Author Topic: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!  (Read 9715 times)

savingtofreedom

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So after some fertility issues and a miscarriage I am almost 13 weeks pregnant!! Very exciting!!

I currently work from home for my employer who is located out of state.  To get us to our stretch goal stache (we could probably make do on less but this is ideal for most flexibility) I need to work 7 more years (until I am about 40).  This sounds pretty miserable to me but I really do have a very good flexible job - I just don't really like working.  (I am a contractor so who knows how long they will keep me but for now they really appreciate my work so I will think positively). 

My husband also works for home for a company that is on the west coast - we are east coast so I am hoping that we can somehow swing watching the kid together, working at odd hours as necessary and having my mom help out.  We are also close to a local community center where I can drop the kid off for approximately 9/hr if they have space.  I may be completely delusional in this approach and from feedback from my friends - maybe I am.  Both of our jobs are pretty flexible and I typically don't have a ton of conference calls.

Couple of questions:

- Have folks been able to juggle working from home with a baby/young kid?
- Tell me about your mustachian approaches to having/raising a kid?
  (I am considering cloth diapering but I am a slob so I am concerned about this)

- I am also thinking about having some work done on the house prior to the baby coming.  I have carpet primarily through my house and it is gross. I am thinking about replacing with Costco bamboo flooring and some modern grey Costco tile in the kitchen.  I am looking for materials that are easy to maintain and low voc.  Any thoughts on this are appreciated.  Unfortunately we will have to hire someone to do the flooring work.  I am going to try and get my husband to paint though.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!






« Last Edit: July 31, 2013, 11:40:52 AM by savingtofreedom »

waitetr

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Wanted to comment on the cloth diaper bit in your post.  Father of 2.9 kids (3rd is due any day now) and we have used cloth for the first two and will continue with the 3rd.  Cloth is not as hard as people think it is yet has a huge financial savings even after factoring in washing and utilities (though I suggest a HE front loading machine for cost savings and gentleness on the diapers). WE have used all kinds from pre-folds to all-in-one (AIO) expandable size to training pants for potty training to making our own cloth diapers.

There is going to be an initial shell shock in price given the cost of cloth diapers.  However that is a one-time investment and will return itself several times over.  My preference is the bumgenius line of diapers (http://www.thelittleseedling.com/store/product/33095/Freetime-AIO-Blossom-Snap/) and is our main staple.  The go from infant to potty training or about 8lbs-35lbs.  For one child you'll want between 20-24 diapers if using the AIO and 24-36 if using a cheaper prefold.  If you buy in bulk you can often get a discount, for example our local diapering store used to do buy 12 get on free for the AIO and now do qty pricing where 24 are sold @ $16.66/ea.  If you do go the AIO route with something like BumGenius you'll probably want something else for the first week or two as they grow into the AIO and are healing the belly button.  With the first we used disposable infant diapers for the first week because some friends gave them to us but with subsequent kids we went with prefolds...however all our kids have been well over 8lbs at birth and fit nicely from the beginning.

Let me know if you want more detail as I held back to prevent this from being such a long reply.  Oh and congrats on the pending child...it will literally change your life :)

brand new stash

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When you talk about the juggling of childcare with working from home, do you propose that there would always be one of you "assigned" to the kid, or that you will actually try to be "assigned" the kid and work at the same time?  I think it is feasible to do something like: one of you works 5am-1pm plus an hour of work grabbed during an afternoon nap and the other works 1pm-9pm with an hour of work grabbed during the morning nap or something like that.  But I don't think it is feasible to think that you will both be actually working while simultaneously watching your kid.  When they nap a LOT as an infant it might work, but once you had a toddler the kid just won't.

brand new stash

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Yard sales and consignment sales are your friend when it comes to outfit babies with clothes and gear.  They use it for such a short time, that you can get almost new stuff really cheap.  Also, sign up for freecycle to see what is offered on there.  Our local freecycle has tons of kid gear.

savingtofreedom

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waitetr - thanks for the feedback on the cloth diapers

When you talk about the juggling of childcare with working from home, do you propose that there would always be one of you "assigned" to the kid, or that you will actually try to be "assigned" the kid and work at the same time?  I think it is feasible to do something like: one of you works 5am-1pm plus an hour of work grabbed during an afternoon nap and the other works 1pm-9pm with an hour of work grabbed during the morning nap or something like that.  But I don't think it is feasible to think that you will both be actually working while simultaneously watching your kid.  When they nap a LOT as an infant it might work, but once you had a toddler the kid just won't.

my expectation is one person will always be responsible for the kid - working with the timing will be tricky and may be unsuccessful. My husband and I are going to have to figure this out - when they can move around more freely we will need to look into some additional child care options.

