Author Topic: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache  (Read 4562 times)

Bikesy

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Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« on: February 22, 2015, 11:41:30 AM »
My wife and I are expecting our first child at the end of March.  I'm ineligible for paternity leave since I've been at my current employer for under a year.  They do offer a medical LOA if I'm interested which would require that I be out for a minimum of two weeks.  So I can either take a couple days of vacation, hopefully tacked on to my regular off days if wifey can time it right, or I can take a full two weeks off.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do; however, I love the fact that I can choose two weeks of unpaid time off with little to no financial consequences.  We're by no means FI but have plenty to cover a few weeks off if I want which is a great feeling!

Any mustachian fathers have some advice?  I'm going to be there for the birth and at least a day or so after.  I'm wondering who took extended time off and what you would do if you had to do it again?

Thanks!

abhe8

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2015, 12:59:23 PM »
Yes, take the time! My husband always did, and as the wife, I was very glad. Congrats on the baby!

ender

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2015, 03:21:48 PM »
What country?

I've thought about this before. There are a lot of options available if you are willing to take unpaid time off work, FMLA is a mustachian dream in some ways for Americans (ignoring how much of the rest of the world gets for time off for paternity/maternity leave). I think you can take up to 12 weeks off per year for having a child.

PseudoStache

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2015, 04:12:07 PM »
Do you know if you are eligible to take that time off once you've put in your one year?

Fathers at my company have up to year from the birth of a child to take paid leave.

Many actually just take a week or two of vacation for the birth and then their official paternity leave later.



mm1970

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2015, 04:32:49 PM »
Do you know if you are eligible to take that time off once you've put in your one year?

Fathers at my company have up to year from the birth of a child to take paid leave.

Many actually just take a week or two of vacation for the birth and then their official paternity leave later.
Yes, this.

My husband took 2 weeks off with our first, but then the rest of the 6 weeks of PFL he took later in the year.

With our second he was super busy so he only took a couple of days (heck, he traveled 25% of the first 6 weeks, ugh)!

My coworker wasn't eligible yet when he had his first baby, so he took a couple of days but then took his 6 weeks once he was eligible.

pdxvandal

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2015, 05:44:56 PM »
I was lucky as a dude to exercise FMLA (most guys don't) and I decided to take 6 weeks off when my daughter was 3-4 months old (wife took FMLA for first 3 months). Amazing (and exhausting) experience. I have a very strong bond with my kid 5 years later in part due to this time.

And even though it was "unpaid" FMLA, I had enough vacation and sick time to pay for 5 of the 6 weeks. Not a bad deal.

Good luck!

CanuckExpat

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2015, 11:11:07 PM »
My wife and I are expecting our first child at the end of March.  I'm ineligible for paternity leave since I've been at my current employer for under a year.
..
Any mustachian fathers have some advice?  I'm going to be there for the birth and at least a day or so after.  I'm wondering who took extended time off and what you would do if you had to do it again?
...

There are a lot of options available if you are willing to take unpaid time off work, FMLA is a mustachian dream in some ways for Americans (ignoring how much of the rest of the world gets for time off for paternity/maternity leave). I think you can take up to 12 weeks off per year for having a child.

I think OP would be ineligible for FMLA since he was at his employer for less than one year. However, depending on your job and the nature of your relationship with your boss, I think there's a good chance you'd be able to take the time off as unpaid leave of some sort and still have a job to go back to. (again, depending on your personal relationship)

As for me, I took two weeks off immediately following the birth of our child, it was great and I'm glad I did. I would have probably taken a bit more time off ideally, but our son was born a bit earlier than expected so I hadn't planned everything out ahead of time, so it was nice to be able to take the two weeks on short notice.

I think I'm entitled to take another six to eight weeks of paid leave which I will probably plan in advance and take once my wife's leave ends. That way we can also push off daycare for another two months.
I'm on the fence about taking another four weeks of unpaid leave off after that, while technically I'd still have job protection through FMLA, I think some people were already surpised that I wanted to take the 8 weeks. I may still take the four weeks unpaid leave afterwards, decisions decisions..

mxt0133

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2015, 11:52:18 PM »
For my first child my employer gave me a week of paid leave and I took another week off.  For the next few weeks I worked from home 2-3 time a week and would shift my schedule to do errands while my wife was recovering from sleep deprivation. 

