On the cusp of FI after 15 years in the workforce. Burned out - next steps?

[NathanDrake]

Details: Single Male, Late 30s working at the same job for 15 years in engineering leadership.

Annual expenses: ~30k / year (Lean FI - does not include health insurance costs)

Portfolio: More than 55x Lean FI expenses

I'm sure this is a common question once people approach FI, but after 15 years at a single company and facing significant attrition over the last few years I'm not really as engaged as I was earlier in my career. My time is spent overseeing the work of many individuals that don't have much experience, and I routinely catch so many mistakes that I feel like my role is more of an "insurance policy" to keep the children in line. I'm just going through the motions and not motivated because I've hit the technical ceiling at my current company with no further room for advancement. Additionally, the company is instituting return to office policies that make work/life balance even worse. And I have no desire to commute fifty minutes each way just so I can "engage" with my computer in a cube farm with fluorescent lights that I could do in the comfort of my own home.

I have more than enough money to not feel like I need to be babysat by a controlling megacorp any longer, but not enough money to where I feel like I can truly call it quits and retire early. What's worse, is that all the job openings I see either pay less or seem even less desirable than my own.

Is the solution to just grind it out for another few years? Goal is to reach 100X expenses which would be fatter FI for me, covering an increased standard of living and health insurance. But reaching 100X is more dependent on the market at this point. If I get average returns, I'll be there in a few years, but if the market goes sideways or down, then I'm  basically only going to be barely treading water.

Any advice for people in a similar situation? I wish I could find fulfillment and enjoyment out of my job, but it's a thousand fires I have to fight daily that are more of a nuisance than something that gives me any satisfaction. The concept of working has just become completely dull with nothing to really aspire to. The idea of starting my own business where I could materially grow my situation to a more life changing result seems intriguing, though comes with a significant amount of risk.

[Tardis81]

I have recently discovered Flamingo FIRE blog. The name comes from “standing on one leg” idea, and the approach is to get half of your target stash and leave it alone (don’t add, don’t withdraw). In 7-10 years you’ll reach full FIRE just from growth. Meanwhile, you just need to earn enough to sustain your current lifestyle, which for many people could mean part time work in a less sucky or even engaging job. Is this something that may work for you?

[RWD]

If you're not comfortable with your portfolio at 55x expenses (~$1.65M?) then maybe you need to focus less on the portfolio and more on what your desired retired life will actually cost. Because at 55x there is 0 chance of portfolio failure. 25x is the usual target and you're more than double that. But you mentioned those expenses don't include health insurance. So the 55x number is completely useless.

So what level of expenses do you actually want to be able to sustain? And then where are you in relation to that? I can't imagine many scenarios where $1.65M is not enough for a single person, but you'll need to do some introspection yourself rather than just stare at the portfolio and feel nebulously like it isn't enough.

[NathanDrake]

I have recently discovered Flamingo FIRE blog. The name comes from “standing on one leg” idea, and the approach is to get half of your target stash and leave it alone (don’t add, don’t withdraw). In 7-10 years you’ll reach full FIRE just from growth. Meanwhile, you just need to earn enough to sustain your current lifestyle, which for many people could mean part time work in a less sucky or even engaging job. Is this something that may work for you?

I'd be totally down with that if it meant that it wasn't just as miserable of a job but with less compensation. That would be my main worry.

If you're not comfortable with your portfolio at 55x expenses (~$1.65M?) then maybe you need to focus less on the portfolio and more on what your desired retired life will actually cost. Because at 55x there is 0 chance of portfolio failure. 25x is the usual target and you're more than double that. But you mentioned those expenses don't include health insurance. So the 55x number is completely useless.

So what level of expenses do you actually want to be able to sustain? And then where are you in relation to that? I can't imagine many scenarios where $1.65M is not enough for a single person, but you'll need to do some introspection yourself rather than just stare at the portfolio and feel nebulously like it isn't enough.

Well there's a lot of risk at retiring @ 40 with potentially 60 years to fund. I think that 25X is backwards looking. It's still relatively safe, but not quite nearly as bulletproof. 99% confidence is fine, but 85-90% isn't enough for me.