I may also look at reducing my hours if I can swing that at work.

brand new stash - i have lots of friends that just had kids so I am hoping that I can get some stuff second hand that way.  but good point about yard sales and such -  I will start checking out as we get closer to the due date.

 

clutchy

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Congrats Preggo!!

having family around has been a tremendous benefit for my wife and I. 

I wish you luck!

Rebecca Stapler

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Congratulations!

As for working at home and looking after baby at the same time, or in different shifts, I think that this would be very challenging to do FT. Maybe you can find a PT caregiver for mornings or afternoons, so you two can have some uninterrupted work time. Do you plan to breastfeed? This puts another wrench in things -- if you are even in the house, baby may not want to take a bottle from dad. Or would you take a break from work to breastfeed? This would make your work kind of stop and start, in that infants aren't necessarily on a set schedule. And there will be days that your infant is attached to your boob every hour because s/he is going through a growth spurt.

Cloth diapers: It's so much easier to do than it used to be. If you have a washer and dryer at home and can invest in the cost of diapers up front ($400-700, I estimate), then this will save you $$ -- especially if your washer is a top-loader (more water to wash with) and can do a cold pre-wash and a hot wash. (I needed to run 2 loads because mine didn't do this). Check out the description on www.kellyscloset.com and you can get a good idea of your options. CD's look and act a lot like disposables, the only difference being that you don't toss them. They also have real elastics, so I found that our son had a lot fewer blowouts than my friends' kids, who used disposables.

Baby Gear: Seek out the semi-annual consignment sales in your area on www.consignmentmommies.com. These are a great resource for new moms, and when you want to get rid of your gear. They happen in the fall and spring, and if you can get into the pre-sale, do it. Sometimes being a first-time-mom will get you in, sometimes you need to volunteer -- depends on the sale. If you volunteer, volunteer as close to the sale as possible so you know what there is for sale and you can make a bee-line for it when the doors open ;) You will be able to find high quality used baby gear for 70% off -- activity tables, jumpers, exersaucers, strollers (these are priced higher and the good ones are the first to go), high chairs, bathtubs, clothes (oh! The clothes!), swings, bouncer chairs, etc. Don't buy any of those items new before you go to a consignment sale. The general consensus, too, is not to buy used cribs or carseats. I add to that shoes (unless they're flip-flops or crocs -- something that doesn't wear out and your kid doesn't wear too much). Otherwise, I get every baby / kid item I can at consignment sales. Especially in the first 5 years, baby isn't going to know the difference between used and new.

CNM

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There's lots of good advice here already.

I have a 1 year old.  My husband and I both work full time, so we did not trade child minding shifts.  BUT I will say that children- newborns to toddlers- require too much attention for us to have gotten any significant work done.  My sister and her husband both work from home but they have a nanny come in because nothing would ever get done otherwise.  My husband and I used in-home daycare via a nanny as well until our son was 8 months old, then the grandmothers wanted to take over child care.  So far, it's worked very well as they alternate so as not to get burned out, but we are still looking into other options as I doubt this will be sustainable in the long run.  We went through a nanny agency in our area.  If you google you will probably find something similar where you live.  Most nanny agencies also have babysitter and temporary child minding services, too.

About cloth diapers- we use them, and they're great.  There's an initial investment of $300, let's say, but you make that back with saving for disposable diapers.  We figured that our break even point was about 5 months.  Also, you don't need to feel absolutist about it.  We primarily use cloth but we use disposables at night (so he can go longer without being changed) and we will sometimes use disposables if we are out for the day.  Oh also, our hospital gave us a TON of supplies- including disposable diapers- before we left.

