Not paying mortgage payments

[FiguringItOut]

I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this, but here it goes.

I am in the middle of divorce.  Separation papers will be signed second half of June and I and kids are moving out of the house end June beginning of July.  STBX got layed off from his job back in March.  He got 9 weeks severance pay which ends next Monday.  We cannot afford the mortgage on my pay alone.  So this month, April, we did not send in the mortgage payment.  Mortgage is in his name only and does not show up on my credit report.  I am, however, on the deed to the house.

He is talking to the bank about putting mortgage in deferment.  Bank is going through our joint bank account and is saying that even if I’m not on the mortgage, since I am contributing to the household (i.e. my paychecks are direct deposited into the joint account), they will not put mortgage in deferment.  I told him to keep me out of this and his discussions with the bank, but I don't thing it is entirely possible.

Right now there are no money in the joint bank account, only the bare minimum to pay utility bills and for food, etc. So that is all the mortage bank sees, but they also see my pay going in.  We have $50K in a bank account that is in different bank and my name only and is not showing on up on the mortgage bank inquires.  This $50K is supposed to be split 50/50 upon separation and we each walk away with $25K. 

At this point I am not willing to use this money to pay the mortgage for several reasons.  One, this is the most, actually the only, savings we’ve ever had in our 16 years of marriage.  It took me over a year to put together and is my safety net to move out and get myself and my kids settled.  He is extremely bad with money and this is one of the reasons why we are divorcing.  Two, he got layed off from his job back in March 2014.  The company hasn’t been doing well for a long time.  I’ve been telling him for at least 3 years before that that he needs to look for something else.  When he got layed off last year, they kept him for another 4 weeks on consulting basis to go through transition, but offered him his job back after 3 weeks because they realized they were too short on people.  Last year he started looking for new job right after layoff, but when he got rehired he said that now he will have time to calmly look for a new job.  That was the last thing he said and hasn’t touched his resume till this March when he got layed off again for good.  To say that I am little angry is an understatement.

I need to make it through the end of June till the school year ends.  But there will be no mortgage June payment either.  He is actively looking for a job since March, has interviews almost every week, sometimes two a week but so far nothing. 

The way this all affects me is that he won’t be paying me child support as she should.  He will not be contributing his half to our medical insurance premiums which are high since it is a high deductible plan, plus there other children related expenses that he is reponsible for half but obvously will not be paying, and now this craziness with the mortgage.  He put his student loan in deferment as well, but I don’t care about that. 

Anyway, I don’t know what to do about this mortgage.  I am leaning towards keeping two month of mortgage payments left in that separate bank account after we divide everything else just in case we have to  pay it and I have to contribute to it.  I am also very concerned for my credit history as I will be renting apartment in about 6 weeks, and I just involved in the credit cards traveling game.

[RexualChocolate]

In divorce they're going to split everything 50/50, assets and liabilities.

What you need to do (or have the courts force him to do) is sell the house and walk away. If you don't pay the mortgage, you're going to have a harder time doing this. If you were a typical American before this point, you'll likely walk away with no equity or owing some for a house you don't own anymore. Be prepared for this outcome.

Additionally, prepare the possibility that you may be paying him money net of child care since you have a job and he does not.

I know its impossible, but try to separate your emotions from this and look at building your net worth. Don't worry about what's fair for now, just worry about what you can control.

[FiguringItOut]

In divorce they're going to split everything 50/50, assets and liabilities.

What you need to do (or have the courts force him to do) is sell the house and walk away. If you don't pay the mortgage, you're going to have a harder time doing this. If you were a typical American before this point, you'll likely walk away with no equity or owing some for a house you don't own anymore. Be prepared for this outcome.

Additionally, prepare the possibility that you may be paying him money net of child care since you have a job and he does not.

I know its impossible, but try to separate your emotions from this and look at building your net worth. Don't worry about what's fair for now, just worry about what you can control.

You are right, it's hard to separate emotions from all of this.

What I have so far is he's going to by me out of the house using his 401k.  We bouth the house in 2008 just before the crash, so it is valued below what we paid, but still has some equity in it.  Once we have separations signed (making it separation and not a divorce so he can keep my health insurance for now), I'll talk to him about selling the house, but I want to wait till I get my share of the equity before he decides to sell.  I may not get anything if we just go to sell.  Long story on how this is possible, but it is and I don't want to get into this.

Regardless, once the separation is signed and I get my share of 401k I will be done with the house.  He cand do whatever he wants with it.

As for paying him, it's not likely.  He hasn't mentioned it so far.  And when he still had a job he was making a lot more than I am.  And one of the first things he said when we started talking divorce was that he will pay whatever child support he supposed to, but not the spouse support.  I did tell him that I wasn't planning to ask for spouse support anyway.  I can't immagine that he would feel entitled to spouse support from me.  He will have $25K in savings plus unemployment to get by for a while longer. 

Also we are going through mediation, not individual lawyers.  So hopefully will avoid any courts. 

I still don't know how much I will get dragged into this mortgage issue though.

[Louisville]

Also we are going through mediation, not individual lawyers.  So hopefully will avoid any courts. 

Even if you are in mediation, you should both have lawyers. Please, please get a lawyer ASAP. It might feel like doing so is an escalation, but it actually makes the process much easier and less emotional.

[RexualChocolate]

Optimal solution: These 2 mortgage payments come out of the 50k, then you split the remainder and he gives you 401k equal to 50% of the equity in the house.

Then its his albatross to deal with.

