Thanks for all the feedback. For others not familiar with all the mustache lingo, I dug back through the blog, and I think I found the link to YNAB:
http://www.youneedabudget.com/ Can someone correct me if I'm looking at the wrong spot!
For all the talk about marriage counselling. Thanks. We've been down that road. Maybe its time to reopen the file. I don't think this marriage will fail, and if it does, it won't be me sending the papers. I simply won't go through another divorce if I can help it. Call me whipped, call me tamed, call me what you will, its not worth it to go down that road again, whatever sacrifices I have to make to keep this family together.
We had an eye opener last year when our union went on strike. We spent a month out picketing and making little cash, while fidgeting about what we were going to lose. Following that event we put ourselves in high gear and built up a $10,000 TFSA which is in a very liquid (but no interest) account. I am looking at moving it to Questrade. I was surprised I was able to get her on board with that adventure when it started.
Today we have a spreadsheet tracking paying down our PLC's, but they are moving very slowly. We managed to save $10K in 15 weeks after the strike when I was pushing hard. Once we switched to focus on debt, things dropped off, and we have only paid off $2500 in a sightly longer period. I've started cracking the whip again, but without knowing what money is being diverted to extra payments, its hard. I ask, but I don't hear answers. If I put extra payments I get backlash that I've buggered up the system. TBH I have no idea how her debt paydown system works, except that she makes payments and moves the money between zero interest accounts to maintain low payments. I know one of those accounts is in my name. I have no idea which one it is or what its balance looks like. We currently have 3 PLCs open.
On the plus side, we do have a positive net worth (I think). Last night I did a scratch pad tally, and if I'm right, we come out ahead by about $100K - mostly in the house. We are in our 40's though, and so should have much bigger stash than that. Of our net worth, only about $30,000 could realistically be accessed without selling the house, and making things worse, some of it is RESP's for the kids, which means its not really even our money.
My wife is more of money person than I am. She is the one who keeps up on everything, so I can see where she feels threatened that I am going to come in and upset the applecart. I am the kind of guy who says you have to crack some eggs to make a quiche, so I am not surprised by that. Weekly budget meetings would be a difficult proposition right now, when even tracking spending is difficult. I am thinking that I will offer to track spending in the 'home improvement' and auto maintenance columns for a while and see where efficiencies are available. Then expand that until its nudging her areas of expertise (groceries/housewares - we are so 1950's in our household roles!)
For the past 10 years I have blindly let her manage our money without interfering. And she has done well, but I think there is room for us to do better. As long as I don't push too hard, I think I can coax her along. Baby steps...