About child supplies- clothing for newborns is pretty easy to come by.  Newborns really aren't that messy/hard on their clothes as compared with older children so you can get high quality used items inexpensively.  Apart from asking for hand-me-downs from your family and friends, yard sales tended to have a lot of inexpensive clothing and items (like a swing, a bouncer, carriers, etc.).  For furniture, craigslist was a good option although we had difficulty finding a good dresser used, so we bought that on overstock.com or zulily.com.  Zulily is a discount site for kid's stuff but BEWARE because it has a lot of adorable items and the prices are definitely higher than if you were to buy used. 

Another resource that hasn't been mentioned yet is your local parents' group.  Where I live, there is a HUGE group organized via meetup.com for parents with children.  They have swaps and people post free items all the time there.  This has been a fantastic resource for items and for getting recommendations for child care and family activities.

Finally, depending on where you live, there may be a birthing resource library or volunteer organizations to help parents immediately after the child is born.  Your OB/GYN and/or your local hospital's maternity ward should have a lot of information.


TLV

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Do you have a home office or other room that the person working can isolate themselves in? If you don't have a door you can close to keep a toddler out, it may become very difficult to work once they reach that stage. It doesn't matter if the other spouse is officially watching the kid - if the toddler can see you, they will want to do what you're doing.

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+1 to coth diapers. A VERY mustachian thing. Also you don't need to buy them all at once - you can buy a few here and a few there, checking out the different styles and which kind works best for you.

Also, most clothing can be easily bought used on ebay and it will be good as new. Babies grow so fast that they simply can't wear down their clothing. Especially if the clothing is from a good brand. It'll cost you 3x less but you will get the same quality.

Shoes can be bought used too, but, yes - they are more prone to being worn. Especially since the first shoes for a kid should be soft. However you won't need many shoes, since slip-resistant socks are better most of the time anyway. And they're not expensive even new.

Car seats - yes, avoid used ones if you can. The chief danger is that they are more fragile than they look. And after a single car crash (or even bad mishandling) they need to be disposed, because even if they look undamaged, they might not be able to save your kid the second time (inner/microscopic damage). Actually, car seats are a whole story in and of themselves - check out http://www.car-seat.org/ for more info.

bogart

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Congratulations!!!

To answer your questions:
1.  No.  I couldn't/can't even get close to working effectively from home with my kid (now 6) around, though I prefer to leave the house and work in an office (not at home) anyway.  Other people have had different experiences, but I'd say the modal experience is that it's difficult or impossible to do except as an occasional thing.  YMMV.  It was marginally easier when my son was really little, i.e., before he could walk/talk and back when he napped.

2.  Don't buy much stuff before the kid is born (you need:  a safe place for baby to sleep, a safe carseat, maybe 20 size-appropriate, season-appropriate onesies, some blankets, diapers, washcloths and wipes.  I'd also strongly recommend having a good breast pump already if you are planning to b/f, and some bottles regardless (useful for pumped milk if you b/f and of course formula if you don't).  I'm probably forgetting a few things but really, in the era of the internet, there's not much you can't get easily if you need it, and plenty of things you think you will need or want (and that others swear that they could not have managed without) that you will never use (example:  turns out I strongly prefer short-sleeved onesies that open all the way so they don't have to pulled over baby's head, and long-sleeved/legged onesies that zip rather than snap.  Like, so strongly that I won't use the other kind.  But others feel differently about this!). 

Add me to the list of those who endorse cloth diapering.  Easy, affordable, what's not to like?

Quote
...I have carpet primarily through my house and it is gross.  ...  I am looking for materials that are easy to maintain and low voc.


Great!  So you've already got something that's easy to maintain and low voc.  Keep it and replace it on your kid's 10th birthday ...

savingtofreedom

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Thanks for all of the feedback.  I really appreciate.  I have great friends but they are not frugal and so I have to take their feedback with a grain of salt.

We are lucky that for now we will still have two separate offices where we can close the door and still have a kids room too. 
 
I plan on breastfeeding so I do forsee lots of starting and stopping during the work day.  I think the initial plan will be to try to fit in work while I can.  I see work being flexible with me to start but will have to figure out a long term solution.  I am working on automating some of my work to make it easier to complete in the future.  I get no maternity leave so this will be pretty interesting.   I run queries most of the day and summarize into emails/presentations.  I wonder if I can manage some of this with baby on breast :) this will be an interesting challenge.