So I'd be shooting for a perpetual rate of around 3% or less to calm my nerves. And the reason 55X doesn't include insurance is because I have no idea how to properly value it now or in the future. Maybe assume $10k/year cost, that reduces it down to 41x expenses.

I would like to sustain $90k/year @ 3% SWR, which is around $3M.

[Tester]

Get a 30k/year job and let your stache grow for 10 years.
Or more than 30k/year and less waiting.

[Dee18]

What do you want to do when you retire?  Travel? Garden? Ride bikes? Live somewhere you've dreamed of? Figure out something you want to do, and do it.  And maybe it is just living your life where you are without work.  You will always be able to earn money and/or find ways to live cheaply.  Or make a plan for three years to try three different things.  I imagine it will take a while to recover from the burnout.  I stayed in a job too long because of the golden handcuffs.  I was making a lot of money I didn't really need and it sounds like you are too. 

[Morning Glory]

You can estimate your projected insurance cost by going to healthcare.gov and plugging in various income amounts and zip codes.

[Smokystache]

You remind me of my brother. Aerospace Engineer (in his case, doesn't use his degree) works at a soul-sucking job managing databases. He hates his job. He has done small projects that he loves to do and, IMHO, could easily make a decent living. But just cannot make the jump. I may be extrapolating incorrectly, but the engineering and efficiency mindset can eventually become a hindrance to FIRE because you're so good at seeing inefficiencies and possible flaws. But I think that means your focus is too specific and narrow.

Let's zoom out to the big picture. Here's what you described
- you do not find your job duties to be enjoyable and there are few/no prospects for positive changes
- you greatly prefer to work remotely and that is likely to change and will make work even more miserable
Diagnosis: 99-100% chance that you will only become more miserable in your current job

If you agree with the diagnosis, how long do you want to choose to stay miserable? (at least miserable regarding work)

I'd recommend that you start some side projects that you find enjoyable and might eventually be something you could charge for. Don't worry about starting a business. Investigate and talk with people about side-projects. Start small. Really small. Assuming you don't have any direct costs - don't even charge for them. See what types of projects you like and who you like working with. Do NOT start a business. Don't put up a website. Don't get business cards. Don't think about business names. Just find some projects. If you have a boatload of PTO - take a few Mondays or Fridays off and work on the side projects.

Right now, you don't have anything to move to. When you cannot see the next stepping stone, it is hard to leave the rock you're on -- even if the water is rising and it's getting more and more wobbly. But make no mistake -- the water is rising.

I wonder if shifting your mindset to something like this would be helpful:
- If I stay, I have a 100% chance of being miserable.
- If I switch to being self-employed, I may stumble into a few things that I don't like, but I will have complete control on what I switch to, who I work with, where that work is done, and how many hours I spend doing it. I have complete control to change any of those variables until I find that I'm making enough income and have set up a work situation that I'm happier with than my current situation. I have the financial resources to take my time until I create a career that I enjoy and meets my FIRE goals.

Best of luck.

[GilesMM]

Find a role that suits you better at present company or a different one.

[ixtap]

Are you just catching and fixing the mistakes or are you mentoring the younger generation? DH's main role for the last few years is catching potential issues and mentoring. A lot of people check in with him for both "is this solution realistic" and "how?" He has even picked up the slack for management a couple of times, but doesn't want the full responsibility of that.  He likes it almost as much as the actual engineering, except on his bad days when he would rather be left alone with his spreadsheets and his codes. Because his management recognizes the value of what he catches and the potential solutions he proffers (but only occasionally implements himself) he was able to negotiate part time. Because he went part time, they aren't riding him about return to office.

I would also point out that in addition to side projects, you could look into part time where you are or start searching for a remote position. Or start looking for anything that would cover your current expenses that is remotely interesting to you. Embrace coast FIRE to achieve your goals rather than wishful thinking.

