Author Topic: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please  (Read 5241 times)

WannaBFree

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New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« on: June 06, 2016, 02:19:11 PM »
So… I am faced with a dilemma and would greatly appreciate your input:

I have been looking for a new job since I wanted to be in a more challenging environment.  I have recently found one… but just before I was supposed to tell my boss that I am leaving, I found out that I am pregnant. We have been trying for a really long time so this is a very much wanted pregnancy.

I told my NEW potential place of employment about my new developments right away and they said they still wanted to hire me and in addition would be providing me with full 12 weeks maternity leave (although I will not be covered under FMLA).

My current job is a 9-5 job that is very comfortable and flexible. I have a great boss that is very understanding. The new job would be a promotion and is with an outstanding company; however, I will be working more hours… 40-50 (with up to 60 during busy time occasionally).  MY QUESTION (especially to parents out there) what should I do? Stay in a low stress environment and pass on this opportunity? Or go for it? This is my firat pregnancy and I have no idea what to expect over the next 9 months (well, 8 now...)

What are your thoughts?

Here is the difference in Pay/Benefits:
                           
              Current              Proposed                 Diff   
                           
Salary          96,000.00        105,000.00        9,000.00    
                           
Bonus          12,000.00        10,500.00        (1,500.00)   
Stock                  10,000.00        31,500.00        21,500.00    
                           
401(k) Match       8,640.00         10,500.00        1,860.00    
                           
                           
Phone             840.00                     -            (840.00)   
Parking          1,800.00          1,800.00                   -      
Food - Provided                        2,300.00        2,300.00    
                           
Total:                127,480.00        157,500.00        30,020.00    
                           
                           
Less Insurance        (2,635.08)       (1,811.04)       824.04    
Less Dental          (335.28)                    -          335.28    
Less Vision                    (52.20)                    -          52.20    

                           
                           
Total less Ins            126,257.44        157,488.96        31,231.52    
                           
      
                           
                           
 DIFFERENCE in TOTAL PAY                                           31,231.52    
                           

boarder42

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2016, 02:27:13 PM »
wow a 33% difference in pay.  very interesting and tough decision.  i have no kids but i wouldnt be adding to my work stress if i were having one. i've been doing the exact opposite i relocated to a new division of my company (by product may be slightly higher pay) but i no longer spend 50% of the year on the road for work. 

how about leveraging this offer in your current position?  is that an option.  If you did this you would have to be prepared to leave if they said no.

Kaydedid

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2016, 02:41:46 PM »
Tbh, a lot depends on how well you handle stress, both mental and physical.  You will be missing lots of sleep, from third trimester on, and the unexpected can and does happen.  A laid-back and resilient personality would probably handle the new job + pregnancy much better than other personality types.

Does your SO have a flexible job?  It really helps if one of you can take off for random baby issues.  How's your support network?

I had a similar choice to make, but being incredibly risk-averse and bad with stress, I chose not to start a new job.  It worked out in our case.

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SomedayStache

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2016, 02:52:38 PM »
Is the 12 weeks of maternity leave paid or unpaid at the new job?  How about the old job?

Is this your dream job or just something new to try?

Do you plan on breastfeeding/pumping at work?  How will the logistics of taking 20 minute breaks every few hours work at both jobs?

I started a new job at 7 months pregnant with my first child and I regretted it greatly.  Though I imagine it would have been slightly better to start earlier in the pregnancy.  I was trying to prove myself at my new job and didn't know where I could let things slide and still get by.  This meant unneeded extra stress on top of a colicky baby.  My memories of the first year of my child's life are mostly negative.  Even just remembering that time (8 years later) a small knot in my stomach is developing as I type.

COlady

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2016, 03:05:00 PM »
I have 15 month old twins so take that into consideration when reading my reply.  I was soooo exhausted for the first 9 months until my babies started sleeping through the night. I fell asleep at stop lights on two occasions...yeah probably shouldn't have been driving. You don't know what kind of baby you're going to have or what issues you're going to face. You might have a baby that never gets sick and sleeps 12 hours at night from 12 weeks. I did not get that with either of my babies.  One of my boys got RSV and was in the PICU for 2 weeks at 12 weeks and neither of them were great sleepers. Honestly I had a hard time doing my old job (was there 2 years before I went out on maternity leave) on a part time (21 hours per week) basis until my boys were a year old. I couldn't concentrate because I was just so tired.

In summary, unless you REALLY need the money I would hang tight in your current position. Get a feel for the parenting thing and then you can make a move when your baby turns a year old.