As a former shopaholic I have surprisingly not bought anything yet and don't really plan on it anytime soon unless I spot a super deal on essentials like crib, car seat etc.  I fully plan on leveraging second hand clothing and getting as much stuff from friends as possible (except car seat/crib).  I should also get breast pump free through insurance.

Fair point on keeping the carpet.  I wouldn't be shocked that I am too lazy, tired to actually do anything about the flooring.  Unfortunately, I made the brilliant decision to pull up the carpet in our "formal living room" as a means to motivate me to actually do something about our flooring.  The slab is there in all its glory to this day.  The long term goal is to change up the flooring to bamboo/wood/tile.  I can appreciate the fact that kids may destroy new flooring too.  I probably would not do this until winter so I will continue to think about this one. 


arebelspy

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Whoo! Congrats!  :D

A cool service I ran across a few days ago to let you try out various brands of cloth diapers:
http://geardiary.com/2013/07/27/jillians-drawers-makes-trying-cloth-diapers-economical-and-fun/
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gooki

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2013, 01:33:38 AM »
1. Your children need time with you, not stuff. This mindset makes being a mustachian parent easy.

2. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be both a parent, and a highly productive employee. If at all possible, just go with the flow.

gooki

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2013, 01:41:50 AM »
PS, my wife is pretty good at surfing the web on her laptop, while breast feeding our baby boy (now 8 months old). The other alternative is to outsource some of your job, but that's a personal ethical thing.

Christiana

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #15 on: August 01, 2013, 07:58:41 AM »
I worked part-time from home with my first child until she was 18 months old.  It was challenging to get my twenty hours a week in--my husband was working 50-60 hours at a time, plus commute, and child care would have cost almost as much as I was bringing home.

I did a combination of working-while-nursing (I learned to type one-handed with either hand, which is how I am typing this now), working during naps, working with the baby in a bouncy seat, and evening and weekend hours.  It was a lot harder with a toddler than with a newborn. 

For conference calls, I got a headset with a mute button, so I could screen out most of the baby sounds by turning off the microphone when I wasn't actually speaking.

For cloth diapers, I sewed prefolds and cloth wipes from thrifted fabric, so we only had to buy diaper covers.  Total cost was $70-80, and we're using them for the fourth child now.

Rebecca Stapler

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #16 on: August 01, 2013, 10:45:36 AM »
Thanks for all of the feedback.  I really appreciate.  I have great friends but they are not frugal and so I have to take their feedback with a grain of salt.


These are good friends to have when you're looking for second-hand gear, especially if all they want to do is loan it to you while you need it (get it out of their basement/attic/garage until their next child comes along!)


I did a combination of working-while-nursing (I learned to type one-handed with either hand, which is how I am typing this now), working during naps, working with the baby in a bouncy seat, and evening and weekend hours.  It was a lot harder with a toddler than with a newborn


These are really good points. When baby is a newborn, s/he might sleep A LOT. When baby is a toddler, s/he will want (and need) more interaction. It's a good time to transition into a more social setting anyway, so you may feel better about finding a daycare / pre-preschool set up for baby -- and you will need toddler to have a different caregiver during work hours in order to keep up your productivity.

That said, how much baby naps is something you won't know until after s/he arrives. I know babies that never napped more than 20 minutes at a stretch -- and I know that some of their parents tried everything we tried to get our child to nap, so I think that "nurture" only goes so far when it comes to something like a child's ability to nap for a long stretch. But, you might have a baby who is more naturally inclined to sleep for long stretches and you just need to give her/him nudges in the right direction. But you never know what type of disposition baby will have until you meet him/her. So, I would have a range of options.

kdms

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #17 on: August 01, 2013, 11:55:27 AM »
Congratulations!  I've been where you are (with the issues and m/c's) and just wait until your first ultrasound and you get to see it (if you choose to have one)....it made my DH cry, he was so happy.  :)

1. Total advocate for cloth diapering here as well.  Don't worry about how much of a slob you think you are; you'll very quickly see the advantages of both the cost and the health benefits (breathes better for baby bottoms for one) and you'll figure out a system that works.  If you're already thinking your carpet is gross, don't worry that you'll leave a dirty diaper lying around - your mentality for keeping the little one clean is already present.  (I wouldn't replace it either until they're older unless there's a mold or mildew problem - there's no point. :) )

