
SIL and her mom were happy with it, and again that's great for them. I personally find it a waste of money, and a batshit insane thing to do, when IMO, it doesn't even manage to be impressive, but it made the bride's mother happy and it's her money.
If the bride's mother liked it, maybe it did impress the other guests? Most people don't have your standard to compare to--a few college dances and maybe a fundraising dinner or two is the closest I've ever come to a black tie event.
Depends on the guest. The whole reason for the insane over spend was because most of the bridesmaids are married to professional athletes and they were trying to keep up with them.
My brother makes 67K/yr, he is definitely not a pro athlete.
-
There's another simple reason for the attempted formality - photos.
We live in CA, and I have seriously seen folks show up to a wedding in shorts, or jeans, or cargo pants. Guys in particular are awful about dressing nicely for a wedding.
By signaling that shorts are going to make you look like an idiot, they are getting guests who don't look too informal for the photos.
-
It blows my mind that people would willingly spend that much money on one day. Like my wedding was expensive for me, and it was still only average cost. Half of that was the food and drink, and it added up because we wanted a sit down meal.
It's kinda funny that the day before we set up the hall and brought take out chicken from our favourite place and sides from Costco and managed to feed about a quarter of the headcount on literally 2% of the budget.
I don't regret throwing the party, but I definitely would have if I had still been paying it off years later. Has anyone watched marriage or mortgage? It's ridiculous to see people spend a downpayment on a wedding instead..
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
Tbf, that number is well above average. Average numbers are usually reported to be in the $30k range in the US. Even that number is inflated, because (a) averages are sensitive to very high outliers, and (b) the data comes from surveys put on by wedding websites, so it excludes anyone who does something so small and easy that they never consult such a site.
I don't regret a penny of my $16k wedding, but I do feel in retrospect that I was duped into thinking that it was "cheap" and "reasonable" compared to an "average" wedding that cost twice as much. It wasn't cheap; it was still a big, unnecessary, expensive party. That's okay. I'm happy with having thrown an unnecessary and expensive party (and that the cost isn't even a blip when tracking our shared NW).
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
Tbf, that number is well above average. Average numbers are usually reported to be in the $30k range in the US. Even that number is inflated, because (a) averages are sensitive to very high outliers, and (b) the data comes from surveys put on by wedding websites, so it excludes anyone who does something so small and easy that they never consult such a site.
I don't regret a penny of my $16k wedding, but I do feel in retrospect that I was duped into thinking that it was "cheap" and "reasonable" compared to an "average" wedding that cost twice as much. It wasn't cheap; it was still a big, unnecessary, expensive party. That's okay. I'm happy with having thrown an unnecessary and expensive party (and that the cost isn't even a blip when tracking our shared NW).
Most weddings also aren't 200-300 people, that's a huge factor in this conversation.
-
Yeah, as I said on the last page, mine was 66 guests.
-
Yeah, as I said on the last page, mine was 66 guests.
I just mean that the average spent on 200-300 guest weddings is likely much, much higher than the national.average spent on weddings, because massive weddings aren't average.
A very swanky 50 person wedding wouldn't even come close to the cost of a janky 300 person wedding. Head count is everything when it comes to wedding budgets.
My wedding had 6 guests, I could spend whatever I wanted and never come close to the national average for wedding costs (32K in Canada). I had 3 wedding dresses and rented out two whole high end restaurants, and I still didn't make it halfway to the average spend because I didn't have much of a headcount.
That's why OP's request on how to have a massive, formal Mustachian wedding is a bit of an oxymoron. Formality+headcount=$$$$$$$$$
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
Tbf, that number is well above average. Average numbers are usually reported to be in the $30k range in the US. Even that number is inflated, because (a) averages are sensitive to very high outliers, and (b) the data comes from surveys put on by wedding websites, so it excludes anyone who does something so small and easy that they never consult such a site.
I don't regret a penny of my $16k wedding, but I do feel in retrospect that I was duped into thinking that it was "cheap" and "reasonable" compared to an "average" wedding that cost twice as much. It wasn't cheap; it was still a big, unnecessary, expensive party. That's okay. I'm happy with having thrown an unnecessary and expensive party (and that the cost isn't even a blip when tracking our shared NW).
