We've seen a few threads in these forums about the looming liabilities presented by relatives who don't save anything for the future.
Below is a take from Harry Browne, author of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World. His book is about avoiding "traps" that trick us into being less free than we really are. His take is basically that it would be weird to hitch your financial wagon to self-destructive relatives just because they are relatives. Positive relationships are relationships of mutual benefit. Feelings of guilt or obligation are freedom-limiting traps.
Check it out:
Another family area that creates restrictions upon one's life is the
existence of relatives.
There appears to be an unwritten law that blood is thicker than self-interest.
One supposedly has a duty to value his blood relatives—
simply because they're relatives.
This means, for openers, that you owe something to your parents.
And then you have a multitude of responsibilities to anyone else who
happens to be in the family tree by accident of birth.
If your cousin has a heart attack, you might be expected to chip in
for the hospital bill.
Or if your child chooses to have ten children of his own, you're
expected to buy ten birthday presents and ten Christmas gifts every
year for the grandchildren.
Since my family has never imposed these kinds of burdens upon me,
it was only a few years ago that I became aware that this sort of thing
was so widespread. At first, I was amazed to discover how much of an
individual's life could be monopolized by his relatives.
To be responsible for someone who happens to have been born into
the same family doesn't make sense. Any relationship that isn't based
upon mutual self-interest is bound to have poor consequences.
YOUR PARENTS
The most serious problems usually develop with one's parents.
Too often, a
parent-child relationship is a unilateral contract, initiated and ruled by
the parents. They decide not only what they will give to the child but
also what the child owes them in return.
The parents seldom even state precisely what this is. They can
simply invoke a claim at any time for anything, justified by “all we've
done for you.”
The parents might claim money, attention, time, love, or favors; or
they might demand that the child live his life in a way approved by
them.
As a result, the child can carry a vague, indefinite and—for all
practical purposes—infinite debt. He's never wholly free to plan his
own future without potential interference from his parents.
This, of course, takes us back to the Identity Trap, the Morality
Trap, and the Unselfishness Trap. All kinds of pressures are used to
enforce the parents' claims; but more than anything else, the weapon
used is guilt. The child is made to feel guilty for disappointing the
parents.
It may be redundant to point out once again that no one is qualified
to run your life for you, but the point can't be made too often.
Whatever your parents did “for you” was actually what they did for
themselves. They took a calculated risk that the time, effort, and money
they expended would produce a child they would enjoy, and they hoped
it would lead you to a life they would consider favorable to them. If
you choose not to live that kind of life, they lose on that part of their
investment.
Your parents decided for themselves how they would live their own
lives.
Whatever they did, they chose to do it. They may have chosen
wisely or they may have chosen foolishly—but they chose.
Now you have to choose, too. And you have to choose in a way that
fits your nature.
They may never understand that you have to choose for yourself. If
you base your hopes upon getting their agreement before you act in
ways of your choosing, you're relying on an indirect alternative—and
you may wait the rest of your life without ever acquiring the
opportunity to be free.
HANDLING GUILT
Whether your restrictions are imposed by your parents or other
relatives, their principal weapon is most likely guilt. They can make
you suffer emotional discomfort for going your own way—even if
you're convinced you're right.
Because guilt is an emotion, there's no easy way to eliminate it. But
it helps to realize that once the guilt is inflicted upon you. there's
usually never enough you can do for your relatives to get rid of the
guilt. You're going to feel guilty even if you do most of what's asked of
you.
GETTING FREE
If you feel imprisoned by your parents or relatives, it is you who
must make the move to be free. No one else is going to bestow your
freedom upon you.
In any kind of disengagement, you don't have to be brutal, indignant,
resentful, or unfeeling. You have only to decide carefully what you
believe the limits of your involvement should be, and then set about to
make that a reality. Recognize that everyone involved is doing what he
thinks best, that it is a conflict of interest that creates the problem.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE
You are an individual, not part of a group. Your relationship with
anyone should be confined to those areas that are mutually beneficial.
And no relationship should have a lifetime contract implied in it.
You will decide for yourself what you'll do with your life. You can
choose the indirect alternative of trying to please others by your
actions. Or you can choose the direct alternatives and live your life as
you want to live it.
No one is holding you back. Those who want to restrict you have no
power over you; they rely upon your willingness to stay in the traps.
All you have to do is to reject the traps and climb out of the boxes. It's
entirely your decision to make."