I am normally very encouraging of just walking away, but 55x lean FI without healthcare sounds like a lot of fuzzy math. With a better handle on expenses (what does lean FI mean to you? How much would your share of healthcare be on ACA? Would you have to make Roth conversions to meet minimum income for ACA?) and planning (Would you need bigger conversions to make your funds accessible to you in your 40s? How does that affect taxes and ACA? What do you want to do?) it might turn out that you are already fine, but you haven't gone into enough detail at this point to make that determination.

[MayDay]

Let's say you find a new job at a different company and it pays 70% of your current job. And you hate it.

Quit. You have loads of money.

You know you dislike your current job. You may or may not like a new job. You have a ton of money and can afford to take time off.

What's the downside?

Also it's a little insane to want a 3% withdrawal rate for 3x your actual spending. That's weird dude. Figure out your retirement spending including health insurance and then calculate 3% of that. You are creating hoops for your to jump through for no reason.

[zolotiyeruki]

You have FU money. It's time to flex it.
Step 0 is to plan your retirement. My BIL told me that you need to answer three questions:
1) do you have enough (money)? (Yes, you do, unless you're expecting some crazy lifestyle inflation)
2) have you had enough (emotionally)? Are you emotionally ready to quit? ( Maybe you are?)
3) will you have enough (to do)? Retiring isn't just leaving work, you have to retire to something

You need to figure out what you want to do in retirement, and plan your budget around that. If step 0 doesn't get you to retire, then proceed with steps 1 and 2

 Step 1 is to identify the aspects of your job that aren't working for you. Is it the hours? The commute? The babysitting? Actually being in the office? Lack of schedule flexibility if you're in the office?

Step 2: determine what needs to change. Would shifting to part time improve your feeling toward work? What if you only had to go into the office 2-3 days per week? Can you shift your role (or your attitude towards it)? Can you get.a different job that will feel fresh and better match your desired lifestyle, even if it pays less? If you're not ready to retire now, then it's important to remember that while you may need *a* job, you don't need *this* job.

Step 3: Execute. If you want to stay at your job, advocate for yourself and stand up to your management. "That won't work for me." Is a statement I've seen recommended often, followed by what *would* work for you.

[lhamo]

If you happen to be in Washington the Washington Healthplan finder is really easy to use to predict insurance costs.  As a mid-50s female, I have already plugged in numbers for myself and can tell you that under 20k of income you would be on expanded Medicaid (Apple Health, which I have found to be great), and at 30k of income my premiums for the Cascade Gold plan on Molina (which I have used my Medicaid servicer for years and had good experiences with) are only $150/month with low deductibles/copays and reasonable OOP limits.  In fact, for those who can keep their on-paper income modest the Cascade Gold plans are now far better deals than Cascade Silver plans.  Worth looking into and not hard to do.

Can you give more details about your spending?  Do you have housing costs locked in?  What other things do you tend to spend on?  Have you been depriving yourself of experiences in the rush to FIRE?  This might be an area where a bit of a bump in spending you find meaningful/rewarding would make life seems less like a slog.  And I would echo others that looking into a job change or even just taking a sabbatical for a year or two might help you see things more clearly. 

[Laura33]

Also it's a little insane to want a 3% withdrawal rate for 3x your actual spending. That's weird dude. Figure out your retirement spending including health insurance and then calculate 3% of that. You are creating hoops for your to jump through for no reason.

This.  Your FIRE budget is 3x your current budget?  For the love of Pete, why??? 

This sounds very much like your plan has been to cut your life to the bone now, with the dream of achieving some idealized happy future life.  And now you've got a bunch of cash available, but you're still not there, and you're not enjoying your daily life at all, and it's draining you, and so you're wondering what now? 

When what you're doing isn't working, the answer isn't to keep doing some slightly modified version of what you've always done.  It's to go back to the start and re-examine everything.  You have the luxury of many, many options, from total FIRE now on a lower budget, to working a lot more for your (rather ridiculous) 100x FIRE level.  And your current option of deferring all fun until later is clearly not healthy for the longer term.  So what can you do to bring more enjoyment into your life right now, whether you quit or not?  Do you have hobbies or activities, causes you believe in?  What can you throw your energy into that builds you up instead of bleeding you dry? 