For my second child I took 5 weeks off, one full pay and the rest was at $1k a week of FMLA state benefits2.  Then for the next 5 weeks I took two days off a week.  I gave my employer plenty of notice in advance and they had no issues with it.  I then took another 4 weeks off as a mini sabbatical to travel for 6 weeks, I worked remotely 2 of the 6 weeks.

We are having our third child in May and I plan to do the same, 5 weeks off, 5 weeks part-time.  I'm really looking forward to spending a good amount of time with my two older boys as they are more active and I can do more fun activities with them.

Even tough my wife is a SAHM, I have basically jumped of the career fast track to be able to spend as much time with the kids while they are young.  I feel that if waited until I was FIREd to spend time with them then it would be too late.  I also like the long breaks from work as I come back re-energized.  Work is a walk in the park compared to taking care of kids!

Long-term plans are to work part-time once the stash grows to support our basic necessities, have the wife work part-time as well for fun money and basically switch places and try to take more the of parental duties.

Guesl982374

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2015, 06:10:52 AM »
Bikesy - I feel you. If/When my first kid is born, I plan on taking at least 2-3 weeks (most of my vacation time) and I am debating if I want to take a longer unpaid, FMLA stretch off. Compared to one of my officemates who just had a kid <6 months ago, he only took the day of the birth. There's definitely more to life than money/work. Enjoy it.

mxt0133 - I agree with your long term plans. Roughly, I think my wife will still want to work part time (3 days/week) and if I can drop down to 4 days/week we can cover childcare almost the entire week with a little help from extended family.

willow

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2015, 06:12:47 AM »
My wife and I are expecting our first child at the end of March.  I'm ineligible for paternity leave since I've been at my current employer for under a year.  They do offer a medical LOA if I'm interested which would require that I be out for a minimum of two weeks.  So I can either take a couple days of vacation, hopefully tacked on to my regular off days if wifey can time it right, or I can take a full two weeks off.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do; however, I love the fact that I can choose two weeks of unpaid time off with little to no financial consequences.  We're by no means FI but have plenty to cover a few weeks off if I want which is a great feeling!

Any mustachian fathers have some advice?  I'm going to be there for the birth and at least a day or so after.  I'm wondering who took extended time off and what you would do if you had to do it again?

Thanks!

Congratulations, that's a great position in which to be!

midweststache

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2015, 06:28:23 AM »
Awesome position to be in! And early congrats to you and your wife!

I'm childless, but I've heard from a number of friends that sometimes early in the pregnancy there were too many cooks in the kitchen - both sets of grandparents would arrive to help out and both parents would be off at the same time, and it was a lot of bodies and one baby; the stress of so many people was almost worse than having no one (again, this is secondhand).

If your family is planning on coming in to help out, and if you have the flexibility to take your leave whenever in those first six weeks, maybe try to time your leave so it alternates with any other family that might be coming to help out. If MIL or other family is coming for the first week of post-birth, maybe take the second and third week off? Or ask her to come the third week and you take the first and second week?

That way your wife gets and extra week of help/support.

SomedayStache

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2015, 10:32:33 AM »
My husband took a few days off after the birth of our first child and it was horrid.  We were all miserable wrecks (including the baby). 

For babies 2 and 3 he took a solid month off work.

Frankly I'm shocked that there are so many responses here indicating brief amounts of time off after a babe is born.

(And I'm the income earner in our family - so every time we have a baby we lose our primary source of income.)

Bikesy

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Re: Paternity leave and the beauty of a stache
« Reply #12 on: February 23, 2015, 11:40:11 AM »
Thanks all for the replies!  We live in a different state than our families; however, we're very close with both.  My wife's grandmother will be staying with us for 4-6 weeks after the birth to help out (retired nurse and mother FTW!) and I expect many many visitors in the first 8 weeks or so.  I currently have a 4 day work week so I'm home more than typical.  I'm intrigued by the idea of possibly taking a leave after a couple months or so, once the novelty wears off for everyone else!  Not sure what I'm going to do yet, I have a great relationship with my boss so I'll get plenty of support in whatever I choose.  Like I said, it's a fantastic feeling to make the decision based on what we want as a family vs. needing to swing a specific way to pay the bills!