2. For your work schedule - DH and I had a great plan to work in shifts - and the little one would have none of it; he wanted me, and me alone, and DH's contribution to baby-care was reduced to diapering.  If you don't get any maternity leave at all, that could be problematic.  Your biggest problem will likely be broken sleep periods - as it's been mentioned before, you could have a 20min napper or a two-hour napper.  Our little guy slept longer if I held him (which isn't the case for everyone) so maybe a super comfortable sling that would allow nursing to happen with minimal assistance from you and also allow him/her to sleep would be a good investment for multi-tasking.  Allow yourself to sleep at the same time as your baby for at least one naptime a day - it'll really help you keep your energy levels up and keep your head clear.

Something I wish somebody had told me ahead of time: babies aren't born with melatonin in their systems.  It takes around 3 weeks for production of this sleep-regulating hormone to really ramp up, and until then, there's no such thing as night and day to them.  Had I known that ahead of time, I would have been able to deal with the self-induced lack of sleep better because of all the things I thought I "had" to do while baby slept during the day, meaning that I didn't get any sleep at night or during the day until I finally gave up the 'plan' and started sleeping when he did.  So I (me personally, everyone else may be different) am not counting on getting anything done work-related during the first month after birth (I'm 24 weeks along right now myself with #2) but after that, working is probably very doable - especially, as you say, a lot of what you do is email queries and word processing and you can set your own hours and deadlines. 

Out of curiousity, you say 'the slab is there to this day' - is it really slab, like concrete, or is it a wooden subfloor?  I did the same thing in one of our previous homes and ended up throwing a coat of deck paint onto the subfloor just to keep the dust down, make it smoother on the feet, washable, and generally brighter....worked quite well until we eventually got the new floor down over it.  :)


savingtofreedom

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #18 on: August 01, 2013, 08:36:09 PM »
For conference calls, I got a headset with a mute button, so I could screen out most of the baby sounds by turning off the microphone when I wasn't actually speaking.

Good idea - I need one anyway - any recs on a make/model?

Congratulations!  I've been where you are (with the issues and m/c's) and just wait until your first ultrasound and you get to see it (if you choose to have one)....it made my DH cry, he was so happy.  :)

  Allow yourself to sleep at the same time as your baby for at least one naptime a day - it'll really help you keep your energy levels up and keep your head clear.

Something I wish somebody had told me ahead of time: babies aren't born with melatonin in their systems.  It takes around 3 weeks for production of this sleep-regulating hormone to really ramp up, and until then, there's no such thing as night and day to them.  Had I known that ahead of time, I would have been able to deal with the self-induced lack of sleep better because of all the things I thought I "had" to do while baby slept during the day, meaning that I didn't get any sleep at night or during the day until I finally gave up the 'plan' and started sleeping when he did. 

Out of curiousity, you say 'the slab is there to this day' - is it really slab, like concrete, or is it a wooden subfloor?  I did the same thing in one of our previous homes and ended up throwing a coat of deck paint onto the subfloor just to keep the dust down, make it smoother on the feet, washable, and generally brighter....worked quite well until we eventually got the new floor down over it.  :)

Congrats on Baby 2!!! We just had the NT scan and everything looks great!!!  Thanks for all the info on sleep schedule and melatonin - fascinating.  I totally agree with the idea of sleeping while baby sleeps.  I am not a great napper but now I think I will learn no matter what.  I think the point about leaving the flooring in its current state is totally valid.  I just hate how carpet is such a dust collector. 

Whoo! Congrats!  :D

A cool service I ran across a few days ago to let you try out various brands of cloth diapers:
http://geardiary.com/2013/07/27/jillians-drawers-makes-trying-cloth-diapers-economical-and-fun/

This sounds great - i will look into using it and post a review if I do.


Additionally,  I would love to quit but I have a good job.  I am hesitant to take off a large chunk of time after the baby comes as I want to literally do the bare minimum so no one else takes over my job (yeah maybe I am paranoid and it is unlikely but oh well).  As I am remote I don't want anyone else to look like an attractive candidate for my position - they would prefer someone local and this kind of job likely won't come around again any time soon.

My mom lives 8 minutes away and will help out and my husband also has a flexible job.  I do agree that when they hit toddler age we will for sure need more extensive daycare. We have multiple options in the area.