KCM5

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2016, 03:09:17 PM »
Do you have a partner? What is your partner's job like? What are your plans for childcare?

Basically, the first year is going to be hard. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Things that would be helpful:
1. Partner that has a flexible work situation
2. Resilient childcare plans such as a nanny service or daycare center. Basically you don't want to be beholden to someone else's schedule/illnesses
3. Ability to roll with it
4. Ability to function on less sleep than normal
5. Very supportive partner that does half of the necessary childcare

And the partner thing can surprise you. I was surprised that my partner was not a supportive parent during the baby years. He's great now, but he kind of checked out during the sleepless, crying, isolating parts. It was a combination of some low level depression and the inability to deal with things that he can't control. So think hard about how you're going to deal with things.

screwit

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2016, 03:18:42 PM »
+1 on considering your partners role in it all. That will probably be the deal maker or breaker.

I know a few families where eager fathers-to-be turned to absent fathers because they couldn't deal with it. But then, I also have my DH who took significant chunks of time off and has now dropped to part time in order to help raise the kids more.

Sleep deprivation is a horror, but it is surprising how far one can adapt. I did not sleep for longer than 2 hours at a stretch for 7 months and was pretty good with that, although I wasn't working a tough job at the time. But if you bottle feed rather than breast feed then you might be spared that torment ;)

mm1970

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2016, 03:39:38 PM »
33% more money for up to that amount of more work.  Hmm...

Which job is more interesting?

Here's the thing, in my experience, when you have a newborn is NO TIME to be doing something new.  I mean, the hormones from breastfeeding, the pumping, the lack of sleep. I tried to explain that to a friend (without kids) and she started getting angry with me for "suggesting that women reduce their potential" and I just said "come talk to me when you have a newborn".

I've got two kids.  I could barely function.  My work hours went from 45 to 40 with #1, but my efficiency also went down.  That first year post kid, I was probably accomplishing 1/3 less than before (but I accomplished a lot still, just less than they were used to).

With kid #2, same thing. My work hours were crazy before the kid.  I cut my hours to 32 after the kid.  That helped, but still I was getting about 2/3 the amount done, compared to before.  And my brain could not function well enough to take on anything new.  Only auto-pilot.  Too tired.

So.

Do you think that in taking the new job that you could learn and "get up to speed" before the birth?  If you would be coming back from mat leave already knowing the job, it's easier.

How much vacation time/ sick time is there?  It's going to be a factor.
Does your SO have free time/ vacation time/ etc?

I worked FT after #1, and I was sick for 5 straight months that first winter.  I was maybe healthy for a total of 30 days in those five months, a day here or there, maybe up to ta full week at times.

WannaBFree

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2016, 04:06:03 PM »
Thank you everyone for your input.
My husband works full time and his job is pretty demanding too.
Money is not the biggest factor of why I was interested in this job (before I knew I was pregnant). Since the biggest chunk of the difference is in company stock - I wouldn't even notice the difference until after a couple of years. This is just a really reputable company and it would provide a push in my career.
However, at this point in life family is much more important to me since we have been waiting for this to happen for such a long time!
I just had a call with HR on the new job. 6 weeks of STD at 60% pay and whatever vacation I get accumulated... not much... They do have a maternity leave program that I would be able to use for about 1.5 months (fully paid) after I have been with the company for at least a year.
Old job: 6 weeks STD at 100% pay + I have a ton of vacation and will qualify for FMLA as I have been here for a while. My company also provides 2 months of unpaid leave or 4 months of part-time work.
As for baby care - both sets of parents are willing to move in with us for a while and help with the new baby (they live overseas). Nanny/Daycare is also an option if for some reason that doesn't work out.


WannaBFree

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2016, 04:11:18 PM »
The 2 months/4months part time policy is in addition to FMLA policy leave.

tweezers

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2016, 05:39:37 PM »
I would take the new job, but agree that your decision should hinge on how you handle stress.  I was/am the sole income earner in our family, and was promoted just before becoming pregnant with a non-sleeping baby who was all about mama (in a way that seemed more extreme than other babies; far, far more so than my second anyway).  My new role was hard and it was harder with a newborn, but the baby years are brief and now that my kids are older (7 and 5 years) I still have my better position and my way better salary.  Like you, I also had many months to be in the role and got a lot figured out before baby came.

Some things to think about:
  • You don't know how your pregnancy or baby will be (I worked until I went into labor (water broke at work 8 days post-date).  I was super tired but I never fell asleep in the car at a traffic light.  No judgement...I only had singletons!). 
  • You can always reduce some of the post-partum stress during the short term with outsourcing some things (meals, cleaning, yard work, child care assistance) and start gradually picking things up as the chaos subsides.