Really, I think you just need a big shot of optimism.  You have so many options you have already won the game, and yet you're thinking that you can't even risk trying a new job because it might not work out.  WTF?  So what?  What's the worst that can happen?  You get a new job, don't like it, and quit 6 months later.  You're basically right where you are now, just with 6 more months of salary and savings.  How is this a bad thing? 

You've worked very hard for a long time to put yourself in a position where a world of choices is open to you.  Now it's time to start acting like it.  Evaluate your options, pick one, and if it doesn't work, pick another.  You literally have nothing to lose.

[NathanDrake]

What do you want to do when you retire?  Travel? Garden? Ride bikes? Live somewhere you've dreamed of? Figure out something you want to do, and do it.  And maybe it is just living your life where you are without work.  You will always be able to earn money and/or find ways to live cheaply.  Or make a plan for three years to try three different things.  I imagine it will take a while to recover from the burnout.  I stayed in a job too long because of the golden handcuffs.  I was making a lot of money I didn't really need and it sounds like you are too.

Add more travel, which given my current responsibilities seems like an impossibility to do meaningfully outside of one or two weeks per year as the company management frowns on anyone taking extended vacations.

Honestly, just sitting around *doing nothing* sounds appealing. Catching up on more sleep, fitness, movement, personal connections, etc. The drudgery of the work really wears me thin, as do the absolutely idiotic decision making by upper management.

You remind me of my brother. Aerospace Engineer (in his case, doesn't use his degree) works at a soul-sucking job managing databases. He hates his job. He has done small projects that he loves to do and, IMHO, could easily make a decent living. But just cannot make the jump. I may be extrapolating incorrectly, but the engineering and efficiency mindset can eventually become a hindrance to FIRE because you're so good at seeing inefficiencies and possible flaws. But I think that means your focus is too specific and narrow.

Let's zoom out to the big picture. Here's what you described
- you do not find your job duties to be enjoyable and there are few/no prospects for positive changes
- you greatly prefer to work remotely and that is likely to change and will make work even more miserable
Diagnosis: 99-100% chance that you will only become more miserable in your current job

If you agree with the diagnosis, how long do you want to choose to stay miserable? (at least miserable regarding work)

I'd recommend that you start some side projects that you find enjoyable and might eventually be something you could charge for. Don't worry about starting a business. Investigate and talk with people about side-projects. Start small. Really small. Assuming you don't have any direct costs - don't even charge for them. See what types of projects you like and who you like working with. Do NOT start a business. Don't put up a website. Don't get business cards. Don't think about business names. Just find some projects. If you have a boatload of PTO - take a few Mondays or Fridays off and work on the side projects.

Right now, you don't have anything to move to. When you cannot see the next stepping stone, it is hard to leave the rock you're on -- even if the water is rising and it's getting more and more wobbly. But make no mistake -- the water is rising.

I wonder if shifting your mindset to something like this would be helpful:
- If I stay, I have a 100% chance of being miserable.
- If I switch to being self-employed, I may stumble into a few things that I don't like, but I will have complete control on what I switch to, who I work with, where that work is done, and how many hours I spend doing it. I have complete control to change any of those variables until I find that I'm making enough income and have set up a work situation that I'm happier with than my current situation. I have the financial resources to take my time until I create a career that I enjoy and meets my FIRE goals.

Best of luck.

Thanks for telling your brother's story. It does indeed sound a lot like my own.

I suppose I'd be OK in my current role for another few years (around 5, tops). That would allow me to continue adding to the Stashe, pay for expenses, and build up more security for what you rightfully described as hyperoptimization of my engineering mind. The main worry is cutting it off cold turkey and not having any direction to continue building wealth until I reach my desired FI amount.

Are you just catching and fixing the mistakes or are you mentoring the younger generation? DH's main role for the last few years is catching potential issues and mentoring. A lot of people check in with him for both "is this solution realistic" and "how?" He has even picked up the slack for management a couple of times, but doesn't want the full responsibility of that.  He likes it almost as much as the actual engineering, except on his bad days when he would rather be left alone with his spreadsheets and his codes. Because his management recognizes the value of what he catches and the potential solutions he proffers (but only occasionally implements himself) he was able to negotiate part time. Because he went part time, they aren't riding him about return to office.