I also wouldn't be shocked if in the end I say fuck this and quit :).  Baby is the most important...I can't wait.  FI with a kid though is very appealing.

Again thanks for all the advice.  This solidified that I have to make a real attempt at using cloth diapers.  It also further confirmed that working with a little baby is near impossible.

Jules13

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #19 on: August 01, 2013, 08:48:13 PM »
Lots of great advice here.  Just wanted to comment on the cloth diapering.  I did this with my boys.  Nobody mentioned www.diaperswappers.com, which is a great site to find bargains on selling/buying cloth diapers from other parents.  I got some great deals from here.  My faves were Fuzzi Bunz but everyone has their faves.

Since you keep referring to yourself as possibly being too much of a "slob" or "lazy" (your words), you might consider looking into a diaper service for the first month or so, just to try out cloth diapers to see if it would be a reality for you or not.  The initial investment for cloth diapering can get really expensive....even moreso if you end up not liking it. 

Also...not ALL newborns sleep all the time.  Babies are different.  My 1st would not nap during they day as a newborn unless I was holding him.  Around 6 months he started taking 3 hour naps and slept all night long.  My 2nd would only nap for about 30 minutes at a time during the day and had to be held at night to sleep until about 6 months old.  Otherwise he would just cry.  It was crazy.  He didn't sleep through the night until he was about 3. 

You just never know what you are going to get, so don't bank on nap times or getting any decent sleep yourself. 

Congrats and good luck!!  Kids are the best.

icefr

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #20 on: August 01, 2013, 11:19:32 PM »
Congrats!

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2013, 05:55:54 AM »
Congrats.

Sorry this is so long, there is so much that society (merchants and friends and family) will push you into buying that you don't need.  Don't buy anything until you are *desperately* sure you need it! For the first month have the baby in a basket or something by the bed, baby sleeps better than in another room and so do you.  You don't need a crib until the baby is mobile (and that doesn't mean walking, mine rolled, then crawled, before she walked, and she could really move).  The Tightwad Gazette Volume 2 has lots of baby ideas, and she really knew how to have a happy baby without spending!

Really work at getting enough sleep, I was a zombie the first month while our daughter adjusted.  And they do want Mommie, you may end up working away from home for a while.

Easiest way to change a diaper while being kind to your back - put a towel on a counter (bathroom or kitchen) with all your supplies handy, change baby, put away (or leave out if you have the space).  Having running water handy is good if the bum needs extra cleaning.  If the baby is a boy, pop a cloth over the front while you are changing the diaper - I had a girl, but my sister got a faceful one time! And diaper services are more expensive than washing your own, unless you spend a lot of money on cloth ones, but still a lot less expensive than disposables.  And they adjust to demand - using more? They give you more. Need the next size up? They are ready for you.  We were on a well and I didn't want to use that much water, so that was the route we went.  When I went back to work, our daycare was fine with cloth, I just brought them and took them away each day.

The best thing we did was put a dimmer on the bathroom light - middle of the night we would breastfeed one side, go change diaper with just enough light that I could see what I was doing, which meant she didn't wake up all the way, and then do the other side.  She usually fell asleep doing this, and so did I, so have a really comfortable chair for nursing.  And breastfeeding makes a baby a lot more portable, she was so easy to take anywhere because as long as I was around there was no food to worry about.  And less diaper rash and poops don't smell as well.

As others said, go for used clothing, babies don't wear it out.  And they don't need shoes unless they are walking outside on hard surfaces.  As they get older, the clothes that don't wear out are the expensive party/holiday ones, so that is a great place to buy used.  I have picture of ours at 4 and 5 in her red Christmas dresses with the lace collars (one each year, she grew) - second hand, in wonderful condition, she wore them maybe three times each? So someone else ended up wearing them and they were still in great condition. And don't buy anything much at first because you will get gifts. 

Have fun and enjoy your baby.

Mint Chip

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2013, 09:26:40 AM »
Congratulations!

Totally agree with the great advice of not buying anything -- except the bare basics, like car seat, diapers, wipes, and a few clothes, until you figure out what you really need.