30k sounds more realistic for the average wedding. I know people who have done weddings in the 16k range, and it was a great time.
Are people being a little superficial when they need a big fancy wedding just because it's supposed to be this sacred? I guess the point that I am trying to make is that you can't just buy your way to a good wedding, because someone will always be unhappy and want more more more.
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
Ha! I didn't get married until I was 54. My husband was a fairly recent widower with two grown kids. We decided to elope and have never once regretted our decision. Um, that was twelve years ago and we're still loving life together.
-
Maybe, I will get married one day and change my sentiment, but spending 100k on a wedding is bonkers to me. To each thier own, I guess.
Tbf, that number is well above average. Average numbers are usually reported to be in the $30k range in the US. Even that number is inflated, because (a) averages are sensitive to very high outliers, and (b) the data comes from surveys put on by wedding websites, so it excludes anyone who does something so small and easy that they never consult such a site.
I don't regret a penny of my $16k wedding, but I do feel in retrospect that I was duped into thinking that it was "cheap" and "reasonable" compared to an "average" wedding that cost twice as much. It wasn't cheap; it was still a big, unnecessary, expensive party. That's okay. I'm happy with having thrown an unnecessary and expensive party (and that the cost isn't even a blip when tracking our shared NW).
30k sounds more realistic for the average wedding. I know people who have done weddings in the 16k range, and it was a great time.
Are people being a little superficial when they need a big fancy wedding just because it's supposed to be this sacred? I guess the point that I am trying to make is that you can't just buy your way to a good wedding, because someone will always be unhappy and want more more more.
IME, people don't make.weddimgs big and formal because they're sacred, they make them big and formal because of consumerism and really effective wedding marketing.
Even just a few generations ago weddings weren't generally a massive, expensive party that tried to resemble a formal ball. That's really something that was popularized in the 80s. The vast majority of wedding "traditions" that people think they need to have, are generally very modern, coming out of the 80s, 90s, and 2000s.
Take a look at weddings from the 50s, 60s, and 70s and you will.generally see smaller, less formal, intimate gatherings, with receptions frequently held in people's homes.
It wasn't unusual for a wedding meal to be lunch at your parents' house.
My mom and dad were both from wealthy families, and each of their first weddings in the 70s were very subtle, small, low key affairs. They never married each other, but my mom got married again in the late 80s and despite her and her new husband having very little money, they threw a big, formal wedding because it was the 80s, and Diana and Fergie had hugely popularized aristocratic-style formality for weddings.
The enormous popularity of the princesses essentially launched the new definition of formal style from that point forward. Wedding dresses, prom dresses, even academy award dresses all jumped up drastically in formality from the 80s onward, probably peaking around 2010 when a swing back towards simplicity started.
But it was with Diana and Fergie that being a bride culturally became synonymous with being a princess.
It has nothing to do with the event being sacred.
-
Are people being a little superficial when they need a big fancy wedding just because it's supposed to be this sacred?
In my admittedly limited experience, the less religious weddings tend to be the more elaborate. My theory is that if the religious ceremony itself holds a lot of meaning, you don't need a flashy party to make the day feel important.
I hadn't thought of Diana as the spark of the wedding-industrial complex, but now that you say it it's obvious. I'm just young enough that I hadn't thought about weddings at all until after Diana's.
-
Are people being a little superficial when they need a big fancy wedding just because it's supposed to be this sacred?
In my admittedly limited experience, the less religious weddings tend to be the more elaborate. My theory is that if the religious ceremony itself holds a lot of meaning, you don't need a flashy party to make the day feel important.
I hadn't thought of Diana as the spark of the wedding-industrial complex, but now that you say it it's obvious. I'm just young enough that I hadn't thought about weddings at all until after Diana's.
Very fair point when it comes to religious vs. non religious weddings. IME, the more religious weddings, especially catholic, tended to be pretty modest in comparison to the non religous weddings that I have been to.
-
Are people being a little superficial when they need a big fancy wedding just because it's supposed to be this sacred?
In my admittedly limited experience, the less religious weddings tend to be the more elaborate. My theory is that if the religious ceremony itself holds a lot of meaning, you don't need a flashy party to make the day feel important.
