Author Topic: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?  (Read 15814 times)

electriceagle

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #50 on: December 31, 2015, 02:12:55 AM »
With that said, she has said she would feel fine moving if we were married, as that would give her the level of security she needs.

Don't get married to achieve a short-term goal (convincing her to move with you).

Either get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with her, or don't get married at all.

If she needs security, perhaps you could put $10k in an account for her in case of a break-up. She could use the funds to move where she wants and get back on her feet if necessary.

Apples

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #51 on: December 31, 2015, 08:30:26 AM »
OP, I'm also 25.  As a girl, if your gf was one of my friends, I think it's perfectly sensible of her to want more commitment before moving.  Her downside to moving out there without commitment (marriage or at least engagement) is HUGE.  She may or may not have a job, will be in a place with few if any friends, none of them good long term friends, no family, and no knowledge of the local area.  30K isn't much, but it is her own job, in addition to her own life, friends, and family.  Some people are more adventurous and would find moving far away with a boyfriend to be fun and exciting.  Maybe that's what your gf though the first time she did it.  Then she realized how not fun and not exciting it was once they broke up.  After 2 years, you guys are starting in the phase of your relationship where most people start having marriage discussions.  I have several friends not yet getting engaged, but have a timeline of in a few years, or after one gets done with school, etc.  Have you guys even had a marriage discussion?  If you haven't had one in 2.5 years, this is just me (and I'm just an internet stranger) but it seems like you're avoiding the topic and just letting things flow along.

Now, a disclaimer to the above is that I've been married 1.5 years to a person who I had been in a relationship with for 2 years when we got engaged.  And I'm the "marrying type": while I might move in with a boyfriend, within less than 3 years I would either be pushing for marriage or leaving.  I am not interested in dating for years on end.  Also, if you don't think marriage will add that much to the relationship, why not be married?  Instead of framing the conversation as why get married, make it why not be married.  You have already pointed out you don't like the idea of splitting assets.  DH and I paid down 60K of his student loans the first two years we were married; I'm never getting my money that went towards that back.  But he's totally worth it.

kasperle

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #52 on: January 16, 2016, 12:29:13 PM »
Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'll elaborate more soon, but in the meantime:

1. I got a job offer!
2. It was even more than I was calculating...so I'd be pretty crazy to say no, right?
3. ...so I said yes!

The SO and I are moving out west!

I'll be sure to update the different things we talked about in making the decision.

Thanks again for all of your comments, advice, and suggestions!

mozar

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #53 on: January 16, 2016, 01:47:58 PM »
Quote
I'll be sure to update the different things we talked about in making the decision.

Cool.

arebelspy

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #54 on: January 16, 2016, 02:49:15 PM »
Awesome. Congrats!
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

FLA

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #55 on: January 16, 2016, 03:20:24 PM »
I agree with other that if you ask her to totally uproot her entire life, then you should be willing to pop the question. If you absolutely know that you cannot do that, then there's your answer; breakup with GF and take the job.

or if she agrees to try a long distance relationship, I, too, would give it a year and re-evaluate where you stand.  You said this job will make you be able to FIRE in 3 yrs.  That's not that long. If you can maintain long distance, you are sure you love her, take the job and plan to come back to the East Coast when the 3 yrs are up.  Maybe if she heard a plan like that, she'd be more willing to try long distance.

but after skimming, did you say moving to and marrying in a Community Property state scares you a bit?  If that is coming to mind now, with all the other decisions you have to make, well that's telling. This is easy, get a pre-nup. But it's that you are already worried about her getting half in a divorce and you aren't even close to marriage that makes me think this is not a great love match. 

jeromedawg

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #56 on: January 16, 2016, 03:33:14 PM »
Word... Congrats man. That's a ridiculous salary at your age. *jealous* enjoy the left-coast!

lhamo

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #57 on: January 16, 2016, 03:47:45 PM »
Congratulations!  Glad you were able to make it work for both of you.  Look forward to hearing how the discussions went.

FLA

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #58 on: January 16, 2016, 03:50:54 PM »

The SO and I are moving out west!

I'll be sure to update the different things we talked about in making the decision.
 

oops, missed this, have a wonderful experience!

csprof

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #59 on: January 16, 2016, 06:33:12 PM »
Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'll elaborate more soon, but in the meantime:

1. I got a job offer!
2. It was even more than I was calculating...so I'd be pretty crazy to say no, right?
3. ...so I said yes!

The SO and I are moving out west!

I'll be sure to update the different things we talked about in making the decision.

Thanks again for all of your comments, advice, and suggestions!

Congratulations - hope it's a blast!

It can be fun out here.  Just don't get suckered in to a horrible commute or buy a new Tesla with your newfound income. :)  (The very fact that you're posting here suggests you'll resist the temptation.)  A few years of a valley salary can give you FI faster than you can blink, but a lot of people manage to blow it through lifestyle inflation.  It's kind of sad.

Exflyboy

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #60 on: January 16, 2016, 06:54:39 PM »
$250k + at 25.. Holy freaking cow!

Good for you!

DebtFreeBy25

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #61 on: January 16, 2016, 09:01:04 PM »
Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'll elaborate more soon, but in the meantime:

1. I got a job offer!
2. It was even more than I was calculating...so I'd be pretty crazy to say no, right?
3. ...so I said yes!

The SO and I are moving out west!

I'll be sure to update the different things we talked about in making the decision.

Thanks again for all of your comments, advice, and suggestions!

Congrats! That is awesome life changing news.

I'd suggest giving some serious thought to the engagement question even if there's no immediate pressure. Your hesitancy to either make a serious commitment or move on reminds me of my husband. Some people just aren't confident decision-makers. If that describes you, you're always going to want more time to decide. You're always going to wonder "wonder if". Sorry to quote Rush (a band you're almost certainly too young for) here but "if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice". After 2.5 years, you know the answer to the marriage question (specifically whether you want to marry this woman, not necessarily if you want to get married immediately). Trust your answer. You do know.

mozar

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Re: Opportunity of a lifetime...or is it?
« Reply #62 on: January 17, 2016, 06:19:42 PM »
Quote
reminds me of my husband

So what did you do? give him an ultimatum?