I would also point out that in addition to side projects, you could look into part time where you are or start searching for a remote position. Or start looking for anything that would cover your current expenses that is remotely interesting to you. Embrace coast FIRE to achieve your goals rather than wishful thinking.

I am normally very encouraging of just walking away, but 55x lean FI without healthcare sounds like a lot of fuzzy math. With a better handle on expenses (what does lean FI mean to you? How much would your share of healthcare be on ACA? Would you have to make Roth conversions to meet minimum income for ACA?) and planning (Would you need bigger conversions to make your funds accessible to you in your 40s? How does that affect taxes and ACA? What do you want to do?) it might turn out that you are already fine, but you haven't gone into enough detail at this point to make that determination.

I am also taking a significant amount of my time mentoring young engineers. Walking them through the process before kicking off a project, developing presentations that detail all aspects of expectations so that they have an "in writing" point of reference for the nuances of each project they are working on, and then letting them continually ask me for questions. And yet, I still find so many *careless* mistakes that they should know better about and I have already told them about multiple times. The biggest problem is that I no longer have anyone that works for me that can provide that filter, as they have all left. So the gap in experience is basically me at 15 years down to people that average less than 2 years. And the quality of candidates we have been receiving due to attrition has not been strong.

Let's say you find a new job at a different company and it pays 70% of your current job. And you hate it.

Quit. You have loads of money.

You know you dislike your current job. You may or may not like a new job. You have a ton of money and can afford to take time off.

What's the downside?

Also it's a little insane to want a 3% withdrawal rate for 3x your actual spending. That's weird dude. Figure out your retirement spending including health insurance and then calculate 3% of that. You are creating hoops for your to jump through for no reason.

3% SWR for 3x spending is based on a desire to want to spend significantly more in retirement. Right now everything is about work with little time for myself so I can't spend much at all. But I would like to travel extensively and that will certainly increase my costs.

If you happen to be in Washington the Washington Healthplan finder is really easy to use to predict insurance costs.  As a mid-50s female, I have already plugged in numbers for myself and can tell you that under 20k of income you would be on expanded Medicaid (Apple Health, which I have found to be great), and at 30k of income my premiums for the Cascade Gold plan on Molina (which I have used my Medicaid servicer for years and had good experiences with) are only $150/month with low deductibles/copays and reasonable OOP limits.  In fact, for those who can keep their on-paper income modest the Cascade Gold plans are now far better deals than Cascade Silver plans.  Worth looking into and not hard to do.

Can you give more details about your spending?  Do you have housing costs locked in?  What other things do you tend to spend on?  Have you been depriving yourself of experiences in the rush to FIRE?  This might be an area where a bit of a bump in spending you find meaningful/rewarding would make life seems less like a slog.  And I would echo others that looking into a job change or even just taking a sabbatical for a year or two might help you see things more clearly.

Thanks for the info, my housing costs are not locked in. I rent an apartment, and apartment rents have been increasing significantly the past few years due to inflation. My expenses are essentially the bare minimum right now - Rent, utilities, groceries, entertainment, dining, etc. and I do not go overboard with the discretionary spending.

Also it's a little insane to want a 3% withdrawal rate for 3x your actual spending. That's weird dude. Figure out your retirement spending including health insurance and then calculate 3% of that. You are creating hoops for your to jump through for no reason.

This.  Your FIRE budget is 3x your current budget?  For the love of Pete, why??? 

This sounds very much like your plan has been to cut your life to the bone now, with the dream of achieving some idealized happy future life.  And now you've got a bunch of cash available, but you're still not there, and you're not enjoying your daily life at all, and it's draining you, and so you're wondering what now? 