I hadn't thought of Diana as the spark of the wedding-industrial complex, but now that you say it it's obvious. I'm just young enough that I hadn't thought about weddings at all until after Diana's.
Oh yeah, royal weddings are essentially the basis of the entire commercial wedding industry.
Wedding photography, for example, comes straight from royal weddings, no one had staged, professional photos. Look at wedding photos from the 60s and 70s, they're clearly taken by family, often in the family home.
Even celebrity weddings, if you look up old weddings, the photos are all candids. Formal, posed photos with different selections of family members is a royal protocol thing.
Almost everything in the wedding industrial complex is derived from mimicking royal weddings, which became wildly internationally popular with Diana who made royalty feel accessible.
My mom got married the first time in the mid 70s. She came from a wealthy and they could afford a lavish wedding, but it was a modest church service, a lunch hosted at their home, she wore a beautiful sheath dress, and her sisters did her hair and makeup. The meal was mostly a buffet of cold cuts, and I'm pretty sure their wedding cake was simple and made by her mom.
Fast forward to her 1988 when she remarried, but was much, much less wealthy on her own. It was a huge wedding, she had a ballgowns custom made and matching dresses made for me and my cousin, and she had her hair and makeup professionally done. There were formal flowers everywhere, she arrived in a limousine, there was a formal plated meal, formal photos, speeches, a professionally decorated cake, etc, etc.
It was all to mimic Diana and Fergie. Her dress even looked A LOT like Fergie's.
Most of what has been socially encoded as "traditional" for weddings is from the 80s, which is why so much of it is so incredibly frivolous and often really tacky. We're just used to it after 50 years, so it seems really normal for middle class woman to wear corseted, bustled gowns, travel by limousine, have intricately decorated cakes, and plastic crystals and Christmas lights strewn about.
None of that is "traditional" unless you consider the 80s to be the definitive decade for tradition, taste, and sophistication.
Note, I'm not trashing anyone who embraces a Princess Diana, 80s style formality. I did, I had 3 dresses, 2 of them corseted gowns, and a limo. I totally get the fun of it, I had a great time at my princess party, but I wasn't lying to myself that it wasn't just me blowing money to have a princess party for the fun of it.
For a lot of middle class folks, a wedding is their one chance to get away with royal cosplay. And have at it if that's your thing.
But let's not pretend it's anything except expensive cosplay, and not buy into any of this nonsense as being necessary because of "tradition."
Half the guests at my mom's '89 wedding were openly doing cocaine and she was divorced a year later. Huge dresses, limos and ornate cakes aren't about marriage, they're about run of the mill, 80s style conspicuous consumption, self-indulgence, and cosplaying as aristocrats.
-
I went to a wedding of my ex's cousin that was wildly over the top.
The couple was in their mid 20's and definitely in the consumerism mindset.
Dad made some money excavating for suburban shopping malls and was footing the bill.
It was at a fancy resort with an incredible view in the Columbia River Gorge.
The nuptials were given outdoors and completed with a volley of costumed trumpeters and the release of a flurry of white doves, to the amazement of all assembled.
Luckily the sound covered the guffaws and snickering from myself and my sister in law, since we had snuck back to the parking lot to get stoned, it was all we could do to not cry out in laughter at the absurdity.
The couple jetted off to Hawaii. They were divorced within two years.
-
I dislike over the top formal and in fact dislike most of the weddings I’ve been to in the past several decadesL
But I learned my lesson in one of them. I was dreading it and the only reason I went was to take my mother who had dementia to this wedding, where they really wanted her to attend. OK fine. I drove eight hours, stayed all night, went to pick her up at the nursing home, and then we drove out to small town America where I expected the wedding to be in a church with the reception in the tacky Legion hall. That’s how small town weddings go.
Boy was I wrong! The wedding was held in the bride’s own Victorian house that was pretty and charming, and also was in a state of renovation so man, I was right at home. Yeah, I could relate to all of it.
The reception was in their yard under tents and they had great catered food. Really, pretty posh for small town stuff.
The whole thing was a whole lot classier, and yet homey-er than I expected it to be. I am all about settings so avoiding ugly small town legion halls is always a win for me.