Author Topic: outgrowing friends  (Read 3852 times)

resy

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outgrowing friends
« on: July 27, 2014, 12:27:27 AM »
How do you guys deal with outgrowing friends that aren't into the mustachian lifestyle??
I mean, it's not like one is going to stop being friends with anyone that is leading a consumerism overloaded life but I have found myself shying away lately from friends whose big chunk of focus is acquiring crap. I just cannot relate and have lose interest.
So far, I haven't shun anyone out (not sure I intend to?), it's just more of a "putting space between" type of thing.
What is the best way to do so without coming off as a jerk or the like??
Most of the time I do enjoy seeing those friends once every few months or so but when they want more constant contact it's hard to decline without a "real" reason since you can only say you're busy so many times. what do you guys do? or am I alone with these feelings?

I must admit, I am also developing a very deep interest in social justice so the people that live at the other end of the spectrum (i.e. watch american idol for entertainment, drive huge trucks to office jobs, go shopping every weekend, complaint there's nothing normal people can do about poverty and injustice, etc) are starting to irk me in a specially bad way...which is bad because there's a lot of people like that out there. I'm afraid I'm becoming a grouch!?!

Anyone else feel like these and/or have learnt how to deal with declining spending time with people you don't have shared philosophies with???

Kind of an awkward question, isn't it? haha


UltraRunning

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2014, 01:29:18 AM »
How do you guys deal with outgrowing friends that aren't into the mustachian lifestyle??
I mean, it's not like one is going to stop being friends with anyone that is leading a consumerism overloaded life but I have found myself shying away lately from friends whose big chunk of focus is acquiring crap. I just cannot relate and have lose interest.
So far, I haven't shun anyone out (not sure I intend to?), it's just more of a "putting space between" type of thing.
What is the best way to do so without coming off as a jerk or the like??
Most of the time I do enjoy seeing those friends once every few months or so but when they want more constant contact it's hard to decline without a "real" reason since you can only say you're busy so many times. what do you guys do? or am I alone with these feelings?

I must admit, I am also developing a very deep interest in social justice so the people that live at the other end of the spectrum (i.e. watch american idol for entertainment, drive huge trucks to office jobs, go shopping every weekend, complaint there's nothing normal people can do about poverty and injustice, etc) are starting to irk me in a specially bad way...which is bad because there's a lot of people like that out there. I'm afraid I'm becoming a grouch!?!

Anyone else feel like these and/or have learnt how to deal with declining spending time with people you don't have shared philosophies with???

Kind of an awkward question, isn't it? haha
I understand where you coming from being enlisted in the military at the age of 21. People my rank or around my rank of A1C (e-3) want to talk about the new mustang they just bought, king of thrones or the high school girls or guys they slept  ) .  My solution to it is  I bring my kindle  to work so during down time when these conversations break out I just break out my kindle and  read whatever current book i'm on.
       Also, develop and really dedicate time to a hobby you truly enjoy outside of work. I am working towards a 100 mile run in December 2015. So I am currently training for a 50k(31 miles) in January of 2015 followed by a 50 miler run in may of 2015.  I train almost everyday and it takes around 1-2 hours to do so. Then with the rest of my free time i either chill with my wife, read my kindle, or read  investing/financial blogs/videos, along with some ted talks to mix  it up bit.  So there's my two cents for what its worth. Find and dedicate your time to a hobby you truly enjoy and  then you only have time for those once or twice a month meet ups with friends that are not as mustachian and thus you get the best of both worlds. 

former player

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2014, 01:44:46 AM »
Try changing your pattern of interaction with these people, so that when they suggest getting together, you suggest a picnic in the park, a hike along a local trail, a mustachian meal at home.  The different settings should help you and your friends start different topics of conversation if they have it in them, and if they don't there should be a natural tailing off from both sides.  Also, going vegetarian/vegan on a meal you make for the meat eaters will very quickly tell you whether they will follow you into Mustachianism or not - if you practice Mustachianism on them, there's no need to preach it in order to make them go away.

Your new mustachian habits should help you make new friends from the people you meet while putting your new habits into practice.

Pinkie Mustache

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2014, 08:35:56 AM »
I hear ya - it can be really hard when the conversation constantly revolves around materialistic pursuits.  It might help if you come prepared with other things to discuss/bring up.  It might be worth it, as well, to stop and think about what it is about these friends you're currently having issues with that you originally admired or still do admire.  Maybe someone has been there for you when the chips were down, or someone has a go get 'em personality, or is very kind and thoughtful, even if that's not what you're discussing.  Perhaps try and bring the conversation back around to those things - values, opportunities to help/volunteer, etc.  You might find you inspire someone else in the end.  Many times when people discuss material objects, its to fill the silence -fill it with something of real value instead or ground it in something more down to earth. 

Catbert

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2014, 03:04:33 PM »
Not sure this really answers your question, but...it's important to realize that over your life time friends will come and go, get closer and more distant for a variety of reasons.  Some of your HS friends went to local college, others to an Ivy and some maybe got a job and became less close.  Friends who are in a stable relationship may have different interests that swinging singles.  Those with children plan different events than those without.  When you retire you won't have much in common with those work friends that are still working.

Cultivate new friends that have similar interests to you now and you'll have less time for the old spendy friends.  You can still see them, less frequently, but you may naturally drift off over time. 

Cassie

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2014, 04:31:22 PM »
Also I have noticed that often people that work in human services, teaching, do animal rescue work, etc are more empathetic and less focused on material things due to their life experiences at work.  NOt everyone of course but many people in these occupations see things that others don't.  It may help to seek people out in these areas.

PtboEliz

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Re: outgrowing friends
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2014, 11:24:40 AM »
Some great advice here. I've had similar feelings, Resy. I've used family commitments as a somewhat truthful excuse in the past. Over time my dear spendy friends have come to accept that I like simple visits (and that I'll do legwork to avoid busy/fancy outings). I agree with the comment about steering toward new friendships.. it takes a whole lot less energy when you can just be yourself easily :)