Some things that helped me:
  • Co-sleeping--our baby would not sleep unless I was right there.  We both got more sleep this way, and when she was still night feeding I could nurse without even sitting up.  Win.
  • My own office that enabled me to pump at my desk.  I had a hands-free bra that allowed me to multi-task
  • At-home husband--you said that you don't have this, but knowing my baby was with someone who loved her as much as I did made it way easier to be present at work.  Perhaps with the grandparents....

Good luck.  At the end of the day, this might be one of those decisions that will always be the right one because you made it based on the best available information at the time.

Zamboni

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2016, 05:49:15 PM »
At a minimum, ask your current job to match the salary offer. You rarely have this type of leverage to get a good raise, and if they won't match the decision becomes an easy one (walk.)

Good luck with everything!

meerkat

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2016, 05:52:32 AM »
My own office that enabled me to pump at my desk.  I had a hands-free bra that allowed me to multi-task

I wish I had had a more convenient pumping space. My work has a designated lactation room in a completely different building, so 5 minutes walking + 5 minutes getting all the parts set up + pumping + 5 minutes wiping the parts and putting everything in the fridge + 5 minutes walking back. Five minutes here and there doesn't seem like a big deal but that adds up to 20 minutes per pumping session without even counting the time I was actually pumping! And I had to pump three times a day, so that's an hour of time lost plus probably another hour for the actual time spent pumping. The hands-free bra also only goes so far, the pump parts limited the range of motion of my arms (I didn't want to break the suction) so I couldn't even work on my laptop with both hands. Sometimes I was able to bring some papers with me to mark up, but otherwise I wasn't able to get any work done. I did get very efficient at doing household related phone calls while pumping at least.

I was going to suggest that you look into hiring a night nanny or something like that in addition to outsourcing cleaning/yard work/etc., but if you have grandparents willing to move in that might solve that problem. I've been surprised with the range of how hands on (or not) my son's grandparents are. One grandmother who I thought was going to be more helpful always seems to need more hand-holding (either because she doesn't know how we do xyz thing or just because she's completely distracted by the baby doing something cute and oh hey dinner's burning...), one grandfather always hands the baby over when he even thinks a diaper change might be needed, and another grandmother not only does everything needed for the baby but she's also help out with any chores that she sees in need of doing - dishes, folding laundry that's sitting out, whatever. They're all helpful but there's definitely varying degrees of help that I didn't fully appreciate before my son was here.

At a minimum, ask your current job to match the salary offer. You rarely have this type of leverage to get a good raise, and if they won't match the decision becomes an easy one (walk.)

I know you said you're not entirely about the money with the new job offer, but this is good advice.

little_brown_dog

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2016, 07:22:03 AM »
Also consider if there is any part of you at all that might not want to work full time after baby. Many many women do not want full time in their first year after having a baby. If you think you might want to go part time or be a sahm, then you need to determine if it is a good idea to take a new position.

zhelud

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2016, 08:14:33 AM »
My 2 cents- take the new job if this is a good opportunity for you.  Lean In!  Don't hold back just because you think that in the future (even the near future) your family situation will make things difficult.  Use the time before baby comes to get your support system in place.  You and your husband can do this.

 


SomedayStache

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #15 on: June 07, 2016, 08:37:21 AM »
You can lean in, certainly, if you want to.  It will have repercussions.   Good repercussions for climbing the career ladder and getting noticed at work.

I currently fall on the side of leaning out as far as possible.  Here's a fun article titled "Why Leaning In is Killing Us" http://foreignpolicy.com/2014/02/21/recline/.

But 10 years ago I was firmly in the lean in camp.  People change.  I was entirely unprepared by how greatly parenthood changed me. 




Beriberi

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #16 on: June 07, 2016, 09:11:41 AM »
This may be the best time in the next 5 years to take on something more challenging - you could have a solid 6 months learning the job before you are out with a baby.  I look back on the time before my first was born and wonder what I did with all my free time.

I didn't love being pregnant, but I functioned in a demanding, somewhat physical job throughout. The first months of parenthood were harder. However, for me, after 6 weeks, my babies slept at night (not through the night, but they had a bed time and a time they got up in the morning, and I got consistent chunks of sleep between feedings).  Most working moms sleep train and have babies that sleep through the night at 6-9 months (or sooner). 

It's true that you won't know if you want to be home with baby - I was itching to get back to work at 8 weeks with all 3 of mine.