When what you're doing isn't working, the answer isn't to keep doing some slightly modified version of what you've always done.  It's to go back to the start and re-examine everything.  You have the luxury of many, many options, from total FIRE now on a lower budget, to working a lot more for your (rather ridiculous) 100x FIRE level.  And your current option of deferring all fun until later is clearly not healthy for the longer term.  So what can you do to bring more enjoyment into your life right now, whether you quit or not?  Do you have hobbies or activities, causes you believe in?  What can you throw your energy into that builds you up instead of bleeding you dry? 

Really, I think you just need a big shot of optimism.  You have so many options you have already won the game, and yet you're thinking that you can't even risk trying a new job because it might not work out.  WTF?  So what?  What's the worst that can happen?  You get a new job, don't like it, and quit 6 months later.  You're basically right where you are now, just with 6 more months of salary and savings.  How is this a bad thing? 

You've worked very hard for a long time to put yourself in a position where a world of choices is open to you.  Now it's time to start acting like it.  Evaluate your options, pick one, and if it doesn't work, pick another.  You literally have nothing to lose.

It's not that I think the new job won't work out, it's that I've been zapped of any desire to even start a new job because the job duties sound even more boring and soul sucking than the ones I currently have, and needing to "start over" from a relationship or technical standpoint sounds even more miserable. I feel locked in. I would need a job in a completely unrelated field where the job duties are outside of engineering technical work, and after being plugged into that work for 15 years it's really difficult to imagine anything else or where to even start. Most companies do want very niche specific experience in that field they are hiring for.

Essentially, I cannot see myself truly enjoying life to its fullest when:

1) Work involves 50+ hours + nearly 2 hour daily commute

2) Only a small number of weeks of Vacation time, that I'm frowned upon using for an extended period of time. 49 weeks out of the year require the commitment of item #1 and that leaves VERY little time for myself.

3) The weekends simply aren't enough to recharge, the free time I do have is spent mentally still engaged in work.

And I don't see how anybody else does either unless they manage to get a part time job or FIRE completely. So that's why I am working so hard to get into that position, but I think it's extremely risky to stop working when you are probably a few years from reaching full FIRE goals.

You have FU money. It's time to flex it.
Step 0 is to plan your retirement. My BIL told me that you need to answer three questions:
1) do you have enough (money)? (Yes, you do, unless you're expecting some crazy lifestyle inflation)
2) have you had enough (emotionally)? Are you emotionally ready to quit? ( Maybe you are?)
3) will you have enough (to do)? Retiring isn't just leaving work, you have to retire to something

You need to figure out what you want to do in retirement, and plan your budget around that. If step 0 doesn't get you to retire, then proceed with steps 1 and 2

 Step 1 is to identify the aspects of your job that aren't working for you. Is it the hours? The commute? The babysitting? Actually being in the office? Lack of schedule flexibility if you're in the office?

Step 2: determine what needs to change. Would shifting to part time improve your feeling toward work? What if you only had to go into the office 2-3 days per week? Can you shift your role (or your attitude towards it)? Can you get.a different job that will feel fresh and better match your desired lifestyle, even if it pays less? If you're not ready to retire now, then it's important to remember that while you may need *a* job, you don't need *this* job.

Step 3: Execute. If you want to stay at your job, advocate for yourself and stand up to your management. "That won't work for me." Is a statement I've seen recommended often, followed by what *would* work for you.

1. I'm close to having enough money, but I don't think I'm there yet.

2. Emotionally, I would be ready to quit if #1 was covered

3. I do not have anything to retire to. It would be a blank slate, filled initially with hobbies I currently have, but obviously I'd want to expand that over time.

[lhamo]

Another suggestion:

Start digging into your networks to find people working at companies that are fully remote and working on areas that interest you.  My sister's former software company had a bunch of layoffs recently.  One of her colleagues is not mentally ready to retire yet.  She only had to dig one layer deep to find another former colleague who had been let off in an earlier round of layoffs, who was now working at some kind of solar energy startup.  Quick convo with him led to interviews, and she now has a new fully remote position with better salary and benefits and work culture than they had at the original place.

You have 15 years of tech experience.  Should know plenty of people.  Start catching up with folks you enjoyed working with in the past and see where it might lead you.