Also, regarding balancing work and the baby, here's what I've learned.  When the little one comes, they will need you more than you could ever imagine -- esp if you will be nursing.  Never mind sleep - taking a shower will be a luxury.  I know from personal experience and that of other moms who have tried to work from home w/a new baby without childcare that it's REALLY difficult to get anything -- let alone work -- done.  What could happen is that you wind up resenting the fact that the baby needs you, cries, wants to be held, HATES that bouncy seat that everyone else's kids "slept for hours" in, etc., and just doesn't seem to understand that "Mommy just needs a few more minutes to finish this one last thing"....  Because of this, my work-from home stint was very short-lived.  If you really need to work when the baby is young, definitely make sure that there is someone around to help you.  Also, in your OP, you mentioned that you are *finally* pregnant after experiencing some fertility issues.  After all that you've gone through to have this baby, the last thing you'd want is to create a situation in which the baby is a burden to you.  Just my experience...

Congratulations again!

oldtoyota

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2013, 10:00:04 AM »
Sadly, we were not able to swing working FT and caring for the baby FT. It is worth a try though.

Do consider that a lot of work will fall on you because you are the food source. It's a good problem to have. =-)

For cloth diapers, I loved using AIOs (all in ones) and also covers with Chinese prefolds.

bogart

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #24 on: August 02, 2013, 10:26:19 AM »


Quote
And breastfeeding makes a baby a lot more portable,
... this is true, but it also makes mom a lot less portable unless she will/can bring the baby everywhere she goes (or is able to pump, which requires not just equipment but time and some amount of privacy/peace).  Some combination of pumping or supplementing with formula in addition to outright BFing has a lot to recommend it, IMO.

Quote
I just hate how carpet is such a dust collector. 

Yeah, I had the same thought and then we replaced all our shag carpet with laminate/tile.  Now the dust/dog fur that used to stick to and/or disappear into the carpet floats freely around/across the house.  I don't know that one is "better" and the other "worse," but neither is perfect.

One last thought on the whole parenting thing:  address problems as they arise; there will be enough to keep you occupied.  Don't go looking for problems or making problems out of things that aren't problems (one guide I liked was that if the solution is worse than the problem then you shouldn't implement it).  I don't know how many times I have been told I shouldn't do X because down the road it will cause Y and I will regret it, all well-intentioned but wrong advice (e.g. a coworker who warned me that having DS sleeping in our bedroom, which he did until he was 15 months old, would mean he wouldn't be a "good sleeper," which in fact he totally is). 


prosaic

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #25 on: August 03, 2013, 02:20:49 PM »
We telecommuted through two babies, both of us at home, both working f/t. When we only had 1 baby we both got up at 5am, worked until he got up (around 7-8), then played "pass the baby" all day in 2-hour shifts, with each catching urgent emails/calls if they came in during our assigned stretch.

It worked until I was laid off after 3.5 years. By then our kids were 3.5 and 7 months. One option: hiring a teenager from 3-6pm 5 days a week. Ask them to do childcare and 1-2 loads of laundry. HUGE help. Juggle the baby the rest of the time.

fidgiegirl

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2013, 03:33:22 PM »
So I hope this isn't a hijack, but it leads me to a question I'm curious about related to "you don't hardly need any stuff!":  Did anyone refuse a baby shower?  How did you do it?  I know one girl who did, but it was hard, and everyone else I know has had one.  Would like to hear of other experiences with this.

Congrats on the pg!!!

savingtofreedom

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #27 on: August 03, 2013, 08:14:29 PM »
We telecommuted through two babies, both of us at home, both working f/t. When we only had 1 baby we both got up at 5am, worked until he got up (around 7-8), then played "pass the baby" all day in 2-hour shifts, with each catching urgent emails/calls if they came in during our assigned stretch.

It worked until I was laid off after 3.5 years. By then our kids were 3.5 and 7 months. One option: hiring a teenager from 3-6pm 5 days a week. Ask them to do childcare and 1-2 loads of laundry. HUGE help. Juggle the baby the rest of the time.

Prosaic- nice to hear that someone was able to do this.  I would really love to hear more about your situation.  If you don't mind sharing what types of jobs you both had and any other tips on how you made this work.  My husband is on west coast time and I am on east coast so I don't see him getting up early but maybe staying up much later.

I think we are going to have to hire some kind of help.   Otherwise I think it will be overwhelming.

