Need Help

[whitethunder]

I have developed some complainypants tendencies over the course of my life, and they are seriously impacting the quality of my work and life. How do you get over them? I whine to myself a lot. Publicly, I never complain. On my own, however, I will over-analyse or read complainypants blogs online that support my line of thinking. How do you get over this?

I will lose my job if I can't figure this out. Any comment is appreciated: I am 24, male, and clearly a little lost. I could be FI in 7 years given my career and assets, or I could wallow in self-pity because I can't get over myself and work jobs I don't like for the rest of my life. Please advise.

[Lady SA]

I'm sorry, you sound like you are in a tough spot.

I'm confused, can you elaborate on these? "Publicly, I never complain" and "I will lose my job if I can't figure this out" --they seem to be at odds. How can your career be in jeopardy unless you have a bad attitude at work? Why is being complainypants putting you in such a bad position? I mean, we at MMM recognize that it isn't good for your personal finances and life in general (and you should fix it), but being complainy is generally a relatively private thing--but it seems that this is seeping into your boss' opinion of you? Is that correct or am I reading this wrong?

If you give us more details, we can maybe give you more concrete fixes. Otherwise, I would say to block yourself from reading complainypants blogs and when you recognize yourself going down a complain-y spiral, you need to interrupt yourself and focus on something else.

[CatamaranSailor]

Read "The Question Behind the Question" (QBQ) by John Miller. Simple, fast read and a complete life changer.

http://qbq.com/

[whitethunder]

Thanks Sailor14 and Lady SA.

Lady SA, I am on paid on salary and much of the work required for my job is done on my own time. During the day, it's all about execution. Instead of accomplishing tasks on my own time, I am either decompressing from the day or complaining and looking for ways to change my environment.

Sailor14, thank you for that link. I could benefit from some personal accountability improvement.

[G-dog]

How about a gratitude journal to start developing a positive outlook?
There is Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project - a lot of stuff free on the web, including YouTube videos

Negative emotions are kind of self-fulfilling, and feed on themselves to grow. 

What sort of things do you complain about? Workload, type of work, relationship with boss, peers, lack of time, lack of recognition, lack of personal time, lack of emotional support from friends, family, partner, lack of respect....?

What time of day do you typical complain the most?

Odds are you don’t complain about EVERYTHING (if you do, I loved you on Seinfeld) - but if you can start seeing patterns it can help to get more specific suggestions on things to try.

[meghan88]

I think I know where you're coming from, as a glass-half-empty type.  The unhappiness and resentment can be crushing at times ... everyone has so much more, and they all seem so much happier.  Some thoughts:

- try working toward some achievable goals that would please you.  Night school courses, a side-hustle.  Something that would occupy your time, expand your skill-set and get you to FI faster.
- being in a good, healthy relationship does wonders.
- work smarter, not harder.  Set some boundaries for yourself, including specific hours when you work, then do it.
- try making a few changes in exercise, diet and sleep habits.  Again, set some small goals and boundaries.  Taking two or three hours a week out of all the other hours there are in a week is not a huge sacrifice to work on your physical self.

[Freedomin5]

Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman is another good book. He makes the claim that you can learn to develop an optimistic outlook on life and on situations. It’s basically cognitive therapy for Joe Public, backed by years of rigorous scientific research.