[FiguringItOut]

Also we are going through mediation, not individual lawyers.  So hopefully will avoid any courts. 

Even if you are in mediation, you should both have lawyers. Please, please get a lawyer ASAP. It might feel like doing so is an escalation, but it actually makes the process much easier and less emotional.

I wasn't planning to, but now with this mess regarding mortgage I will get a lawyer to review my papers once we have a draft of agreement from mediator. 

Optimal solution: These 2 mortgage payments come out of the 50k, then you split the remainder and he gives you 401k equal to 50% of the equity in the house.

Then its his albatross to deal with.

I thought of paying these two months out of savings account, but...

This goes to separating emotions from finances.  I've worked so hard to put this little amount of money together, I can't make myself do that.  It's an emotional thing, but I can't seem to force myself.

He's already buying me out of the house with his 401k.  But I want these mortgage payments too.  My half of it would cover 1.5 months of rent for me and my kids.  That's a lot of money to pay for him being irresponsible.

[RexualChocolate]

I thought of paying these two months out of savings account, but...

This goes to separating emotions from finances.  I've worked so hard to put this little amount of money together, I can't make myself do that.  It's an emotional thing, but I can't seem to force myself.

He's already buying me out of the house with his 401k.  But I want these mortgage payments too.  My half of it would cover 1.5 months of rent for me and my kids.  That's a lot of money to pay for him being irresponsible.

You put the 50k together while still married and you're giving him half of it. You are not separated until June, so you both are co responsible for the mortgage until then. At that time, you split everything down the middle.

BTW, you should be getting half of his 401k + another portion representing half of the equity in the house, not just the latter half.

If you're this close and theres no money to be had, avoid the lawyers. Doesn't sound like there's enough money to warrant them.

[FiguringItOut]

I thought of paying these two months out of savings account, but...

This goes to separating emotions from finances.  I've worked so hard to put this little amount of money together, I can't make myself do that.  It's an emotional thing, but I can't seem to force myself.

He's already buying me out of the house with his 401k.  But I want these mortgage payments too.  My half of it would cover 1.5 months of rent for me and my kids.  That's a lot of money to pay for him being irresponsible.

You put the 50k together while still married and you're giving him half of it. You are not separated until June, so you both are co responsible for the mortgage until then. At that time, you split everything down the middle.

BTW, you should be getting half of his 401k + another portion representing half of the equity in the house, not just the latter half.

If you're this close and theres no money to be had, avoid the lawyers. Doesn't sound like there's enough money to warrant them.

I am getting half of the difference between his and mine 401k (his is a lot more than mine).  The half equity is on top of that difference.  So I have no issues with that.

I'll think about this more tonight.  It's driving me crazy.

[former player]

If you make your decisions based on "should" I suspect things will start going wrong for you.  Also, you are divorcing this man but your children are not: he will still be their father, they will want/need to see each other and he needs a home to live in.  You obviously feel that your soon to be Ex is guilty of financial sabotage.  Not paying the mortgage feels as though you are trying to sabotage him back, which I think will only end in tears.

Also: as a basic principle you need to pay your debts, and the mortgage payments are a part of your debts.

So, the mortgage payments come out of the $50,000 until the house is sold or transferred to your Ex.  You then split what is left of the $50,000 between you.

Personally, I'd put the house on the market.  If you get a reasonable offer before your husband is in a position to take it on for himself, sell it.

[formerlydivorcedmom]

Are you still living in the house?  If so, pay the mortgage for these two months and then split the rest.

You are still legally married and most likely jointly responsible for those debts.

[KBecks2]

Is the house up for sale?

You should put your paychecks into a different bank account with a different bank, so you are in control, and so the bank can't raid your account that it has access to for the payments.

[FiguringItOut]

Is the house up for sale?

You should put your paychecks into a different bank account with a different bank, so you are in control, and so the bank can't raid your account that it has access to for the payments.

No the house is not for sale.  I don't know what he's going to do with the house, but he's buying me out.  He was planning to keep the house originally though.  I'm not on the mortgage.  So I just need to be removed from the Title.

I will be moving paychecks to another account in June.  It takes my company 1-2 pay cycles to get this done, so it should be effective by June 15th.

[Argyle]

I think you really need to consult a lawyer.  We're trying to reinvent the wheel here; a good divorce lawyer will have seen this situation many times before.

[GetItRight]

The way this all affects me is that he won’t be paying me child support as she should.  He will not be contributing his half to our medical insurance premiums which are high since it is a high deductible plan, plus there other children related expenses that he is reponsible for half but obvously will not be paying, and now this craziness with the mortgage.  He put his student loan in deferment as well, but I don’t care about that.

Sounds to me like with you working and him not having any success finding a job, he should be the one with primary custody and you should be paying him child support. Or just a equal split of joint custody and neither paying child support. Heck if you live in an alimony state he could get alimony to maintain the standard of living he became accustomed to and you provided in the marriage. Sounds like you two are being civil though so I'd hope you two can think of an arrangement that works for both of you and your kid. Getting the government involved never ends well, suggest watching the film Divorce Corp.

Regarding the house... I wouldn't be trying for a strategic default or anything as it'll likely hurt you both. If he has the cash in his 401k then he can use that, if not, you should be selling it and divide the cash or debt from it. You should pay the mortgage as you signed the deed and the house is not owned outright so you have a moral and ethical obligation to pay so long as you are living there and have the ability to pay.

[Numbers Man]

Maybe I missed something but why not put the house up for sale right now? This would seem to solve some of your problems. We are already in the middle of May and you want to move at the end of June.