Hi Mustachians, I needed to share a conversation I had with my parents today that left me bewildered and unhappy.
One of the benefits of my current job is that I, as a single unmarried woman, can add my parents to my health insurance plan for a small monthly fee, which is automatically deducted from my salary.
My parents are thus entitled to one free medical checkup (covering several standard tests) and one free dental checkup (with dental cleaning) per year. Additionally, the plan will cover a significant amount of medical expenses, in the event that one of them needs emergency hospitalization.
I repeat, these benefits cost my parents no money at all. I pay the premiums out of my own salary.
I gave them their health insurance cards and printed out a guide to using them, along with a list of accredited hospitals. One of those hospitals (which happens to be one of the best in the country) is located right across the street from my parents' office.
My parents have no other form of health insurance. Mom's in her late forties, while Dad's in his mid-fifties. They have not had any serious medical issues for several years, but they have been asking me for some years to add them as my dependents to my health insurance. This wasn't possible at my previous job, but I did it as soon as I qualified for it at my current position.
I gave them all the necessary documents and info about these benefits in January 2014. Fast forward to September 2014, and they still haven't gotten around to visiting either a doctor OR a dentist. Even though they made an appointment for my little sister to visit the dentist today. Please note that my sister is NOT covered by insurance. They were perfectly willing to drive her to the dentist and pay out of pocket to have her teeth cleaned, but for some reason, they didn't schedule their own completely free dental cleaning on the same day.
So I asked them, directly, why. Because I just didn't get it. I couldn't see the logic. Why would they pass up a perfectly good chance, a perfectly FREE chance, to get their teeth checked too? And why, after nine months, hadn't they made an appointment to get all those other free blood/urine/fecal/etc. tests too?
Their answer? "We don't want to know if something's wrong with us. Doctors will only give us bad news. We prefer not to know."
I've known about their aversion to doctors for a long time now. But I was still surprised by their flat out "No." I tried to reason it out with them, but was rewarded with the following gems (translated from the original Filipino). Please note that at no point in the coversation did I call them names or make threats. I admit to raising my voice at some point, but I did not shout.
Some of the things my parents said during the conversation:
"We don't want any checkups. We're only interested in the (X amount of money) that the insurance will pay for once we're actually hospitalized."
"Yes, it's illogical to not want to see a doctor, but we don't want to do it."
"Call us duwag (cowardly), we still won't do it." (I did not call them any names...)
"If we get seriously sick, you don't need to worry about us. We're letting you know, as early as now, that you don't need to pay for our medical expenses. You don't need to hesitate to pull the plug on the life support."
Some of the things I said in return:
"Why do you have to wait for a major medical issue before seeing a doctor? Why not find out NOW if you have minor medical issues, BEFORE they become major?"
"You may not like knowing what health problems you have, but the knowledge is free. You have the opportunity to get this information for free. You don't need to pay anything."
"I don't mind paying for the insurance if you're going to use it. The money is not important to me. But if you're not going to use it, I'm not going to continue paying for it."
As you can see, the conversation escalated pretty fast. And it all started with a simple question about scheduling their dental cleaning at the same time as my sister's.
I didn't come to any kind of agreement with my parents on this. My visit ended on a cordial, if strained, note. They still insisted on driving me home through heavy rain. I still kissed both of them goodbye, as I have ever since I was a child.
I know that I cannot force them to do something they cannot do. At the end of our conversation, when it was clear that they would not budge from their position, I sighed and said, "Well, it's your choice. I can't force you to do it. I guess it boils down to a fundamental difference in our values. I, personally, would want to know if I had a medical issue. I've always believed that it's better to know if there's a problem, so I can do something about it, rather than not know about the problem at all. I can't do anything if you don't want to have a checkup."
Their final word on the matter: "You're right. You can't do anything if we don't want to do it."
I know I have to let this go. Their attitude towards their health, which drives me nuts, is one of the reasons why I moved out of the family home, in a culture where adult children don't usually move out until marriage.
Still, their behavior bothers me enormously. Why are my parents so defensive about this?
I am trying my best to understand their point of view but I am at a dead end.
Any insights are appreciated.