[NathanDrake]

Another suggestion:

Start digging into your networks to find people working at companies that are fully remote and working on areas that interest you.  My sister's former software company had a bunch of layoffs recently.  One of her colleagues is not mentally ready to retire yet.  She only had to dig one layer deep to find another former colleague who had been let off in an earlier round of layoffs, who was now working at some kind of solar energy startup.  Quick convo with him led to interviews, and she now has a new fully remote position with better salary and benefits and work culture than they had at the original place.

You have 15 years of tech experience.  Should know plenty of people.  Start catching up with folks you enjoyed working with in the past and see where it might lead you.

One issue is that I'm not in Software Tech.

So, despite the fact that my job can be done 100% remote, and had been operating in that mode since Covid, my stodgy company and industry peers are all trying to force Return to Office policies on everyone to get back to where things were before.

I don't think it's going to be easy finding a remote only job within my industry and field.

[Laura33]

It's not that I think the new job won't work out, it's that I've been zapped of any desire to even start a new job because the job duties sound even more boring and soul sucking than the ones I currently have, and needing to "start over" from a relationship or technical standpoint sounds even more miserable. I feel locked in. I would need a job in a completely unrelated field where the job duties are outside of engineering technical work, and after being plugged into that work for 15 years it's really difficult to imagine anything else or where to even start. Most companies do want very niche specific experience in that field they are hiring for.

Essentially, I cannot see myself truly enjoying life to its fullest when:

1) Work involves 50+ hours + nearly 2 hour daily commute

2) Only a small number of weeks of Vacation time, that I'm frowned upon using for an extended period of time. 49 weeks out of the year require the commitment of item #1 and that leaves VERY little time for myself.

3) The weekends simply aren't enough to recharge, the free time I do have is spent mentally still engaged in work.

And I don't see how anybody else does either unless they manage to get a part time job or FIRE completely. So that's why I am working so hard to get into that position, but I think it's extremely risky to stop working when you are probably a few years from reaching full FIRE goals.

So that first bit tells me that you need to get the hell out of your current job ASAP.  When you are overwhelmed, exhausted, burnt out, the rational part of your brain shuts down.  You literally cannot see the opportunities that are around you, because your burnt-out brain will not let you.  You think you are acting rationally, but you are not, and you cannot until you've got enough distance from your current situation that your brain can calm down and re-activate the rational, thinking part. 

It's sort of like depression.  You know why depression is such an insidious disease?  Because the first thing it does is convince you that there's nothing you can do to get better, so why even try?  It makes anything that might actually help you feel like it's either overwhelming or not worth the effort (or both).  I'm not saying you're depressed -- although you may be -- but your brain is in a similar loop that it can't break out of.  And so you're sitting there not happy with where you are, but you've convinced yourself that it's better than anything else you could find.  So you put all this effort into rationalizing why you can't make any changes instead of actually doing something about it, because it makes you feel better about your current situation (I mean, who could blame you for staying put if all the other options are terrible, right?). 

FWIW, you are exactly right:  no one can have a fulfilled, happy life working 60-hr weeks with only 2 weeks vacation per year and in a negative work environment.  So don't do that.  Find a job that doesn't require 12-hr days and 2-hr commutes.  Go work for an agency that has much more flexible leave so you can take enough time off to actually recharge.  Go ask your bosses to let you go part-time, because what do you have to lose?  Take a year or two to go back to school for a Masters in some area that interests you.  No, none of those options will give you the same salary.  But you have a metric shit-ton of cash already -- the money isn't your priority at this point.  So why are you acting like you're broke and living in a world with 20% unemployment and need this job more than anything else in the world?  You have all this power, and yet you are giving it away, just because you're afraid to try anything different.

When you do what you've always done, you get what you've always gotten.  If that's not making you happy, life's just too damn short to keep doing it.

[2Birds1Stone]

Don't kid yourself, even if you went gangbusters and blew a wad of money for the first few years, your engineering lizard brain will revert back to what you naturally spend.......

Sounds like a case of not wanting it bad enough. Money is a solved problem for you, how do you want to spend the next couple of healthy and active decades? Aging happens quickly, there will be a point where you will have so much money that you would trade it all for a bit more healthy and able bodied time.