So I hope this isn't a hijack, but it leads me to a question I'm curious about related to "you don't hardly need any stuff!":  Did anyone refuse a baby shower?  How did you do it?  I know one girl who did, but it was hard, and everyone else I know has had one.  Would like to hear of other experiences with this.

Congrats on the pg!!!

I do totally plan on having a baby shower.  I think this would be a good place to register for cloth diapers (my friends are going to comment on that one!!) and other true necessities - sheets for the crib, stuff like that, any decorative stuff.  I am sure I will also end up getting a lot of clothing.  All of my friends had showers and I guess I could forgo it but likely won't.


athomeintheworld

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #28 on: August 03, 2013, 09:02:26 PM »
First -Congratulations!  Coolest experience ever. 

If you have not already - consider using a birth center rather than a hospital.  Not only will you save a ton of money, but for an uncomplicated normal pregnancy it is a much safer option for both you and your baby.  Do your research.

Breastfeed.  Better for you and for your baby.  Much less expensive.  Takes some practice and probably some professional guidance.  Very much worth it.  Try it exclusively for a month and you will not want to do anything else.

Cloth diaper!  We spent approx $300 to get set up (cloth diapers, wipes, bottles for wipe solution which we make, wet bags for home and for travel).  By 4-5 months you are already ahead, even considering utility costs/etc. 

Don't buy too much stuff.  People will buy tons of stuff for you.  And babies don't need much anyways.  You don't need every bounce/swing etc etc etc.  Don't need 100 toys.  They are just as easily impressed with a few simple toys.  Better for baby, the environment, and your finances. 

prosaic

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #29 on: August 03, 2013, 11:19:44 PM »
We telecommuted through two babies, both of us at home, both working f/t. When we only had 1 baby we both got up at 5am, worked until he got up (around 7-8), then played "pass the baby" all day in 2-hour shifts, with each catching urgent emails/calls if they came in during our assigned stretch.

It worked until I was laid off after 3.5 years. By then our kids were 3.5 and 7 months. One option: hiring a teenager from 3-6pm 5 days a week. Ask them to do childcare and 1-2 loads of laundry. HUGE help. Juggle the baby the rest of the time.

Prosaic- nice to hear that someone was able to do this.  I would really love to hear more about your situation.  If you don't mind sharing what types of jobs you both had and any other tips on how you made this work.  My husband is on west coast time and I am on east coast so I don't see him getting up early but maybe staying up much later.

I think we are going to have to hire some kind of help.   Otherwise I think it will be overwhelming.



I was a writer and editor with a more flexible (though f/t) schedule, and my husband was a software developer with a more 8-5 job. We always had some part-time help from the time our oldest was 8 months or so (even just 15 hours/week or so, in our home) during the busy part of the day when we'd both most likely be needed at work.

Christiana

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #30 on: August 04, 2013, 07:10:48 AM »
The headset I used for conference calls was a Logitech H390 USB headset with microphone, or something very similar.

caligulala

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Re: Yeah I am Pregnant! Educate me on becoming a mustachian future parent!!!
« Reply #31 on: August 04, 2013, 07:48:31 AM »
I had two jobs that I did from home while my kids were infants. I had arranged for 3 months of time off from my business and my mindless side job, but ended up having to go back after 8 weeks. Our first was colicky and there was NO WAY I could have managed going back to work before then, even with an extraordinarily helpful husband. As soon as my husband would get home in the evening, I would take a shower until the hot water ran out (and we had a water heater for our entire building!) so I could get a break from hearing baby cry.

I did somehow make it work. Most of my work was not time dependent, and the little that was only took a few minutes at a time to complete, so I was able to get most of my stuff done during naps and an hour or so in the evening. This worked until my younger child was about 6 months, at which point I could get nothing done during the day because the boys were on opposing nap schedules. That meant I spent every evening and every weekend catching up on work. Finally, my husband called uncle and said that the additional income was not worth the stress and lack of free time. So I quit and it made an amazing difference in our quality of life.

Since we knew we were going to be moving in the near future, we decided I should stay home with the boys for awhile. It's been okay. I really enjoy working, even doing something menial, and am looking forward to getting a new business together once we've moved and gotten everyone settled in. Although our income has been on the low side, the flexibility and low stress levels staying home has given us are great. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, but here I am!