Author Topic: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother  (Read 1997 times)

brokescientist

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Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« on: January 20, 2018, 06:31:59 PM »
As the post title shows I am a son of decently wealthy parents.   I am not talking crazy dollars, but they are not broke.  My brother is a drug addict, has debt collectors chasing him, hasn't spoke with me or my parents for over a year, and is an alcoholic.  We do not know where he is or what he is doing.

My parents called me today and told me that they are changing the trust and would like to know if I would like to have power of attorney.  I am not sure if I would like to take on this "burden" and may want to let their financial advisors at ML take care of it. I normally would have absolutely no problem taking over this task, however my brother presents many different problems.

1.  I don't want to be writing checks to my brother because he is a little crazy in the head, and on drugs.

2.  I am not 100% sure what he would do if he found out that I had control over the trust.  Would he come looking or just go along with the process.

3. I don't really want to deal with him at all at this point in my life, and probably not anytime in the future.




I am not sure how to proceed.  He has debt collectors after him as well.   What would you do in this situation.

Thanks,

TheBrokeScientist.

Frankies Girl

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 06:46:57 PM »
If it was me in the same situation, I absolutely would not want to be in charge of a trust for a sibling that has a serious issue with drugs/alcohol.

It is at best going to cause you to have to deal with someone that is irrational every time they want more than what is scheduled.

At worst, you are opening yourself up to a chance of harassment, threatening of bodily harm to yourself or you family, and other violent outbursts not just from them, but from their scummy friends/acquaintances. (like those "debt collectors")

I would tell the parents it's a pass as you are afraid of the issues that it would cause for you and him if he had to ask you for permission to spend "his" money - he could end up hating you even if he sort of got why it had to be that way. It would likely prevent you from ever having a decent relationship with him even if someday he cleaned up his act, so I'd push that as the main reason rather than being scared of him and what could happen if he went a bit "off" or got angry or whatever. 

And whomever they get, do ask for them to please make sure it's someone in authority that can stand up to a manipulative person/deal with addict. They'd need to make sure and get professional advice about setting up a trust to deal with a person like this, but honestly your parents should not leave him anything unless it is to be used for rehab and paying of bills directly, never giving him cash directly if possible, but that's strictly my opinion and I'm not even sure this is possible.

So sorry your family is dealing with this. Addiction is a terrible thing. I hope your brother gets help someday before it is too late.

« Last Edit: January 20, 2018, 06:48:36 PM by Frankies Girl »

GizmoTX

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2018, 06:58:47 PM »
Are they asking you to be the trustee or to be a person with authority to name or change a trustee? I would not want to be the trustee for a sibling with issues.

There are banks that can act as an independent trustee. We have one named as the ultimate trustee if one of us is unable to. A good estate attorney should be able to recommend one.

brokescientist

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2018, 07:02:48 PM »
Are they asking you to be the trustee or to be a person with authority to name or change a trustee? I would not want to be the trustee for a sibling with issues.

There are banks that can act as an independent trustee. We have one named as the ultimate trustee if one of us is unable to. A good estate attorney should be able to recommend one.


I believe they are asking me to be in charge of the trust and write the checks to my brother under certain conditions.   One of them being that he has to pass monthly drug tests...   

I am not sure if there are any other clauses that should be written into the trust in this situation.   Can anyone recommend any?

GizmoTX

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2018, 07:42:35 PM »
Find an independent trustee with a fiduciary role (a bank that deals with trusts) but retain the ability to hire & fire this trustee & to review periodically what they are doing with the money. This keeps you in control but you won't have to deal directly with an unstable druggie nor will he be able to blame you. It will be worth the fee. Do include whatever provisions for testing, etc. that you & your parents think reasonable.

MayDay

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2018, 08:34:17 PM »
Similar situation here, bit not a drug addict, just hopelessly awful with money.

MIL asked H to manage the flow of money to his sister. He told her to hire someone to don't or set up a trust that stated how/when she could have money, but he wanted nothing to do with it.

MIL gave up and hasn't asked again. She doesn't really want to hire a lawyer to do it, she just wants H to agree. She'll just giev the money to SIL since he didn't agree to be involved, and SIL will blow it. Oh well.

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2018, 11:38:57 PM »
You and your parents should consider attending an Al-anon meeting and reading the book “Co-dependent no more”. They have no obligation to support an alcoholic drug-addict. You are not a drug treatment officer. I would never let my brother’s issues with drug dictate my finances. Manage the trust for your benefit, your brother has made his choices.

plantingourpennies

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2018, 10:00:38 AM »
1. Get a lawyer to explain to you (and possibly your parents) the difference between having POA for your parents and being a trustee in charge of a trust where your brother is a beneficiary. These are two separate things that may (or may not) have overlapping powers when it comes to your brother.

2. If your parents want you to become trustee, make sure you are ok with the conditions of the trust. The terms of handing out money can be very open (i.e. "distribute money according to best interest of brother"), or they can be very specific (i.e. distribute x dollars a month until everything is gone).

3. Handing over a trust to a corporation isn't a perfect solution. Your brother may be able to con them out of the money as the wealth advisor will be more concerned with liability of getting sued than honoring your parent's wishes.

4. Keep in mind that you would not be doing this for the sake of your brother, but for the sake of your parents (this may or may not matter to your decision).

Agree with what others say regarding learning about the nature of addiction and co-dependance.

Good luck with your decision.

brokescientist

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2018, 05:25:31 PM »
Thank you for all of your responses.   I will look into all of your suggestions.
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 05:32:15 PM by brokescientist »

brokescientist

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2018, 05:30:10 PM »
You and your parents should consider attending an Al-anon meeting and reading the book “Co-dependent no more”. They have no obligation to support an alcoholic drug-addict. You are not a drug treatment officer. I would never let my brother’s issues with drug dictate my finances. Manage the trust for your benefit, your brother has made his choices.

Ordered the book for my parents.  Thank you for the suggestion.   I have tried to explain this topic to them numerous times.  Hopefully this will get through to them.

I have explained to them that they should not be paying for "rent" or "medical" or anything because all the money will end up going to drugs one way or another.   This is one reason why I would never feel comfortable writing him a check.   Also,  why would you ever want to give your kid $$$ if he hasn't spoke with you and cut you out of his/her life!   I would personally be pissed off every time the trust cuts him a check because of this.

partgypsy

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Re: Parents Trust With Drug Addict Brother
« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2018, 08:14:13 PM »
Look up what happened with Madonna's brother. There is no amount of money that will help someone who is determined not to be helped. I think the op was right to turn down the job, unless he is fine doing tough love and possibly death threats.