[mistymoney]

I have recently discovered Flamingo FIRE blog. The name comes from “standing on one leg” idea, and the approach is to get half of your target stash and leave it alone (don’t add, don’t withdraw). In 7-10 years you’ll reach full FIRE just from growth. Meanwhile, you just need to earn enough to sustain your current lifestyle, which for many people could mean part time work in a less sucky or even engaging job. Is this something that may work for you?

I don't get it, that's just coast fire. looked up the blog and they say "work hard and save for just a few years" to get to 50% Fire number.

A few years? Very few I think could do that in a few years. My first 100k took the longest, I think it took me 10 years to get there. Even if you are saving 50% of your income, it will take more than a few years for most people to hit 50% stash number.

[mistymoney]

why not take a year or two off and see how that goes? If the numbers aren't working out they way you'd like, then start a job search.


Note to self: Maybe I should do this?

[mspym]

Laura33 is nailing it. The burnout is keeping you stuck where you are and the thing you need to do is get out of there ASAP. Use your FU money to recover from your burnout then start reaching out to all those people who have left. Where did they go? What is it like there? Would they recommend it? It's truly amazing what happens once people you have worked with discover that you are looking around. *You* can be the solution to *their* low quality candidate problem.

[herbgeek]

One thing that took way too long for me to learn is, that job requirements are negotiable.  Job descriptions are pie in the sky wishlists, and the actual job often morphs depending on the individual hired, and the skills they bring to the table.  Don't let a boring detail in a job description deter you from applying.  Its not cast in stone.  If you are bringing value, most managers are more than willing to line up your skills with what needs doing, and the ones that won't aren't worth working for.

[Omy]

A few things to think about:

High attrition usually means that compensation, job responsibilities and/or morale stinks. People are leaving because they have better options. Where are they going and why?

You rent. If a 2 hour commute is unacceptable, you have all the flexibility in the world to fix that. It may cost a bit to break a lease, but it's worth it if it improves work/life balance and gives you 10 hours of life back each week.

Are you paid hourly? If not, why are you giving this company 10 hours of your precious time away for free each week?

If you had these 20 hours a week back, would that help with burnout?

If you're the only thing keeping these inexperienced employees from making mistakes and costing the company money, are you compensated enough? It sounds like losing you might be a disaster. Is the company hiring cheaper, less experienced people because they know you'll pick up the slack?

You've already won the game, but you're letting fear get the best of you. They need you more than you need them.

We OMYed for several years before FIREing in 2019. I was afraid of turning off the firehose of cash and paying for healthcare. I assumed worst case for everything. It turns out our expenses are STILL almost exactly what they were when we were working full time...and our stash is significantly larger than when we retired in 2019.

When you don't have a job that's burning you out, you'll be able to see the world of possibilities out there. You will continue to optimize your expenses and fine tune your life. It's part of your DNA as an engineer.

We "find" money all the time. I recently went to DH and suggested we move $50k from one account to another to take advantage of a $500 bonus. He rolled his eyes and I reminded him that if it takes 30 minutes, our hourly rate is $1000!

Credit card hacking is a great way to cover a lot of your travel expenses. Or become a travel agent (just for yourself) and get amazing deals. Resorts want you to visit so you'll tell your "clients".

We wasted several years working so we could fatFIRE. There will always be reasons that you can't leave, but you will never get those years back. Make the jump now and figure it out. Your future self will thank you.

[GreenToTheCore]

2) Only a small number of weeks of Vacation time, that I'm frowned upon using for an extended period of time. 49 weeks out of the year require the commitment of item #1 and that leaves VERY little time for myself.

Dude man, that's insane. Another engineer here, 10 years experience, 4 weeks vacation + 1 buy week. Sick time is separate.
I'm not in software either. DM me if you'd like to talk about my employer. This problem is solvable, let's figure it out.

Also, the Ask A Manager site and comment sections gets me motivated sometimes. Might be a good internet hole to fall into.
https://www.askamanager.org/