Author Topic: Moving in with elderly parents - rent question  (Read 4815 times)


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: Moving in with elderly parents - rent question
« Reply #50 on: October 29, 2019, 09:32:04 AM »
Ok, I get that people are concerned that Daisy is being taken advantage of.  But let's not jump down the siblings throats preemptively, because it's very possible/sounds like Daisy hasn't communicated how much work she is doing (hence the suggestions to lay it out). 

People are just assuming the reason for paying rent is inheritance rather than concern for whether the parents instead are the ones being taken advantage of.  If you read the inheritance thread, you'll see a lot of righteous indignation on the other side for free-loading siblings that lived with parents for years, when the other sibling(s) did not think that the parent(s) needed help.

I'm guessing some open communication could help matters here.  And by open, I don't mean just sending a link to this thread, which is probably going to enflame matters worse as people are just responding to one side of the story, but rather where you have a dialogue.  (If you hadn't sent the link, it might have been fine to just say that you and your dad have discussed it and he satisfied, take any concerns to him, but since you have, I think it would be better if you made an effort to fix things.)  In addition to not being aware of what you do to assist (considering you do have full-time caregivers, someone not accustomed to being around elderly folks with disabilities/health issues might not realize how much work there is to help them), it's possible the comment re rent was offhanded comment or a joke.

I believe she even specified somewhere that it was because the money would help father's finances, which is different than, "I want to inherit".

But it seems to me like a HELOC could do the same, if money truly is tight, as it sounds like there is money in the property.

I'm still confused, however.  Daisy says
My siblings have not brought it up nor have they asked me to they just assumed I was going to pay rent after I sold my condo.
  If they haven't brought it up or asked, how does she know they assumed she would pay rent?  And if they haven't brought it up, why is there a clear assumption that they are concerned about it in some way?  Or, if they aren't concerned, then why is it even being discussed (and somewhat at length).  My mom paid for my international plane ticket home for Christmas a couple years ago.  It was between my mom and me.  Why would I discuss it with my sibling, consult internet strangers, and make it A Thing?  If my sister mentioned me paying for my ticket, I'd just say, "actually, mom and dad generously offered to pay for it", and that would be the end of it.

It seems like there's a mixed message--that the siblings aren't bring it up or asking, and yet that they have some sort of issue with it, to the point that Daisy needs to validate the choice to them.  If they aren't bring it up or asking or signaling displeasure or disapproval, then it seems super weird to be trying justify a decision to which no one is objecting. 


Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!