I think you should choose what gives you the most choices - and more money usually means more choices.

mm1970

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2016, 09:18:44 AM »
You can lean in, certainly, if you want to.  It will have repercussions.   Good repercussions for climbing the career ladder and getting noticed at work.

I currently fall on the side of leaning out as far as possible.  Here's a fun article titled "Why Leaning In is Killing Us" http://foreignpolicy.com/2014/02/21/recline/.

But 10 years ago I was firmly in the lean in camp.  People change.  I was entirely unprepared by how greatly parenthood changed me.

Yes, this.

Leaning in though, doesn't always get positive results.

I found that when I leaned in after my second kid, I was very forcefully pushed back.  Many areas of the tech industry are still hostile toward mothers.

tweezers

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2016, 09:22:21 AM »
You can lean in, certainly, if you want to.  It will have repercussions.   Good repercussions for climbing the career ladder and getting noticed at work.

I currently fall on the side of leaning out as far as possible.  Here's a fun article titled "Why Leaning In is Killing Us" http://foreignpolicy.com/2014/02/21/recline/.

But 10 years ago I was firmly in the lean in camp.  People change.  I was entirely unprepared by how greatly parenthood changed me.

I just want to weigh in on this: yes, "leaning in" (I didn't read this book)/trying to advance your career can have repercussions at home, but it doesn't need to; at least in an all or nothing manner.  I am not career-focused beyond providing for my family and becoming financial independent and retiring as soon as possible.   There are periods when I'm pulled farther to the work side of my life than I'd prefer, but for the most part, I've been able to be very flexible and focused on my husband and children.  This was the case even when our children were babies/toddlers, and my work trips were made as a family.  Our household budget at the time was much fatter to accommodate these choices that allowed my family to be on equal footing with my job, but is much leaner now now that they're older.  Would I have more time with my family had I turned down my promotion 8 years ago?  Probably not, because my higher position offers me a greater level of autonomy and flexibility, plus a 50% salary increase that gives us options and brings me to retirement that much quicker.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision, but it sounds like a good opportunity for you, and you and your husband have time to develop your support system and the ability to budget for help when you need it.  Good luck!

WannaBFree

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #19 on: June 07, 2016, 09:28:24 AM »
Thank you Everyone!

I truly appreciate your input. After discussing everything with my husband one final time yesterday, we decided it is time for me to lean out...

I have worked hard on my degrees and certifications and a similar position can be obtained in the future if I really want it...

This is a much wanted and long awaited pregnancy, so I want to enjoy every minute of it and keep things as stress-free as possible.

Thank you again for all your input - you brought up some points that we haven't considered before, so Thank you!!!



SimplyMarvie

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #20 on: June 07, 2016, 09:34:24 AM »
I would stay where you are. Things are going to change after you have the baby, and you are going to need to be able to trade on goodwill, flexibility and accumulated vacation and benefits as you navigate those changes. This is not a good time to upset the apple cart -- right before it naturally gets upset by another human being coming into your lives!

I started my first legal job 5 months pregnant with my second. (I took it because we were on welfare and would have starved in the hedgerows if I hadn't.) It meant a short maternity leave with no pay, and constantly struggling to prove myself at work during a time when my body wanted and needed me to slow down because I was coming to the end of my pregnancy, and returning before either me, my body or my baby were ready to be back in the workplace with a lot of pressure to be back 110% because I still hadn't really mastered my role or proven myself to my team.

This is not the only opportunity you'll ever have for career advancement, but it is the only chance you'll have for this particular transition to parenthood. Be gentle and thoughtful about what you might need.

MrsCoolCat

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #21 on: June 09, 2016, 07:33:26 PM »
Following thread. Good luck with your decision!

Bee21

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #22 on: June 09, 2016, 08:19:04 PM »
Good decision. There are plenty of job opportunities down the track, but this is special family time. Plus it is easier to have the baby brain in a job where you know what you are doing than to prove yourself to a new employer. I don't think my career survived intact this motherhood thing, but I don't care. Kids are more important than a job.

MrsCoolCat

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Re: New Job - Pregnant Advice Needed Please
« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2017, 10:34:00 PM »
Good decision. There are plenty of job opportunities down the track, but this is special family time. Plus it is easier to have the baby brain in a job where you know what you are doing than to prove yourself to a new employer. I don't think my career survived intact this motherhood thing, but I don't care. Kids are more important than a job.

Totally agree. My employer gave me two weeks bc I didn't qualify for FMLA even though I saved up like 5 wks off, too. Long story short I went back after two weeks but didn't feel like that job was worth it. I am lucky to see my daughter grow up. She's now 15 wks!